The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (153 page)

I’m never gonna stop wanting her—I know that. From the broken girl in the coffee shop on that rainy Halloween night to the vibrant girl who owns that stage at McCaw Theater every time she dances, I want every version of her—forever. I’ve never known beauty until her. I’ve never known how good life could be until her.

As I slowly drag my lips away from hers, she opens her eyes as she rests her head next to mine on the pillow. She runs her small hand from my shoulder down to my chest where she keeps it, and I wrap my hand around hers. Her soft skin glows in the flicker of the fire as I stare into her hazel eyes, and I see everything I’ll ever want to see. It’s all within her. She holds every part of me, and it’s in this very moment that I feel it. It floods inside of me. A peace that only she can bring me.

No doubt. No questioning. No hesitation.

“Marry me.”

“Marry me.”

His softest words are the most powerful and hit hard inside of my heart as it begins to race when shock takes it over.

“What?” I softly whisper because he’s caught me so off guard with his question that my mind is spinning.

“Marry me,” he repeats with a clarity I can’t deny. With a certainty I’ve always depended on him for. He’s the warmth I draw my strength from. My safe place to rest my head when it won’t stop torturing me.

Each word falls right through me, and all I can do is give him a nod of my head.

His smile is perfection as he covers me in it, kissing me with his whole heart. The only heart that has been able to unravel me. The heart that showed me
my
heart could still breathe when I felt as if it was suffocating. He walked right inside of me and brought me back to life. He promised me he wouldn’t let me fade. I didn’t believe him at the time, but he fought for me. I thought I’d lost who I was, but with each day, he gives me a piece of my old self back. A playfulness I thought was gone. A happiness I never thought I’d feel again. A security I thought was forever stolen from me.

When he pulls back, his face is intent, looking straight through me to my core as he says, “Tell me, babe. Give me the words.”

Taking his face in my hands, I can’t hold in my emotions when the tears slip out. “Let’s get married.”

He pulls me to his chest as he loops his arm behind my knees, cradling me in his hold as he picks me up. The giggles slip out, the pure reflection of joy as he carries me upstairs to his room, shutting the door behind him. Laying me down in bed, he crawls over me and pulls the sheets over us.

“Tell me you love me,” he whispers against my skin as he runs his hand underneath my top and gently squeezes my breast.

“I’ve only ever loved you,” I pant as he slowly grazes my nipple with his thumb.

His lips find my neck, and he begins to kiss and nibble his way down as he grabs the hem of my shirt and slips it off of me. I know what he wants, and I want to give it to him, but knowing the house is full of people, my nerves take over.

“Ryan, wait.”

Lifting his head, he looks down at me and reads me well when he says, “Baby, I wanna make love to you.”

“But—”

“You’re all that exists for me right now,” he tells me, and my eyes fall shut with his words.

His warm lips cover mine, and I let go of the worry, handing it over to him because I know he’ll always take care of me. Running his kisses down the center of my chest, he moves to my breast and drags his tongue over the lace bra that’s still covering me. The sensation is powerful as he gently sucks my nipple into the heat of his mouth. He takes his hand and slides it behind me, unhooking my bra and dropping it to the floor. Ryan stares down at me, then meets my eyes, saying, “I never knew it could be like this.”

His words bring a smile to my face when I respond, “Me neither.”

We go slow, the same way we always do. He’s never rushed with me, always taking his time, but knowing that he wants to be mine—to be my husband—creates an underlying intensity. A piece of the puzzle that we’ve finally found. A wholeness that we can bring each other. And when we have each other undressed, he quietly slips inside of me and holds himself there. Still. His breathing is heavy, and I can feel the swarm of his emotions take over him. I see it in eyes as he keeps them locked on mine.

I pull him down to me, needing the weight of him to cover me as I press my hands into his back to keep him close. Tonight is different. Bared in a way we’ve never been with each other. The love I feel for this man is more than my body can handle, and when I release a whimper, he begins to move inside of me.

His head is nestled in the curve of my neck, and I run my hands up his back and into his hair, holding his head in my hands, and when he draws his head back, I see his cheeks are damp with tears. I don’t say anything; I know exactly how he feels because his tears reflect the ones that run down the sides of my face.

Rolling to the side, we lie face to face. He takes my leg and drapes it over his hip as he grabs me from behind, guiding me with him. I keep my hands on his face and hold him close, both of us quietly releasing our love and happiness through tears. The room fills with nothing but soft breaths of pleasure as we make love, giving ourselves entirely with the certainty that we are perfect for each other. Feeling secure, knowing that through it all our love has never stalled. It only grows.

Waking up in the morning, the room is cold, and I snuggle in tighter to Ryan who is just starting to stir. I watch as he slowly begins to open his eyes, and before he can fully wake, he has a cheesy grin on his face when he rolls me on top of him.

“Morning,” he says in his sexy rasp before I lower my lips to his, giving him a gentle kiss.

When I shiver in his arms, he rolls me back onto the bed, and wraps his arms around me.

“Mmm, you’re still naked,” he teases with a grin, and I tuck my head down into his chest. “Why are you so shy with me still?”

“Ryan,” I softly nag.

“I’m not complaining. I like that you’re still shy and reserved around me.”

Peeking up at him, he kisses my forehead, and adds, “But I’m not gonna lie, I love feeling your skin all over me.”

“Stop,” I say, feeling the blush heat my cheeks as he quietly laughs.

He runs his hands through my hair as he looks at me, saying, “Tell me last night wasn’t a dream.”

“Which part?”

“The part where you said you’d marry me.”

Smiling, I tell him, “I hope it wasn’t a dream.”

“Do you have any idea how happy you make me?” he asks, not letting me answer when he kisses the smile on my face.

He keeps his lips on me as he starts running his kisses across my cheek and down my neck. Holding on to him, I close my eyes as he sends tingles down my arms. “I don’t wanna wait,” I whisper.

“For what,” he mumbles against my skin.

“To marry you.”

He pulls back to look at me, and agrees, “I don’t either.”

“Well, I was thinking . . . umm . . .”

“Just say it,” he tells me as he brushes my hair back.

“What about Indian Beach?”

“To get married?” he asks.

I nod my head, saying, “I love it there.” It’s where we went this very day last year when he told me that he wanted to be with me. It’s where he taught me how to surf. It’s a place the two of us go together every time we come to Cannon Beach. And I know it’s his favorite beach too.

“Sounds perfect.”

“But . . .” I start hesitantly. “What if we just did it this weekend?”

“In two days?”

“Or three,” I say coyly, wondering if he’s thinking I’m crazy for suggesting doing it so soon.

“Babe, don’t you want a big wedding and have everyone there?” he asks, concerned.

Letting out a soft breath, I tell him, “I never wanted a big wedding. You know me; I don’t want all that. I just want us.”

He gives me a kiss and then questions, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Just us,” I assure him before adding with a smile, “And a pretty dress.”

“What about everything else?”

“There is nothing else. I just want you, but no cheesy tux. Promise me no tux.”

He laughs at me and asks, “Why’s that?”

“Because it isn’t you.”

“Okay, no cheesy tux,” he agrees with a sexy smirk, and the smile on my face can’t even reflect the happiness that I feel right now.

After he makes sure he is satisfied from thoroughly kissing me, he says, “We should go downstairs. Everyone is leaving this morning, so we should make an appearance.”

“Can we not tell them?” I suggest, and when he tilts his head in question, I add, “I don’t want all the fuss. Can we just tell your mom when everyone leaves?”

“Of course, babe,” he says and then gets out of bed.

After we take our showers and get dressed, we head downstairs to visit before everyone heads home, except Tori, who is going to stay so that she can go shopping with Donna.

“Hey, Mom. Can Candace and I talk to you for a minute?” Ryan asks as she is finishing up a pot of tea for herself and me.

“Sure,” she says with a curious eye as Ryan takes my hand and starts walking back to the study.

“What’s going on?” Donna asks as the three of us stand there.

My stomach is filled with butterflies, wondering how she’s going to react to this sudden news. I think Ryan and I are still in a bit of shock with the spontaneity of it all, but it’s what we both want.

Ryan doesn’t waste any time when he comes right out and says, “I asked Candace to marry me last night.”

“What?!” she squeals and looks to me, and then down at my hand, and Ryan catches her eyes.

“No ring, Mom,” he says.

She shakes her head, questioning, “So . . .?” and I laugh as I assure her, “I said yes.”

“Oh my God!” Donna wraps her arms around both of us, and I can’t stop laughing at her reaction. Happy, joyful, and everything else you would wish for from a parent.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she nearly scolds Ryan when she pulls back. “And why didn’t you get her a ring?”

“I don’t need a ring,” I butt in and tell her.

“Because,” Ryan interrupts, “I never thought of asking her until last night. It just happened, and before I knew it, I asked and she said yes.”

“This is just wonderful news, you two,” she beams with an ear to ear smile.

“But we need your help,” he says.

“Yes, anything.”

“We want to get married here. Either Saturday or Sunday.”

“
This
Saturday or Sunday?” she questions.

“Yeah,” he says while I nod my head.

“What’s this Saturday or Sunday?” Tori asks as she walks in.

Donna doesn’t say anything and looks to me, but Ryan goes ahead and tells her as he steps behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “Candace and I are getting married.”

“What?!” She gives the same squealed reaction as Donna. “In two days?!”

“Or three,” I mumble quietly, starting to feel a little embarrassed with the reactions.

“How are you supposed to plan a wedding in two days?”

“Tori, stop,” Ryan tells her, and when she looks at me, she back pedals as I’m sure she can see the embarrassment written all over my face. “I’m sorry, Candace.”

“No, it’s fine,” I tell her and then look over at Donna. “We don’t want a big wedding or anything. We were just thinking we could go to Indian Beach in a couple days and simply get married. That’s all.”

Her warm smile soothes the anxiety that Tori was starting to give me and softly says, “I think that’s perfect, dear.”

“We just need someone to do the ceremony, so could you call the church you attend and see if one of the pastors is available? We’ll work around his schedule,” Ryan says to her.

“Of course. I’ll call right now, but you two will need to go to the courthouse to get a license today,” she tells us.

“What about flowers, or a cake, or—” Tori starts.

“Nothing,” Ryan tells her.

“Really?” she asks, looking at me, and I tell her, “Really. I just want a dress. That’s all I need.” But then it hits me . . . it isn’t all I need. Turning in Ryan’s arms, I look up at him, and before I can speak, he reads the panic in me, asking, “What’s wrong?”

“We have to call Jase. I can’t get married without him. I just . . .”