The End of the Rainbow (22 page)

“Exactly. Where is the confusion?”

“I guess I am trying to figure out if you are saying that you aren’t gay anymore.”

“If I am giving my life to God, I can’t live that lifestyle anymore.”

“Why?” Spencer asked.

“What do you mean why? Well for one, if I let go of God’s hand right now in the fragile mental state that I’m in, I might end up in jail for murder. Now the second reason is that it’s not right to be with a dude. How can I go to church and profess to love God and then go home and lay up with my man?”

“Everybody else does it. When I go to church I feel like I’m in the club. Half of the choir was just partying with me the night before. And when I say partying, I don’t mean at the straight clubs or the titty bars.”

“I understand that, but does that make it right? I mean think about it, if you were listening to the Pastor preach a sermon and then he pulled out a bottle of Hennessy would you start going to church with a flask of Remy Martin tucked under your arm?” Khalil asked.

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t drink Remy.” Spencer responded with a roll of the neck, causing them to both break out into laughter. “I see what you are saying, man. So does that mean no more clubbing for you?”

“Yep. No clubs, no bars, no pride festivals, no more trips to Atlanta, Houston, Miami or Chicago for black gay pride. Nothing associated with the life.”

“Damn. What you going to do for fun?”

“I still got to eat. Movies are still playing. We can do other things you know. I mean come on Spencer the whole world isn’t a gay pride parade. There are lots of things we can still do,” he said confidently. “I mean don’t get me wrong, this is a drastic change for me as well. I still have the feelings and desires, but I know that there has to be a different plan for my life. I am not instantly over Tyrin or want a wife or girlfriend right now, and yes, I am still nervous about my diagnosis, but hell Spencer, what else can I hold on to right now if it ain’t God. I have to at least give him a chance to do what he does best. You feel me?”

“I feel you man. Now you do realize that I’m still gay don’t you? I don’t want you to walk around expecting me to start acting different around you. I am still going to cuss, drink, talk about dick and all of the other things I do. I will respect your decision but don’t try to convert me. If we can agree on that, then I have your back 100% on this.”

“Agreed,” Khalil said.

“On the real though, I am actually proud of you for stepping up to the plate like this. I mean I don’t really know the bible or anything that pertains to church for that matter. I used to go when I was little but when I got older the only time I really went to church was for a concert or a funeral. Church people just seem so fake, all talk and no action. I commend you for trying to get your shit straight. That’s right, I said shit.” He smiled and grew quiet for a moment. Khalil sensed something on his mind but chose to sit silently and wait for him to say what it was. “Pray for me while you are there.”

“I will man. I promise. I won’t leave you behind,” he assured him.

Spencer let all of the windows down and cranked up the music to a level that killed out any somber mood. The two of them raced up the highway like Peaches and Herb, singing their hearts out like they were onstage in front of millions of adoring fans.

Khalil felt a sense of relief now that he knew his best friend was truly his dog. He had the comfort of knowing that Spencer didn’t just love him because he was gay, he loved him for who he was as a person. He actually had a mild fear about revealing his newness to Spencer because he wasn’t sure how he was going to take it. Now that it’s out in the open he can go ahead full throttle and become the man he is destined to be.

Spencer drove in confusion and worry. He knew he loved Khalil but he wasn’t sure how much Khalil loved him. He knew that he could never replace God and if he tried he would only fall short. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his best friend but he sensed a division about to take place. How could Khalil expect the two of them to remain close if one of the major things that kept them together was now the one thing that was missing? He sat and hoped for the best, but deep down he knew things were going to be different. How different, only time would tell.

SEVENTEEN

Craig and Tyrin exited the elevator on Friday morning and headed towards the office of
Is It Live
. For some strange reason Tyrin felt extremely nervous. He hadn’t been to work in a week and even though Craig assured him that everyone thought he was out with the flu, he felt uneasy.

Upon seeing Tyrin, Kim’s her eyes gleamed with delight. She expressed to him how happy she was that he was feeling better and that the next time he is under the weather to give her a call because she has some wonderful home remedies that are guaranteed to cure anything. He wanted to ask her if she had a cure for AIDS but held back on that comment. As the two of them proceeded through the office, the tension he felt lifted when he realized that no one knew the true reason for his absence. He was however saddened by the fact that Koya was no longer a part of his company, or life for that matter, but he had to move on and be strong.

He entered his office and saw the pile of mail atop his desk. He thought of all he was going through and smiled at the realization that the bill collectors didn’t care one bit about his broken heart. He sat behind the desk and began to sort through the various envelopes trying to find one worth opening. He was stopped in the middle of his postal work when he caught a glimpse of the black and white photo that still sat atop his desk as if nothing had ever taken place. He didn’t have the mental strength to toss it into a drawer or put it out of his sight, so he just did all he could to work around it.

“Hey Kim.” he said into the intercom.

“Yes Tyrin, what can I do for you?” she responded.

“Is Dana here yet?”

“No not yet. She is running late as usual. She called about fifteen minutes ago saying she was stuck in traffic.”

“OK. Well, can you send her in as soon as she gets here?”

“No problem.”

“Oh, by the way, I need a favor.”

“Sure.”“Can you send two dozen long stemmed red roses to Khalil at the shop please?” Tyrin had to begin the reconstruction of his losses and the first one was to put Dana up to the challenges that used to belong to Koya. Even though she had a punctuality issue, he was willing to work out some type of schedule that would allow her to get to work on time. He had two album releases coming up and he needed to get on top of those or lose a major client in the process.

Within the next hour he managed to facilitate three meetings in an effort to get a feel of where everybody was on their tasks. First he met with Manny and had him begin construction on a flyer for the grand opening of a new upscale club in Hollywood. Next were Tony and Trey, who needed to put the finishing touches on a movie poster and have them in his office by the end of the day. Finally he met with Craig and told him that he thanked him for not letting the business lose step on anything while he was out. It was nothing like giving someone a pat on the back from time to time and he knew that right now Craig was more than deserving of the gesture.

In the middle of his meeting with Craig his cell phone rang. He looked at the number and noticed it was his home. He stared at the phone as his heartbeat accelerated to a rapid pace, while Craig sat looking at him in confusion. He pushed the talk button and stuttered the word, “hello” into the mouthpiece.

“Hi Tyrin, how are you?” Khalil asked.

“Khalil?” he softly said into the phone as if he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“Were you expecting someone else to call you from this number?”

“Uhmm no, not at all. How are you?”

“I’m ok. Well the reason I am calling you is because I’m coming to get my stuff next Tuesday and wanted to make sure you were aware of that.”

“Next Tuesday? Why don’t we sit and talk about this first?”

Khalil held the phone for a moment and then continued, “I’ll be out of the house on Tuesday?”Tyrin, feeling the disconnection between them sadly responded, “Tuesday it is. Did you need my help with anything?” He began doodling on a scratch piece of paper to take his mind off of the tension between the two of them.

“Nope, I have it all covered. I also want to ask that you not be there while I’m packing. There’s no need to make things more uncomfortable than they already are, so can I please have the place to myself. I can call you after I finish and let you know I’m done.”

“Khalil wait, slow down a minute.” Tyrin said, as he signaled for Craig to leave the room.

“What’s up?”

“I know that things will never be the same but I was hoping that maybe we could try and put this behind us and work on starting over. I don’t want to lose you and I know you need time, but I believe that we can get through this if we just try. I am not asking for you to take me back immediately but before you put me totally out of your life just take time and think about how much I love you and how much you love me. Feelings don’t just stop overnight, you can’t just stop loving someone just like that and I know that if you listen to your heart it will tell you that you still love me and what we had was more than just a one night stand, it was something with depth and…”

“Tyrin, I don’t mean to cut you off, but you really need to stop talking.” Khalil interjected

“I’m not going to stop until you take me back. I will do anything and I mean anything to have you back in my arms again,” he continued.

“Tyrin, listen to me. I am not on that page anymore. I am somewhere else, totally. I need to go now.”

“Khalil don’t hang up, just listen to me.”

“Bye Tyrin. I’ll call you Tuesday when I’m done.”

“I love you.” He yelled into the phone, but Khalil was already gone.

Tyrin sat at the desk and looked around the office for anything he could use to take his mind off of what had just taken place. In his search for a distraction there came a knock on the door followed by the entrance of Dana who was almost two hours late. The petite and cute around the way girl happily entered into his office, as did everyone who was glad to see him back at work. She walked towards the desk and when she noticed that her excitement was not being reciprocated she sucked in her joyfulness and stood opposite him like a defendant standing before a judge. He stared at her with utter irritation and unfortunately for her she was the perfect wall to punch his anger through. “You’re fired,” he said with no remorse.

“Fired? Mr. Chase, I can explain. I was on my…”

“Go see Craig, tell him to cut you a check and leave.”

“Is it because of my tardiness?” she asked.

“That and I’m also in a really fucked up mood. Now if you don’t mind I need to be alone.”

“Well, I really don’t think it is fair that you are firing me because you are having a bad day!” she said still standing in the same spot with her hands on her hips.

“Dana, I am firing you because I am the owner of the company and I can hire and fire whomever the hell I want. That’s off the record. On the record, I am relieving you of your duties because you have punctuality issues that seem irresolvable. If you like we can review your time cards from the last three months, as well as the two written warnings you received in regard to this matter. Either way we go about this you are still no longer an employee of this company. My ass is covered, yours isn’t, now please leave my office before I have you escorted out,” he said, never taking his eyes off of hers.

“Fuck you,” she responded as she turned and walked toward the door.

“Need some bus money?” he sarcastically asked.

She flipped him the finger and stormed out of the office. As she walked out the door her body was bumped by the hasty entrance of Darrion who was obviously going against the objectionsof Kim who was following him. “Tyrin I tried to stop him,” she exclaimed from behind the determined male presence blocking her view.

“Shit!” He yelled as he threw his hands in the air. “What the fuck now?” Tyrin looked at Darrion standing in front of him and knew that a confrontation was about to ensue, so he prepared himself for the impending altercation that was about to happen. “It’s cool Kim. Close the door behind you.” The two men stared at each other like cowboys about to square off in the middle of a ghost town. The air was thick and as they eyed each other it was obvious that they were both in the mood for a rumble.

“What the fuck do you want?” Tyrin asked from behind his desk.

“Is that all you have to say to me after what you have done to my family?”

“First of all I don’t have to say shit to you. Your family is no longer my problem. Why you’re in here bullshitting with me, you need to have your ass on the phone with the donor patrol.”

“You’re a cold-hearted motherfucker you know that? I can’t believe my sister even slept with someone like you!” Darrion said as he angrily walked towards the desk.

“I suggest you stop coming toward me. I am not in the mood for this and I am liable to beat the fuck out of you!” Tyrin said as he began to stand up. “Darrion I have had the worst week of my life and it is still pinned up in me, so I am warning you to back the fuck up before I take all of this shit out on you.”

“You think you have reason to fight? Do you? Try putting on my shoes you selfish bastard.” Darrion leaned against the desk on the opposite side of Tyrin waiting for a reason to lunge across.

“Just get the fuck out with that shit.” He began to quickly scan the room for objects of weaponry in case this escalated to a physical level.

“Can’t you at least show some sign of remorse? Your son is dying and you were the only person that could help him and now you can’t. I don’t know what has taken place in your personal life but we are talking about an innocent child. Surely you can’t be so evil that you don’t care.”

“I don’t know him Darrion. I may never get to know him. I can’t change any of this. I am utterly powerless to change anything right now. The only thing I have control over is myself and I think I’m losing that,” Tyrin expressed, trying to maintain his stance and not emotionally crack under the pressure.

Darrion sensed that Tyrin’s threats were not geared at him but at the entire circle of events that were taking place in his life. He stood staring at Tyrin and saw the pain that was in his eyes. He was not the same person he met two weeks ago; he was a man that had been turned upside down and needed someone to talk to. “What all has happened?” he calmly asked.

Tyrin’s chiseled looks were indeed like stone and his eyes were emotionless. He was filled with despair and his lips forced themselves apart to utter the word “Everything.”

“Where’s Khalil?”

“Gone.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said as he took a seat in the leather chair opposite the desk.

He watched Darrion make himself comfortable and realized that he could either use him as a sounding board or internalize everything he was dealing with. “I can’t believe I fucked up like this,” he said as he took a seat.

“So is Khalil positive too?”

“I don’t know he won’t talk to me. He really won’t talk to me. The night we found out about my status he and I got into a violent confrontation and I haven’t seen him since. He called me today to tell me he wanted to meet with me next week but the conversation was so cold, so distant. He really has no reason to take me back. I really fucked up.”

“Your actions or action affected many lives. I am hurting and I know that you are in more pain than I can possibly imagine.”

“Why are you here Darrion? There is nothing I can do for you. Nothing at all.”

“I guess I just wanted to see if you were as hurt as I am about Caleb. I am aware that you never met him but I just thought you might feel something since he is your blood.”

“I do.” He looked away from Darrion in an attempt to hide his feelings, “I regret everything that I have done, especially to him. I hope you believe me because I am being sincere.”

“I believe you man. I am sorry for what has happened to you. I really am. I will deal with my issues with the help of God. I have a flight to catch, take care of yourself.” Darrion got up and didn’t wait for a response from Tyrin or even attempt a handshake, he simply walked to the door and let himself out of the office and went on his way.

Tyrin sat and swiveled in the chair growing angrier by the second. Angry at the fact he would never see his son, angry with Khalil for not being here for him, angry with himself for the mistakes he made. He looked at the prize photo on his desk and made up in his mind that he would stop at nothing to get at least one of the three things back that he lost. And the only one worth fighting for was, Khalil Zachari Alexander-Chase.

*****

The lunch crowd was light at The Cheesecake Factory and the four stylists sat around the table trying to decide on what they wanted to fill their stomachs with. The menu was an appetizing eyeful of entrees that moistened the palette but they knew that they had to get back to the salon and be able to function without falling asleep from the food.

“So when you say you’re leaving the lifestyle what exactly do you mean?” Lea asked from behind the menu.

“What do you mean, what do I mean? How many ways can you interpret it?” Khalil questioned.

“Isn’t this kind of sudden? Are you sure you are making the right decision? I mean don’t just change because of what Tyrin did to you. If that’s the case then millions of gay men would now be straight.” Kerrion said as he sipped on his lemonade. “But at the same time, if you are changing because of religious reasons then I take my hat off to you, because a bitch like me has been arguing with God since I was thirteen.”

“There really is no argument if you think about it. I know that it is all kind of a shock, especially since I just found out about my health, and I even asked myself would I have given my life over to God if Tyrin hadn’t cheated. But then I had to come to the realization that what took place between Tyrin and I was a way for God to get my attention.”

“That’s true. It was a wake-up call for you. I hate that it had to get to this point for you to realize that you were created for something else but I guess we have to trust that God knows what he is doing.” Lea added. “Does Tyrin know?”

“I haven’t talked to him yet. I called him earlier today and told him to come by the house on Tuesday and meet with me but we haven’t had any real in depth conversations since last week.”