The Doctor's Baby Secret (14 page)

He wanted her to push open her front door and invite him in. He wanted to lie in bed next to her, feel the warmth of her skin next to his and discuss what should happen next. Did they even have any kind of future together?

He just didn't know. He wasn't sure she felt the same way he did. And maybe he was reading too much into this. He'd never met a woman who had got under his skin as Corrine did. Maybe this would pass and he just hadn't realised it.

She backed up towards the door. ‘You have to make your own decision about what you want. We've had fun. But I don't want to be the reason that you don't go into space. I don't want to be the reason you change your mind about something you've set your heart on. You can't put that on me, Austin. It's not fair.'

What she was saying was reasonable. It was rational. But that didn't explain the way that it hurt. A tiny part of his head wanted her to wrap her arms around him and tell him she didn't care what job he did.

Where had that come from?

Together? For ever? A future together? When had his brain started to think like that? Maybe he was crazier than he'd previously thought.

It wasn't that she was putting some distance between them. She was practically building a wall.

‘I have to go.' Before he could even blink she rushed up the steps and into the house.

Gone. Just like that.

He shook his head and pushed his helmet back on, swinging his leg over the bike. He'd no intention of going back to base right now. His fellow candidates would be in the bar and expect him to join them.

He wasn't ready for that. Not yet.

Instead, the wide open roads of Texas were beckoning. He could ride flat out for miles around here. Plenty of open spaces. Plenty of thinking time.

And that was exactly what he would do.

* * *

She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding in her chest, waiting for the sound of the gunning engine to fade into the distance.

After a few seconds she finally heard it. Her legs started to give way and she slid down the wall, the remnants of her dinner spilling onto the floor.

She couldn't tell him. Not like this. Not now.

One minute she'd thought she'd be a single parent because Austin wasn't ready for all this. The next, he was telling her he was considering putting his dreams on hold and might be having second thoughts.
Because of her.

She felt sick. If she told him about the baby now, it might force his hand one way or the other. She didn't want that. She didn't want that for herself or for their baby.

If Austin wanted to be with her, then it should be because of her, not because of a baby they'd created together. Relationships like that never worked. And she didn't intend to destroy herself learning that lesson. She didn't want to put her kid through that either.

Rationally, she knew that Austin was a good guy. As soon as she told him about the pregnancy she didn't doubt he would stand by her. But what would that mean?

If his heart was set on space, she didn't want to be what kept his feet planted on the earth.

More than that, if he was having doubts, she didn't want to be a factor at all. She didn't want him to turn around in twenty years' time and tell her she'd ruined his career.

The trouble was, in all this, she hadn't made room for her heart.

She was trying to think of him. To step back and let him make his own decisions—even though he was doing it without all the facts.

But when that broad frame had walked back into her office the other day she'd felt that familiar ache. The one that would be there whether she was pregnant or not.

This was a guy she'd connected with. This was the guy who could make her burst with happiness one second and have her spitting feathers the next.

He was hot. But he was so much more than hot. She felt safe around him. She felt special. She loved the little twinkle in his bright blue eyes that he seemed to save just for her.

The connection felt real. The connection felt so real. And it was the one she'd been waiting for. The one that other people in love told her would happen one day.

And now it had. In a set of circumstances she couldn't have imagined.

Why couldn't her special guy be someone ordinary, someone normal? Not some hotshot pilot who constantly tried to conquer the world. Not some guy with career ambitions that could leave you breathless.

She banged her head back against the wall. But that was all part of Austin. All part of the guy who had stolen her heart. The guy she'd fallen in love with.

A tear slid down her cheek again. Was this what falling in love was like? Was this what she'd waited her whole life to feel? Because right now it wasn't birds singing and unicorns dashing across the sky through multi-coloured rainbows. Right now it felt like a whole host of tangled thoughts and emotions.

Nothing about it was simple.

But everything about it was Austin.

She had to tell him. Of course she had to tell him. But today hadn't been the time or the place. Next week she had her OB/GYN appointment. Maybe things would be a little clearer in her mind by then. Because right now her brain resembled a slurry, muddy watering hole.

One that she had to find a way out of.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

T
HE
ALARMS
SOUNDED
in his helmet and the orange light flashed in front of him.

‘Darn it!' He threw down the pistol-grip tool. Except, he couldn't really throw it down. Not when he was in six million gallons of water.

It drifted off in front of him. The voice came through his helmet. ‘Well done, Bates. That's the third time you've screwed up that manoeuvre. So, the space station now has no power in that section and you've just added to the space-junk problem.'

Six hours in the neutral buoyancy lab in Houston. The only way to mimic space's unique zero-gravity environment was to build a replica of part of the space station and put it forty feet underwater. This was where they did their extravehicular activities, or spacewalks. All vital training for going to the space station. He'd completed eight successful spacewalks before now. But today?

‘Bring him up, guys.'

Failure. He'd have a failure against his name.

Six hours was the maximum time for anyone in the neutral buoyancy lab. It was time to finish.

He hadn't been thinking about Corrine. He hadn't. He wouldn't allow himself to.

But frustration had been building steadily within him since the day of the astronaut selection four weeks ago. That was the day he should have back-flipped down the corridor.

Instead, the weight that had pressed down on his shoulders had grown steadily. He'd love to pretend it wasn't there. He'd love to pretend it wasn't affecting him. But only a fool would do that.

The crane raised him out of the pool and two of the technical assistants removed his helmet and suit.

‘What's going on with you, Bates?'

Austin's head shot up. Adam, the chief instructor, was standing over him. He liked the guy. A real-life astronaut with a world of experience. He'd let him down today.

‘What do you mean?'

Adam folded his arms. ‘Since the announcement you haven't been yourself. You've put your head down and studied like your life depends on it.'

‘Doesn't it?'

Adam brushed off the wry remark. ‘You're not yourself. You've lost your bravado. You've lost your cheek. Want to tell me what's going on?'

For a second he felt bad. He respected this guy and wanted to be honest with him. But, in a way, Adam reminded him of his father—the only difference was this guy had actually lived the dream. How could he tell him that he was having doubts? He was more than having doubts? There was no way this guy could relate to that.

He was questioning his decision to be here more and more. Was this really his dream or was it something else? Was he doing this for his father's approval?

He'd never really considered this before. His path had seemed fixed. The navy, a pilot, a Top Gun instructor, and then an astronaut. For the most part he'd been happy. But his other love, his lab work, had barely been acknowledged by his father.

Work had been everything before. But it didn't seem like everything now.

But was he really ready to say that out loud?

He gave Adam a half-smile. ‘Maybe I'm just taking this all too seriously. Maybe I'm just turning into the model astronaut candidate.'

Adam gave a snort as he walked away. ‘That'll be the day.' He paused at the doorway and glanced over his shoulder again. ‘My door's always open,' he said before he disappeared down the corridor.

Austin winced. If Adam had noticed a difference in him, then others would have too. This wasn't fair on anyone.

He needed to make up his mind—and fast.

* * *

Four weeks. Four weeks of nothingness.

Of walking in a daze, answering emails, doing routine tests and trying to remember to eat. She was supposed to be gaining weight, not losing.

She still hadn't told him. She still couldn't tell him. But the guilt was eating away at her, along with a whole host of other things.

Avoidance was easy. She wasn't in charge of his medical care any more. Any sighting was only brief. But that was all it took to make her heart contract in her chest.

One glance. One whiff of his aftershave. The sound of his voice carrying down the corridor. All did stupid things to her. She'd decided she must be allergic. Because any one of those three things could make her eyes water.

And she hated feeling like that. She hated being vulnerable.

The grainy little image appeared on the screen before her. ‘There we are,' said the sonographer brightly. ‘Here are the arms, the thigh bones, the skull, the spine and this little flicker is the beating heart. Everything looks just fine.'

Corrine let out the breath she'd been holding. Now it was real. She could see a tiny heartbeat. Up until that point it hadn't been quite real. She found her voice, anything to distract herself from the fact she desperately needed to go to the toilet. ‘How many weeks am I?'

The sonographer nodded her head. ‘Give me a few minutes until I take some measurements.' She concentrated on the screen for a few seconds, carefully measuring near the base of the baby's skull, then measuring the femur and total length. After a very long few minutes she said, ‘All done. It looks as if you're around eleven weeks.' She smiled at Corrine. ‘Does this tie in with your dates?'

Corrine nodded. The first time she'd been with Austin. The date was practically imprinted on her brain.

The sonographer continued. ‘I've taken the measurement for the nuchal scan. That, along with your blood test and age, will let us know if your OB/GYN needs to discuss anything with you regarding any other tests.'

Corrine took a deep breath, watching the little picture on the screen. She was having a baby. Now she had a date to put in the calendar. A date she had to be organised for.

And she knew exactly what test the sonographer was talking about. She was talking about the test to see if her baby was at higher risk of Down's syndrome. She hadn't even given any of the really important stuff much thought. It was time to get a hold of herself.

The sonographer pressed a little button to print out a picture. ‘It's much too early to tell you the sex. But we need to arrange for further sonograms. We'll do another one around sixteen weeks and a detailed one at twenty weeks. Either one of those could give you the sex if you'd like to find out.' She started wiping the gel from Corrine's stomach. ‘I'll let you dash to the toilet now.'

Corrine pressed her lips together and dashed to the bathroom. Instant relief. Thank goodness. But a different sensation swept over her body like a cool breeze. This was real. She put her hand on her stomach. There was no sign. No sign at all. No swelling. No flutterings—it was much too early for those. And although her breasts ached a little she'd had no other signs. No nausea. No vomiting—just a tiny bit of light-headedness if she stood up too quickly or spun around. That was it.

Until she'd actually seen the little heartbeat she'd wondered if it was actually true. Lots of women skipped periods or had light ones—particularly when they used the brand of pill that she did. But now it was time to sit down and take control. The pre-natal vitamins and folic acid she'd started taking would become a regular part of her life. There would be absolutely no alcohol and she would need to avoid a few of her favourite foods.

She leaned her head against the wall of the cubicle.

Confirmation. Absolute confirmation.

Now it was time to tell Austin.

And she was dreading it.

For about ten seconds she'd considered getting a transfer and going somewhere else to have this baby without ever telling him.

But that was ridiculous. It didn't matter how she felt about all this. It didn't matter that the timing sucked. It even didn't matter what his reaction might be.

She'd hate herself if he left the astronaut candidate programme. And he would probably hate her too. Just as long as he didn't hate their kid.

For another ten seconds she'd worried that history could repeat itself. What if their child contracted something infectious and gave it to Austin—ruining his chance of a space mission?

But one quick check of his notes had revealed he was vaccinated against everything possible. Just the way it should be for astronauts. Times had changed.

But what wouldn't change was this baby. It was already here, currently a work in progress.

And it was time to tell him. Whether he liked it or not.

She sucked in some air and blew it back out.

She put her hand on her stomach and smiled. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be happy she was pregnant and happy that this baby was here.

Did it matter that everything else was a complete and utter mess?

She put her head in her hands.

The hardest part for her came next. What did she want? What did she want for herself and for her child?

Wow. That was so scary. She stood up and came back into the room, nodding to the sonographer and picking up her bag and little picture.

As she walked outside the sun was shining and the temperature was peaking. A bench under a tree beckoned. It had probably been put there especially for the women who'd just been scanned to sit and contemplate life.

And that life had just changed completely. Although the truth was it had changed nine weeks ago.

She'd spent so long only considering herself. She'd spent so long never letting anyone in. How had Austin Mitchell managed to wiggle his way in there?

Stealth. A cheeky grin. Persistence. And a whole lot of
va-voom
.

Too bad he didn't actually want to be there.

She was scared of what came next. Scared of everything actually. She kind of wanted to just wrap herself in a bubble and stay there for the next seven months. Or stay there for ever.

It was pathetic really. A woman with all this training, all this experience, floundering over her own life.

A warm breeze made her hair flutter around her.

She was lonely.

She'd been lonely for a long time.

She'd isolated herself from others. Yes, she had friends. But she'd never really let anyone get as close as Austin.

What she'd had with him felt special. And she hadn't even told him. Probably because she had so much trouble admitting it to herself.

They were too similar. Work had become everything. Four weeks ago he'd walked away from her—walked away from them.

And now she could recognise why. Because he was feeling as much as she was.

He'd even spelled that out. He was braver than her.

But where did that leave her? Did she want single parenthood or did she want to fight for something more?

She wasn't sure that she wanted to be one of those women. One of those women—or men—who had to spend three to six months staring at the stars and wondering if the person holding her heart was safe. They were heroes right alongside their partners. And it was terrifying. Exposing yourself to emotional risk. She had to understand where she was with all that before she went any further. And she had to do it soon.

Because space baby was on its way.

* * *

Austin pulled up outside the yellow clapboard house.

For the first time in a long time he was nervous. He'd made a monumental decision. Now, he just had to tell Corrine. Now, he just had to see how she would react.

He'd been away again. Corrine had left him a voicemail saying they needed to talk. Four weeks in deserts, jungles and in ice. And in that time, everything had become crystal clear for him.

He'd messaged her earlier asking her to come for dinner with him. They hadn't seen each other since he'd worn his heart on his sleeve a month ago. It made him feel horribly exposed. A situation he definitely wasn't used to.

She hadn't said anything he wanted to hear. She hadn't told him how she felt about him. But he could hardly blame her. He'd broken up with her. Of course she wouldn't.

He stared at the door for a few seconds wondering how she would be tonight. But he didn't even have time to turn off the engine and walk to her door. Corrine opened her door and stepped outside. She was ready. She'd been waiting. Surely that was a good sign? But she looked a little nervous.

He sighed. She was wearing a simple black dress. Her blonde hair was tousled. She'd never looked more perfect.

But she wasn't smiling. She seemed tense, her shoulders rigid and her jaw a little clenched. He glanced at the single yellow rose sitting on the passenger seat of the car. The gesture he'd thought might be romantic now seemed contrived and ill conceived. He tossed it into the back seat as Corrine walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. ‘Hi,' she said quietly. It was all he could do not to fixate on her bare, tanned legs filling the footwell.

‘Hi,' he replied. ‘How are you?'

Her hesitation was fleeting but he still noticed. ‘Fine. I've been busy.' She waited until he'd started down the long dirt track. ‘Where are we going for dinner?'

‘Somewhere a little different. I think you'll like it.' He
hoped
she'd like it. He'd spent about five hours trying to find the perfect place to take Corrine. The perfect staging for what could be the biggest conversation in his life.

‘How did the next stage of your training go?' She was twiddling a piece of hair in her fingers.

Small talk.

He paused. It was a natural question. He'd found out Corrine had spent last week focusing on the astronauts currently on the space station. They needed constant monitoring to ensure they all stayed in perfect health. Bone density, blood electrolyte levels, visual acuity all had to be measured while astronauts were in space and all the medical doctors shared the responsibility between them. Corrine had been on duty all this week so she would have been busy.

She placed her hands on her lap and let her thumbs rotate over and over each other. She was just as nervous as he was.