The Doctor's Baby Secret (12 page)

CHAPTER TWELVE

H
E
'
D
ACED
EVERYTHING
. Every language test. Every piloting test.

Four weeks of complete and utter focus.

There wasn't much to do here in Kazakhstan. Sure, they had access to computers and the Internet. But the space training centre was out in the back of beyond. There was no chance of visiting a bar and allowing yourself to slip into oblivion for a few hours. Every spare second, by every candidate, was spent studying. If anyone failed here, it was goodbye and go home. And everyone was far too invested to let that happen.

Everyone but him.

He was still ignoring things. Still giving the impression that space was all he'd ever dreamed of. He wasn't quite sure when that dream had shifted. But it seemed to be right around the time he'd met Corrine. And that bugged him.

Bugged him that he couldn't work out if it was how he felt about her that was affecting things, or if, by some weird coincidence, he'd let the stuff that had always been there finally come to the surface.

He was becoming someone he didn't recognise. For the first two weeks they'd exchanged cheeky emails thick and fast. He'd kept bugging her for a picture of her in a bikini at Key Largo. Finally she'd sent one.

It was a selfie. The best selfie he'd ever seen. She was sitting on the edge of a boat, the beautiful blue ocean behind her, wind in her hair and dressed only in a leopard-print bikini. If spontaneous combustion were possible he was right there.

Then, the Internet had crashed.

Most of the candidates thought it was deliberate to make them focus on their tasks.

But Austin had found himself focusing on the photo on his phone.

He actually couldn't believe how much he missed her. He wanted to know who'd been on the boat with her. And he recognised the little twinge of jealousy in his stomach. It was the second time he'd felt one about Corrine. No other woman had ever sparked the same emotions.

It felt...unnatural. At least for him.

He'd never felt this way about a woman before. And it was driving him plain crazy.

Four weeks. That was all this was. Four lousy weeks.

How on earth would he survive three or six months on the space station?

He needed to sort himself out. He needed to know what he actually wanted before he could make any next move.

Maybe if he told her he was giving up the astronaut training she wouldn't be interested any more. Maybe she was only keen on a guy who had the same interests as her. A research professor might bore her completely. A hotshot pilot and astronaut would have way more sex appeal than a lab guy.

And what about his family? What about his parents and grandparents? How could he disappoint them after all this time? Would they resent Corrine? Would they think that she'd changed his mind? Would his colleagues think he'd met a woman and decided space wasn't the dream destination after all? He'd never hear the end of it.

He shook his head. He'd thought being here would make him more focused. Instead, he felt more confused by the second.

But there was one thought that was central in his mind. Corrine Carter. He missed her.

He hadn't figured on that.

And he'd really missed her. He'd missed her smile. He'd missed her green eyes with little brown flecks. He'd missed her curves and the way she wore her suits so well. He'd missed her matching underwear. He'd missed the smell of her, the touch of her, the taste of her.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw her. Corrine, in her bright blue underwear with her blonde hair mussed up around her face. She was laughing. She was happy. She was sexy as...

Enough. It had to be enough.

If he wanted to stay focused on space he had to stay away from Corrine.

There was nothing else for it. She was like a drug to him. An addictive drug.

And he hated being that weak. He hated the fact that he was thinking about her when he should be focusing on piloting the shuttle.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't afford to do that in space. Not having his mind on the job could cost him his life, as well as the lives of the rest of the crew.

He couldn't take that risk. Not for a heartbeat.

Tomorrow was home time. Tomorrow he'd be back in Texas.

Tomorrow he had to break up with Corrine.

* * *

It was—quite possibly—the longest two minutes in her life.

It had taken a few weeks to realise that the permanent knot feeling in her stomach and lack of appetite might actually be something else and not just a dodgy tummy she'd picked up in Key Largo.

And after two weeks of lots of flirty emails, she'd had not a word from Kazakhstan. Not a single blooming word.

She was already feeling terrible. Hearing nothing just made her feel ten times worse.

She glanced at her watch. Another minute to wait. She stood up and quickly realised she didn't need to wait. One word. Pregnant.

No chance for misunderstanding. The digital display was quite clear.

Her legs wobbled and she slid down the wall, putting her head in her hands and sucking in a few deep breaths.

This was so
not
in her life plan. Single motherhood. Perfect. Just perfect.

How could she work full time at WSSA and look after a baby? She didn't even have family nearby to help. They were thousands of miles away and a few states over.

And it wouldn't exactly take her colleagues long to work out whose baby it was. With her luck little Jimmy would appear in a flight suit with a pilot's licence in his hand, sucking people in with his father's signature bright blue eyes.

She gulped and stood up. It was time to get a grip. She rested her hand on her perfectly flat stomach. She was barely pregnant. No one would have to know for a while. She had plenty of time to make plans.

She let her head fall back against the cool tiles. She'd need to see an OB/GYN. And she certainly wouldn't see one around here. She'd like her business to stay her business for the next few weeks. The gossiping could wait.

Her stomach lurched. Austin. How would she tell Austin?

Because of course she'd need to tell him. It wasn't as if she could keep this secret for long.

Just the thought of it was like a weight pressing down on her chest. They'd never, ever discussed anything like this. Kids hadn't been on his radar—just as they hadn't been on hers. For now, anyway.

Of course in the future she'd imagined herself having a family once she'd finally found the perfect man. It just seemed she was doing everything in the wrong order.

Trouble was, in a way, she'd found the perfect man. Austin was perfect in so many ways. He might even be happy about this.

But they weren't ready for this.
She
wasn't ready for this.

She'd just started to let him in. For the first time ever, she'd started to let her emotions affect her. She'd let herself be ruled by her heart instead of her head.

She didn't want this relationship to be forced. Did they even officially have a relationship? She'd wanted to let things evolve naturally—to see where they ended up.

But she had the sneaking suspicion Mr Hotshot was probably a bit traditional, and as soon as she told him he might want to ‘do the right thing'.

And the truth was she didn't want to be his ‘right thing'; she wanted to be the love of his life.

Wow. Where had that come from?

How did you go from flirting with a guy, to sleeping with a guy, to making him the love of your life? The thought terrified her.

What would a life with Austin be like? She'd never done this before. Never even imagined having a life with someone else. How would they cope with a baby? Would he want to stay here, or somewhere else? How would she feel when he shot off into space for six months and left her at home?

It was all too overwhelming. Too much to consider when she'd just discovered her life was already going to change completely.

She absolutely couldn't go there right now. She just couldn't. There was other stuff to deal with. Emotions would have to wait.

She took a long slow breath and blew out slowly. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. That was what she needed to think.

She didn't want her kid to feel unwanted. He or she might have been unplanned, but her son or daughter definitely wouldn't be unwanted. Life was going to have to change and she'd just have to learn to adapt.

As for Austin? She'd no clue where he would fit into this picture.

Even if she secretly hoped it would be right by her side.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

H
E
HADN
'
T
APPEARED
. The astronaut candidates had arrived home last night and Austin hadn't appeared at her house.

What was worse was she'd actually waited. She'd waited for him in her bed.

It had seemed exciting at the time. She'd had it all planned out in her head. He'd arrive, find her waiting exactly as he'd left her before, they'd kiss, she'd tell him the news and...

Forget it. None of it had happened. After lying in her underwear for two hours she'd finally got up and eaten some chocolate, cursing him that she couldn't drink wine.

The excuses had flown around her head. He was sick. He'd been called away for a family emergency. He'd had to help a friend with something.

She was trying really hard to cling onto something positive. Although she hated how desperate that made her feel. She had to reserve judgement until she'd actually spoken to him and that would be some time today.

She pulled up the training sheet. Today was D-day for some of the candidates. At this point, any candidate who wasn't making the grade would be transferred out of the programme.

Austin's name was in the top spot on nearly every sheet. He'd aced just about everything. He was a dead cert for astronaut selection.

She didn't know whether to be happy or sad.

It was just what he wanted. His mission to the space station would probably last around six months. Six months for him to be absent from his baby's life.

She squeezed her eyes closed for a second. She had to stop thinking like this. Lots of astronauts had families. They had to leave behind husbands, wives, partners and children to go and fulfil their dream. There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing. She'd always believed that. So, why now did it seem so much harder?

Why did six months seem like a lifetime?

She gave herself a shake and walked over to the coffee pot in her room. Two seconds later she turned and walked away. Old habits were hard to break. She'd need to find some decaf somewhere.

There was too much going on in her head right now. The whole pregnancy thing was overwhelming. Which was pathetic really, since she was a professional with a good job and her own place. She didn't need anyone else. She could do this on her own.

It didn't matter that this wasn't how she had imagined things would work out. At no point in any of the half-erotic dreams she'd been having had her abdomen been swollen with a baby. The main feature of any of these dreams had been Austin. He'd been front and centre in them all. But where would he figure in her life now?

She bit her lip and walked out of her office, stalking down the corridor to Frank's room. He might not be at work but she was sure he'd have decaf somewhere. Three minutes later she had the prize, along with an unopened packet of chocolate-chip cookies. Bonus.

She walked back to her office and straight into the large immovable force currently blocking her door.

‘Oof!'

The broad shoulders turned round immediately. Austin. Bright blue eyes. Staring straight at her.

‘Sorry. We need to talk.'

Boy, do we.

She started to put some decaf into the coffee pot and tried to stop her hands from shaking. ‘Yes, I think we do. I have some news.'

Austin folded his arms and leaned against the door jamb. Why did he have to look so darn sexy?

But the hardest thing was the fact she just wanted to go over and touch him. Smell him. Stand next to him. That was why keeping her hands busy was the best thing for her.

‘Corrine...' His voice tailed off.

It was the
way
he said her name. As if he were born to say her name. She loved it. She loved the Texas drawl that sent so many shivers up her spine. But there was something about the way his sentence started but didn't continue that made her turn around.

‘Aren't you supposed to be at the selection meeting?'

He pressed his lips together. ‘This is more important.'

You're right, it is.

Had he really just said that? She was stunned. The guy who had one focus, one ambition in life—to be astronaut.
This
was more important?

It threw her. She wasn't expecting that. She'd been so busy trying to think of when she should tell him about the pregnancy that it hadn't occurred to her he would be thinking of anything but the selection meeting this morning.

She couldn't react to his words. Was there a possibility that he already knew? How could that even be possible? But one thing was clear. She wasn't going to stand in the way of his dream. Not her. And not her baby. She couldn't be that person.

But there was something else. Something emanating from him.

And it didn't feel good. The vibes just didn't feel right.

She had to stop her hand from automatically going to her stomach. Protective. That was how she felt already about the baby growing inside her.

He hadn't moved over next to her. He hadn't tried to touch her. And he wasn't smiling. She could almost see the imaginary silver helium balloon with
I'm pregnant
on it floating off into the sky.

He started again. ‘Corrine, being away gave me some time to think.'

‘Think about what?'

‘Think about us.'

Okay. How come a little part of her just died inside?

He could barely look at her. Oh, he was looking at her, but those blue eyes weren't fixed on her as they normally were. He couldn't hold her gaze for more than a few seconds.

‘What is it you want to say, Austin?'

Her head was screaming at her.
Don't ask that question—you won't like the answer.

A few figures dressed in bright blue flight suits passed the open doorway. The rest of the candidates were on their way to the selection meeting.

Austin took a deep breath. ‘Corrine, you know I like you.'

Like. The word every woman wanted to hear.

She didn't respond. She couldn't respond.

‘You know I respect you...'

Here it came. The ‘Dear John' speech.

‘But this astronaut selection, the training, it's too important to me right now. I've worked my whole life for this. I can't afford any distractions. I need to keep my head entirely focused on the job.'

She could feel tears pooling in her eyes and a little surge of anger flickered through her. All those ridiculous fanciful dreams she might have had about a happy ever after. How stupid had she been?

‘It's fine, Austin.' It was all she could manage.

But Austin wasn't finished. ‘Actually, Corrine, it's not fine.' He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening. ‘I've been having doubts.'

‘What?' Her head shot up. It was the last thing she'd expected to hear.

‘I've been having doubts about the programme.'

‘Why?' Of all the things he could have said this was the one that surprised her most.

His gaze fixed on her. ‘I've been having doubts because of you.'

It was as if he had taken her lungs with both hands and just squeezed all the air out of them.

‘What?' It came out kind of strangled.

It felt like the worst thing he could say to her.
She
was the reason he was doubting the dream he'd always had of being an astronaut?

He was staring at the floor right now. ‘Kazakhstan gave me some time to think. I might have aced the tests but my mind wasn't always on the job.'

He knew. He knew he'd aced the tests. He probably knew what would happen next.

He shook his head. ‘I can't do that. I can't be
that
guy. That guy who is thinking about a girl back home when he should be focusing on the job. I have the lives of other astronauts to think about.' He pointed upwards. ‘Every man and woman up there has trained their whole life to get there. They need a pilot who is one hundred per cent focused. That's the way I always was before. And that's the way I need to be again. I'm sorry.'

She was going to be sick. She was going to be sick, right now, all over this carpet.

Other women might love this. Love the fact that they'd affected a guy so much he couldn't concentrate at work.

She knew better. She knew exactly the risks involved in having a pilot who wasn't focused on the job. She understood them better than anyone.

She'd done this to him. She'd let their flirtation build into something else entirely. She'd let her emotions get involved. She'd let her guard down.

She squeezed her eyes closed for a second. She couldn't tell him about the baby. She just couldn't. Right now, for Austin, it would be the worst news possible.

If he couldn't focus because of her, it would only be worse if she told him about the baby.

That was the one thing that was crystal clear right now.

She felt her doctor mask slip into place. The one she used when she was about to tell someone bad news. She could do this. She could.

She took a deep breath and met his gaze. ‘I understand what you're saying, Austin. And you're right. You have to keep your mind totally on the job. That's best for everyone. Let's just leave it at that.'

Her heart was breaking. It was breaking in two right now.

She lifted the coffee pot to pour from it, praying he wouldn't see her shaking hand. ‘I think you have somewhere else to be. You'd best not be late.'

He blinked. He looked a little surprised. What had he expected? For her to weep and wail and ask him not to dump her?

‘Good luck,' she added with a pasted-on smile.

He gave her a nod and walked out of the room, and out of her life.

* * *

His head was spinning and he couldn't think straight. Corrine had the best poker face in the world. Was she upset? Was she angry?

He just didn't know. He felt like the worst person on the planet. Lower than the belly of a snake. Every single part of him wanted to march back into that room and say he'd made a mistake. Every single cell in his body was screaming at him. He should have told her that he loved her—not that he was walking away.

He stopped for a second and ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe he was wrong about all this. Maybe this wasn't a big deal to her. Maybe the reason she'd seemed so cool was that she didn't really care. He was just another guy.

His gut twisted. He would probably hate that more than anything.

Michael walked up behind him and slapped him on the back. ‘Come on, big guy, let's find out if they're sending us to the stars.'

Of course. Focus. That was what he should be doing. If he hadn't met Corrine he'd probably have spent all night worrying about today's selection. Instead, he'd spent all night figuring out how to break up with her.

It was time to get his mind back on the job. He walked into the room behind Michael.

Adam, the former astronaut and main instructor, stood in front of the class with a clipboard in his hand. It didn't matter that he was surrounded by technology. He still liked to do things his way.

He surveyed the room. ‘You'll know that the selection today is based on all the training and testing you've done over the last three months. At this stage, we're going to tell you who will be on the first astronaut selection team.' He looked around the class. ‘You all understand that health issues can dictate that someone is excluded from the programme. But based on our recent testing our first team will be—'

You could hear the sharp intake of breath all around him. His heart should be beating against his chest. He should be breaking into a sweat right now, his stomach clenched, waiting to see if his name would be called. So, why wasn't he?

He'd just given up the woman he loved for this.

Space had better be worth it because his pride was still alive and fighting.

Adam shot him a smile. ‘Our pilot will be Austin Mitchell. Our crew, Taryn Peters, Michael Fisk and Lewis Donnell.'

Michael and Lewis jumped from their seats, whooping and laughing. Taryn was quick to join them. A few other candidates turned to stare at him. They must be wondering why he wasn't doing the same.

He pasted a smile onto his face and stood up, shaking hands with those nearest to him. First crew. This was a huge deal. This was the thing he'd spent the last few years dreaming of. He should be elated. And he just couldn't understand why he wasn't.

After the initial jubilations they sat back down. A second crew was called and a few candidates transferred to other spots within WSSA. Astronaut training wasn't for everyone. No matter how much they prepared beforehand.

When they finally finished, Michael slung his arm around Austin's shoulders. ‘Celebratory drink?'

Austin nodded. ‘Sure. Just let me call my dad.'

It felt bittersweet. Part of him was living his dad's dream and part of him was stealing it.

This should be the happiest day of his life.

So why wasn't it?