The Do Over (25 page)

My heart broke for him.

"But she didn't. It was her time, and it's tragic. Everyone has their time. I learned that with my dad, and I was reminded of it with her. My life didn't end, even though at that time, I wished it had. It was a really dark time for me. I didn't really know how I was going to survive it, but I did. At first, I just existed. Then, I started to live again." He rubbed his hands over his face and neck.

"Natalie will always be a part of my life. She influenced the man that I've become. This is where it gets tricky." He held my hands and looked at me carefully. "See, I wish there would've been another way where there wouldn't have been loss and pain. But, and this is very important that you hear me, I know that my life is exactly the way it's supposed to be, and that's right here with you." He kissed my forehead and held me tight.

"I'm really sorry for your loss. I really am. It must be wonderful to have that type of love. I've had bits and pieces but nothing so epic, and nothing ever like this character in my book. I think I'd settle for ten percent of that," I said sincerely, nestling my head in his chest.

He pushed me back a little. "Wait. What?"

I looked away.

Tilting my face back toward him, he said, "Maybe, I need to make something crystal clear to you. I don't know what you mean about epic love and how you measure that. Natalie was a part of my past, and I will cherish that time. But this here," he said, holding my hand over his heart, "this is yours. I love that you read your books, but the truth is that I'll never be able to compete with your book boyfriends. I'll never be that professor character. Even as much as I'll continue to serenade you, I won't ever become one of those rock-star book guys. I'm just me, but I'm yours. All of me is yours. My heart, everything, all of it is yours. I love you, Daniela Ruiz."

As tears rolled down my face, he wiped them away with his thumbs. I leaned in and kissed him, cupping his face in my hands.

I looked up at him. "Liam," I said softly, "I love you, too. It scares me to death, but it's the God's honest truth. I love you."

The night was young with the full moon reflecting off the ocean. Liam led me inside.

As he opened the door to the bedroom, He caressed my face and trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck. "Tonight, I'm going to finish what I started earlier. Now, tell me you love me again."

"I love you, Liam." I kissed him.

And I did.
I love him.
I really did, but I felt apprehensive given my track record. As unreasonable as it was, I didn't really like the idea of him having loved someone before. But he was right. This was exactly where I was supposed to be right now in my life. I was supposed to be with him, and nothing was going to change that.

"I love you. With everything that I am, I love you," he said.

"I love the way that sounds," I said, biting my lower lip.

"Now, I'm going to show you how that feels."

He was right. He wasn't a book boyfriend. He was so much more.

We savored every last minute we had on our mini vacation together. The sun had already set as we drove back on the narrow stretch of A1A to the mainland. The moon was shining against the backdrop of a black cloudless sky interspersed with the twinkles of the bright city lights off in the distance. Music was playing softly in the background. I wondered if he would serenade me again. He glanced over at me, smiled, and put his hand on my thigh. I pulled out my phone. I wanted to check in with my friends and let them know we were on our way back.

Dani: On our way back. Had a great weekend.

Macy: Tell me that your condition was remedied.

Dani: Is that all you think about? Where's Candace? Why isn't she chiming in?

Macy: Pretty much. Check your messages. She had to go out of town.

I checked my old messages, and sure enough, Candace had gone up to Jacksonville. Still, I was surprised that she hadn't responded. It wasn't like she was in Afghanistan. This was very unlike her.

Dani: The weather was great. We went snorkeling and laid out in the sun.

Macy: Sounds boring to me unless your condition was remedied.

Dani: Maybe.

Macy: Now we're talking.

Dani: Shut up!

Macy: That good, huh?

Dani: Deep, hard, and steady.

Dani put her phone away in her purse and laid her hand over mine. Turning my hand, I laced my fingers with hers.

I'd finally told her about Natalie.
Who would've thought that one of her books would be an opener?
To say that what had happened to Natalie fucked me up was an understatement. It had taken me a long time to get to a place where I was at peace with what had happened to her. It had taken me even longer to move on. At first, I'd felt guilty.
Why her and not me?
And how could I even think of being with anyone else?
Knowing that Nat would've kicked my ass, or foolishly tried, for wallowing in my own misery had helped the healing.
How could I explain to Dani that I thought Natalie would be rooting for us?
She would want me to be happy, and Dani made me happy, happier than I'd ever been. I couldn't lay all of that on her. I didn't want her to think that she had to compete with a ghost. I'd told her what she needed to know. I loved her. I never thought I would fucking love anyone again, but I did.

We were both lost in thought.

I looked over. "What are you thinking about?"

"I love you," she said with a smile. "I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what's wrong with you."

"Why would there be something wrong with me? And, for the record, I love you, too."

Dani was always trying to find the fault or a problem that didn't exist. I knew she'd dated assholes, and the last one was a total loser. I was really trying to be patient and understanding. Sometimes, it was damned near impossible. I'd tried reassuring her before.

Now there had to be something wrong with me.
This should be interesting.

"The thing is…well, you know that I've had a horrible track record with men, but I haven't really talked to you about what happened with my ex.
Maybe
that'll shed some light on why I love loving you and why it terrifies me as well."

I brought her hand to my lips and gave her a soft kiss. I just wanted her to know that I was in this for the long haul. Frustrated or not, I loved her.

"I dated him for a year. We lived together for half that time. I thought he was
the one
."

I already didn't like this guy. The idea of her living with someone else bothered the shit out of me.

"Anyhow, things seemed to be really great between us. He had just gotten a promotion, and I had just finished my master's degree. I was very close with his family. We were planning a vacation. This was our life."

I listened, trying to keep an open mind. I was fucking jealous of an asshole that broke her heart. This was unreal.

She said, "Life was good. I thought we were in love, but I was wrong. See, after a year of being together, he told me I was perfect on paper, but it just wasn't happening for him."

Who the hell said that shit? Especially to the girl he was living with?
This guy was a piece of work.

Her story continued. "It actually gets better."

I found that hard to believe.

"My ex doesn't do
alone
. He had my replacement lined up. The night before we broke up, he flaunted her in front of me while we were out celebrating his promotion."

My blood was boiling. He was a motherfucking asshole. My grip tightened on the steering wheel. I looked over at her as she stared out the window. I was seething. She'd trusted that douche, and he'd broken her heart.

"So there you have it. Yeah, I know my insecurities can be annoying." She glanced over at me, raising an eyebrow.

Shit, I wasn't as discreet as I thought I was.

"There's just this part of me that's waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that it's not fair to you. I just wanted you to understand where my craziness comes from."

I was still trying to gain my composure. I shook my head and let out a heavy sigh. "Baby, I'm so sorry that happened to you. If I ever see him, I'll rip off his head."

"Get in line. Macy and Candace want to cut off his dick."

"I'm at the front of the line. He broke my girl's heart. Now, you have my word, I'll never let anyone do anything like that to you again."

"I love how you go caveman, but I wasn't your girl then."

"It doesn't matter. Anyone who hurts you, past or present, deals with me."

"But, what if
I
do something stupid? I don't know. I've wondered sometimes if maybe I'm the one that does something to set these things in motion. What's your breaking point?"

"I'm a guy. I don't think about those things. Your ex was an
asshole.
I'm not an asshole. What he did to you was wrong. I might sing like a cat in heat, which I disagree—"

She interrupted, "I'm never going to live that one down, am I?"

"Nope. I'm holding a grudge." I winked.

"Fine, I'll admit it. You don't sing like a cat in heat. At least, not completely. Okay, maybe a little. But it was the sweetest thing in the world. I love you to the moon and back. And I know you're
not
an asshole."

"I don't sing like a cat in heat
at all
. Back to what I was saying, so I have a dangerous job that's stressful and demanding on me and those I love. I have no intentions of stringing you along or playing with your heart. When I tell you that I love you, it's because I do." I kissed her hand.

"I know, but you didn't tell me what your breaking point is."

This was important to her. Honestly, I didn't sit around thinking about what I hated or what would be the thing that would break me, hoping she never did it. My mind did not go there. When I thought about her, I wanted to be buried inside of her, touching her, and watching her come. When I wasn't thinking about that, I was thinking about seeing her, touching her, and being inside of her. It was pretty simple. I thought about tucking her hair behind her ears and feeling her head lean into my touch. I thought about the way she smiled, feeling like the luckiest son of a bitch because that was my smile. She was always on my mind. The most predominant thoughts were about her smiling and when I could touch her. Now, I couldn't stop thinking about being inside of her.

"I don't think in terms of what you could do that I couldn't take. My thoughts are good thoughts." I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows. "But I know myself. I won't share you. Plain and simple. Don't lie or cheat. If you're looking for deal breakers, there they are. I can always work with the truth. I trust you. So, I'm not thinking about this. I'd rather focus on the things I love about you. I shouldn't tell you this, but my weakness is your smile."

Her face lit up. She had me wrapped around her little finger.

"You make everything sound so simple. All I have to do is smile, tell the truth, and not cheat. That's it? Well, for the sake of open communication, I'm going to ask one thing. If you ever want out, be honest with me, but be gentle."

"We don't have to be so complicated. I have no intentions of cutting you loose. What I want to do is pull you in closer. Just let me love you."

"You want to pull me in closer, do you?" She smiled as she leaned against the car door. She started playing with a strand of hair, twirling it between her fingers.

"I love you. I love falling asleep with you. I love waking up next to you. I love the way your eyes light up when you're reading your books. I love the way you bite your lower lip when you're texting your friends about me. I could go on. The list is long."

And it was. Chris was right. She owned me. I was whipped, and I didn't give a shit. I couldn't get enough of her.

"And how do you know I'm texting my friends about you?" She feigned indignation.

"Pfft, you're kidding, right? I'd have a serious problem if you looked like that and you were texting about anyone or anything other than me." There was no way in hell that she was going to get that gleam in her eye and that look like she was about to combust from talking about anything else.