The Erotic Comedies (Vassi Collection Volume XI) (19 page)

Later, with him, there was a closeness of a comparable kind. I found myself in a mood of narcissistic responsiveness, and as he stood over me, I became passive, soft. I cared for little but to float in an onanistic reverie, allowing my body to find its own arcane expressions of yielding. He could use me as he wished, so long as he was content to remain solitary. He put himself in proportion to my state and found his pleasure by acting the complement to my desire. As I closed my eyes and stretched lazily, I thought of how deliciously it contrasted to other times with men, when I would be fiercely active, and give myself with yearning pelvis and wild cries of need.

Before dawn, as we all slept, I lost all distinctions, lying between the two of them. There seemed to be no difference in our sexes. I was not a man, nor was I a woman, but something which included both. And like any good gestalt, I was greater than the sum of my parts.

II

Robert and Diane

With the energy born of exploration, we worked our way through a Kama Sutra kaleidoscope. The costumes of our insights and the import of our revelations were but varied aspects of a single awareness: the reverberation of cosmic vibration through the medium of the human body.

He entered her tenderly from behind, swelling between her buttocks, and I entered her cunt from in front. For a dazzling arc out of time we rang in all the changes of feeling possible in that position. I had my arms around his shoulders, his mouth pressed to mine, as she writhed between us, caught on our cocks, taking us in and giving to us all at once.

We followed no programme, and yet I found a path through a vast array of complex interlockings. Most poignantly I remember her lips against mine, our kiss hot with passion, while his cock throbbed like a third tongue between our own.

Again I was fucked while fucking. She lay under me in classic pose, her legs at a thirty degree angle, her knees slightly raised, as I swam in the hot moistness of her cunt easily. Suddenly, he was on top of me and with a stuttering shudder his cock soared between my buttocks and penetrated my flesh. As he moved into the privacy of my inner space of sensation, the basic question of all bisexuality came to the surface: how to be a man to the woman while being a woman to the man, and how to be a man to the woman while being a man to the man, and how to be a woman to the woman while being a woman to the man, and how to be a woman to the woman while being a man to the man?

I could not deal, with the multiplicity of levels except by surrender, and at that, the patterns began to sort themselves out. For awhile, each thrust of his cock was matched by a pulsation of light in her eyes. Each roll of her pelvis and sigh from her chest was encased in the stillness of his mind and mine as they interpenetrated and became one consciousness to behold the beauty of the woman between us. Our hands found each other, and in the mingling of fingers I could no longer tell which was his, which hers, which mine, which was right, which was left. Like trapeze artists, we had lept from our perches of safety and found ourselves given up to trust and timing.

The open manifestation of the bifurcation within me brought forth the split within each of them, and at a stroke, we were six. The shifts were rapid and startling. In one moment we were two men and a woman, and then became three men, and again, three women, changing into two men and a man. The genital realities played tag with the psychic states. The subtleties ramified. The man in me was not only a straight male responding as such to a female, and a gay male responding as such to a male, but also a male lesbian swooning in exquisite ambiguity between the figures on either side.

Finally, our breathing synchronized. Our inhalations and exhalations magnified so that each breath had the power of three, increasing the energy available to us to a superhuman capacity.

We did something that went even further to nourish the metamorphosis. I lay on my back, him sucking me while I kissed her. It was as though I were delineated at the waist. My lower part was male and my upper part was female. I kissed her as a woman kisses a woman and she caressed my breasts while he sucked me as a man sucks a man. A sudden shift, and I was a man from the waist up while a woman below. Now I was a man kissing a woman while feeling the sweet melting of my woman's body to his male mouth.

With a buzzing connection, the male and female inside me began to undulate in a series of sine waves. I lost my sexual
identity
and became a sexual
entity
. Yet, there was none of the out-of-focus loss of sense of self that often accompanies experiences of that kind. On the physical plane, I had a sure awareness of myself as a gen-itally male animal; I knew my name; I remembered the nature of things. Reality was pervasive.

Then, a sense of urgency, a quickening of the life force, a deeper pulsation. Inside, male and female had fused; outside, male and female pressed upon me. We all crept in closer, we began to make sounds, we wept at the scope of the orgasm that swept toward us.

During the ensuing ecstasy, all the centers of my being operated independently and harmoniously. The instinctual brain moved my body, as the emotive core sent bolts of yearning through my system; I raised my arms to the heavens. The intellectual center was caught in a state of wordless wonder at the fact of existence, and the higher faculties spun mighty mandalas of meaning.

Through it all, my eyes opened and looked upon the brute truth of the actual room we lay in, saw the flickering shadows on the ceiling thrown by the candle next to the bed, and I heard from the stereo at the far corner of the room, the Beatles singing, "In my life I loved you more."

III

Sex is a key to doorways of knowing. For me it has been a yoga through which new qualities of self evolved. Like the alchemist who works with a potion for decades and in the process brings about a transmutation of his essence, I spent all my conscious life since the age of eight mixing elements in the crucible of sex, sifting enormous amounts of material to produce a few grams of pure substance. I had fucked or been fucked by over five hundred different women, and twice that many men, in circumstances ranging from brief gaspings in alleys and whorehouses to lengthy relationships. I had gone through all the possible scenarios. And with the suddenness of total change, I became a different kind of person.

At the far edge of bisexuality I realized that all that had gone before was but the task of perfecting the instrument, the mindbody that is myself. My adventures had served a single purpose: to exhaust all the subjective aspects of the sexual act. The many modes, which had been challenges, areas of exploration, were now my tools—homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, abstruse psychosexual states and practices, the so-called perversions, the many masks of libidinal displacement . . . these were now at my command, to be used the way a director uses a cast of characters to realize a vision.

Having no term which encompassed the totality of my erotic awareness and function, I found it necessary to coin a new word, and thus formulated the concept: METASEXUALITY.

IV

Metasexual consciousness is born once one has healed the internal male-female duality. Strictly speaking, only those who have attained that state are capable of understanding it. But in the same way that the Buddha nature inheres in every living thing, and enlightenment is simply a waking up to what we have been all along, metasexuality is manifested in all human beings whether they know it or not. But to see this involves at least an intellectual effort, that of making the distinction between metasex and sex itself.

Sex is that activity which takes places between one man and one woman who are fucking to make a baby. Metasex is everything else. This is gone into in full detail in The Metasexual Manifesto, so I won't elaborate here. In this essay, I would like only to suggest some of what is uncovered once that crucial distinction is made. For once we cease applying the laws of sex to metasex, metasex reveals itself as a rich and unexplored territory.

The most blatant example of confusion between the two vehicles lies at the core of every historical civilization—and a metasexual awakening challenges this principle head on—and consists of the prejudice that
two
is the
natural
number for the erotic encounter. This is obviously valid for the sexual realm but proves completely erroneous in the metasexual worldview. The assumption that
two
allows the most perfect erotic union is a misconception rooted in primitive bisexual consciousness.

When one transcends male-female dualism, eroticism becomes suceptible of a more subtle mathematical understanding. For each number, there is a different and unique quality of consciousness, and no one is intrinsically superior to any of the others.

One
, the single point, metasex of no dimension. This is the realm of masturbation, that poorly understood activity, usually considered to be an aberration, but actually a powerful vehicle in its own right. To masturbate to full orgasm (not merely ejaculation or clitoral twitching, but full vegetative release) is a sublime and solitary act, requiring capacity for fear and awe. To bring about one's own orgasm, without the company of others, without fantasies to mask the facticity of the deed, requires great inner resources.

One
has certain shadings, for a person can masturbate in the presence of others and vary the nature of the experience. Masturbating while another assists, giving positive reinforcement, kissing, stroking, speaking, is a profound means of grasping the reality of self and other. How many couples, thinking themselves uninhibited, are unable to masturbate in one another's presence? It is not going too far to suggest that unless an individual has come to terms with
one
, he or she will lack full capability in the higher numbers.

Two
is the official sexual model of our civilization, entrenched in our archtypal mind. It is, however, from a metasexual viewpoint, nothing more than the metasex of a single line, the metasex of one dimension: it is totally flexible since a line can assume an infinity of curves, but it always remains in one dimension.

image:image1.png

With
two
accepted as the ideal, the "natural" way of doing things, the other numbers get relegated to the categories of sin, crime, perversion, or diversion. Even many sophisticates measure their orgies against an unconscious norm. Again, this is because they have not dealt with the internal bisexual split.

The enforced exclusivity of the number even damages the couple-form itself. As people try to squeeze all erotic exploration into that single format, it suffers from a fatal overload. It is as though, with the integral calculus available to us, a law was passed forbidding us to do anything but count on our fingers and toes.

Two
has its uses, its value, and its delights, as well as its limitation. Biologically, it is the vehicle of procreation. And it possesses a certain classic purity of line which makes it attractive to radicals as well as traditionists. Perhaps its major appeal lies in its comparative simplicity.

Three
is the first number in the metasex of two dimensions, metasex of the plane.
Three
must be understood as more than the addition of one more to the basic two. It involves a whole new quality of consciousness, something which cannot come about with people who are still thinking in male-female terms.

The fact of the new dimension becomes clear when one sees that within a triangle, the twosome is but one element of the greater vehicle. In a triangle, in fact, there are seven elementary constituent parts:

image:image2.png

individuals: A, B, C; couples: AB, AC, BC; and the overall form: ABC.

In theory, the triangle is equilateral; in practice, there are many functional variations. For example, using the situation with Robert and Diane, with Robert as A, Diane as B, and myself as C, Robert and Diane, a mated pair-bond, represent a stronger energy than either Robert and myself or Diane and myself; thus, AB will be shorter than either AC or BC. But that is only within one category. Since Diane and I are in a pair-formation situation in terms of our biological sexuality, our metasex will have an intensity greater than what happens between her and Robert in the pair-maintenance situation. In this triangle, BC will be shorter than either AB or AC. In a third context, since Robert and I have cocks and Diane a cunt, the AC bond will possess an idiosyncratic quality which neither AB or BC can manifest, thus giving yet another shape to the basic triangle.

It is possible to go on, showing how differences in body type, ages, astronomical factors, genetic determinations, and so forth, each produce a new triangle. It is the constant tension between the complexity of human dynamics and the inherent properties of a given number which gives the metasexual act its defining nature. The amount of energy available gives it its scope. This can be stated as a general principle: any metasexual act is a function of energy, personality, and geometry.

Four
is a difficult number. From one angle, it is two squared. Thus, many couples attempting different numbers before having come to terms with the bisexual split, go to
four
, where they do nothing more than intensify their basic dualistic bias.

In another sense,
four
is the next two-dimensional figure after three, having one more side than a triangle. As such, it offers fifteen elementary units! As follows:

image:image3.png

individuals: A, B, C, D; couples: AB, AC, AD, BC, BD, CD; triangles: ABC, ABD, ACD, BCD; and the overall form: ABCD. The richness of this structure is grasped when one realizes that not only are all of these sub-units operating simultaneously, but all personality components are functioning, and at the high energy level four people can generate. This gives a strong, continually changing, multi-levelled reality which only a very few are capable of experiencing and integrating.

But further,
four
is the first number which yields three dimensions.: