The Fall and Rise of Lucy Charlton (27 page)

Lucy had gone to Edgar’s house because he had left some important papers in one of the desk drawers in his study when he was working late the night before. He was due in court and so she must run and fetch them and deliver them to him.

Nobody answered. She rang the bell and nothing happened and then she hammered on the door. He had said that Norah would definitely be there, even if his sister was not, so in the end she went around to the back door which was actually at the side of the house. It was ajar.

Here she hesitated; she could hear the sound of laughter and she thought it was Emily. She had never heard Emily laugh like that, so openly giggling, but there was another voice too, lifted, light. From where she stood she could see through the window. She would have spoken, but she was so surprised by what she saw that she couldn’t think of anything to say. She stood well back, not knowing what to do. They weren’t aware of her at all, so concentrated were they on one another.

Norah and Emily were in the kitchen. Norah was obviously baking because the sweet smell of pastry and fruit hung in
the air. They were flicking flour at one another. It reminded her at first of herself and Gemma when they were younger, but no, it was not the same. She didn’t understand why.

The floor was covered in splodges of white and they began chasing one another, giggling even more. It was a game they had played before, because they kept changing direction, weaving in and out of the furniture, eventually coming face to face.

There were seconds together of hesitation and then they rushed at one another and the next moment they were kissing, long deliberate open-mouthed assaults, as though they were starving for touch and feel, as though they knew one another’s bodies. They were crooning now, eager, lustful, cupping the other’s face to get nearer.

She backed away, hoping that they had not seen her, that they wouldn’t call out, but no other sound came to her from the kitchen other than noises she felt sure she was not supposed to hear. She ran away beyond the house and up the drive and didn’t stop until she was quite out of breath. Then she deliberated. Edgar needed the papers.

She was shocked. She had never heard of such things. Was that true? Women who liked women and men who preferred men? It didn’t seem right somehow, and then she thought of Emily’s unhappiness. How could one love be worse than another, if the two people were adult and willing and free? The trouble was that Norah was not free, she was about to be married.

Lucy stood and waited. She felt guilty because Edgar was in court and she didn’t know how long it would be before he needed the information. In the end she went slowly back
down the drive and banged like merry hell on the front door. Nothing happened for a long while and so she banged again. Eventually Emily appeared at the door, out of breath, her hair in disarray and her clothes pulled on anyhow, Lucy thought.

She tried to be normal, to ask for what she wanted. Emily waved her into the study, told her to help herself and said she was busy. She disappeared into the shadows at the back of the house, banging the green baize door which led there.

Lucy found the papers in one of the drawers almost immediately. She ran all the way to Elvet, to the court.

She saw Edgar there in the courtroom.

‘Where on earth have you been?’ he whispered furiously.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t find them at first. They weren’t where you said they were,’ she said.

He seemed to accept this as reasonable and was so distracted with what he was trying to achieve that he took them from her without another word. She went back to the office and tried to work and found herself walking up and down. She understood so much now. She understood that she had been an idiot about Joe. No wonder he didn’t understand her. But most of all she thought about Emily and of how Edgar had talked about not knowing what his sister wanted.

Lucy tried to dismiss Emily and Norah from her mind. She told herself it was nothing to do with her, especially as she didn’t like Emily very much, but she knew that Emily was unhappy, as was Edgar about their home life. In the end she went to see Emily, one afternoon.

She couldn’t go after work – she was too afraid that Edgar would come home or see her leave – so she lied to him and
said she had some business in the town for him, which she had actually done the day before. She made her way back to his house, remembering what she’d found a few days before. She only hoped that Emily was there.

She was in luck. Emily answered the door. She looked tired and bored, as though she might have been dozing by the fire. She had a book in one hand and she frowned.

‘Oh, it’s you,’ she said. ‘He hasn’t left some more wretched papers here, has he?’

‘I just wanted to talk to you.’

‘Me?’ She looked surprised – why wouldn’t she – but she opened the door wider and allowed Lucy into the sitting room where the fire burned small. Emily apologized.

‘Norah usually sees to these things and she has gone off to her aunt’s in Esh Winning. Her aunt is making her wedding dress. She’s very excited about it – she didn’t expect to go to her wedding in a white dress.’ Emily tried to smile and didn’t quite manage it.

‘I did want to see you by yourself.’

‘I can’t even manage tea. You see how useless I am. At least you can have a seat. There’s nothing wrong with Edgar, is there?’ She looked concerned and Lucy saw that she really did care for her brother.

‘He’s worried about you.’

‘Oh for goodness’ sake. He didn’t send you to talk to me?’

‘I pretended I had somewhere to go.’

‘How intriguing.’ Emily sat down heavily in the armchair, across the fire from where Lucy sat.

‘It’s about you, really. And Norah.’

Emily looked hard at her. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I don’t know how to say it but – does she want to get married?’

Emily’s face went blank. ‘She must, or she wouldn’t do it.’

‘People don’t always want to. There are other ways to live.’

Emily sighed. ‘Not for her. She has a very good family, you know. They expect it and … she wants children. This is Durham. It’s such a small city.’

‘Emily—’

‘Don’t let’s talk about it.’

‘But—’

‘There’s nothing anyone can do or I would have done it, you see.’

The girl’s eyes were bright with tears. There was a short silence and then she said into it, ‘How did you guess?’

‘I saw you together.’

Emily thought for a few moments and then nodded.

‘Last week when you came to the house,’ she said.

‘I didn’t mean to … to be there, and I didn’t stay.’

Emily shook off the tears.

‘And you cared enough to come here and see me?’

‘I’m very good at interfering,’ Lucy said. She got up.

‘You won’t say anything.’

‘Certainly not.’

‘Joe knows, but he’s the only one besides you.’ Emily hesitated. ‘Especially not my brother.’

Lucy didn’t know what to say. She knew that there was a great affection between the brother and sister, though whether it would survive such information she doubted. She looked straight at Emily and said, ‘I wouldn’t dream of such a thing. It would be a betrayal of both of you.’

She could see that Emily relaxed. The anxiety almost went from her face and the look of gratitude upon it made Lucy sorry for her.

Emily saw her to the door. ‘I didn’t think we were going to be friends,’ she said.

‘Well, we are. When you get tired of being alone come into town and we’ll have tea together.’

*

Norah lived in Atherton Street, a terrace of houses just beyond the centre of the city which went down in a sweeping way. They lay south of the viaduct which carried the railway to Edinburgh in the north and London the other way.

It was early evening when Lucy knocked on the door. A middle-aged man opened it and she had her first sight of Norah’s family. Her father was well dressed in a poor kind of way, in a suit of cheap dark material which was shiny with use. The hall smelled of polish. He seemed happy to see her when she explained who she was, and he ushered her inside. The stairs went up on the left, but on the right were two rooms. He saw her into the first and there were Norah, her mother and a young man.

Mrs Moody said how kind it was of Miss Charlton to call, and she offered her tea. Lucy despaired of being able to see Norah by herself. The young man was introduced as Norah’s intended. He was short, skinny, sallow-faced and obviously wearing his best; he looked so uncomfortable in it, but he had hold of Norah’s hand. Norah didn’t look at Lucy once, giving Lucy the impression that Emily must have told her that Lucy knew of their feelings for one another. She hoped nobody noticed, but then why should they? She didn’t stay
long, but had a cup of tea with them and joined in the general talk.

Then Norah’s mother said to her, ‘You must come to the wedding. We know you are great friends of the Bainbridge family and that you work with Mr Bainbridge. They have always been so kind to Norah. She’s been with them since she left school, when Mr and Mrs Bainbridge were still alive, and they are a wonderful family to work for.’

Lucy was so stunned to receive the invitation that she couldn’t think of an excuse not to go. She found herself saying she would be delighted and Mrs Moody told her the wedding would be at the chapel in North Road.

Mr Moody took over the conversation then, saying that he was sorry to lose his only and lovely daughter, but glad that she was going to such a nice young man as Fred. Fred blushed. Mrs Moody explained that Fred had a job as a clerk on the railways and was doing well.

Lucy felt sad about the whole situation. These were lovely people, living a hard life, and perhaps it was wrong to criticize anything about them. Every minute seemed like ten until Lucy got to her feet, saying how kind they were and managed to get into the darkness of the hall. She could hear Norah stuttering that she would see Miss Charlton out. Lucy hauled open the door and took huge breaths of air. It was several seconds until she saw that Norah had closed the front door with herself outside it.

The street was mercifully empty. Norah came to her, straight-faced and empty-eyed.

‘I understand what you’re trying to do, Miss, and I’m
grateful for it, but this cannot be altered. I cannot give up my family for Emily.’

Lucy could think of nothing helpful to say.

‘I’m the only bairn they have,’ Norah said. ‘My mam lost four of her five children. How could I disappoint them, hurt them so much?’ She hesitated and then didn’t say what Lucy was convinced she wanted to. Instead of saying goodnight and walking away, Lucy waited.

Norah dipped her head and then raised it. She was clear-eyed now and said, ‘Emily would have got tired of me. She’s that clever. We couldn’t have lived here, and in places like London I would have let her down with the way I talk and my ideas. She knows about paintings and books and things like that. She goes to the kind of concerts where I know I would be really bored. This is what I know.’

‘What about Fred?’

‘He’ll do all right and we’ll have a nice house and maybe even bairns – and I do want bairns – and my mam and dad will be proud of me. They’ll be grandparents, and they want that so much, Miss Charlton. And in time I’ll forget how I felt about her, except as a lovely idea which I couldn’t hold. She’ll forget about me. She’ll find somebody else.’

Norah turned and ran back into the house, closing the front door firmly behind her.

Lucy was about to cross the road when she saw a slight figure in the shadows. She stopped and moved towards it. It was Emily, sobbing very quietly. When Lucy reached out to her she turned in against the wall as though that were better than anything else she might do.

‘I come here and watch them,’ she said, ‘it’s as close as I
can get. I try not to, but it’s become an addiction. I watch Fred White come and go from the house. I know he loves her, and it’s not just the way that a lot of men marry because they want a woman – he cares about her. He’s so poor. His suits are thin and his cuffs are threadbare. Why couldn’t I be born a man?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ Lucy said, mocking, ‘they’re nasty, smelly creatures.’

Emily laughed just a little bit.

‘I hope you don’t mean my brother,’ she said. ‘I’m devoted to him.’

Lucy had so often envisaged the day that Gemma would walk into her office, but when her sister did arrive she had been obliged to keep her waiting an hour because she had no appointment and it was a busy morning. Lucy could concentrate on nothing despite trying hard to forget that the woman she had loved above all others was waiting for her just along the corridor.

Gemma looked objectively at Lucy’s new office. Edgar had recognized her hard work and promoted her. Gemma saw the marble fireplace, the bulging files, the big square desk, the various chairs and the full bookcases at either side of the big window which looked out over the river.

Gemma also stared at Lucy herself. Lucy had bought herself a very stylish costume, black and fitted to her figure. It had cost her more money than she felt comfortable paying. She wore neat black shoes and had cut her hair very short so that her cheekbones, she felt, stood out to advantage. She had been having a very satisfying day until Mr Clarence told her that Mrs Brown was waiting for her. She’d said that she didn’t mind how long she had to wait, but she must see Miss Charlton.

Lucy stared back at Gemma. She would not have picked out this woman as the beautiful sister she had known. She was thinner than Lucy had ever been, her cheeks blanched and her clothes so colourless and old they seemed to drag about her person. Her hair beneath her cheap hat was lustreless, her eyes dead.

‘Please, sit down.’ It was the first thing she said to everyone after greeting them, but she couldn’t think of a greeting which would fit here so she just swept a hand in the air.

Gemma hovered like a moth afraid of a flame. She hesitated and then turned, as someone who was about to leave. She glanced at the door like a prisoner might, then looked all around the room. Finally she brought her gaze back to her sister and then it fell.