The Embers Of My Heart (33 page)

"You never told me," she said. "I'm hurt. Did you think I was going to run my mouth?"

"I'm pretty sure you'd tell a couple of people," I said. "Too many people know already. I couldn't risk more people finding out. Especially Jess."

"Why Jess? She's your friend. We're all your friends! Don't you think you can trust us?"

Her rebuke stung. "How much do you know about Jess's family?"

"What?"

"Her twin sister."

Lisa frowned. "The one in a car accident? She's mentioned it."

"Do you know what her name was?"

"Her twin? Sarah. Right?" I nodded. "What about her?"

"I told you the name of the girl I met in Seattle, right?"

"Yeah. Wait. Sarah?" Her jaw dropped and she shook her head. "No. Nope. You're not going to convince me with obvious bullshit, Kevin."

"It's true," I said. "Psions are weird. She faked her death for a lot of reasons I don't want to get into."

Lisa stepped toward me. "You better tell me that Jess knows her sister's alive. Or else."

"She does!" I lifted my hands. "But she doesn't know about psionics, and I don't want her to. For her safety, for Sarah's, and for my own."

"I'll let it go if you explain why it's a question of safety."

"You died because someone wants to hurt me," I said.

Lisa's expression shattered. In the space of a few seconds, I saw anger, fear, and confusion all fight for a place. "All right. So not knowing about this stuff didn't save me. What else?"

"Saving her from herself," I said. "Lisa, I can't let anyone else be hurt or suffer because of me. You know what's going to happen next. She's going to fall apart. You're the person keeping her from going full hermit."

Lisa shook her head. "Max won't let that happen."

"She'll push him away," I said. "You know that."

"Kaitlyn will do something. They're getting to be actual friends now, you know."

"Kaitlyn's going to break just as much," I said. "She's going to go try and do anything and everything to not hurt. Being around Jess isn't going to work. You know how she is. She's going to bang every guy she can to distract herself. How do you think Andreas will feel?"

"She's not going to do that!"

"It's possible," I said. She shook her head. "You know it's possible."

"I'm not going to say it won't happen, but I don't think it will."

"You're our heart, Lisa."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the one who brings us together, you're the one who gives us the energy and the push to go out and do things. You make sure people are invited. You make sure people are having fun. You make people feel wanted. You care the most."

She blushed. "Flattery! Flattery, sir!"

"If you go away, everyone's going to fall apart without you," I said.

"No! Don't try and blackmail me like that!"

"Is it working?"

"Yes! I mean, no!"

I grinned. "I need you around to kick Nikki's ass when she comes back, if she tries anything."

"I can't do that! Stop tempting me! She was a bitch, why'd you stay with her so long?"

"Not for her attitude."

"Dirty." She grinned back at me.

"Drew," I said. The grin fell off her face. "You can't leave him."

"I don't need to hear this."

"He loves you," I said.

"And I love him."

"You're all he can think about," I said. "He wants to be with you for the long run. I'm pretty sure he wants to marry you and I'm pretty sure you're ok with that."

"Please stop." She turned her back on me and I saw her shoulders shaking.

"He's basically admitted it to me, but not in so many words. He talks about what you two are going to do once you find jobs, where you might move to, so on and so forth. Every time he talks about the future, you're in it."

"Don't tell me this!"

"He loves you," I repeated.

She spun around and threw herself at me. Her tears soaked my shirt. Once she gathered herself, she pushed herself away and looked up at me. "Swear to me you're telling the truth."

"I swear."

"Bring me back."

I nodded and let the mental realm fade. The effort of keeping it focused was too much for what I had to do. She looked around as the walls disappeared and the white expanse reappeared. "I'm going to share my Sight with you, so you can see what I'm doing," I said.

"This is what you see?" she asked as the power trickled through her. "This is beautiful!"

"It's a series of connections between everything," I said. "And the connections themselves, connected to other things. I can focus down to the connections between cells, or out to the connections between the planets. I can see the connections between all of us. See?" I pulled her with me, out of the mental realm, sharing my Sight of the hospital room. The emotional bonds between all of us stood out.

"I've never looked at myself like this," she said. Her voice was in my own head, uncomfortably close and loud. "And I can see what you mean. I'm at the center. That's why you're afraid."

"Watch these lines," I said, wiggling the ones focused on healing her body. I forced second tier power through them. My clumsy attempt at biokinesis faded and power trickled through her body. In its wake, cells healed, divided, and restored function. Time passed for us, but outside of my focus on her body, our friends stood still as if frozen. Her body would return to life in the blink of an eye from their perspective.

"That feels strange," she said. "I can feel it, at some sort of distance. Like someone's having the feelings for me and relaying it."

While the healing progressed, I began forcing the tangle of silver lines back into her body. Some of them splayed away and some of them vanished into the distance, some into my body. "Does this hurt?" I asked.

"My pain tolerance is way up there now," she said. "Don't worry about it."

My healing threads finished their work. "Looks like we're set," I said. "Ready?"

"No. Wait." Her voice rose in volume. "Look! My body's still dead! It's decaying right there!"

"I'll just restart your heart."

"It's more than that!" She started to gain an edge of hysteria and I forced myself to stay calm for the both of us. "It's dead, Kevin! You're going to push me back into a dead body!"

I focused on her body and saw she was right. Her heart and brain weren't beating or functioning. There was no bridge between her essence and her body to let her cross. I forced the silver tangle in again, but nothing changed the subtle distinction from a dead body into a living one. "It's all right," I said. "I'll get this."

"Please stop!" Her voice was echoing now. "This isn't right!"

"I've got one more idea," I said, and I pushed my mind out to overlay her body. It was a strange sensation as my mind sunk into her, almost being in two places at once. I felt her slide across, like a river diverting into a new course, and it took me with her.

I blacked out. Just for a second, but that was all it took. "Kevin?" I heard Max's voice from a different angle. Whiteness fell away and I saw Max from an odd double perspective, until I saw my own body collapse to the floor. "Kevin!"

"What happened?" Lisa's voice was different. I heard it from her lips, from my own lips. "What did you do, Kevin?"

"Lisa?" Drew's hand gripped ours, hard, painful. "You're alive?"

"Kevin?" She repeated.

"I'm here with you," I said.

"What?"

"I'm in your body, I guess. That's what it took," I said. "But now you're alive again!"

"No pulse. Code blue!" Our head snapped to the doctor, who was kneeling by my body, her fingers pressed to my neck. "What happened? I just saw a flash of light and then he collapsed and she's alive?"

"Miracles happen," I said.

"But you're dead now!" Lisa shouted aloud. Our body sat up straight.

Heads turned to us. Max paled. "Kevin?" he whispered.

"He's inside me!"

"He's dead," the doctor insisted.

"He's perfectly fine," said a new voice. Our eyes glanced to the door and Absynthe stepped through, her eyes already glowing green. "Don't worry about it, doctor. Please cancel the code."

"I'll do that," the doctor said.

"And please give us some privacy. We need to mourn."

"Sure." The doctor walked out of the room. My friends all stared at the strange woman in black, before each of them slowly sat down on a chair or on the floor.

Her eyes focused on ours. "Giving your own life to save hers? How noble."

"What?" Lisa's outrage burned inside her, inside us. "Kevin, no!"

"I wasn't trying to do that!"

"How did you expect to get back to your own body?" Absynthe asked. "She doesn't have the power to bridge you back. You trapped yourself in with her. You can't expect to share her body for the rest of her life. She'll go mad. You'll kill her as surely as she's already dead."

"I was trying to save her!" I said through Lisa's lips.

"And you're going to hijack her body when you need to? Like you are at this moment?"

"No!"

"You don't think about these things," Absynthe said. "You used the second tier again, twice in one night, without permission or training. You've broken more laws, rules, and understandings than I can count. You've sentenced your friend to insanity and a miserable death, which you will be an intimate witness to, as everything she experiences and feels will echo through you. You've done something monstrous." She shook her head. "And so, once again, I'm here to clean up your mess."

"What can I do?" I asked.

"Return to your own body," she said. "We're going to explain this night as a latent, uncontrolled second tier manifestation due to emotional duress. It's true, isn't it? Then you and I are going to have a long talk."

"How do I return?" I asked. "I don't have the power."

"I'll bridge you across. I have the presence of mind to do it without losing myself." She shook her head. "If you weren't too late, it could have worked, Kevin. That's the worst thing about this."

"Too late?"

"You can't bring back those who are unwilling. I'm sorry." Her cold gaze softened slightly. "And I'm doubly sorry for you, Lisa. No one deserves to die twice."

"I don't want to live like this," Lisa said. "I'm all right dying again. Do you think it'll hurt as much this time?"

Absynthe's gaze didn't falter. "It'll always hurt."

"But it'll only hurt for a moment." Lisa sighed and reached down where Drew was slumped against the bed. Our hand stroked his hair. "I wish I didn't have to put him through this twice."

"Don't worry about that," Absynthe said. "I'll make sure none of them remember this particular incident."

"Good. Who are you, by the way? You already seem to know me."

"Absynthe. I'm Kevin's mentor."

"Thank you, Absynthe." Lisa smiled. "I'm ready to go now."

"Can't we do this without her death?" I asked. "Absynthe, it's got to be possible!"

"Her essence is already scattered and broken. She's broken." We recoiled at her words. "Even if we managed the miracle, even if we brought her back, she wouldn't be Lisa Marie Chen any more. Only parts of her. Some of it's gone forever. Some of it remains in each of you who knew her. It can't be put back together, not as a whole."

I shook our head. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Lisa, please forgive me."

"You were trying to do what you thought was right," she said. "There's nothing to forgive."

"Without a thought for the consequences," Absynthe added. "Lisa. Please forgive me, as well."

"It's ok. Thank you."

Absynthe manifested her power. Psionic energy flashed through our conjoined mind and we screamed. A bridge to my own body formed, built with her will. "Push him away," she commanded Lisa. "Force him away from you. Focus on yourself without him. You can do it."

I slid toward my own body. Lisa pushed. Absynthe pulled. I crawled. With a sudden tearing sensation, I was back in my own self. My body was warm and my heart was beating, but everything was pure agony for a moment. My body had only died for a minute, but that was enough. It was worse than any beating Shade had given me.

Absynthe forced me to my feet with a psionic grip. I watched as the life faded from Lisa's eyes for a second time. This time, she didn't scream. This time, she passed with a small smile. This time, I watched the tangle of her essence disperse completely, threads fading off in every direction. One struck me and I felt her hand touch my cheek. "Thank you for trying." Her whisper, a phantom kiss to my cheek, and she was gone.

I hit the ground on my knees as Absynthe let me go. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. She gave me only a moment before placing her hand on my head. "You are going to help me modify everyone's memory of this incident," she said. "And undo all the healing you did to her. Right now."

"But-"

"Now."

I bowed my head. "Yes, Absynthe."

Chapter Twenty Two

It was finally over.

The last five days had been some of the longest days of my life. No one close to me had died before. Arranging a wake and funeral took less time than I thought they would, but those days were long. Her body was flown home. We followed three days later.

After Absynthe and I had finished modifying everyone's memories, she took me to a special debriefing. Alistair Ripley tore me down. I couldn't remember what he said, not in specific. All I remembered was how small I felt afterwards. There would be another hearing down the line to discuss how Kevin Parker unconsciously manifested latent powers and fucked things up again. I didn't even remember leaving his office.

I didn't see Drew until the day we left. He holed up in Andreas's room and didn't come out. Andreas refused to let anyone in to see him. It stung. He was my friend too, but it was what he wanted. I didn't fight it.

On the other hand, Jess was inseparable from Max. She lived in our room for those days. It was uncomfortable. She didn't talk much, only in barely audible words, and she cried constantly. She kept me awake. She couldn't look at me without bursting into tears. I couldn't take it after the second day. I walked outside and stayed out until I was sure she had cried herself to sleep. Even though I knew how she felt, even though I understood, I couldn't be around her any more. Max was far stronger than I could ever be.