Authors: Kaui Hart Hemmings
Tags: #Contemporary Fiction, #Hawaii, #Family Relationships
I PULL INTO
the Mitchells’ circular drive. Their yard is lush with ferns and teas. Even the pillars of the carport are fertile, the white posts bound with ropy vines. Alex told me to bring pastries from the bakery, but I think she just wants the leftovers. She can eat a box of malasadas in one sitting.
I walk up the steps with my box of pastries, which seem to dampen my authority. I haven’t called them to say I’m coming, so they couldn’t rehearse their answers.
“Hello?” I look into the screen door. I let myself in and call up the stairs. “It’s me, Matt.”
They come down at the same time, their faces flushed. Mark and Kai Mitchell are our friends, but they’re both closer to Joanie than they are to me. Mark has on pajama bottoms and seems embarrassed about it. It looks like they’ve just had sex, but I doubt this is the case. Married people don’t have morning sex—I’m pretty sure about that.
“Were you still sleeping? I’m sorry.”
Kai dismisses this with a wave of her hand. “No, we were just fighting. Come. Sit down. Want some coffee?”
“Sure,” I say. “I have pastries.”
I lay out my offering on the kitchen table, but Mark shakes a box of cereal.
“Whole grain,” he says.
“Ah.”
They both sit down with their coffee, whole grain, and a box of vitamins. A porcelain cow is filled with half-and-half and I pour some into my cup.
“What were you fighting about?” I ask.
“Stupid,” Mark says.
“It is not stupid. He wants to throw parties and have people over, and who does all the work? Me.”
“But my point is you don’t have to do anything. You don’t need to clean and go shopping and get a new outfit and think of some kind of theme cocktail. I’d invite people over and we’d drink and have a laugh.”
“It isn’t that simple.”
“It is! That’s my point.”
“Oh my God,” Kai says. “Is Joanie…Is everything all right with Joanie? Here we’ve been rambling on—”
“Yes,” I say. “I mean, she’s okay right now.” I stop myself from continuing, envisioning their faces when I break the news. I want them to be able to keep eating their cereal. I don’t want to deal with condolences, giving or receiving, and I realize I’ll never be able to do this for everyone on my list.
“I’m trying to come to terms with a few things,” I say. I look at Kai. “Closure,” I add.
“Sure,” she says.
Mark is quiet. He can go hours without saying a word. He looks permanently stunned by life.
“Who is he?” I ask.
They hold their mugs to their lips for an unreasonable amount of time. Mark reaches for a custard pastry and stuffs a large chunk of it into his mouth.
“Does she love him? Who is he?”
Kai slides her hand across the table so that it almost touches my own. “Matt,” she says.
“I know this is uncomfortable for both of you, and I’m sorry to put you in this position, but I need to know. I would very much like to know who’s been screwing my wife.” And just like that, I see that where once I was warm, now I’m very cold.
Kai’s hand slides back across the table. “You’re angry,” she says.
“No shit.” I put some pastry into my mouth to keep myself from talking, but I still add, “No shit I’m angry.”
“This is why,” Kai says softly.
Mark’s eyes widen.
I chew the creamy dough. It’s so good that I almost say something. “This is why what? What’s why?”
No one says a word. I smile because Kai’s in trouble now. “This is why she cheated on me? Because I talk with my mouth full? Or because I use curse words? Because I’m a cusser with shitty etiquette?”
“Wow,” Kai says, shaking her head. “I think we should talk another time. I think you need to cool it.”
I look at Mark. “I’m not leaving.”
“You don’t know him,” Mark says.
“Oh, don’t you even, Mark,” Kai says. “You’re her friend. Shame on you.”
“I’m Matt’s friend, too,” he says. “And this is a particular situation.”
Kai stands. “This is betrayal.”
“Hey, excuse me,” I say. “Betrayal? What about me? She’s cheated on me, remember?”
“Listen,” Kai says. She rests an elbow on the table and points a finger at me. “It’s not her fault. She has needs. She was lonely.”
“Was it still going on up until the accident?”
Mark nods.
“Who is he?” I ask again.
“I stayed out of it,” Mark says. “Anytime Kai talked about it, I walked away.”
“And you just ate it up, I bet,” I say to Kai. It’s my turn to point my finger. “You probably encouraged her to have an affair, adding some drama to your life without having to take any risks.”
“You are being awful.” Kai adds a whimper to her accusation, but I’m not buying it.
“Who exactly are you guys protecting?” I say. “Joanie doesn’t need your protection.” A pain lodges in my throat. “She’s going to die.”
“Don’t say that,” Kai says.
“She’s not recovering. She’s gotten worse. We’re withdrawing care.”
Kai starts to cry, and I’m relieved. I redirect myself into comforting her, and so does Mark.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m obviously upset. I don’t mean to take it out on you guys.”
Kai nods her head, agreeing with me, I guess.
“Does she love him?” I ask.
Mark looks at me blankly. I can tell he has no idea. This is women’s territory.
“How can you ask about him when she’s going to die?” Kai says. “Who cares? Yes, she loves him. She was crazy about him. She was going to ask you for a divorce.”
“Stop, Kai,” Mark says. “Goddammit. You just stop talking.”
“She was going to ask me for a divorce? Are you serious?” I look at both of them.
Kai cries into her hands. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Especially now. What does it matter now?”
“But it’s true?”
“I’m sorry, Matt,” she says. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Mark closes his eyes and takes a deep breath and moves just slightly away from his wife.
“So, Joanie had an affair,” I say. “She had an affair, and she loves this other man and not me. My wife is now dying, I’m a wreck, and you still haven’t told me who this guy is.”
“Brian,” Mark says. “Brian Speer.”
I stand up. “Thank you.”
Kai continues to cry. Her tearful face reminds me of their son, Luke, how he looked when he would cry. I remember when he was a little younger than Scottie is now, he would answer only to Spider-Man. Even teachers succumbed to this whim, and when he raised his hand in class, they would say, “Yes, Spider-Man?” I’m the one who finally got him to drop the phase and answer to his real name. My method was, and remains, our secret. I’m not sure if even Luke remembers.
I walk out of the kitchen, taking my pastries with me, and I think about how many times I’ve seen the Mitchells in the past year and how they never even hinted at a problem between Joanie and me. It’s embarrassing. Mark walks me to the front door. He opens it and ducks his head, and I walk out without saying anything to him. I don’t think I’ll say anything to both of them for a long time.
I walk to the car and think about the night I broke Luke’s bad habit. Joanie and I were over for dinner, and I was standing outside, overlooking the Mitchells’ yard. Luke was trying to catch toads. He had the pool net in one hand, his Spider-Man action figure in the other, and was becoming discouraged.
“Look, Luke,” I said. “Here’s one right here.”
Luke turned to look but caught himself and stared straight ahead.
“Luke,” I said again. His parents and Joanie were chatting near the bar. They had just smoked a joint, the three of them, and they were being loud and stupid. I knelt next to Luke. “Let me tell you something,” I said. “Spider-Man has a vagina.”
Luke looked at me and then at the figurine in his hand. “Look,” I said, pointing to Spider-Man’s crotch. “No bulge. Nothing there, see?”
He ran his hand along the plastic crotch.
“Spider-Man is a loser. The other superheroes call him a douche bag. They say, ‘Get out of here, you sticky red douche bag.’” I didn’t know why I was telling him this, but then I heard his parents’ stoned, exclusive laughter, and I knew why.
Luke looked at his doll.
“Do you still want me to call you Spider-Man?”
He shook his head.
I PULL OUT
of the Nu’uanu neighborhood, and as I drive back over the Pali Highway, there are only two thoughts going through my head:
My wife is going to die, and her lover’s name is Brian Speer.
16
SID IS HERE.
He’s lanky and tall. When Alex introduced us, he said, “’Sup,” and took my hand, pulled me in to him, thumped my back, and cast me back out.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” I said, and he hiccuped out a small laugh. For some reason we’re all standing on the lawn, and when he got here, I offered him a drink, out of habit from when guests come by. I poured his 7-Up into a glass, and seeing him with a glass and a cocktail napkin feels ridiculously formal, like I’m meeting my future son-in-law, which I hope I’m not.
Alex is quiet around him, cool, and I’m embarrassed for her.
“Alex, do you still want to go with me to Racer’s, then Grandpa’s? I’m leaving soon, so…”
“You know a person named Racer?” Sid asks.
“I said I’ll go,” she says. “We’ll both go with you.” She leans in to Sid, and he scopes out our home then picks something off her shoulder.
I look at Sid’s shoes. They’re surprisingly clean and white. “He doesn’t have to come,” I say. “This isn’t something he should do.”
“I want to do whatever Alex wants me to do,” he says. “I’m just drifting.”
“Does he know what we’re doing?”
“Yes,” Alex says. “He knows everything.”
An unexpected surge of jealousy runs through me.
“I think this is a family matter,” I say. “This next week, or however long or short, is a family matter.”
“Dad. I told you he was going to be here. Just let it go, okay? I’ll be more civil with him here, believe me.”