The Diamonds (11 page)

Raymond was “our” waiter. He worked at Bistro every Sunday; since we had the same thing every week, Raymond would serve us without taking our orders.

“He's out today,” LADY informed us. “Sooo, whaddya want? The eggs here are reeaally good.”

“I
know
the eggs are good,” said Clarissa. She sniffed the air and made a funny face, like she'd tasted something sour. “I'll just have my usual.”

LADY started scribbling on her pad but caught herself. “And, uh, what's that?”

“It's”—Clarissa blinked—“my usual.”

“Okaaaay, but, I'm new and I don't know what you usually order.”

Clarissa gave her an eerie smile. “That's not
my
problem, is it?”

LADY, who had obviously never dealt with the likes of Clarissa von Dyke before, glanced around the table and popped her gum (again). She placed her hand on Priya's shoulder and leaned down. “Can you tell me what her usual is, hon?”

Not even Priya was dumb enough to get between Clarissa and her prey.

Part of me felt bad for LADY. In my mind, she lived
in a trailer park or a homeless shelter. She probably worked fourteen-hour shifts and lived off the tips she earned and the kindness of her customers. When she got home after a long day of work, she most likely removed all her piercings, set them on her dresser (which was made out of playing cards), and opened a cold beer. “If it weren't for the kindness of my customers,” she would say to herself, petting her dog, who was covered in tumors she couldn't afford to have removed, “I'd have nothing.”

The other part of me found this entire scene very amusing.

“I'd like to see the manager, please,” Clarissa said. “Pronto. That means ‘fast.’”

LADY grumbled and hobbled past us, dragging her bowling pin legs into the kitchen. A few moments later, a waifish man, Eric, came tumbling out.

“Hello, ladies,” he said with familiarity. “What seems to be the problem?”

“We miss Raymond,” said Priya, dabbing at the corner of her eyes with her napkin.

“I completely understand,” said Eric, “but Lady is very nice, too, and I think if you just—”

“Lady,”
Clarissa said in a way that made LADY sound like anything but, “is a
tramp
. She was rude to my friends and refused to bring me my brunch.”

Eric turned behind him to where LADY was leaning against the wall like a broken doll. The rest of Bistro was pretty full, mind you: couples and families
were eating and chatting in every nook and cranny. For that moment, though, it seemed as if we were the only ones there.

“Is this true?”

LADY said nothing. She didn't move. She didn't even blink an eye.

“Let me get you your usual,” Eric said once a few seconds had elapsed, trying not to make the scene any more awkward than it already was. “I remember what it is.”

He turned toward LADY and scooted her away with his hands as if she were a disobedient terrier who'd just peed on the carpet. “And don't worry, girls. Brunch is on me.”

Eric stepped backward into the kitchen and I stared at Clarissa with a humble expression. “You are
so
bad,” I said.

“Awful,” said Lili.

“The worst,” Priya agreed.

Clarissa curtsied in her seat, and we all laughed. Then we finished up the food we no longer had to pay for.

Afterward, we gathered around Clarissa's Audi.

“What's everyone doing for the rest of the day?” Lili asked.

I had promised my father I would work on my college applications, but I didn't want to open that can of worms. Lili, I knew, was applying early-decision
to Yale, and there was no way she
wouldn't
get in. Priya wanted to go to FIT, and Clarissa was a third-generation legacy at the University of Pennsylvania. I was the only one who had absolutely no idea what the next year held in store.

“I dunno,” I said.

“In that case,” Clarissa said, fixing her hair as the wind blew it around her head, “I have a few …
favors
to ask of you guys. Now that things are getting more serious with mock trial, we need to be as organized as possible.

“Professor”—Clarissa turned to face Lili, who was checking the time on her phone—“I was thinking it might be interesting to make our trials an option for people who receive detention or suspension. If people feel they are unfairly accused, they can bring their cases to mock trial and we can help dispute them. I have a conference scheduled with Principal Newman for next week.”

“Okay,” Lili agreed. “I'll mention it at our next student government meeting.”

Clarissa looked at Priya. “I think it's about time for some coordinated outfits, don't you?”

“I like the sound of that,” Priya said as though she'd just had a vision. “I'm thinking … balls. Tiny metal balls. Everywhere.”

I laughed.

“That's not really what I had in mind,” said Clarissa. “We should have a dress code, you know? Like judges’
robes, only … more flattering. Think sexy but sophisticated. Last but not least,” she went on, draping a lanky arm around my shoulder, “Marni.”

At the sound of my name, I felt a tiny ping in my stomach; it was a ping of regret, of fear, even, and I wondered just how long I would be able to keep my kiss with Anderson a secret.

“You have the most important job of all. You know, like, the Constitution?”

What kind of question was that?

“Yes,” I said.

“I thought it would be interesting if we made up our
own
version. Not the entire thing, but you know, like, the amendments. Those are the ones you add, right?”

Clarissa didn't have the most eloquent phrasing on the matter, but the constitutional amendments were in fact just that: additions to the original text to reflect society as it grew and changed.

“Yeah,” I said. “What for?”

Clarissa obviously had a plan.

“The Constitution is great and all,” she said, “but it can always be made better.”

That
, I thought,
is the understatement of the last few hundred years
.

“If we can add a few amendments so it relates specifically to everyone at Bennington and the point we're trying to get across, I think it will be a
huge
success.”

“What exactly
is
the point we're trying to get across, Clarissa?”

Lili nodded; I could tell she was wondering the
same thing. Priya, no doubt, was wondering how to get her hands on dozens of tiny balls.

“We're trying to
help
people, Marni.”

“Since when have you ever cared about helping people?”

The question was out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. I instantly regretted it.

Clarissa lifted her arm from my shoulder and brushed her red-red hair from her eyes. I could tell she was offended. “If you don't want to help, Marni, you don't have to. Priya, Lili, and I have it covered.”

“No, I do,” I said, tucking my hands into my back pockets. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.”

“Good,” she said. The conversation was over. For now. “Maybe your dad can be of some assistance.”

Yeah, maybe. And maybe Darcy McKibbon will win Ice Queen.

Clarissa clicked open her car door and got behind the wheel. “See you tomorrow, ladies. Brunch was fabulous.”

With that, she drove off, out of the parking lot, and down the street, the same way she'd come.

Alone.

“Do you need any help?” Dad asked, looking up from the desk in his study. It was his private sanctuary, decorated in rich, nutty colors—walnut, chestnut, acorn—with exquisitely crafted bookshelves and the framed original copies of his many degrees.

In my hand was a heavy book called
The Constitution for Dummies
(Smith, 2000). Mom and I had bought it years before as a birthday present; it had a copy of the Constitution and all its amendments (circa 1999) and explained how each one affected our daily lives.

“No,” I said, leaning against one of the bookshelves. “I'm okay.”

Dad lowered his reading glasses. “What do you have there?”

I flashed the yellowish cover. “For an assignment,” I said, trying to be as vague as possible. Dad loved to volunteer his help for my school projects—especially anything government-related—and always made things
more
difficult than necessary. “I've pretty much got it covered.”

Dad scribbled on what I could only assume was a student's paper. “Does this have anything to do with your recent membership in one mock trial organization?”

“Yeah,” I said. “It's just something I'm helping Clarissa with.”

“Well, don't work
too
hard on it,” Dad said. “College applications are coming up pretty soon, you know. Georgetown's deadline is November first.”

“I know, Dad.”

Georgetown was my father's alma mater, and it was his dream for me to attend college there, too.

“I'm just saying, Marni”—he smiled a tired, tight-lipped smile—“this is a really important time in your
life. Don't go spending all your time with Clarissa until
after
you've been accepted to college. Okay? I'm glad you joined mock trial, though. That will look great on your application.”

It's funny how little parents know. “Sure, Dad.”

He stopped me before I could make my exit. “How's Jed doing these days?”

I hadn't told my parents about Jed. I was too embarrassed. How did you tell your parents that the boy you'd been seeing for nearly a year broke up with you in the most scarring way possible?

“He's fine.”

“Tell him I said hello?”

“Okay. I'm gonna go now,” I said, expecting to see him staring at me concernedly.

But he was already back to work.

T
HE
B
ENNINGTON
P
RESS

The Weekly Roundup

By: TOMMY PAYNE

Below are the highlights from last week's mock trial rulings. For a full listing of case files, please see pg. 12.

*Please note that this reporter neither supports nor condemns the following rulings. He is merely a messenger.*

CASE FILE:
Tabitha Walton v.
Jake Cooley
[The Diamond Court
,
October 11]

Facts:
Tabitha, a senior at Bennington, wants to annul her relationship with the defendant, Jake Cooley, her boyfriend of four days; as it turns out, Jake is a terrible kisser. If Tabitha had known, she never would have agreed to date him, or bought him a Starbucks gift card. When he asked her out at the movies, it was dark and she couldn't make out the size of his tongue, which—during their first kiss—filled her entire mouth and rendered her unable to breathe.

Issue:
Can the Bennington community pretend she never had this lapse in judgment?

Holding:
Considering the relationship's short duration, the court ruled in favor of Tabitha. Everyone at Bennington will act as though she never dated Jake in the first place. Now all female students are aware of Jake's oversized tongue and may request to see and/or measure it before agreeing to date him. Jake also must repay Tabitha for the gift card.

CASE FILE:
Blair Jerome
v. Greta Arlington
[The Diamond Court
, October 13]

Facts:
Blair and Greta, both juniors, have been best friends since the fourth grade. Recently, however, Greta has allegedly been hooking up with the entire soccer team and garnering a poor reputation for herself and the general female population at Bennington.

Issue:
How can the court stop Greta from being so promiscuous?

Holding:
The Diamond Court rules in favor of the plaintiff, requiring Greta to stop hooking up with any and all student athletes. Additionally, Greta is not allowed to be seen within five feet of any boy who plays an extracurricular sport, nor is she allowed to hook up with anyone who is not her steady boyfriend of at least one (1) month.

CASE FILE:
Helen Watson
v. Sherri Stillman
[The Diamond Court
October 14]

Facts:
Last week, Helen, a senior, found an e-mail from Sherri in the e-mail account of her boyfriend (Mark Heillman, a senior) that clearly indicates Sherri has (sexual) feelings for him.

Issue:
How can the court ensure that Sherri respects boundaries?

Holding:
Making a move on another person's significant other is a terrible offense; not only should all girls with boyfriends (and girls who may acquire boyfriends in the future) steer clear of Sherri, but she is allowed only limited access to the Bennington computer lab—with a teacher present—and if she is ever found in a similar situation, she will be asked to turn over her laptop to the Diamonds (but only if it's a Mac).

CASE FILE:
Gus Carver
v. Yolanda Washington
[The Diamond Court
,
October 15]

Facts:
Gus, a senior and one of the editors of
LYLAP
, Bennington's poetry magazine, is bringing his girlfriend, Yolanda Washington, a freshman, to court for cheating on him.

Issue:
How can the court put Yolanda in her place?

Holding:
Considering that “Yolanda should have been thankful a senior was paying her any attention in the first place,” the Diamond Court rules in favor of Gus, requiring all upperclassmen to shun Yolanda and deny her access to Cafeteria B, the courtyard, and the senior parking lot. Also, for the next three months, Yolanda is no longer allowed to wear red lipstick, low-cut tops, or any other clothing meant to attract attention from the opposite sex. If she violates any of these restrictions, Yolanda will be up for further inspection by the court.

•
EXHIBIT G
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