The Embers Of My Heart (16 page)

"What did you just say?" Her voice dropped to a harsh whisper and her face drained of color.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Star. That was Sarah's nickname. My sister Sarah. My sister who died. You heartless bastard, I told you that I had a sister who died. How can you say I look like her? You don't even know her! You can't!"

"She's not dead."

Those words hung in the air for a moment before Jess crossed the room in three quick steps and grabbed my shoulders, leaning down in front of me. "She's dead, you son of a bitch! Don't you dare tell me she's not! She died when we were sixteen, in a car accident! Damn you for bringing all this back! I saw her, I saw her body at the wake, I saw her coffin in the grave, I remember, she's dead, she's dead and gone and you can't just tell me she's alive!" She shook me hard enough to make my teeth clack. "You can't say this shit to me! What kind of asshole are you?"

My head was spinning. "Wait, you were both sixteen?"

"Just out of school for the summer. On our way to a friend's house for a party. Walking across the street. Drunk driver. I didn't see it. I only heard it." Her hands gripped my shoulders.

"You said your older sister died!"

"She's older by three minutes." Her grip loosened slightly.

"My god." My head was still spinning. Twins. "Jess, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it. That hurt. Damn you, Kev, you sounded serious."

I swallowed hard. "I am serious."

Her grip tightened again. "Not funny."

"Not bullshitting you."

"Do you know what it sounds like when someone gets hit by a car? It's not as loud as you think. Thump, car. Thump, ground. Clang, signpost. It took less time to hear those sounds than it took me to tell you about it. Just like that. She died."

"I saw her in Washington," I said. "On the way to Florida last year. Then she showed up here last fall, at the end of the trimester. Then I saw her in New York City a couple of months later." I tried to keep my voice level and failed. "Jess. She told me...she told me she had a twin sister. And a family who thought she was dead."

"No." Jess shook her head. "That's insane. It has to be a coincidence. Why would she keep it a secret? Why wouldn't she come back?"

"I can't tell you," I said. "I don't know myself. She's involved in some crazy things. I don't think you'd believe any of them."

"You're trying to convince me my dead twin is still alive. That's crazy enough. Go on, lay it on me."

"I can't. I shouldn't have told you about this in the first place, but I did promise her that I'd try to reunite her with her family. I guess this is the first step."

Jess bowed her head until her forehead touched mine. "I'm not sure how to take any of this. This is a lot of shit and it has to be coincidence. But there is one thing I really, really need to know."

"What's that?"

"Were you hitting on her? I'm not sure if that makes you a total asshole, or a total asshole and necrophile."

"She's not dead, so not necrophilia," I said, though I couldn't help the flush as certain memories of our time together came to mind. "I didn't hit on her, but she hit on me. Aggressive doesn't begin to describe it."

Jess sunk down until she was kneeling on the floor at my feet. "I don't want to believe that. I really don't."

"What can I say," I said. "I just have some sort of magnetism."

"I can't describe how much I hate you right now."

"I'm pretty thankful for that."

She stared up at me and shook her head. "Kevin. I swear, if you're bullshitting me, our friendship is over. I want proof, or your sincerest apology if it's some sort of coincidence, but if you're fucking with me, I won't ever forgive you. I'm not giving you a time limit, but the sooner the better. Got it?"

"I understand."

"I'm serious."

"So am I." I cleared my throat. "Maybe you should get up before Drew barges in here and gets the wrong idea."

She blinked, then pushed herself backwards. "Oh god. No way."

"Now that just stings."

Jess jumped to her feet, glared at me one last time, and stalked out of the room without another word. I waited for about a minute, then rolled over to my desk, grabbed my keys, and headed downtown. Just like the last time I had called her, I masked my presence, borrowed someone's cell phone, and wandered off with it. When I walked far enough away from prying eyes and ears, I dialed her number.

"Sarah here." Her voice was grim.

"Hey you," I said.

"Kevin!" Her tone immediately shifted. "I was just thinking about you!"

"Explains why you sounded so angry when you picked up."

"Angry because you're not here."

"Good save."

She giggled. "What's on your mind, sexy pants? I assume this isn't just a social call, and I don't really have the time for phone sex right now."

"Well, there's a couple things I need to pick your mind on, if you're fine with that."

"Sure! Establishment coming down on you? Bureau sniffing around? Girlfriend not keeping you satisfied?"

"Nothing quite so serious," I said. "First item is a friend of mine who's quitting smoking and having a rough time of it. My head's still aching and I'm not great at biokinesis, so I hoped you could give me some pointers."

"It's not my forte either, but I know a few things about it." She gave me some instructions on what receptors I needed to shut down to kill off the cravings and other symptoms. "Do it gradually," she finished. "If you go overboard, it can do nasty things to his brain chemistry. Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, all sorts of psychological issues can crop up if you aren't careful."

"Wasn't planning on going overboard at all," I said. "I just want to make it smoother for him. He's been in agony for the past few days. I want to be as unnoticeable as possible."

"Then you should be on the right track."

"Awesome. Thanks."

"You're welcome." She paused. "Did you say there were a couple of things?"

"Yeah." I paused as well, trying to frame how the conversation should go.

"Well, spit it out. I already said I don't have time for real phone sex, unless listening to me undress will get you off."

"I don't even know how that would work."

"Poorly, Kevin. Poorly."

I chuckled. "Well, there's a situation with another friend of mine, and I could use your help or some advice."

"My help? Directly? That's weird. I don't know any of your lady friends up there. Do you have some sort of harem? Should I be jealous?"

"You know this one."

"Do I?"

Her tone was still teasing and playful. "Yeah. Jessica Kelton. Your twin sister."

She was quiet long enough that I wondered if she had hung up. "So, you made the connection. I was wondering how long it'd take."

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. You think I wouldn't keep an eye on my twin?"

"She reminded me a lot of you, and you reminded me a lot of her," I said. "And then today, her hair sparkled in the light, and it all slipped into place."

"Makes sense." Star's voice turned serious. "So, now you know, that's great. Don't let her know about me. Don't tell her anything. If you let something slip, go tweak her memory. I don't want her in danger, and if you put her in danger, I will move the world to end you."

"You two are rather alike in your threats to my life," I said.

"I'm serious."

"No."

"No? What do you mean, no?"

"I already told her you were alive," I said. She took a sharp breath, but I kept talking before she could explode. "I made that resolution, remember? I'm going to reunite you with your family, and this is the first step."

"You're a sweet guy, and it's one of my favorite things about you, but this isn't the best way of going about it. If she knows I'm alive, she can be used to get to me." Her tone was quiet. "Think long and hard about this. People like the Bureau and even your group wouldn't bat an eye at torturing her to draw a member of the Resistance out of hiding. I've seen it happen. I'm holding you responsible for protecting her. Do you understand me, Kevin?"

"I understand."

"Did she even believe you?"

"I don't think she really does. I think she's giving me the benefit of the doubt since I knew your name without her ever mentioning it, but she also thinks I might be trying to hurt her, or that it's some sort of insane coincidence. That doesn't make sense, because there's no possible way for me to know about you otherwise."

"Putting her off balance like that allows her to believe pretty much anything," Star said. "She's confused and vulnerable right now. Don't let it linger. Tweak her memory if you need to. I'd prefer if you did, honestly. You've put me off balance too, and it's been a long time since that's happened."

"I'm going to make it worse for you."

"I don't know how you can, but please don't."

"I'm going to call you again later, and she's going to be with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't!" Star's voice rose. "I died, right in front of her! She thinks I've been dead for three years now, she'll never believe it, she'll hate me! I can't do it!"

"Star, it's ok. She doesn't hate you. How could she hate you? She misses you."

"I can't put her in danger!"

"Don't tell her about what you're doing," I said. "She doesn't know about psionics, as far as I know. Just talk with her. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you care."

"I can't."

"I'm going to protect her. I swear to you, I'll keep her safe."

"Stop it!"

"I'm going to call and you can't stop me. It'll be evening your time. Will you be around?"

"Maybe." Her voice was shaky. "I should be. Damn you. I don't want to do this."

"You don't need to be scared, I'm going to be with you. Well, with her, but with you too."

"I need to go."

"I'll talk to you tonight, then."

"Yeah." The line went dead. I deleted the call history and replaced the phone where I found it. Downtown Troy was full of energy on this nice spring day and I walked out into that energy and tried to lose myself in it. Tracking active psionic use was easy enough, but once stopped, it became nearly impossible to distinguish psions from normal humans. The Establishment would wonder about why someone masked their presence so close to home, but with luck, they wouldn't trace it back to me.

I wandered through the city for an hour, missing my last class of the day, but I'd cover that easily enough. When I returned to the dorm room, both Max and Drew were tapping away at their keyboards. "What's up, guys," I said.

"Not much, dude. That one's in a lot of pain." Drew jerked his thumb over at Max who looked no better than the last time I had seen him. "Can't you do something about it? You know?"

"Like give him more pain relievers?"

"Yeah."

"I already hit the daily limit on all of them," Max said without turning away from his computer. "I got ninety nine problems, but an overdose ain't one."

"It can't be that bad, dude."

"It sure can be."

While they argued about it, I sat down at my own computer and composed a quick e-mail to Jess. "Come with me at eleven to talk to her."

The response came within a minute. "I hate you so much right now. See you then."

I closed the laptop and stretched while Max complained. "Look, if I really wanted to die slowly, I'd go down a bottle of Tylenol and chase it with straight vodka, then suffer for the next few days as my liver completely shut down. That's not a great way to go. Seriously, Drew, give it a rest."

Drew snorted. "Whatever, dude. You're just stubborn. I'm not telling you to go down the entire bottle, just take more. It's not going to kill you if you do it for a couple days."

"It's my fight, not yours."

"It's my room here too," Drew said. "And if you're going to sit around and whine for the next couple of weeks, we're going to have problems."

"I'm not whining about it!"

"Bullshit you're not."

"Guys, relax," I said. Both of them looked to me. "Drew, let him do his thing, he's keeping more of it buried than you think. Max, don't be stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn, Drew's right. You can hit the painkillers a little harder if you need to, at least till the worst is over."

"Damn your voice of reason," Max said.

"I hate it too," Drew agreed.

"Everyone hates me these days," I said. "It's kind of a good feeling. Tells me I'm doing something right."

"Who else hates you?" Drew asked. "I mean, besides your girlfriend."

"Well, after she hatefucked me, she hasn't really spoken to me since."

Max shook his head and winced. "That wasn't a great idea."

"Well, not in retrospect. It's hard to think rationally when you're caught up in the moment."

"It sometimes happens, dude. Strong emotions take you places, doesn't matter if they're good or bad." Drew shrugged. "Been on both sides of that. Just let it go."

"That's what I'm doing. Hey, it's late already, let's go grab some food?"

"Sounds good to me," Drew said. "Let's go, Max, you need to choke it down."

"No appetite," he said.

"Tough."

We headed down to the Caf and enjoyed some not terrible food. The conversation wound its way from professors and classes to local bars and places of interest, culminating with Max and Drew debating the finer points of their preferred locations. Before they got too carried away, Lisa saw us and trotted over with her standard high level of energy, kissing Drew on the cheek and sitting next to him. Jess followed her with substantially less energy. Her eyes were red and she didn't make eye contact with me.

"Sorry to break you guys up," Lisa said after a couple of minutes. "But I need my big strong man here. We're rearranging our room and we need his help."

"Aw, man, can't it wait till later?" Drew asked. "We're just chilling here."

"I'd rather get it done before it's too late," Lisa said.

"Why can't Jess help you?"

"I'm not feeling that great," Jess said quietly. "Plus I have plans later tonight."