The Diary of Olga Romanov (9 page)

I just saw an officer from my regiment. He was wounded and had a contusion and in a few days is already returning to
the regiment. Now we are going to ride with Mama and Anya in 2 different equipages. Tatiana has a Russian lesson. Marie and Nastasia are tormenting Petr Vasilyevich
³⁶
all the way. This morning we had surgery for that contused officer whom you saw in Tiflis, and he asked for a transfer here. Remember him? But his head doesn't shake anymore, although his left arm and leg are not functional. So, it's 6 o'clock here. We had a good ride during the day, rode around all the
Pavlovsk
streets, completely unfamiliar. There are so may cozy houses. Just got a letter from Uncle Sandro. He writes that he saw you, and I am envious of him. The mood of everyone there is very good, and in general apparently he is satisfied with everything. Papa, darling. I will end now—silly letter.
May the Lord help and keep you.
I kiss you affectionately and warmly.
Your loyal Elisavetgradetz.
I finally saw dear Alexander Konstantinovich at Anya's last night.

5 September.

Papa my darling!

The weather turned horrible. Pouring for the third day in row, and rather cold. Marie, Anastasia and I are sitting at home. Just went to the Grand palace. There were a lot of new wounded and contused patients…Before that we went to Lianozovoy's infirmary. An officer from
Leib-guards
of the Petrograd regiment is a patient there. And another, poor thing, very contused, who used to be our patient, had hysterics last night, and he poor thing cried a lot and for long time and stuttered. And before that we stopped by the infirmary
which doesn't exist anymore, and it came off rather lame. We often used to pass by it and never got around to going in and today got around to it and there was nothing there instead of the infirmary, except a girl who was cleaning the room. Mama and Tatiana are in the city. Yesterday there was a very successful concert at Marie's and Anastasia's infirmary…The soldiers were so happy and clapped enthusiastically. Aleksei continues to run into Irina Tolstaya daily. Kostya
³⁷
killed a young elk yesterday and is planning on giving me the head, after stuffing it. I am not too happy about this. First of all, why kill such a young one, without antlers? Then, what I am going to do with it? Well, Papa my jewel, I wish you all the best. I kiss you affectionately. May the Lord be with you. Your Elisavetgradetz.

—

Saturday. 12th September.

Looked at a [photo] album with Mitya
³⁸
and others. Stopped by [to see] everyone and [sat] on the balcony with Mitya for a minute. Ate with Mama. During the day [went] with Maria and Anastasia to their infirmary, later we 4 took a walk. Raining and damp…Aleksei had a mud [bath]. Papa telegraphed. Spoke with Mitya….

—

Letter from Grand Duchess Olga Alexandrovna to her niece
:

15 September, Kiev 1915.

My very own darling Olga, writing to you while sitting on a wide window sill on the 3rd floor of our gymnasium—Hospital. It's so hot that it's wonderful, but unfortunately there is little time to enjoy this, either dressings from 9
o'cl.–3 o'cl., and after dinner before tea surgeries—and in the evening one is already tired and it's pleasant to just go to one's room and stretch one's legs and read until supper. I was in the sanitarium for the mentally disturbed officers—this is in the Sosnov woods—“Svyatoshino” and very quiet, cozy and nice there. But am awfully sad and feel such pity for these wretched young people—ruined and suffering for the rest of their lives. I myself started to sleep badly and don't feel well sometimes, don't know why. The sisters
³⁹
tormented me—one of them was rude and did not want to listen…

—

Friday. 2nd October.

…For a long time sat on a window sill with darling Mitya, later in a chair, he on a table, I knitted. He has [temp of] 37.1, fine in the evening, [wearing] a thick robe. Ate with Mama. Papa telegraphed. Saw the 21st corps. Rode with Mama. Cold. Went to the grave yard. In the evening talked with Mitya…Mama was tired, since we were at the Grand Palace for prayer services and went around to [see] everyone.

—

From the memoirs of V. I. Chebotareva:

24 October.

These days the Empress comes over, so charming and affectionate and tender, [she] spoke with me so affectionately and graciously. Turns out that she eats neither meat nor fish out of principle: “About ten-eleven years ago [I] was in Sarov and decided not to eat any more animal flesh, and then the doctors found that this is necessary for my health.” [She] sat for a long time in the dining room with her work. One of the
grand duchesses was playing ping-pong, the other checkers, some read, some chattered, all so uncomplicated and cozy. The Empress said to Varvara Afanasievna: “Look at how much fun the little ones are having, how this simple life lets us relax…the large gatherings, higher society—brrrr! I return to my own [place] completely broken down. I have to force myself to speak, to see people who I know well are against me, are working against me…The court, their intrigues, all this cruelty, how torturous and tiresome it all is. Recently I was finally relieved from some of this, and even that was only when there was proof. When I distance myself from this society, and arrange my life the way I like it, then they say: “she is a haughty person,” they criticize those whom I love, but in order to be able to judge they need to know all the details. Often I know what kind of person is in front of me; it's enough for me to glance at him once to understand whether he can be trusted or not.”

Poor, wretched woman…This is how I always saw her—herself pure and good, wholesome and simple…she cannot believe in Grigori's
⁴⁰
filth. The result—enemies in the upper echelon and distrust from the lower.

…Today Tatiana Nikolaevna initially came alone: “I come here as to my second home,” and indeed she was so charming and cozy. Ran with me into the kitchen, where we were preparing the dressings. The Empress laughed and said that Tatiana is like a nice pet dog, got so used to it. Poor Olga Nikolaevna is really sick—developed severe anemia, they put her to bed for a week, but with permission to come to the infirmary for a half hour for the arsenic injections.
⁴¹

—

Letters from Olga to Nicholas II:

29 October.

Papa my darling!

It was probably really interesting in
Revel
. All is the same with us. The weather is very pleasant, 4 degrees of warmth. We sledded with Trina,
⁴²
and now sit with Mama. Anya and Alya and the eldest girl, whom we squeezed a little, were there. Marie and Nastasia went to their infirmary and when they returned they will have a massive amount to say as usual. Tonight I will have the joy to sit on a committee, although a small one, but long. Such fun. At the infirmary they injected me with arsenic, after which I intensely taught the patients to play
kosti
[a game], like you, but they of course do not understand anything and are playing their own way with no rhyme or reason or scores. This letter is rather uninteresting, and I apologize for that. Now it's time to go have tea.
I kiss you affectionately, my Papa. Also Aleksei.
May the Lord keep you.
Your loyal Elisavetgradetz.
Regards to Nikolai Pavlovich and others.

7 November.

My dear darling Papa!

We just had breakfast with Mama, and she is already receiving Vilchakovsky. Tatiana is having a lesson. Marie and Nastasia went to their infirmary, and at 3 o'clock we will go riding with Nastenka.
⁴³
Although there is a lot of snow we are still riding in a carriage. I went to the infirmary twice already and did not do anything but sit with them. But they are still
making me lie down again, and Evgeni Sergeyevich
⁴⁴
injects me with arsenic daily, from which I stink like garlic a little, which is even less pleasant. I can't report anything more interesting, I received my milk brother
⁴⁵
yesterday, who volunteered for my regiment. He is nice enough, but does not have a lot of bearing yet, and we embarrassed each other a little.

We often run into strolling Countess Paley in Pavlovsk, in her own pleasant company. The two little princes less often. So Papa, darling, I am ending now. Today saw Count Gelovani who returned from Evpatoria. He looks good, gained weight.
I kiss you and Aleksei affectionately.
May God keep you. Your
Elisavetgradetz.

—

From the memoirs of V. I. Chebotareva:

4 December.

And how can we know what kind of drama Olga Nikolaevna lived through. Why is she melting, losing weight, looking pale: in love with Shakh-Bagov? A little but not seriously. The general atmosphere that lords over [us] nowadays does not inspire peace. As soon as dressings end, Tatiana Nikolaevna goes to do the injection, then sits down with K. The latter is constantly restless, first sits by the piano, playing something with one finger, chats a lot and fervently with the charming child. Varvara Afanasiyvna is appalled, what if Naryshkina walks in on this scene, Madame Zizi, she would die. Shakh-Bagov has fever, is in bed. Olga Nikolaevna sits by his bed constantly. The other couple also moved there, yesterday
[they] sat by the bed and looked at a photo album. K. is being so coy. Tatiana Nikolaevna's small dear child's face cannot hide a thing, [it looks] pink, excited. Isn't this closeness, the physical contact harmful[?]. I feel scared. The others are jealous, angry, and I imagine they spread all sorts of [rumors] throughout the city and later beyond. Vera Ignatievna is sending K. to Evpatoria—thank God. Away from sin. Vera Ignatievna told me that Shakh-Bagov, while intoxicated, displayed Olga Nikolaevna's letters. That's all we need! Those poor children!

—

From the memoirs of I. Belyaev:

The grand duchess Olga Nikolaevna had her very own “protégé”: the sick young ensign from Yerevan—Shakh-Bagov, very sweet and shy like a girl. It was obvious that he was utterly in love with his nurse. His cheeks burned with a bright flame whenever he looked at Olga Nikolaevna.

—

From the memoirs of V. I. Chebotareva:

7 December.

Yesterday at 6 in the evening the grand duchesses called Varvara Afanasievna, and were so affectionate and pleasant [to her] as usual. Meanwhile, Tatiana Nikolaevna asked “What time do you think mother went to bed? 8 in the morning!—Evidently she spent the entire night by Aleksei Nikolaevich's bed.—After a half hour she got up and went to church.”

The grand duchesses changed in front of Varvara Afanasievna, and chose their jewels. Olga said: “Only such a shame that no one can have the pleasure of seeing me, only Papa!” complete absence of brashness. One, two—[her] hairdo
is ready (no hairdo), [she] did not even glance in the mirror…. Anastasia was not allowed to go to dinner, had to go to bed early, which was why she had dinner alone with the nanny in her giant lonely “upstairs.” Before Varvara Afanasievna visited them—Olga was—sick,—Nyuta brought a gramophone disk “Goodbye Lou-Lou.”…So sad, these poor children live in a golden cage.

—

Letter from Olga to Nicholas II:

12 December.

Tsarskoe Selo.

My dear darling Papa!

It was so cozy to sleep on the train for 2 nights, and especially this one, right here at the station, and not at home, I was able to fall asleep before the stop. From Chudov to Novgorod, where we are changing the route to a new one. And the train is moving very quietly the whole time. The weather was not very cold, it snowed sometimes, but foggy. The town is small and because of that is quaint…Stood for a 2 hour
obednya
in Sofyisky cathedral, eparchiral of course and went around to look at various relics with open dried up hands and kissed them! How elegantly I have described this. The bishop Arseniy gave a long sermon as a greeting. Bishop Aleksei assisted him with the service. He imagined himself to be handsome and made appropriate grimaces, benevolently-buttery. From there he dragged us to the bishop's house, dragged us through all the chambers and halls. At one point Mama sat down in a chair for a 1/2 a minute and then was dragged again. At the end of the building they had an infirmary. Went around it very quickly and descended down into antiquities depository.

Many lovely old icons, 2 male nurses who picked Mama up on a ramp will eventually get watches as a reward.

Ioannchik, Andrusha
⁴⁶
and the governor had breakfast with us. They rode with us everywhere. Islavin was great, did not allow [anyone] to delay us anywhere, gathered the wounded from the many small infirmaries into a large one, etc. At 2 o'clock [we] went again: at first to some small city infirmary, to the Desyatensky nunnery. There was something like a
molebna
and [saw] a St. Varvara
⁴⁷
relic. The nuns crowded around as usual. Igumenia dragged Mama into her cell for 1 1/2 minutes they also hauled in the bishops. They also went with us everywhere. We walked from there through a courtyard to the
staritza
⁴⁸
Maria's cell. It was very narrow and dark and only one small candle was lit, which was extinguished immediately, then they lit something like a kerosene lamp without a lampshade, and the nun shed a tear and held it. The
staritza
was lying on a wooden cot behind some sort of mended curtain full of holes. She was wearing large iron chains. Her arms, so thin and dark, [are] almost relics. She looks 107 years old. Her hair [is] very very sparse, in disarray and her entire face [is] covered in wrinkles. Her eyes are light and clear. She gave each of us an icon and a blessing. She said something to Mama, that everything will end soon and things will be better. She said that Mama did the right thing by coming….