Read The Do's and Don'ts of Entering a Relationship Online
Authors: Stephen Robinson
The Do's and Don'ts of Entering a Relationship
The Do’s and Don’ts of Entering a Relationship
Stephen M. Robinson
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Contents
So you’ve found that special someone?
Dos and Don’ts of Texting in Relationships
We’ve all dreamt
of it at some point or another. Meeting that perfect person and falling in-love then spending the rest of your lives together happily ever after. OK you can wake up now. I’m not saying it can’t happen, but if it’s as smooth as that then someone needs to tell me the secret. No relationship forms and lasts without its fair share of hurdles, and often these hurdles can make the relationship stronger. But sometimes it can blow the whole thing apart and ruin that amazing dream you once had. That’s why it’s important to get things off to a good start from the word go.
The perfect relationship would consist of 100% trust, amazing communication and
openness, the desire to push each other to the limits in all aspects of each other’s lives and to support each other through anything that life throws at you. This can happen. It just takes the right start.
I’ll be getting a bit controversial in some parts of the book, so prepare
yourself for that. But let’s face it relationships are a spicy topic and for many people finding a good relationship is a huge, yet important challenge so they need to be told. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting…right?
Unfortunately there are countless factors that contribute to how every individual behaves in a relationship so the perfect relationship would be pretty close to a miracle if I ever saw one. But don’t give up, relationships can be amazing.
Ok this section isn’t going to be long, firstly because it’s not always the best idea to be searching to find a special someone and secondly the actual dating process is a whole different book. But what I would like to say is that there’s no harm in being picky. Knowing what you want is one of the most important things to entering a successful relationship, or any other venture you face in life. It’s knowing what you want that keeps you striving to achieve your best and not settling for second best. If you want someone rich, someone with black hair, someone who makes you laugh then don’t stop until you have that. Fortunately love doesn’t tend to happen when someone meets a certain criteria that we set, it usually happens when someone fills us with positive emotions and we become addicted to that feeling. Be picky, but don’t be logical. Logic has no place in actual romance and never will do. You hear countless love stories where the poor, ugly nice guy eventually gets the girl, or the girl who’s just looking for a sensible man keeps falling in love with the bad boys. This is because our emotions over-ride any logical thoughts we have when it comes to falling for someone.
Another reason I don’t advise searching for that special someone is because coming from the mentality that you want to find love puts you in a vulnerable place. You will be more likely to let your guard down when you meet someone who could potentially be someone you like, and you will let yourself fall for someone that normally you wouldn’t fall for.
Let’s look at a ‘hypothetical’ scenario. There are two boys that have grown up together (could just as well be girls) and they have been friends all their lives. They grew up playing together on the street, riding their bicycles and pulling pranks on other kids. As they start to get older they start to feel attraction for other people and start to act on this. Now one boy falls in love with the first girl that he has any romantic connection with. He has that ideal teenage relationship that you see in the movies, and it ends up lasting the rest of his life. This is great, and extremely romantic. Let’s see what happened to his friend. His friend ended up getting into a few romantic connections with various girls. He decided that whilst he is young he doesn’t want a committed relationship in case it holds him back in life before he achieves all of his goals. OK this isn’t really very romantic, and a few readers will be thinking “playaaa” but that’s not quite the picture I’m trying to paint. Let’s say he hasn’t had any one night stands, he takes his time to get to know girls and he’s very honest about not wanting relationships with them. Then whilst he is living his life, meeting girls and having fun he finds himself extremely confused. There’s a girl he’s seeing that has really captured his heart. He just can’t stop thinking about her and she’s exactly what he would want if he wanted to settle down with someone. He knows this because he has experienced many romantic connections with various girls so he knows the things he likes in a girl and the things he doesn’t like.
Anyway he pushes these
feelings into the back of his mind because he still feels that he’s young and doesn’t want a relationship. But the feelings persist. He keeps seeing the girl and starts to become overwhelmed by the feelings he has for her. He still feels like he doesn’t want a relationship but the feelings he has are so strong that he’s starting to change his mind. Eventually the feelings become that strong that they change what he has believed all of his life, and he decides to enter a committed relationship with this girl because she is exactly what he wants in a girl and the feelings he has for her are so intense.
Now I’ll let you be the judge of which path was more romantic, but which path do you think will lead to the more stable, secure relationship?
Right, here I’m going to assume that you’ve found someone you genuinely really l
ike, are attracted to and starting a romantic relationship with. This isn’t for someone who’s found that person and wants to learn the secrets to attracting them, like I said that’s for another book.
There are certain do’s and don’ts that can make or break a relationship that many people just don’t realise. The repercussions of actions and words in the early stages of a relationship can manifest themselves in a relationship for as long as it lasts; which can lead to some very unhappy couples. I’m going to write this so it applies for both females and males as much as possible, but where things are different for each I will separate them and write a part for females and a part for males…
..
1. DON’T give in to your urges all the time
– When you’re in a new relationship, it can kind of take over your life. You don’t stop thinking about them all the time, and you have those butterflies in your stomach whenever something reminds you of them. This is great, and a good sign that things are going well for you.
It’s a little bit like where you were a kid at Christmas and you got that one toy that was so much better than all your other presents. You just wanted to play with that toy and that toy only, forgetting you even had any other presents…especially that jumper that was 2 sizes too big that your grandma got you! Well do you also remember how quickly you got bored of that toy because you didn’t play with anything else? Well it’s time to grow up.
You need to pace your relationship as best you can. You might want to see your new partner every minute of the day, and chances are they feel the same. But you can’t do this because it will ruin the fun, excitement and mystery. Those early days when you’re still learning new things about each other won’t last forever, but if they’re over to quickly then things could become stale fast. As bad as it sounds, you don’t want to give too much away too quickly. Now I am all for being 100% honest and open in a relationship, I would advise no other way. But in those very early stages I do believe that keeping some of yourself locked away for later isn’t always a bad idea.
Mystery is attractive, exciting and key to building that passion and desire that a relationship needs. If you ever hear a new partner say something along the lines of “you’re just so mysterious” then you’re doing it right!
2. DO keep spending time with your friends
– I don’t want to dwell on this because there are so many relationship books that talk for hours about how important it is to spend time with your friends. Yeah, great…but what about when I’m with my partner? What do I do then? The reason it’s important is firstly because like in number 1, you can’t see each other all the time. But secondly it’s because your friends are just as important, and they’ll be the ones who are there for you if things don’t work out…so show them some respect. Time with your friends keeps you social, and keeps your self confidence up. Assuming you have good friends, they’ll give you confidence in all aspects of your life, including romance and therefore improve your relationship. You also want to make sure your relationship with your friends is good, because there will come a time when they are going to meet your new partner and you want them to be willing to make an effort with your partner. This will make your partner feel more comfortable around your friends and this will ease any tension that had a potential to arise.
You’ll also want to make sure that when the time comes, you make a lot of effort to be polite and friendly towards your partner’s friends and family. The amount of uncomfortable situations that can come of their friends or family not liking you is unlimited…so be nice!
3.
DO make time for me
– Ok so we’ve discussed not seeing each other all the time and making sure you spend time with your friends, and now I’m telling you to spend time alone too? So do you get to spend ANY time with your new partner?? Well of course, I’m just getting these out of the way now because they are often overlooked.
Me time is something that isn’t always talked much about in relationship advice books, and I believe that this is asking for disaster. You personal time is so important. It’s just as important as time with your new partner and time with your friends. Now some readers might be thinking “well I don’t like being on my own.” This is time to change that. You need to be able to enjoy your own company for others to enjoy it! Time on your own can be when you really find out who you are. I’m not just talking about spending time at home on your own watching films as to be honest I think that’s much more enjoyable when you’re with a partner or with friends. I’m talking about self improvement and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
You could spend your time alone watching TV and sitting in bed, if you choose to and you genuinely enjoy doing that on your own. But I’ve found that when it comes to improving relationships, if a person spends their alone time improving themselves in different areas then they will become a much more loveable and happy person in their relationship.
Ways to improve yourself are endless. If you are studying for anything, then study it and learn all you can about that topic. If you aren’t currently studying for anything then find something you’ve always been interested in and study it.