The Doctor's Not-So-Little Secret (18 page)

Chapter Eighteen

“D
r. Kate is going to be surprised when I tell her that Sarabeth has a Cabbage Patch Kid, too. Her kid’s name is Melody Anna. Next time I go over there, I’m going to bring Lottie Rose with me so they can get acquainted.”

Joel rubbed the bridge of his nose as Chloe continued to prattle on about nothing and everything. She hadn’t stopped talking since he’d picked her up just before supper. When she’d heard Kate would be stopping by, she’d gotten even more excited.

Chloe’s obvious fondness for her biological mother made him realize it would be hard to banish Kate from his daughter’s life. Not without harming Chloe in the process.

The doorbell rang. Chloe jumped up. “I’ll get it.”

Joel glanced at the clock. Right on time. Reluctantly he pulled to his feet as Kate entered the room.

Although he still wore the jeans and the long-sleeved black T-shirt he’d changed into after church, he expected Kate to show up in a dress and heels. He’d noticed she tended to dress up when she was nervous. Once again she surprised him.

While she wasn’t as casually dressed as she’d been that morning, the fitted black pants and cashmere red sweater was definitely a notch below her normal style. Even her shoes were different. Not a trace of heel on the simple black shoes that reminded him of Chloe’s dance ones.

Sheesh. Joel stifled a groan. He must be more on edge than he realized to be so focused on Kate’s footwear. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

Polite strangers. Just like goddamn polite strangers. Still, that’s what he wanted. Distance between him and Kate. Between Kate and his daughter.

Chloe smiled at them both and pointed to the sofa. “Dr. Kate, you sit there. Daddy, you sit next to her. That way if you want to kiss, you can.”

Joel and Kate exchanged glances.

“Kiss?” Kate finally choked out.

“Like Sarabeth’s parents do, ’cept when they’re fighting. Then they yell.” Even though they were the only three in the room, Chloe lowered her voice. “Sarabeth hopes they kiss a lot more. She’d like to have a baby brother or sister.”

Beside him, Kate inhaled sharply.

Joel was still figuring out how to respond to the comment when Chloe tugged on his hand. He moved automatically, wondering how he could explain to a ten-year-old that kissing didn’t result in a baby without getting into a full-fledged birds-and-bees discussion.

“Uh, Chloe,” he began. “You know that—”

“That’s a discussion for another time.” Kate shook her head slightly, her voice gentle and soft. “Chloe, honey, your dad and I have something important to discuss with you.”

Joy flashed across the little girl’s face. She shrieked.

“You’re getting married.” Chloe jumped up and down, her voice trembling with excitement. “That’s it, isn’t it? Sarabeth said you’d probably ask me if it was okay. It’s okay. I’d like it a lot.”

“I’m not marrying Dr. Kate.” Joel spoke in a firm tone that left no room for misunderstanding.

When Chloe’s face crumpled, he decided he should have been a little less forceful. He certainly didn’t want to make his child cry before they’d even gotten started.

“Then what?” The little girl’s eyes, now anxious, flitted from him to Kate.

“Remember when your mommy and I told you how we’d wanted a baby for so long and couldn’t have one?” Just saying the words brought a knot to Joel’s stomach. They’d been devastated when Amy’s doctor had told her it wouldn’t be safe for her to get pregnant.

“But you went to California and got me,” Chloe said triumphantly, her face brightening. The adoption story was one of her favorites.

“That’s right.” Joel started to sweat. Where did he go from here? “I became your daddy, and Mommy, your mother. But you had another mother. The one who gave birth to you.”

The child nodded, though puzzlement now filled her eyes. She obviously sensed something was up.

“Chloe.” Kate leaned forward, her hand wrapping around the small slender fingers that were so like her own. “I’m the woman who gave birth to you.”

Joel noticed she didn’t call herself Chloe’s mother, though, he grudgingly admitted, she had the right.

Chloe’s eyes widened. She immediately turned to her father. “Is that true?”

He nodded.

“That’s why we look alike,” Kate said.

The child was silent for a long moment. “Why did you do it?” Chloe pulled her hand away and sat back. “Mommy said you gave me to her and Daddy because you loved me. But if you loved me, how could you give me away? Was it because I’m ugly?”

The child’s bottom lip began to tremble.

“You’re not ugly, princess,” Joel said. “You look just like…your mother. She’s the most beautiful woman in Jackson Hole.”

While Joel was speaking, Kate moved to the oversize chair where Chloe sat and slipped in beside her.

“I was in school when I got pregnant with you. My boyfriend wasn’t ready to be a daddy, so he wasn’t going to be any help.” Kate paused for a long moment. “I wanted you to have both a mother and a father. I wanted you to have more than I could give you.”

“I don’t need a lot of things,” Chloe said.

“But you wouldn’t have had your daddy and your mommy. While I never knew your mommy, I think she was a special lady.”

Chloe nodded. Two fat tears slipped down her cheeks.

“And your daddy is an okay guy.” Kate’s tone turned light and teasing. “Even if he can’t skate worth a darn.”

Joel expelled the breath he’d been holding when Chloe smiled through her tears.

“I love you, Chloe. I loved you when you were a tiny baby growing inside me. I loved you when you were born. I never stopped loving you. I never will.”

There was a fierceness to Kate’s expression that told Joel she meant every word.

Chloe tilted her head, her forehead furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were my mommy sooner?”

“When I gave you to your parents I made a promise that I would stay out of your life until you were eighteen.” Kate smoothed a strand of hair back from Chloe’s face. “But once I knew where you were I couldn’t stay away.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Daddy?” Chloe turned toward Joel, her gaze sharp and accusing.

“He didn’t know,” Kate said quickly. “I told him only this morning.”

Chloe wiped away her remaining tears with the back of her hand, her expression pensive. Joel knew this was a lot for a child to take in all at once. He wondered if he should set up a few sessions for her with Dr. Allman so she could work through any issues… .

Chloe turned to Kate, her expression giving nothing away. “Can I have that picture of you when you were my age to show Sarabeth?”

Joel cast a glance in Kate’s direction. From the look of surprise on her face, she didn’t know how to decipher Chloe’s reaction. Well, that made two of them.

“Do you have more questions?” Joel prompted.

Chloe turned to Kate. “What should I call you?”

Kate’e gaze flickered in his direction. He shrugged.

“Whatever you want,” she said.

Chloe frowned. Confusion filled her eyes. “So it’s okay if I still call you Dr. Kate?”

Kate offered a reassuring smile. “That would be just fine.”

The child flung her arms around her neck. “I like you, Dr. Kate.”

Kate touched Chloe’s cheeks with the tips of her fingers. “I like you, too.”

Joel experienced a whole gamut of emotions at the tentative mother-daughter bonding. Relief that Chloe didn’t appear traumatized, though he knew there would be more questions, more anger, more tears. Gratitude that Kate had been sensitive to Chloe’s needs. And sadness that it wasn’t Amy sitting there with Chloe in her arms.

The two were still talking in hushed tones when Joel’s cell phone rang. He considered letting it go to voice mail until he saw the call was from one of his crew who’d been injured on the job today.

“Thought you’d want to know I’m in the hospital,” Larry Farrels said in lieu of a greeting.

Joel pulled his brows together. “Did the pain get worse?”

Larry had fallen off a ladder and landed across a sawhorse. He’d gotten up, dusted himself off and continued working. By the time the day ended, his only complaint was a sore left shoulder.

“Yeah, the pain got real bad. I went to the E.R. and they admitted me. Doc thinks I screwed up my spleen when I fell.”

“Those sawhorses can be mean devils.” Joel kept his tone light. “Especially when you jump ’em.”

Larry laughed.

“Make sure the hospitals and doctors understand this is under workers’ comp,” Joel said, suddenly serious. “Will you need surgery?”

“Don’t know yet. They want to keep me for a couple days. Maybe give me some blood. See if they can get it to heal without taking me under the knife.”

Joel paused. Larry had recently moved to Jackson Hole. As far as he knew the guy didn’t have any family in the area. “I was going to be in area of the hospital a little later. Feel good enough for company?”

“Yeah, absolutely.” The man’s eagerness for visitors told Joel he’d been right to offer. He got the room number and had just hung up when Chloe returned from the kitchen with two tall glasses of iced tea in her hands.

“Who were you talking to?” Chloe asked, handing one of the glasses to him and the other to Kate.

“One of the guys I work with,” Joel said. “Took a hard fall but we thought he was fine. Seems he injured his spleen.”

“Poor man,” Kate murmured.

Joel shifted his gaze to his daughter. “Looks like we’ll be making a quick trip to the hospital, princess.”

“Aw, Daddy, do I have to go?”

“We can stop and look at the babies in the window,” he said, sweetening the offer.

Chloe loved babies. Loved holding them. Loved seeing the newborns in the nursery window.

“Okay.” Chloe turned to Kate. “Will you come over tomorrow?”

“Let me get back to you on that,” Kate said, giving the child a hug. “After your dad and I talk.”

But there ended up being no time for conversation. Kate received an urgent call from the hospital and was out the door before Joel had the chance to say goodbye. Or to decide where they went from here.

Chapter Nineteen

K
ate arrived at the hospital just in time to witness Emilie Hyland deliver a seven-pound five-ounce baby boy. She examined him and pronounced him absolutely perfect.

When she started to hand him to Emilie, the girl turned her head. “I don’t want to see him.”

Kate knew Emilie had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She’d seen the adoptive parents waiting in the hall. Even though it was the teenager’s choice whether or not to see her child, Kate wanted to make sure that she’d thought through her decision.

“Why don’t you want to hold him?” Kate asked in a soft tone, devoid of any judgment.

Tears slipped down the girl’s cheeks. “It will hurt too much.”

Kate swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. “It’s going to hurt whether you hold him or not.”

“You don’t know.” The girl’s blue eyes flashed. “You have no idea what this is like, how hard it is to give away your own flesh and blood.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Kate took a deep breath. “I gave up a baby for adoption ten years ago.”

“You did?” Emilie’s eyes widened. “Why?”

“The same reasons you’re making this choice. I wanted to give my daughter a better life.”

“Have you, I mean, did you ever regret not keeping her?”

“I questioned my decision many times.” Kate refused to lie or sugarcoat the gravity of the decision. “But I wanted her to have two parents and a stable home. It wasn’t a life I could have given her at that time.”

“Paul and Robyn are wonderful people,” Emilie said. “They’ll be terrific parents. Because we’re doing an open adoption, I’ll be able to watch him grow up.”

“Sounds like you’ve thought it all out.”

The baby stirred in Kate’s arms, emitting a soft cry.

Emilie stared at the blue bundle. “C-can I hold him?”

Kate answered by placing the baby in the girl’s arms. Several minutes passed before Emilie reluctantly handed him back. “I’m sure Robyn and Paul are eager to see him.”

“Let’s get you up to your room and get you settled.” The delivery room nurse placed her hand on Emilie’s shoulder and smiled.

“I’ll take the baby to the nursery,” Kate told the nurse, then stepped out into the hall where a man and a woman in their mid-thirties stood. The tall broad-shouldered man and his petite blond-haired wife moved forward when they saw the blue bundle in her arms.

“Is that him?” The man’s voice broke. He swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. “Is that Nate?”

“How is Emilie?” the woman asked, though her eyes remained fixed on the baby.

“Doing well,” Kate said. “And Nathan is a very healthy boy.”

Paul slipped an arm around his wife’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “We tried to have a baby for almost eight years.”

“We’d given up hope.” Robyn’s voice trembled. “Nathan is truly a gift from God.”

Kate held out the baby. “Would you like to hold your son?”

The two exchanged glances as if trying to figure out who got him first.

“You take him, Robyn,” Paul said. “I’ve waited a long time to see you holding our baby.”

Not long after Kate handed her the child, Paul’s arms encircled his wife. He pulled her close until the three of them formed their own little circle of love.

As Kate stood back and watched them ooh and aah over their new son, she finally understood that giving Chloe to Joel and Amy
had
been a great gift and an unselfish decision.

The guilt that had been her daily companion for more than ten years slipped from her shoulders to pool at her feet.

* * *

After visiting with Larry, Joel and Chloe took the elevator to the maternity floor. They were almost to the nursery windows when they ran into Dave Hyland. “What are you doing here?”

“Emilie had her baby.” A shadow fell over Dave’s face. “Healthy little boy.”

“Daddy, can I go and look at the babies?” Chloe interrupted, her gaze focused on the nursery window down the hall.

“Stay where I can see you.” The words had barely left his lips when she took off running. “Walk,” he called after her.

He turned back to Dave and clapped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations on your new grandson.”

“Yeah, well, Emilie isn’t keeping him.” A muscle jumped in the bricklayer’s jaw.

That’s right, Joel thought. Emilie was in high school. Not married. Still a child herself.

“I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision for her to make,” Joel said. “Chloe is adopted, so I have a special place in my heart for women with the courage to do what’s best for the child.”

“At least she’s doing an open adoption,” Dave acknowledged. “The couple who’s adopting him live in Laramie, so we’ll be able to get there for birthdays and special occasions. But I know my wife and Emilie are going to live for the monthly pictures and reports they’ve been promised.”

Joel had no doubt Dave would be as eager for the pictures as his wife and daughter. He thought of Kate. Pictured her waiting for the reports and pictures that never came. Because he hadn’t made keeping his promise a priority. He hadn’t taken the time. Shame flooded him.

A door opened down the hall and Dave’s wife motioned to him. “Emilie is on her way to the room.”

“Daddy, Daddy,” Chloe called to him when Dave walked away. “Come and look at this big baby.”

There were only three babies in the nursery. Joel figured the “big one” had to be the little girl with the chubby cheeks in the front row. “She still looks small to me.”

“If you and Dr. Ka—Mommy had a baby, I could be a big sister.”

Joel’s chuckle held no humor. He’d be lucky if Kate let him in her front door again, much less in her bed. “Dr. Kate and I aren’t married, sweetheart.”

“Then marry her,” Chloe said as if the answer was obvious. “You love her, don’t you?”

He did love Kate, Joel realized suddenly. Had loved her for quite a while. He just hadn’t admitted it to himself. Until now. It was time to finally let Amy go and start his life again.

“It’s not that simple.” Joel remembered every word Kate had said. And every word he’d failed to say.

“Just because you loved Mommy doesn’t mean you can’t love Dr. Kate,” Chloe said earnestly, sounding older than her years. “All you have to do is tell her.”

Could it really be that simple? “When did you get to be so smart?”

Chloe tilted her head and carefully considered his words. Then she smiled. “When I turned ten.”

* * *

Kate rose the next morning with a sense of peace in her heart. Chloe knew she was her mother and didn’t hate her. Joel appeared agreeable to her seeing Chloe. Things were definitely looking up.

Yet sadness wrapped around her shoulders like a heavy cloak. Despite what she’d said to Joel, she still loved him. She tried to tell herself that it was good their relationship had ended. That in time she’d forget all about him. But she couldn’t make herself believe the lie.

Since she didn’t have to be in the office until noon, Kate stayed in her robe and slippers. She was enjoying a second cup of coffee when the doorbell rang.

Cinching the blue satin tie more firmly around her waist, Kate strolled to the door with coffee in hand. She expected to see the FedEx guy with her new modem. Instead, Joel stood on the front stoop with a bakery bag in hand.

“May I come in?”

When Kate simply stood there, he brushed past her and stepped inside. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Finally Kate’s mouth caught up to her brain. “What are you doing here?”

“Almond bear claws.” He pressed the bag into her hand and gestured toward her cup. “Got any more of that?”

“In the kitchen.” Kate followed him. “Is Chloe okay?”

“She had a hard time sleeping, she was so excited.” He poured some of the steaming brew into a cup, then reached into the refrigerator for the cream.

“I’m thankful she took the news so well.” Kate dropped the sack of pastries on the table and automatically pulled two small plates from the cupboard.

Joel wrapped his hand around the large mug and took a sip. “Thank you.”

“No problem. I made way more than I need—”

“I’m not talking about the coffee.” His gaze never left her face. “I should have said this last night but I didn’t. Thank you for Chloe. She meant the world to Amy and she means the world to me. Your sacrifice made it possible for us to be parents.”

Kate opened her mouth and shut it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t send the reports and pictures. It was inexcusable.” True regret filled his eyes. He rocked back on his heels. “If I were you, I’d have hired a detective, too.”

“You would have?”

“Absolutely.”

Unsettled, Kate took a sip of her coffee. “This seems to be a complete turnaround.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of hard thinking.” He took a deep breath, but she spoke before he could continue.

“So have I. For all these years I’ve sold myself short. I felt I didn’t deserve real happiness. That’s why I was willing to settle for two weeks of no-obligation sex with you.” As much as Kate had enjoyed their time together, the affair had been a mistake. Her heart was incapable of separating sex from love. “I deserve more. I want a man who loves and adores me and puts me first in his life. I want marriage. Perhaps children. I won’t settle for less.”

“I want those same things, Kate. And I want them with you.”

To his chagrin, she began shaking her head even before he’d finished speaking. “I won’t compete with a dead woman. Love isn’t a competition. Or it shouldn’t be.”

“Amy is my past, Kate. I loved her as much as a man could love a woman. I don’t deny that. But I love you now. And just as much. The comparisons were a way to keep you at arm’s length,” Joel said. “I fell in love with you so quickly that it made me feel disloyal to Amy.”

“Really.”

He heard the doubt in her voice, saw it in her eyes.

“Trying to compare you two is like comparing apples to oranges. I see you for who you are and I love—”

“Who am I, Joel?”

“You’re a fighter. A woman who didn’t let your family’s expectations hold you back from following your dream of becoming a doctor.”

Even though she didn’t respond, Joel could tell she was listening, so he kept talking.

“You’re a woman who loves deeply and wants the best for those you love. That’s why you chose to give your daughter a home where she could grow and thrive.”

Kate shifted her gaze out the window. Her expression gave nothing away. He began to talk faster, not sure how much time he had left.

“You like big, flashy jewelry, making love under the stars and mistletoe. You’re kind and smart and generous. You’re the woman I love and you’ll always be the most important woman in my heart.”

He dropped to one knee and took her hand.

“What are you doing?” She tried to pull her hand back, but he wouldn’t let go.

“I love you, Kate McNeal. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you do me the honor of being my wife and Chloe’s mother?”

Kate blinked. Was she dreaming?

He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a tiny black velvet box. When he flipped it open, the overhead light scattered the rays, nearly blinding her.

“What is that?”

“It’s an engagement ring, darlin’. The biggest, flashiest, most beautiful ring I could find. Do you like it?”

The uncertainty in his voice told her he wasn’t nearly as confident as he appeared.

The stone was huge, an emerald-cut diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds. The thin platinum band allowed the stone to take center stage.

“It’s beautiful. And big.”

“Not nearly as big as my love, sweetheart.”

Kate blinked. He was still there. She blinked again.

This time she saw clearly the love and promise in his hazel depths. Her heart rose to her throat.

“Will you marry me, Kate? Will you be a wife to me and a mother to Chloe and to any other children we might have?”

“You want other children?”

“I’d love a whole houseful.”

“Oh, Joel.” She smiled through her tears.

He fought a surge of hope. “A simple
yes
will do.”

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, yes, yes.”

He rose to his feet and pulled her to him, kissing her until she heard fireworks and cymbals and bells. Until her knees were so weak that he had to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.