The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn #3) (20 page)

I took mental snapshots, so I would never forget how it felt to share this perfect experience with him. My heart thundered in my chest as my skin continued to flame. He has claimed me in minutes and I know for a fact no one else will ever fulfill me the way Cole could.

“I can’t… I can’t, Casey. I’m coming now,” he called out as I saw his eyebrows draw together and his expression turn tense. I didn’t let go as I felt his release. I began to tremble against him as he pulled me into a crushing hug. As we clung to each other, not wanting our climaxes to end, I couldn’t tell who was shaking more. I mumbled incoherent sighs of pleasure into his shoulder. Cole and I had the best chemistry I’d ever experienced.

“I love you. And I’m never letting you go again,” Cole said into my hair. He bunched my hair in between his fingers and gave me a kiss on the side of my head.

“This is what I want,” I said softly before rushing to add, “
You’re
what I want. And no matter what we have gone through, that is how I will always feel.”

All the demons that stood between us had been exorcised. I couldn’t be happier that we had found each other once again. Despite what I’d seen growing up, I was raging against the belief men were interchangeable. There was no one else in the entire world for me. Cole was my perfect partner in every way. He satisfied me, challenged me and loved me unconditionally. I was his and he was mine and that was the only way the world made sense.

Chapter Twenty-One

Cole had rented out the bar for the entire night, so there was no rush to leave—or to get dressed for that matter. He rustled up a couple of beer giveaway t-shirts stashed in the back. As we ate the Mexican takeout he had set out in one of the banquet rooms, we wore not only matching Coors Lite tees, but identical grins.

Before dinner was even through, we had made love again. The second time didn’t feel as rushed and frantic and I was grateful for the chance to have him linger inside of me as we stared intently at one another. I loved the ever-changing hazel color of his eyes and how they could switch from light brown to green depending on the lighting. I felt sated and happier than I had been in ages.

The t-shirts were easy to slip into since our clothes were a rumpled mess on the bar floor. I almost mentioned leaving to join the rehearsal party, but stopped myself. The truth was I felt like Cole and I had created our own protective bubble and I never wanted to leave. Also, if Autumn was an accomplice in Cole’s seduction plan, she would scold me for showing up at all.

I sat on his lap as we ate dessert: Tres Leches cake with toasted coconut and bananas. As I licked the bits of icing off of my fingers while Cole played with my hair, I felt full and content.

“Is that your bass I saw on stage?” I asked.

“Yes. I promised the guys I would put in a little practice time since I’m not getting to Atlanta until a couple of hours before our first show,” he said. “I got here early and worked on some of the new stuff we will be playing.”

“Can you play me something?”

“Sure. I was working on "Seven Nation Army," but I’ll think of something a little more romantic. You know something that will make you more likely to let me tap that ass again,” he said and then gave me a playful smack on my behind.

I laughed while sliding off of his lap. I gestured with my hands to the stage area of the restaurant. “Well, go ahead and woo me, lover boy.”

We walked hand and hand out into the stage area. I liked being in Stucky’s, going back to where our story had begun. Now, I had even more memories tied to the place. Cole picked up his bass guitar and sat on the lone wooden chair center stage. I moved a chair to the center of the dance floor, so we could face each other.

His laughter sounded nervous as he looked out at me. “This feels like a hell of a lot pressure. My heart isn’t pounding this hard when we have a full house.”

“Just pretend I’m not here,” I suggested and drew my knees up to my chest. He grinned as he likely caught a peek of my lace-covered bottom.

“Impossible,” he said, shaking his head. He took a second and then started to strum away. I loved watching his fingers move so seamlessly over the strings. He was a confident player, never fumbling over the strings. I recognized the bass line, but I couldn’t quite place the song. My mouth opened in shock as I heard him quietly start to sing “Love Song” by The Cure. Cole had told me his singing was atrocious. The fact that he was opening himself up in this way told me he was willing to let me see his vulnerability.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

His voice was rough, but I liked the sound. The raspy tone of his singing sounded raw and undeniably sexy. For the second half of the song, he closed his eyes and I did as well. I felt warm and safe and freer than I had in for as long as I could remember. As he sang the last verse, I jumped to my feet and giddily applauded. He gave a mock-exaggerated bow and returned my overjoyed smile.

Everything had come full circle and there was no one who could steal away what we had come to mean to one another. But there was one truth left. And I was dreading bringing Justin into our lives once again. Cole had forgiven the past without knowing the entire story. And I loved him for that. I loved him for his capacity to get over his jealousy and anger because he understood we had something worth fighting for. But I wouldn’t keep this secret. Not telling him made a statement that I was ashamed. And I wasn’t ashamed anymore.

He set the bass guitar to the side of his chair. Taking my place back on his lap, I rested my head comfortably on his shoulders. I felt dizzy and lightheaded as I tried to rein in my emotions. I wanted to get everything out that I wanted to say without falling apart.

“I have been trying so hard to figure out how to put into words what I need to say to you. But I don’t think there is an easy way to say it because what I have to say is ugly. Probably the ugliest thing that has ever happened to me.” Although I felt him tense against me, I continued on. “I was raped.”

“What?” he whispered and pulled me to face him. He searched my face and I could see the horror and confusion warring on his features. He didn’t want it to be true, scared of what could have been done to me—terrified he had somehow failed to protect me.

“Justin raped me. I passed out that night in Atlantic City and didn’t remember anything until I woke up next to him in his hotel room. He told me we had sex and tried to convince me I wanted it.” I pushed back my shoulders and said evenly, “I didn’t want it. I never did. I was passed out and never said yes.”

“I’m going to kill him,” he said, his face turning an angry shade of crimson with a vein starting to pulse in his forehead.

I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “No. I love that you want to defend me, but I need to stick up for myself. That’s why I’m going to the police after Autumn’s wedding.”

Cole grabbed my cheeks in his hands and I saw his eyes well up. “Why didn’t you tell me, Casey? Why did you say you cheated on me?”

Cole had narrowed in on the only shame that still lingered inside of me. “Because I didn’t believe I was raped. I felt like I must have done something that led Justin on. I think I bought into the archaic belief I had done something to make him rape me.”

“All this time… I’ve been so wrong. I held you liable, I said disgusting and hurtful things to you—”

I shook my head back and forth to silence him. “It’s not your fault. And I’ve come to accept it’s not mine either. The blame lies with Justin. He took something that wasn’t his to take and manipulated me into thinking it was all right. Like although I wasn’t conscious to give my consent, I would have let him have sex with me anyway. But that’s not true. I was in love with you then, just as much as I am now and never would have hurt you intentionally.”

“That fucker did that to you and had the nerve to show his face in Barbados? If I had any clue, I would have choked the life out of him instead of cold-cocking him,” he hissed with vehemence in his voice.

“I wanted to tell you while we were on the cruise, but I was so confused. As much as my heart shattered to see you walk away from me, I needed the time apart. My self-worth was too much in the gutter for me to be with you again.” I pressed my small palm against his large, callused hand. “But I’m getting better now. I’m not going to stay stuck in the past, but I won’t pretend that the rape didn’t happen either.”

“Casey, how can I just sit here and do nothing?” Cole asked with his breathing suddenly turning ragged. His nostrils flared and I could see him struggling with his emotions. “He hurt you and I can’t stand the thought that he’s living his life, collecting his million dollar paychecks like he’s a goddamn all-American hero.”

“I’m asking you to let me see this through. I need to be the one to send the message that I won’t stay silent. The reality is he may not be charged. He may not lose his job. But maybe my coming forward will convince another girl to do the same.” I interlaced our fingers and held on to his hand tightly. “I don’t need you to beat him up. I need you to support me when I go to the police.”

“I’ll be there for you. I told you, nothing is keeping me away from you,” he said with some of the rage leaving his voice. “And although I hate the fucker with every fiber of my being, I’ll do whatever you ask. Because I know this isn’t about me.”

“I love you so hard, Cole Caldwell,” I said in a choked voice. I gave him a sweet and gentle kiss against his soft and inviting lips.

“I love you too. And never be afraid to tell me anything again,” he said, his eyes never leaving my face. “This isn’t only about sex and the good times between us. This is about finding who I want to be with for the rest of my life. And being there for you no matter what.”

Who knew we would end up here? I had been imagining the wrong kind of perfect love all along. Love wasn’t about always putting on a smile for each other despite the hurt. Love wasn’t about taking what you needed from that person and then moving on. Love didn’t have to fit any parameters or follow any rules. And that was my favorite thing about my love for Cole. The possibilities were limitless.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“You can do this, Autumn Dorey.”

Tossing down my bouquet on the floral lounge chair, I put an encouraging hand on her shoulder. Autumn was staring at herself in the full-length mirror and repeating the same phrase over and over again. I, along with the rest of her bridal party, was gathered in her bridal suite and watching her with mixed reactions. Autumn’s mother appeared alarmed while Delia looked exasperated. Lexi and I were used to Autumn’s mantras and were trying to hold in giggles. We weren’t concerned she was having cold feet. Autumn had been giving herself pep talks in the mirror for years. It was her way of psychologically preparing herself for anything stressful. It worked for her, so who were we to knock it?

Autumn looked flawless. Her gown was cream-colored with a sweetheart neckline and dramatic lace trim work. The chapel length train was spread out on the floor behind her and the bridesmaids had spent a good ten minutes gushing over the delicate beading done on the dress. Because of the high drama of the dress, Autumn had opted for a simple veil that sat securely on top of her gorgeous golden tresses. She had added some subtle waves in it, but otherwise kept her hair down.

Autumn actually loved her friends, so she hadn’t outfitted us in bridesmaids’ dresses from hell. I had told her I’d wear the dress she had chosen again and I wasn’t lying. The dresses had a vintage look with tea-length skirts and a hint of crinoline showing below the hem. Autumn told us to pick out one of the colors available and I had chosen a pale yellow. Lexi picked the light purple shade while Delia settled on a peach color.

“Autumn, honey, are you ready? Your dad has been standing outside the door for ten minutes now,” her mom said gently. Her hands were shaking as she held a glass of water and I wondered if Mrs. Dorey had plans to splash her daughter with the liquid in order to make her come to her senses.

Thankfully, Autumn’s spell was broken and she gave her mom an encouraging smile. “I just need another minute, Mom. I don’t want to be so nervous that I don’t take in every minute of today.”

“Okay. Why don’t me and the girls get lined up then? You come down whenever you’re ready,” she said. Her mom dabbed at her eyes. “You look so beautiful, baby girl. There’s not going to be a dry eye when you walk down the aisle.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.” They embraced and I could see Autumn try to hold in tears. Today was the reason waterproof makeup was invented.

Her mom stepped out of the hug and Delia moved around to stand beside Autumn. She gave her a slight smile tinged with her sarcastic blend of humor. “No rush to come down. It will probably do my brother some good to sweat it out a bit.” Delia transformed her smile to a genuine one. “It’s not going to suck having you as my sister. I’m really happy Blake found you.”

Delia wasn’t the most expressive person, so her words were practically poetry. I could see Autumn was affected too and she took her hand. “I already think of you as my sister. And I’m so thrilled you found someone who has made you as happy as your brother makes me.”

Reluctantly, Autumn’s mom left bridal suite while Delia followed her out. Lexi and I took their places and both put a hand on each of her shoulders. I grinned at our reflections in the mirror. When I met them both, we had been kids on our own for the first time in our lives. Now, one of us was getting married.

“Don’t be nervous. Just picture it’s only you and Blake down there. The rest of us are just background noise,” Lexi said in an upbeat voice.

“I want to marry Blake. That’s not the reason I’m nervous,” she said, looking at us through the mirror.

“What’s going on then?”

“Aruba isn’t going to be just our honeymoon. It’s going to be a babymoon,” she said quietly.

“What?” I managed to cry out.

She cast a nervous look at the door. “Shh… no one but Blake knows. I took a test this morning when I realized how late I was.”

“Oh my god, Autumn. What did he say?”

“He’s so happy. Like ready to pass out cigars happy. I mean it’s still super early, but I just had a feeling…” she trailed off.

Lexi asked in a careful voice, “Is this a good thing? Are you happy too?”

We both relaxed as Autumn smiled and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Yes! That’s probably crazy to say, but I am. I want Blake and me to have kids together. This may be sooner than we planned, but I feel like it can only be a blessing.”

“I’m totally calling dibs on being your babysitter. With your DNA combined with Blake’s, you’re going to have the freaking cutest kid ever,” I said.

“I’m taking you up on that. I still want to finish grad school and find a social work job,” she said, the first time I saw signs of her nervousness.

“You will be able to do that and still be a mom," said Lexi. "Casey and I will be the best aunts ever and help out whenever you need it.”

“Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you both,” she said and sniffled. She stood up while smoothing down the front of her gown. “I’m ready now.”

She wiped at her eyes and seemed to regain her confidence in an instant. She had needed to get the baby news off her chest and I could see what a relief it had been to tell us. She had nothing to worry about. Not only would Autumn be a remarkable mom, but Blake was sure to be a natural at fatherhood. Having a child together would only be another chapter in their already perfect love story.

“We love you,” I said and pulled her in for a hug.

She tightened her hold as I tried to let go. In a whisper, she said, “Don’t think I’m leaving for Aruba without hearing every scandalous detail about your night with Cole.”

My cheeks were on fire as I pulled away. Lexi winked at me and laughed before getting her own hug with Autumn in. I wasn’t surprised my friends were curious. I felt like Cole had imprinted on me the night before and everyone could see the brands. Plus, my cynicism had been left behind at Stucky’s and I couldn’t stop smiling from ear to ear.

Lexi and I waved to Autumn at the door and I felt my bliss soar to unbelievable heights. I was no longer worried about us leaving each other behind. Just because Cole's and my love story was just beginning didn’t mean the Lexi, Autumn and Casey chapters were coming to an end. We would always be friends and I could only be excited to share in all the joyful moments that were sure to come for us all.