Particularly where nightmares are concerned, looking for hints of conflict and confusion is part of being a concerned parent. Take your child's nightmare experience seriously, and listen carefully as he or she expresses fear. Nightmares are extraordinarily vivid, and the emotions in them are real, particularly to a child too young to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Indeed, some 40 percent of the dreams children remember are nightmares, and they may be dealing with some important developmental issues through them, so it's simply not enough to say to them, "Go back to sleep, it was only a dream."
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Indeed, there is much to gain from listening to your children's dreams. One little boy, for instance, at age three had a dream that allowed the family to address issues surrounding the pending birth of a second child. He dreamed his mother was a "scary clown" with a painted face and one big nipple on her neck. In the dream, both son and father tell the clown to go away. Talking about the dream together led the mother to ask the boy whether he thought she would have enough "milk"time, energy, and lovefor the whole family after the new baby was born. Imagine their surprise when their son said, "No, I think there won't be enough for the baby!" This comment clued both parents in to the child's feelings of jealousy, and his desire to keep the baby "in its place.'' As a family, they were able to work through these issues in anticipation of conflict.
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A child's night terror is something else entirely. During these episodes, a child may not remember any dream details, instead reporting or displaying a general feeling of extreme fear. He or she may scream, make choking sounds, sweat, or feel paralyzed, sensations that can be terrifying in and of themselves. "This disorder upsets parents more than the victim, who usually does not remember the event," writes Patricia Garfield in
Your Child's Dreams
, "[however] any actions parents can take to increase the
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