The Devil Inside (23 page)

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Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

I left Adam’s house in something of a daze. I think it was shock. I took the Taser with me, as well as the shopping bags I’d left in the bedroom. Adam was starting to regain control of his limbs when I was ready to leave, so I shot him again. He tried to say something—no doubt something really complimentary about me—but the electricity had damaged his control too badly and all he could do was glare at me as I walked out.

By the time I hit the sidewalk, my cheeks were drenched with tears. I swiped them angrily away, then made an anonymous 911 call on Val’s cell phone, which I still had.

I didn’t regret that call until about an hour later, when I checked in to a cheap airport motel under an assumed name. When the door closed behind me, and I was finally able to let go of the reins, I threw myself onto the bed and sobbed, not even sure what I was sobbing for. Grief over Val’s death? Maybe. Guilt over my role in it? Certainly. Fear for my life? That was there, too.

When the tears had run their course, leaving me exhausted in body and soul, I finally let myself think about what I’d just done to Adam. Would my anonymous call be enough to get a search warrant? Would Adam have had time to hide the evidence before the cops arrived?

If the cops found Val’s body and Adam was executed as a rogue demon, would I ever be able to live with myself?

My head started to pound fiercely. I hauled myself into the shower, hoping the hot water would soothe me, but of course it didn’t. This wasn’t the first time in my life I’d acted first and thought later. But never had the potential consequences been so terrible. I prayed that Adam had hidden the body and the evidence well, prayed that I wouldn’t have to face the consequences of my actions.

Yeah, technically it was Adam who would have to face them, if it came to that, but I’m really, really good at guilt, and I was practically choking on it. As far as I could tell, I hadn’t done a single thing right since the moment 147 / 226

Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

I’d realized I was possessed.

Feeling maudlin in the extreme, I called Brian. I didn’t know if he’d take my call after the way I’d left, but I desperately needed to reach out to someone. I’d alienated everyone who mattered, and I’d never felt so alone in all my life.

I got his answering machine. It tells you something about my state of mind that hearing his voice even on a recording made me feel just a little better. I waited a bit to see if he would pick up, but he didn’t. I told him I was sorry, that I loved him, and that I would try him again later. The headache got worse, the pain stabbing through my eye socket all the way to the base of my skull. I begged some aspirin from the desk clerk, but it didn’t help. I wondered if I was having a stroke or something. I’d had stress headaches before, but never anything like this. Moaning in misery, I lay down on the bed and clutched the pillow to my face, blocking out all the light, but the pain just wouldn’t let up. Until I opened my eyes to find myself in Lugh’s place again. The pain was blessedly gone, but one look at Lugh sent my sense of relief scurrying for cover.

Black leather, as usual, but different this time. He looked like a Hell’s Angel crossed with one of those professional wrestlers who always play the bad guy. Heavy loops of silver chain decorated his jacket. Fingerless gloves with silver-studded cuffs circled his wrists. And instead of his usually elegant leather boots, he wore heavy, cruel-looking shit-kickers. The look on his face said I was the shit he wanted to kick. I tried willing myself to wake up, but—wouldn’t you know it?—this time it didn’t work. Lugh advanced on me, both his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes glowing like beacons. I backed away. I had a feeling that even though this was a dream, he was perfectly capable of making me hurt in it. He kept coming, and I kept backing up, until I hit a wall that was closer than I’d expected. Maybe it hadn’t been there until that moment. I put my hands up in a defensive gesture as he closed the last little bit of distance between us.

I could no more hold him off than I could a tank. His chest hit my palms and pushed my arms back. He slapped his hands hard against the wall on each side of my head and leaned into me. I’d thought Adam was scary-looking when he was mad. Lugh was the 148 / 226

Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

stuff of nightmares. The menace radiated from him in almost palpable waves, pounding against my defenses. Every nerve in my body demanded I run for my life, but I couldn’t force a single muscle to move. Not that I could have gone anywhere anyway. He’d parked himself in my personal space, and he wasn’t leaving until he was good and ready. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, unable to bear the pressure of his gaze.

“Morgan Kingsley, you are a fool,” he growled. And I mean growled. The sound of his voice was barely human.

I quivered in terror. And believe me, I’m not the quivering type. Bravado is one of my best friends, but I couldn’t muster a drop of it.

“Just what are you planning on doing?” he continued, still in that awful, growling voice. “You have no home, you have no friends, you have no resources, and you’ve fled from the one man who can actually help you!”

He was so furious I felt little drops of spit pepper my cheeks. Talk about realistic dreams…

“Open your eyes and look at me!” he commanded.

But I was too damn scared. I guess I was hoping if I didn’t look, he’d go away, kind of like the monster under the bed.

He didn’t.

One hard, strong hand closed around my throat and squeezed. I gasped, and my eyes opened of their own accord. Once I met his gaze, I couldn’t look away. And I wanted to, believe me I did. Still holding me by the throat and squeezing just hard enough to make breathing difficult, he leaned forward until his nose almost touched mine.

“The instant you wake up, you will call Adam and have him come to pick you up. Assuming, that is, that he hasn’t been arrested thanks to you.”

I grabbed his wrist with both my hands and tried to break his grip on my throat. I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t budge.

“He might not let me come back,” I managed to choke out with what little air I could suck in. Funny how I needed to breathe even in a dream.

“He will. Unlike you, Morgan, he’s not childish enough to let his emotions rule his common sense. And he knows there’s more at stake here than your life.”

“You don’t understand. I watched him kill Val in cold blood!”

“I don’t understand?” He shook me, rattling my teeth. “I’m a passenger 149 / 226

Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

in your body. I can read your thoughts. I understand exactly what you did. I understand that you were angry with yourself for allowing him to hurt her, and that you took your anger out on him in the worst possible way.”

I had to close my eyes again, couldn’t face Lugh’s anger, couldn’t face what I’d done.

Because, of course, Lugh was right.

He let go of my throat, and even with my eyes closed I knew he’d moved away, though I hadn’t heard any footsteps. My back slid down the wall until my butt hit the floor. Eyes still closed, I touched a hand to my throat to see if he’d left bruises. It seemed not.

When I gathered enough courage to open my eyes again, I saw that he’d conjured a wing chair out of nowhere and was sitting on the very edge of it about ten feet away. His eyes still glowed, and his posture was still stiff and angry, but at least he’d given me some breathing room. My voice came out weak and breathy when I spoke. “If you know my thoughts, then you know how sorry I am for what I did. If I could take it back, I would. But I’m only human. And watching him kill Val, hearing him tell me that he could even kill Dominic and not feel bad about it, was one too many shocks to absorb. I cracked.”

A little bit of the tension eased out of Lugh’s shoulders, and I thought his eyes glowed a little less brightly. “Adam has not often walked the Mortal Plain,” he said. Thank God he wasn’t growling anymore. The sound had been more disturbing than I wanted to admit.

“He realizes that humans don’t understand demons very well,” Lugh continued. “He doesn’t realize that the reverse is also true.”

If psychoanalyzing Adam would have a calming effect on Lugh, I was all for it. “What do you mean?”

“What he said to you was foolish, a tactical error. And you don’t entirely understand what he meant.”

“And you do.”

He shrugged. Yes, the glow in his eyes was definitely dying down. Hallelujah!

“I’m a demon, so yes, I do. I’ll try to explain it, but I can’t guarantee I’ll succeed.” He was feeling so warm and fuzzy toward me he even offered a hint of a smile. “Just like I couldn’t guarantee to make Adam understand why a human might feel guilty over what he’d done. 150 / 226

Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

“It’s not that we are without emotions. And it’s not that we don’t feel guilt. You remember how Adam reacted when you told Dominic his demon wasn’t dead?”

I nodded. How could I forget? And yes, refusing to heal himself had obviously been a sign of guilt.

“We are by our nature a very pragmatic people. We will feel guilt and regret over something we feel we should have done differently. But we are better than humans at accepting those things we cannot change.”

I thought about that a bit, rolled the idea around my mind and tried to understand it. “So Adam could kill Dominic without remorse as long as he believed it was something he couldn’t change? Even though he’s very fond of Dominic?”

Lugh smiled gently. “He’s more than just ‘fond’ of him, but yes, that’s the point he was trying to make. When he’s had more experience with human thoughts and feelings, he’ll understand why that was the wrong time to make the point.”

I wasn’t sure there was a right time to make a point like that. For one thing, it showed me just exactly how much you could ever trust a demon. Knowing that no matter how much they cared about you, they’d be willing to kill you if the situation warranted was not a comforting thought. Lugh might think of it as “pragmatic.” I wondered if “ruthless” wasn’t a better word.

“I think there’s something else you should know,” Lugh continued.

“Something that might help you accept Adam a little better.”

If he thought I was going to “accept” Adam, he was deluding himself. Naturally, I didn’t share my opinion, though I suppose he knew it anyway.

“Adam’s enjoyment of causing pain isn’t typical human sadism.”

Typical human sadism?

I think Lugh heard that thought, because a hint of a smile touched his lips, then vanished.

“A human who enjoyed the excesses that he does wouldn’t be so scrupulous about how he found his gratification. A human wouldn’t have tempered his tastes for his lover as Adam has for Dominic. There are many psychological traits that would accompany sadism of that level if he were human—a need to dominate and humiliate, for one—that aren’t present in Adam.

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Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

“I mentioned that he has not often walked the Mortal Plain. In our homeland, we are incorporeal, which means we do not have the sense of touch. It is not at all uncommon for young, inexperienced demons to be fascinated by the novelty of touch, and therefore to enjoy even sensations that a human would consider unpleasant.”

This conversation made me extremely uncomfortable—I try to be tolerant, but obviously I don’t always succeed—and I wanted it over as soon as possible. Unfortunately, my mouth didn’t get the memo and invited further comment.

“From what I can see, he enjoys giving it, not receiving it.”

“I’m sure he finds both appealing and fascinating.”

I remembered hearing his cries of pain when Dominic whipped him, and I remembered thinking it didn’t sound like he was enjoying himself one bit.

Apparently, Lugh read my mind and answered the question I didn’t want to ask.

“Even those who find the physical sensations fascinating usually have a limit to how much they can stand. I suspect Adam specifically instructed Dominic to pass his limits. No doubt it was the only way he could think of to atone for what he’d done.”

I supposed that made sense. There was no way I could interpret what had happened as anything other than penance, and for it to be penance, it had to be unpleasant. I wouldn’t exactly say I understood what Lugh was telling me. What I did understand was that I couldn’t always interpret Adam’s actions based on human psychology.

I guess it’s better to know that you don’t understand something. Prevents you from making incorrect assumptions, or at least lets you make fewer of them. I hoped.

“So now that you know all these things, will you go back to Adam’s house?” Lugh asked.

My cowardly insides shouted a frantic “no!” What I said instead was,

“I’ll think about it.”

The tension returned to Lugh’s posture. “Don’t think about it. Just do it.” I bristled. “You may be king of the demons, but you’re not the king of me. I’ll think about it.”

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Jenna Black, The Devil Inside (2007)

Morgan Kingsley #1

Lugh stood up. The eerie glow returned to his eyes as he stared down at me. “I suggest you think very, very quickly.”

“Or what?” I asked. I actually wasn’t trying to give him attitude—I just heard the undertone of threat and wanted to know what the threat was.

“Or I’ll have to resume my efforts to take control while you’re conscious.”

That brought me to my feet in a hurry. “Bullshit. If you could take control, you’d have done it by now.”

“When I first succeeded in controlling your dreams, I stopped trying to control your body. You’ve seen evidence that my control of your dreams has improved. Why would you think I won’t get better at controlling your body?”