The Diary of Ma Yan (3 page)

Ma Yan's school is a twelve-and-a-half-mile walk from her village. In snow, rain, or blistering sun, Ma Yan and her brother Ma Yichao trudge along a dusty road that snakes through the hilly countryside. The route takes them past plowed fields, along a dangerous stretch bordered by a ravine, over steep climbs and descents, and then through a gap between yawning cliffs. It takes four hours if you walk quickly, five if you slow down.

The landscape offers little shelter in bad weather because few people live here. Often by the time the children arrive home, they are soaked through or frozen by glacial winds, their feet swollen. Even in snow or mud, Ma Yan wears canvas shoes that soak up water quickly.

The road can also hold unpleasant surprises. Once Ma Yan and her brother were held up by older teenagers who refused to let them pass unless they gave them bread, money, and their schoolbags. Ma Yan and her brother escaped by running off in different directions. Another time Ma Yan's youngest brother was hit and had to give up his school things, his pencils, and his eraser.

The children arrive home to a small brick house consisting of a single large room, of which half is taken up by the
kang
, the vast traditional bed, made of cement and heated from beneath. The
whole family eats, sleeps, and lives on it.

There are few ornaments. Ma Yan and her brother's end-of-year diplomas hang on whitewashed walls. On top of a basic chest, two frames display family photos. The only luxury in the house is the black-and-white television set. An additional space serves as a kitchen and storeroom. In front of the house there's a small kitchen garden and a fenced area for animals: chickens, a donkey, and a few sheep.

 

Saturday, September 16
A nice day

This morning Mother went to the market in Yuwang. She was no sooner back in the house than she started shouting at my brothers and me. Then she began to get dinner ready: rice and salted cabbage. When we'd finished eating, she cried and cried.

I know why she's in tears. She's ill and she's the only one working in the fields right now. We're in the midst of harvest, and on top of that Mother has to look after the little ox she's bought to help till the land. Father is away, looking for work in Hohhot in Inner Mongolia.

If someone as brave as my mother cries when she's ill, how will the rest of us ever manage?

Sunday, September 17
A gray day

This afternoon my cousin, my brother, and I left to go back to school in Yuwang. When we arrived, the door of the dormitory wasn't open yet. We waited for quite a while before the porter turned up.

As soon as we were allowed in, Ma Shiping started to write in her diary.

“Will you be finished soon?' I asked her.

“No,” she answered. “We can't all be as quick and clever as you.”

She must have thought I was making fun of her.

I wonder why everyone is so displeased with me.

Monday, September 18
A windy day

This afternoon my little brother Ma Yichao, who is in the same class as me, didn't line up properly for the gym class. The head of the class and the head of the gym rushed to give him a beating. The teacher permitted it.

Deep down, I'm in a rage. But what can I do? These two heads are the nastiest boys in the class.

If I study very hard and make daily progress, I'll go to a university and become a policewoman. And if these boys bend the law even a tiny little bit, I won't fail to have them punished.

Tuesday, September 19
Good weather

This afternoon we had a music lesson. Ma Shengliang, Ma Xiaoping, and my brother Ma Yichao forgot their books.

The teacher told them off. “You're really stupid. You come here to work and you don't even bring your books!”

Then she tells the first two to leave the class and go and stand outside in the sun without moving. Only then does she begin our lesson.

Wednesday, September 20
A gray day

This afternoon the natural sciences teacher, Chen, gives us a lesson on nature. Ma Fulong talks and acts stupid at the back of the room.

The teacher pulls him up by the collar and tells him to sit up straight. Some of my friends say that the teacher is very nasty; others that he was right to discipline the student since one shouldn't talk in class.

I think the teacher is right, because on this road to our future life, we have to take the right track and not wander off on the wrong one.

Thursday, September 21
A fine day

This afternoon after school the class head orders us to go and get our meal in the kitchen. We had rice but no vegetables. I wanted to borrow some from my cousin, but she poured her entire ration of potatoes into her rice bowl and said there was no more.

“It doesn't matter,” I said, and asked my friend, Ma Yuehua, for some vegetables. She grumbled a bit, but she's nicer than Ma Shiping and gave me a little.

I understand that you can't depend on relatives. If someone outside the family borrows something from you, then she'll remember you've done her a good turn. But if it's a member of the family, she won't want to lend you anything, even if you're
unhappy. It's just not her problem.

At last I've cracked the nature of human relations. Everyone pays back their debts to others.

Friday, September 22
A fine day

We came home from school this afternoon after the end of classes. After dinner Mother asked us to go to the buckwheat fields to bring back the bales that had already been cut. I couldn't really walk any farther, but Mother forced us to go. She had already harvested so much of the grain herself, how could we refuse her, especially since Father is still away working in Inner Mongolia.

It's in order to feed and clothe us that Mother works so hard. If it weren't for us, she wouldn't have to harvest buckwheat. It's right that she asks us and equally right that we help. Otherwise how would we be worth all the trouble she takes over us? She wears herself out so that we can have a different future from hers. She exhausts herself to provide food for us when there's nothing left, and then she exhausts herself all over again, without getting anything out of life for herself. She doesn't want us to live the way she does. That's why we have to study. We'll be happy. Unlike her.

Ma Yan's village is in one of the poorest parts of China, known as the Region of Thirst.

Persistent drought has led the government to declare the area uninhabitable. Despite the fact that daily life is a constant struggle for survival, about three million people still live here. The average annual income of the inhabitants of Ma Yan's village is around four hundred yuan (approximately forty-eight American dollars), a miserable sum compared to the Chinese average of six thousand yuan (approximately seven hundred twenty-five American dollars).

Since the land does not produce enough to support his family, Ma Yan's father tries to find work elsewhere. Like tens of millions of other peasants, he will hire himself out to work on construction sites in the cities or to labor for other farmers at harvesttime. He may be away from home for several months at a time to earn money.

Those whom Ma Yan calls “rich” are mostly children from the town of Yuwang rather than from the surrounding villages. Their parents are government workers or businesspeople, whose professions guarantee certain salaries and a social status above that of peasants. Ma Yan's “rich” have a real wardrobe, whereas she
hasn't a single change of clothes; they have pocket money, whereas she can't even pay for vegetables to go with the rice she eats for lunch. Compared to people in the big cities, both groups are at the bottom of the social scale.

Peasants in the city are objects of ridicule. This is especially true in large cities like Shanghai or Beijing, but it is also true in small towns like Yuwang, where the inhabitants treat the peasants in the same way that they themselves are treated elsewhere.

Regional accents may betray the origin of a person, who becomes the object of contempt once his or her accent is singled out as not “noble” enough.

The village of Zhangjiashu

Saturday, September 23

This morning I was in the middle of doing homework when Mother interrupted me.

“Come, we're going to husk the grain.”

My big cousin Ma Yimei, my little cousin Ma Yifang, my two brothers, my mother, and I all work together on the stretch of land in front of our house.

Suddenly the son of Yang Dangqi arrives in a tractor with a full load of buckwheat, and he dumps his harvest in front of our house. Mother asks him to leave, but he just sneers. She asks a second time, and he still does nothing. She's very angry and she starts calling him names.

In my heart of hearts I think he's a scoundrel. He takes other people's places, pretending it's first come, first served. And it's useless for us to protest.

In these times even beggars need degrees. Nothing works for you if you don't study. In the big cities, even going to the toilet requires being able to read.

Sunday, September 24
A nice day

This afternoon on the way to school, we meet a man pulling an ox. He's accompanied by a second man who holds his jacket in his hand. They tell us about their childhood.

When they went to school, shepherds would stop them on their way and demand bread. They ask us if there are still people
who block the road and don't let you pass. “Fewer than before,” we say. “You're lucky,” they say.

Monday, September 25
A gray day

At noon, in our history lesson, the teacher asks us several questions. I don't know any of the answers. Luckily he hasn't chosen me. He's singled out my brother and two other students, who don't know the answers either. Only Ma Shiping, tall and proud, with her long braid, answered correctly. The teacher complimented her. I admire her. She's so clever.

Tuesday, September 26
A gray day

A music lesson this afternoon. After the class the teacher organizes games for us. We play blindman's buff, and whoever is caught has to sing and dance. The first group creates a song-and-dance number, and then the second group does.

“Which of the two is better?” asks the music teacher.

Everyone agrees the second group was remarkable.

I have to take note of these girls and do well in all my classes, including music.

Wednesday, September 27
A fair day

This afternoon we went back to the dormitory after our classes. I saw that Ma Yuehua was writing something. The head of the dormitory, Ma Jing, asked her to clean the floor.

“I'll do it when I've finished my work,” she answered, without lifting her nose from her book. The head of the dorm wouldn't take no for an answer. She insisted that Ma Yuehua clean up instantly. If she doesn't, she'll report her to the teacher.

Ma Yuehua weeps her rage.

Thursday, September 28
A gray day

This afternoon Ma Shiping, Li Qing, and I went to Yuwang to buy bread. In the first bakery we came to, the bread was very small, so we didn't buy any. We found a second bakery and decided to go in. I said, “I will have a piece of bread and a twisty doughnut.”

The assistant handed them to me. When I was leaving the bakery, he made a joke behind my back.

Is it because we're country girls or because I pronounced the word
bread
badly? I'll never know.

Friday, September 29
Light rain

At lunchtime when we leave for home, it's very cold. It's raining too. The other girls in my dorm are getting lifts home on a tractor. There's only my brother and me and one other pupil left walking.

We come to a spot where the water has washed away the strip of road and we can't get through. My brother puts his foot on a rock and leaps across, making it to another rock. He pulls me by the hand, and I get across too. In turn I give my hand to the other girl and pull her across to our side. We finally manage to get up the slope and are out of danger.

Saturday, September 30
A gray day

This morning, just after I had eaten a bowl of yellow rice for breakfast, I sat down to read
Voyage to the West
, which a school friend lent me. Suddenly I heard two tractors coming along the road toward our house.

People say that these two tractors will build up the road. This is really good news. Once this work is done, no one will any longer be able to say that we live “on the island of Taiwan.”
*

Sunday, October 1
A fine day

This morning, on the day of the national holiday,
*
the weather is particularly beautiful. My maternal grandmother, who lives in a village to the north of Yuwang, is ill, and my mother decides to go and see her. But an hour later, she's changed her mind and no longer wants to go.

I ask her, “Why don't you want to go and see Grandmother?”

“I'll go tomorrow when I have to go to the market in Yuwang,” she says.

I ask again, “Why, why don't you go today?”

“I'll go when I've done the housework.”

“Don't worry about it,” I say to reassure her. “I can do it. I'm big enough. Really.”

Mother smiles. “You really are growing up!”

She finally did go to see Grandmother, on a bicycle she borrowed from her aunt, and with my youngest brother riding behind.

Monday, October 2
A fine day

This morning the men are repairing the road with their tractors. They don't know where to get earth to shore it up, and the road sinks lower and lower.

A lot of people are watching from a safe distance and laughing. I don't know why they're laughing.

My cousin hears them and explains. “They're making fun. They're saying that when this road is finally finished, you'll definitely be living in Taiwan.”

When she hears this, Mother is furious. She asks the workers to remove the earth from in front of our door in order to create a wide access road for us.

“Clear this earth away so that we can live!” she protests.

Once the earth has been used to shore up the track, some people start to mock again: “This is a really good road. What dreams Ma Dongji must have had.”
*

Really, people come up with the most ridiculous things these days!

Tuesday, October 3
A fine day

Very early this morning Mother wakes my brother Ma Yichao so that he can help her get the donkey ready for work. Mother walks in front, while my brother drives the donkey from behind. I can see all the wrinkles on my mother's face.

She's aging, and all because she wants to fill our stomachs and secure our future.

Wednesday, October 4
A fine day

We're still home on vacation, and I'm in the process of doing my homework. Ma Shiping comes over to play. We play hide-and-seek with my brothers. I tell Ma Shiping that if she can find me, I'll explain one of the math problems to her. She replies that she knows all her math by heart and goes off.

I think to myself that, deep down, the only person I can count on is me.

Thursday, October 5
A fine day

This morning Mother wants to winnow the rice in order to remove the husks. When she opens up the rice bags, she finds mice in them. She flies off the handle and yells at us.

I was supposed to make sure the door to the storeroom was always closed and I forgot. The mice got in. And that's why Mother is so angry.

Friday, October 6
A fine day

This afternoon my mother, Ma Shiping, and my cousins were discussing things at home. After that, Ma Shiping, who is not much older than I am, asked me to turn on the tape recorder so that we could dance. I danced with one of my little cousins. At first no one else danced. But by the end everyone was
twirling and their faces grew red with excitement. This was my happiest day.

Saturday, October 7
A gray day

This afternoon, after doing my other work, I started to do my homework. I heard my little brother Ma Yichao crying. He's stretched out on the bed. I ask him why he's crying. He says he didn't manage to do the exercises in his workbook. He still has to fill in the blank spaces. I help him do it.

After a little while, I tell him I need to do my own work now, and he must finish his on his own. If I don't finish it today, the teacher will reprimand me and hit me.

Mother walks by. “You're really very silly.” She launches an attack on me.

I'm astonished. Why has she told me off like that? Have I said something really stupid? I feel terribly sad. Nothing is too much effort where her son is concerned, but I have to make do the best I can.

I feel so alone. There's no one to talk to.

Sunday, October 8
Rain

Today I came back to the dormitory with a few other students. I put down what I was carrying. Then I asked Ma Shiping to lend me her exercise book and explain a question to me. She pretended
that she didn't understand it either.

I tried to look at her exercise book, but she pulled it away and swore at me.

Once again I have the feeling that everyone resents me, whereas I don't feel resentful of anybody. Perhaps I'm not seeing things very clearly.

I never lie. I'm not like Ma Shiping, who always tells lies, especially when she's done wrong. I shall have to work even harder so that I never have to ask anyone's help in understanding a question.

Monday, October 9
A gray day

This afternoon we had a Chinese test. The teacher said to us, “Work quickly and it will soon be over.” My pulse raced. There was a question I didn't know how to answer.

I still haven't solved the problem.

Monday, October 23
Light rain

This morning after classes I went to the market in Yuwang with two friends. We saw a lot of people there who are very different from us. One doesn't have a leg; another is missing a foot. There's even a blind man.

I used to think I'd never survive in this school. And today I meet a blind man. A blind man manages to live, so why shouldn't I?

I have to get better and better and get ahead of everyone at school.