The Devil Has Dimples (24 page)

Elizabeth invited me to Sunday dinner.  I always feel at
loose ends on Sundays, the shop is closed, and it isn’t proper to go antique
hunting.  My parents are gone.  It’s just so lonely.

I sat next to him at church.  I didn’t mean too, but I
was running a little late, and as I walked down the aisle, his pew had an empty
seat.  I slid in.

“At Sunday Services, Maudie sat next to me at church.”

“It was the most agonizing hour I have ever spent.”

“She smelled like fresh flowers.  She sang the hymns with
verve and gusto, while I mumbled through the phrases.  I felt like all my
degrees and knowledge were nothing but sludge next to her.”

“During the final prayer, she nudged me in the side, and
whispered, “Lighten up.  God’s watching.”

”At that moment, I fell in love with her.”

“Hopelessly in love.”  He paused for several moments. 
Reflecting on a happier time, as there was a smile on his face.

“Then what happened?”  I asked

“She came for dinner.  Mom loved her.  Maudie liked to make
Mother laugh, and we were all happy that afternoon.  It was the most wonderful
afternoon of my life.”

Dinner was wonderful.  Claude was relaxed, his mother was
in a great mood.  It was an afternoon that I’ll never forget.

Here was the man I’ve been waiting all my life for, a man
I could love with all of my heart.

Then Bobbie showed up.

A dark thunderous expression crossed over his face.

“Then what?”  Grant asked.

“Roberta showed up.  She made quite a scene.  Maudie
graciously left.  Mother was in tears and went to her room.  I finally told
Roberta to leave me alone.  The divorce was going to be final in a few weeks,
and all I wanted was to be left alone.”

“Roberta left.  She was mad.  I should have seen it coming,
but I never thought she would try to get even with me.  She never wanted me in
her life until I told her we were getting a divorce.”

I knew that they were getting a divorce.  Elizabeth told
me about it when Claude went into the kitchen to refill our drinks.  I felt
happy.  When Bobbie showed up, I left.  I was just a Sunday dinner guest. 
Nothing more.  But, oh, how much I wanted more.

“Everyone has a right to happiness,” I said.

He snorted.  “Roberta didn’t think that way.”

“The ice storm came that night.  The power went out. 
Everyone was lighting candles or camping lights in order to see.  And Roberta
called.  She’d been drinking.”

Bobbie always was a “sloppy” drunk.  Give her a drink and
she became hostile.  She slapped the daylights out of Naomi one night at the
roadhouse.  She thought that Naomi was moving in on someone she liked and
decked her.  Bitsy and I had to bring Naomi to the emergency room.  Which was
funny, as Naomi hooked up with the ER doctor for a few weeks.  The next day,
Bobbie treated us like it was our fault, instead of hers.

“I hung up on her.  I think that’s what made her truly mad.”

“She called right back and Mother answered the phone this
time.  She told Roberta not to call again, that I would never speak to her
again.”

“Then Mother screamed.”

He dropped his head in his hands, remembering.

“I can still remember the terror in her voice.”

“’She’s going to kill herself.’  Mother said.”

“I told Mother to call the police and I ran out to the car
and headed for our house.”

“Apparently, Roberta threw a kerosene light against the
living room wall.  The house was blazing by the time I got there.  I could hear
her screaming and I ran in after her.”

He slowly undid the buttons on his shirt cuffs and rolled up
the sleeves to show us the scars that covered his forearms.

“I tried to save her.  I honestly did.”

I reached over and touched his arm with my hand.

“I believe you,” I said.  The proof of his heroism was
burned into his skin.

Bobbie had the last laugh.  I imagine at times I can
still hear her laughing from her grave.

You can laugh Bobbie.  You can laugh all you want in
hell.

It won’t erase your sins.

“She lasted for a few hours.  Then she died.  She was
pregnant with someone else’s child.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It was good that she died.  She was horribly burned and
knowing her, she would have hated to live, to not be noticed for her beauty. 
She would have hated it and hated everyone for letting her live.  I am sorry
about the child.  The innocent had to pay for her choices in life.”

“I don’t know what to say,” I said.

He looked at me.  A sadness in his eyes.

“Neither do I.”  He shook his head.  “What happened next
destroyed my life.”

I squeezed his arm with my hand.  He looked down at it as if
not realizing it had been there for a while.  He took his other hand and placed
it over mine.  A warm fuzzy feeling came over me.  He really did care about me. 
I was almost afraid to hear the rest of the story, but it was time.

“What happened, Father.”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

“Maudie and I made love.”

He shook his head again, then removed his hand from mine.

“If only we had waited.”

I smiled a little.  “If you had waited I wouldn’t be here.”

He gave me a weak little smile.  “That’s true.  And believe
me, I’m glad you’re here.  I’m truly glad.”

I moved closer to him, our limbs touching, a gentle warmth
easing into both our bodies.

“After the funeral, we came back here.  Mother had
refreshments for the mourners.  There weren’t many.  Roberta had fought with
most of her friends at one time or another.  There were some colleagues of mine
here, but it didn’t take long for everyone to leave.  Maudie stayed to help
Mother clean up.  I went for a walk.”

“I don’t know where I was walking, I know it was for a good
while, when Maudie pulled up in her car.  “Need a lift?”  She asked.”

“My arms and hands were still sore, still healing.  I was
tired and got into her car.”

“I don’t want to go home right now, I told her.”

“I can understand that.  She said.”

“She took me to her apartment over the antique shop, and we
went upstairs.  The thought never crossed my mind that we would make love.  I
just wanted a safe haven for a moment.”

“She poured me a small glass of wine.  I slowly drank it
down.  And we talked.  We talked for hours, then I finally kissed her, and we
made love.”

“Then she took me home.”  He let out a long sigh.

“When I woke up the next morning, I was thoroughly disgusted
with myself.”

He ran his fingers through his hair.

“What was I thinking?”

“I packed a suitcase, took a leave of absence and left
town.”

“I didn’t bother to call Maudie.  I just told my mother I
would be back when I felt ready to get on with my life.”

He tapped out the few remaining embers from his pipe into
the fireplace.  Then placed the pipe gently in its holder.

“That was the biggest mistake of my life.”

I ruined our future.  I should never have let my guard
down.  We made love.

It was so sweet and gentle, like I always imagined it
should be.  But he left!

I cried.  I wanted him so much.

“I came back a year later.  Ready to see if Maudie would
marry me.  Ready to start a new beginning.  Ready to live.”

“I didn’t tell anyone I was coming home.  I went directly to
Maudie’s store and walked in.”

“She turned to see who had come in the store, and when she
saw me, she turned pale.”

“I marched up to her, took her in my arms and asked her to
marry me.”

“She looked up at me with a deep sadness that I can remember
to this day.”

“’No.’ she said.”

“The sound resounded in my heart.  No.  All I had thought
about for the past year was her.  How our life could be together.  How happy we
would be.”

“’No.’  She said.”

“I’m sure I was pale by this time.  I let her go, and sat.”

“Why wouldn’t she marry you?”  I asked.

He turned his face to me, I’ve never seen a sadder look.

“You’re too late, she said.”

“I tried to convince her.  No.  It’s our time.  Our time for
happiness.  Our time for love.”

“She shook her head.  It’s too late.”

“It’s never too late.”

“It is for us.”

“She looked at me then.  Her eyes were filled with tears,
her face in pain.”

“I gave our baby away.”

“All I could do was stare at her.  Baby?  What baby?”

“I guess she could see the puzzlement on my face.”

“I had a baby.  Our baby.”

“A baby.  Just the thought thrilled me.  A baby.  Roberta
never wanted children, a fact that she told me after we were married for
several years.  I always wanted children, and now I was a father.”

“I beamed with happiness.”

“Maudie must have seen that too.  She became even sadder.”

“I placed Sara up for adoption with Edna and Ralph
McLaughlin.”

“Why? I asked.”

“You were gone.  I never heard from you.  I thought.  I
thought....”

“That I didn’t care.”

“Yes.  You left and never sent me a message.  What else
could I think?”

“Yes.  What else.  My heart broke in that instant.”

“I couldn’t raise her by myself.  Not in this town. 
Everyone would have known she was a bastard, and treated her different, like
she wasn’t worthy.”

“Maudie turned hard at that moment.”

“I wanted the best for my child.  That meant parents.  Not a
single mother with nary a husband in sight.”

“You could have contacted me.”

“Why?  You didn’t care enough to contact me.  What was I
supposed to think?  That you really cared?  That you were coming back?  That we
would be married and have the cottage and the white picket fence, and everyone
would welcome us and our child with open arms.”

“When I started to show my pregnancy, I went on an ‘antiques
tour’ and didn’t return home until after Sara was born.”

“Sara, your mother’s name.”

“Yes, I named her after your mother and mine, Sara
Elizabeth.  Only her last name is McLaughlin, not Cooper, not Guillot. 
McLaughlin.”

“Can we get her back?”

“Maudie sighed.  No.  It’s too late.  I don’t even know
where they are.”

“What?”

“They moved without a forwarding address, they wanted me
completely out of Sara’s life.  I’ve been searching for her, but I haven’t
found her yet.”

“Let me help.”

“You’ve helped enough.  Now if you don’t mind, I wish you
would leave.  You’ve broken my heart enough.”

“Maudie, marry me.  We can find Sara, we can make a home. 
It’s not too late.”

“Maudie looked at me with tearful eyes.  “I can’t.”

”I tried for several months to change her mind.  But she
wouldn’t see me.  She would leave any room or place I entered.  She wouldn’t
answer the phone.  I tried everything to find the McLaughlin’s, but couldn’t. 
I never gave up.”

“But I always hoped.”

Claude looked at me with sorrowful eyes.  I felt nothing but
sadness for this man.  My father.

“That’s it.  Except I did find out where the McLaughlin’s
lived when you were five.”

He gave a wry smile.

“Maudie and I drove up there, it was a Sunday.  We waited
outside their house for three hours, then you came outside to ride your bike. 
We must have watched you for over an hour.  Maudie would take a picture of you
ever so often.”

He stood and walked over to the fireplace mantel.  Taking
down a picture frame, he brought it over to me.

It was me.  I was on my tricycle, my legs stretched straight
out in front of me, my hands gripping the handlebar, my body and head arched
backward.  I was laughing, my pigtails swinging in the breeze.

I didn’t remember that day.  But it was captured for all
time on a piece of paper.

“I didn’t see this photo at Maudie’s.”

“Strange.  Maudie always took photos of you, and would give
me copies.  It’s the only time she would interact with me.”

He walked over to the bookcase and told down a volume.  He
held it out to me.

“These are all of you.”

I opened the book and looked at photos of myself.  Maudie
had the same ones in her books.  I thumbed through them.  Grant came and stood
beside me.

“Maudie had a good eye with the camera,” he said.

I murmured an agreement.  I snapped the book closed and
turned to Claude.  Pictures were of the past, and I was concerned with the
future.

“What now?”  I asked him.

“It’s whatever you want,”

“I’m all alone.  I need a father.”

I startled him.  The look on his face told it all.

It crumpled with emotion.

“Can you accept me as a father?”

It was my turn to touch my inner feelings.  I didn’t even
know this man, yet, he was my father.  “You are my father.  Whether you want a
place in my life is up to you.  I won’t have you embarrassed by my existence.”

“No.  No.  Never that.  Your existence is the only thing
that has been keeping me going.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?  Everyone in town knew I
was looking for you, why didn’t you step up?”

“Fear.”

Yes, I could believe fear.  I felt fear myself.  What if he
didn’t want me.  Didn’t like me.  Couldn’t love me.

I finally held out my arms, and he came into them.

It felt like I had come home.  His warmth wrapped around me
and soothed my soul.  We stood there, embracing for a long time.

A very long time.

Grant’s cell phone rang and he walked outside to answer it.

Claude and I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.