The Devil To Pay (Hennessey.) (159 page)

He leaned back his expression betraying his amazement. Yet why should he be amazed? It was what he wanted wasn’t it? He had come here today with the intention of telling her that the chasm between them was too wide to ever be breached. To forget about him and any feelings…real or imagined…she thought she had for him. To find someone else and  get on with her life. Or had he?

She watched his face for a moment before continuing, ‘telling me about your wife was a way of informing me that there’s no future for us, that are worlds are so diverse “That’s there’s no coming together of any part of them.” He raised his eyebrows at her use of his own words, but before he could comment she went on, ‘you’re telling me that my money is an obstacle to our being together.’

She paused, waiting for him to comment when he didn’t just continued to look uncomfortable and annoyed she stood up and as he had done walked to the window. He sat looking at her. He didn’t know what he expected, that maybe Lomax had been wrong and that she would laugh at him. That she would agree with him and say that she couldn’t live as he did, that she liked her worldly goods too much to let them go. That she would get angry and throw him out. But there she stood cool and calm just as Adrianne had been. Coolness must be a trait of the moneyed.

Without looking at him she said very quietly, ‘do you know what I was doing seven months ago, Mr. Lando?’ When he didn’t answer she turned to him and he saw that the composure she strove for was only just under control and she was fighting to keep her calm. Her tone was clipped as she continued, ‘well then let me enlighten you. I was a cleaner, in a post office. I only worked part time so as to fit in the needs and demands of my sick, alcoholic mother.’

She walked slowly toward him as she spoke her hands clenched in front of her as though that might prevent her from putting them around his throat,’ ‘and when I say demands I
mean
demands. Such as picking her up out of the gutter when she was so drunk she couldn’t get up by herself. Or holding her under the shower in an effort to get her clean of the dirt and vomit. Or trying to get her heart tablets down her throat whilst she spat them and the water in my face. All this whilst trying to avoid the missiles that were constantly hurled at me.’

She touched the scar on her temple, ‘I wasn’t always successful, you’re not so agile when you’re only eight years old. Although I did get better at it as I got older. She died seven months ago of her heart condition or her alcoholism, take your pick. Her death left me virtually homeless.

Of course my eldest brother and his wife were benevolent enough to tell me that I could stay there as long as I liked. What they actually meant was as long as I made myself useful, did what they wanted and didn’t get in their way. As long as I took care of their children, as long as I cooked their meals and cleaned their house and was there to serve drinks and snacks to their bridge friends. Or to drive them to their gentleman’s club or to the beauty parlour. As long as I was their own personal servant I could have a home with them.’

Lando was staggered, he knew of course about her sick mother and her selfish family but he had never envisioned this. How she must have felt to be considered nothing more than an unpaid servant in the home she had been born and raised in. But still, she had money that had been made very clear to him, so where had that come from?

He said, ‘but you’re a very wealthy woman, you must be, you offered Glissando’s goons six million dollars to let me go.’ He narrowed his eyes, ‘or did you lie about that?

‘No, I didn’t lie. You want to know where I got my money?’ She didn’t wait for him to answer, ‘I won it, okay. I won the national lottery.’

His eyes grew very wide as he leaned back in his chair and stared at her. She gave a wry smile, ‘yes, I won the lottery. I won 6.3 million pounds; around 10 million dollars give or take.’

She spread her arms wide, ‘so there, that’s me, the spoilt, pampered, over indulged rich bitch.’

It was not clear which shocked him the most, her revelation or her use of the word “bitch.”

‘I’ve been rich for just over four months, until then I penny pinched too. I knew what it was like to go without. I knew what it was like to worry about paying bills. Oh, and just for the record and despite your notions about my affluent lifestyle, I’d never even been in a restaurant until Hennessey took me to dinner.’

He just stared at her as if she had suddenly started speaking an unknown language. How could he have been so wrong about her? But all the time he had been thinking of her as self indulgent and spoilt he knew deep in his heart that she wasn’t, that she was nothing like Adrianne.

She smiled a bitter smile, ‘but you arbitrarily concluded that because I had money that I was as bad as your wife, selfish and self- serving and self- important. A snob. Well I’m sorry to pour cold water on your preconceived ideas about me, Mr. Lando, or to spoil your well laid out plans to convince me that we’re not meant to be together.’

Once again she paused waiting for him to speak; he didn’t so she went on her tone stringent now, ‘but discovering that I’m not anything like your wife won’t make any difference to you will it. All I’ve told you won’t change your mind. If I gave all my money away today you’d still let me walk out of your life wouldn’t you? Because my being rich is just one excuse in your long list of excuses why you believe we shouldn’t be together. In fact, nothing I say or do will change your mind will it.’

That wasn’t a question so he didn’t answer; he couldn’t if he’d wanted too, he was rendered speechless. But even in his shock he noticed that she had used the exact same line that Hennessey had used about his long list of excuses not to be with her.

She gave a hollow laugh, ‘you know, my experiences with Hennessey and Glissando taught me many things. One being to live for the moment, say what’s in your heart because you may never have another chance. And since you don’t have the courage to tell me straight out what you want to tell me, that being that you just don’t want me,
I’ll
tell
you
the truth.’ She stepped closer to the table so that she was partly leaning over it and looking down at him and her voice no longer angry but silky soft as she said, ‘I love you, Jonas Lando. I love you with all my heart.’

Once she’d started she couldn’t stop and what’s more didn’t want too, so ignoring his dumbfounded expression she hurried on, ‘I can’t tell you the exact moment when I knew I loved you, maybe when I saw the dear eating out of your hand. Or when you held me in your arms whilst I cried. Or when those men were going to kill you. Or when I saw you there in Glissando’s torture chamber and knew that you had come for me. Or maybe even the first time I saw you in the woods looking as suspicious and apprehensive as your nervous dog.

But I do know that right from the start I resented people saying derogatory things about you, I was angrier than their jibes warranted. I think I saw in you a kindred spirit. We both have regrets. We’re both desperate for someone to care for us. We both have wounds to heal. We’re both lonely.’

Still he said nothing but kept his gaze riveted on her and she could see the emotions flickering across his face, shock, pain, disbelief. She sat down, she had to, the enormity of what she’d said was beginning to sink in. But if she could have gone back in time and unspoken the words she would not have. This time tomorrow she would be gone from here, from this state, from this country, from Jonas Lando, so what did it matter now what she said.

Her face was soft and her tone very gentle now, ‘no, I don’t know when I first knew that I cared for you, that I came to love you; it might come to me one day. But
how
I came to love you, well, that will always remain a mystery. You’re not an easy man to love, Mr. Lando, you’re morose and miserable, moody and mean. Not to mention downright rude. Even though you crave company and friendship you’re determined not to let anyone get close to you, and if you suspect that someone might you do everything in your power to alienate them. You’ve let what happened to you turn you into an angry, bitter man who sees everyone as the enemy and their friendliness as suspect. You’re determined to punish, not only yourself, but everyone else for your imagined sins…including me. You’ve been released from one prison but now you’re in a prison of your own making.’

His face darkened and his eyes flashed. He stood up sending the chair he was sitting on crashing to the floor. He looked down on her his fists clenched as though he would strike her but she didn’t by any sign show any fear. There followed a silence broken only by the sound of his harsh breathing finally he said, ‘you think you know me, you think you
love
me. Get real, lady. I’m just a substitute for what you thought you had, for what you lost. Hennessey. You’re just using me as a stand in for him.’

He leaned over her and sneered, ‘okay, I’ll play along. I’ll give you what you want and what by the looks of you you desperately need. Where do you fancy, the bed, the floor, or what about the table,’ he shook it, ‘seems sturdy enough, but hey, it’s been almost eight years, I might get carried away. So what do you say, you’re the
lady,
you choose.’

She didn’t speak but stared back unflinching. His lips twisted into a bitter grimace as he drawled, ‘what? Hey, come on, I’m willing to take on a murdering sonovabitch’s cast off, the least you can do is take on a moody, miserable, mean ex- con.’ Her eyes did flicker at this and her cheeks reddened slightly. He smirked, ‘come on, I know you want too and don’t worry I’ll try to be as gentle as I can but as I say,’ he shrugged, ‘eight long fucking years.’

Still she made no response whatsoever so after staring into her eyes, his own flashing dangerously he stood up straight, ‘no? Well I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or not. I’m desperate,’ he looked her up and down, ‘but I’m not sure I’m really
that
desperate.’

She rose slowly to her feet her face pale and her eyes very bright but her voice steady and calm as she said, ‘thank you for the painting,’ she put out her hand, ‘goodbye, Mr. Lando.’ He looked down at her hand then up at her as though she was a disgusting creature from the swamp, then he turned and walked to the door opened it and walked out of the cabin and out of her life.

CHAPTER 49.

        
Adela stayed where she stood staring at the door that Lando had slammed behind him, just as he had effectively slammed the door on any future they might have had together.

She stayed perfectly still for a full two minutes trying very hard to control the tears she felt welling up in her throat before turning back to the bed to finish her packing,

but jumped startled as the door suddenly burst open. She whirled around to see Lando standing there looking flushed and fierce. He stood at the threshold of the door his chest heaving.

He slammed the door then it seemed to Adela that he covered the space between them in three strides. Her first reaction was to take a step back thinking he had come back to do what he had threatened a few minutes earlier. She didn’t, because her heart told her that no matter how furious he was he would never hurt her, not physically anyway.

He came to an abrupt halt just inches from her and grabbing her upper arms shook her. She could feel his breath on her face as his chest rose and fell as though he had just run a ten mile race.

He licked his lips and his breath came in short gasps as he said, ‘I have nothing to offer you. I’ve just spent the last of the two hundred dollars I had. I have the cabin, the outbuildings and two acres of swamp land and I
won’t
live off your wealth.’ He swallowed hard, ‘I
am
morose and miserable and moody. I’m not much of a talker; I’m not uncomfortable with long silences. I like my own space and my own company. I’m not good at sharing my feelings or comforting others in their hour of need. I’m not comfortable with showing my emotions or having others show theirs.’

He let out a long breath and his hands slipped down her arms to her hands which he gripped as though holding onto a lifeline as he finished more calmly but no less earnestly, ‘all I can promise you is that I’ll try. In every way I can, I’ll try really,
really
hard to be everything you want me to be. To be there for you when you need me to be. I will never let anything bad happen to you again; you will
always
feel safe with me. I’d die for you.

And no matter how morose or miserable I get you can always,
always
be sure of one thing. That I love you.’

Eyes wide, mouth open, Adela stared up at him a mixture of incredulity and wonderment on her face. Her eyes filled then she did what she had not done since the day she’d spent with Hennessey in Silver Run over a month before. She smiled. A real smile so bright, so beautiful and so full of happiness that Lando caught his breath.

It was unclear which of them moved first, maybe they moved simultaneously, but it was unimportant, suffice enough that they did and they were in each other’s arms. They clung together as though terrified the other would suddenly vanish and this would have been just wonderful dream. She could feel his body trembling against hers, and if it was possible she loved him all the more for his nervousness.

Eventually Lando eased her away from him and looked into her shining love filled eyes, his own now moist. His fingers travelled gently down her face from her hairline to her chin. He pulled the clip that held her hair in place and ran his hands through the soft golden strands whispering, ‘beautiful, beautiful.’