The Fall and Rise of Lucy Charlton (34 page)

Mrs Formby made some tea and she told Clay that he must wear a suit. He went pale. Then Lucy said that she expected him to give her away, at which Clay looked at her in a very
studied way and said, ‘Yes, very likely, Miss Lucy. Don’t take the mick,’ and they all laughed.

It was therefore much later than she had intended when she reached the tower house. It was for once a mild evening. She thought she heard voices in the garden and when she got there the two sisters were sitting under the trees, enjoying the evening light.

She told them her news and they were so overjoyed that she would be coming back to live in Durham and that they would see her so much more often (she assured them they would). They were delighted that she would be married in the cathedral in Newcastle. When there was finally a lull in conversation she asked after Joe and was told that he rarely came home until it was late, he was so busy.

When she left she debated whether to just go back to Newcastle, but she didn’t think it was polite not to tell Joe so she walked to the garage. Lights were on and the big doors at the front of the building were open. There was no noise, nothing seemed to be happening and when she got inside the lights were centred in the small office. Joe sat with a lamp close by him, working at the table. In front of him were all kinds of sketches. He didn’t hear her come in. She thought he looked thinner than he had been; perhaps the Misses Slaters were back to feeding him sandwiches.

Frederick lay under the desk. He was asleep. Mr Palmer was not there. She said Joe’s name softly, and he started and then he saw her. He smiled and got up and came over. He kissed her on the cheek and asked her how she was. She asked what was he doing and he said that they were ready to sell the car to the public, but that they had to find out
how to do this and that he would be going to London to try to get the big car men interested.

‘We’ve let the stove go out so I can’t offer you tea,’ he said.

Lucy said she’d had several cups of tea since she had got here at about four and couldn’t face any more. He asked after her family and she said all the right things.

Then she said, ‘I’ve got something to tell you. I’m getting married.’

Joe looked at her as though he didn’t believe her, and then he did and drew back.

She said, ‘I’m marrying Edgar.’

‘Oh,’ he said and his face went blank.

She sat back. ‘I want you to give me away.’

Joe looked at her, his eyes dark.

Lucy felt awful. She wanted to run.

‘I can’t expect Clay to,’ she said, trying to lighten the moment, ‘though I did ask him. You will do it?’

‘Me?’ he said, as though he thought she had meant somebody else.

‘Please.’

Joe’s breathing seemed to be all over the place.

‘Edgar?’ he said finally.

Lucy didn’t know what to say. She wished Joe would leave this alone. It had nothing to do with him and yet she had known his reaction would not be positive.

‘Why?’ Joe said, staring so straight at her that she didn’t know where to look.

‘What you do mean “why”?’

‘Just that. You and Edgar?’

‘We have a great deal in common.’

‘You have nothing in common.’

‘Don’t be silly, Joe, we have the two practices. I’m going to be a solicitor and I’ll be a partner and we’ll run the whole thing.’

‘That isn’t what I meant. You don’t think the same way. If you marry Edgar you’ll always feel that he is the main person in the marriage, that’s what you’ll do. You won’t have the independence you need. How on earth will you cope with the kind of life which Edgar is offering you?’

Lucy regarded him levelly and could feel her temper rising. She had not let loose her temper against her father and she had not done it with Guy, but she was in great danger of letting go of all control here and he didn’t seem aware of it.

‘I have thought about that but there are other things to consider.’

‘Like keeping your mother and Gemma and the twins.’

‘That’s one thing.’

‘It’s not a good enough reason to marry anyone.’

‘I don’t think you’re in any position to give people marital advice, considering what you did.’

She wished she hadn’t said it the moment it was out. Joe glanced away, towards the table where he had been working as though he wished he were still there.

He walked back and threw down the pencil he was still holding, then he picked it up again and snapped it in half. He threw down both halves onto the paper where he had been working on figures and then turned to her.

‘I understand why you’re doing it. Your father is ill and you have nothing; I can see that. Edgar has money and influence and position and a beautiful house and he’s respected
and … If it’s money you need—’

‘That isn’t why I’m marrying him.’ Lucy was stung by the inference. ‘You really think I would marry for such a reason? That is a horrible thing to say to me, Joe. You made such a complete mess of it that Angela ran away rather than face the future with you.’

‘You love Edgar?’

‘Is that so impossible to believe?’

‘You’ll make the poor bastard’s life hell,’ Joe said.

‘I will what?’

‘You’ll drive him completely up the bloody wall.’

Lucy, who had never hit anybody in her life, cracked Joe so hard over the face that he banged into the table behind him in shock.

‘You are still in love with a woman who hasn’t even bothered to get in touch with you,’ she accused him.

‘She could be dead.’

‘Rubbish. You would have heard something by now if she had been, it’s just that you don’t like to face the truth. She doesn’t want you, Joe, because of what you did to her. No man of any worth would do such a thing. She has disappeared so completely that you can’t find her, no matter how many times you go to London or write to her brother or think you are searching for her. You aren’t searching any more because in your heart you know she doesn’t want you.’

Lucy walked out of the room.

Emily came downstairs. Edgar was in the office at home. He liked that room; it had been his office for a good many years now, though he thought of how he would have better things to do in the evenings when he was married. He was so pleased about it that he could not help but smile even though he was alone.

He was not by himself for long. His sister put her head round the door.

‘Can I talk to you?’ she said.

Every night they sat and talked about what it would be like when he married Lucy and how happy they would be and how there might be children and she would be Aunt Emily, which she said she had always hoped to be. In the anticipation of such joys he encouraged her into the room and she sat down and he sat with her. He was so pleased with it all that he smiled at her as the evening half-light poured into the room.

‘I know you’re planning your marriage—’

‘Yes, we thought December. It’s a nice idea to be married at Christmas – it could even snow.’

‘That’s lovely, I’m so glad. The thing is …’ She stopped
and then she began again, ‘I might go away – after the wedding of course.’

Edgar was stunned.

‘I don’t know what you mean. I thought you were happy for me.’

‘I’m very happy for you, but you must know that it’s quite difficult to be in a house with a newly married couple.’

‘You mean you might like to go on holiday. I can see that. Where were you thinking of going?’

‘London. You wouldn’t mind though?’

‘Well, no, but when would you really be coming back? A month, six weeks?’

‘I wouldn’t ever be coming back,’ Emily said. ‘Joe has said he will help me—’

Edgar shot up from his chair.

‘God damn Joe Hardy – everything I try to do he gets in the bloody way.’

Emily stared at him.

‘He knows people in London—’

‘Of course he does. He’s so bloody important.’

There Edgar stopped. He knew how he sounded, that he was ranting about Joe, but Joe was irritating and thought about things so differently.

‘His world in London is full of rich idle people. Are those really the kind of people you want to spend your time with?’

‘I just want to get away.’

‘From me? From people who know you and care for you? What could you get in London that you can’t have here?’

‘Freer thinking for one thing,’ she said, and then regretted it because Edgar looked perplexed. ‘It’s a big place. London
is a melting-pot. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, you can find somewhere to fit.’

‘You don’t fit here?’

‘Did you think I did?’

Edgar stood for a few moments and then slowly shook his head.

‘No,’ he said, ‘no, I didn’t, and it worries me. I don’t want you to go.’

‘You’re going to be married. Lucy will run the house—’

‘Is that the point – you’re leaving because of my marriage?’

‘It will change everything. You won’t need me here.’

‘I’ll always need you here,’ Edgar said with a slight tremor in his voice.

‘That’s lovely to know, but I need more than I have. I can’t live out my life being … being decorative and just your sister, sidelined in society because I don’t marry. I have no place here. Joe has offered to help, that’s all.’

‘I don’t understand you,’ Edgar said, ‘I really don’t.’

*

Edgar asked Lucy to talk to her. Lucy didn’t agree. They were in her office and here she was in charge.

‘If she’s made up her mind—’

‘She’s only done it since I said we were going to get married.’

‘It would be strange if she wanted to stay with us when our lives are moving forward so very quickly and hers apparently not at all. Don’t you think?’

She said this softly. Edgar frowned.

‘You mean she might have particular plans?’

‘Possibly. Why shouldn’t she? Durham is a very small city and if she goes to a big one she might find it better.’

‘She doesn’t know anybody there.’

‘I’m sure Joe knows plenty of people.’

‘I’m sure he does too, I’m just not sure they’re the kind of people I want my sister to be associating with.’

‘She’s a woman, Edgar, not a child. Let her choose for herself.’ Lucy looked hard at him.

‘I worry,’ he said.

‘The way that you feel about it isn’t the point,’ Lucy said. ‘It will be good for her to go somewhere else, at least for a while.’

*

It had not seemed to Emily that things could be any harder than they were. For a long time she had been able to lie in the garden, learn not to think and let the days drift on, but then she wanted to see Joe, to talk to him, just for the change. She tried to put off the day but the longer she left it the more the desire increased. In the end she walked into town.

It was strange to be there. It was a Saturday and there were lots of visitors, strangers, people gawping at the buildings, walking by the river, crowding into the shops and little cafés, and then she saw Norah, though Norah didn’t see her. She was walking up Silver Street bank with her husband. They were holding hands.

Emily thought she could discern a slight bump beneath the dress Norah wore. Emily ducked into a shop before they could see her and she stood for a long time afterwards, showing apparent interest in a dull blue dress so that the
assistant came across and asked whether she would like to try it on. Emily smiled and shook her head and moved on to other dresses. The assistant followed her, desperate for a sale, so Emily came outside and hurried down the bank and across the bridge and ran for home.

After that she knew that her instincts had been right and she had to get away. It was as though every avenue had closed for her. Edgar and Lucy’s marriage would make her singleness seem even worse. Lucy would understand, she knew, but she could not tell Edgar. She thought how he would have Lucy – he would not want his sister there like an unhappy shadow. She did not think she could stand their happiness; it would be like slowly starving to death while the people around you were given the best food and lots of it.

Emily went to see Joe and he’d said that he did have friends in London. He would be happy to write to them so that they would help her when she got there.

‘I will probably be going to London myself. There are two car companies there and I want to get them interested in the car that Mr Palmer and I are working on. I could go with you and introduce you to the people I’m staying with. I’m sure they would help you.’

That was such a relief that it made Emily feel better about it all. She told him that she had seen Norah and she thought that Norah was going to have her first child.

‘I can’t bear it,’ she said. ‘I think she’s happy,’ and she started to laugh and then stopped. ‘She was right, there was not going to be a future for us. She went to bed with a man.’

‘Ugh,’ Joe said, which made her laugh more.

‘It’s all right for you,’ she said.

‘It isn’t all right for me. I don’t have anybody to go to bed with. I’m just stricken you don’t want me, you’re so mind-numbingly beautiful.’

‘Stop making me laugh. It isn’t funny.’

‘It bloody well isn’t,’ Joe said.

*

Mr Palmer worried about the new car and was fiddling about with it, Joe thought. He wanted to get on, and to both of them this was a huge thing, but Mr Palmer was finding it difficult to cross the line and announce to the world that they had done something new.

Joe stood it for a while until Mr Barrington had got him interviews with men from two big car companies. Mr Palmer didn’t want to go with him. He said he felt that his background might impede him and more to the point his apparent lack of confidence would get in the way. But Joe could tell that it was worse than reluctance. He had got cold feet about the whole project. He was afraid of succeeding or perhaps that his ideas would be so badly rejected that he would never be able to think of building a car again. It had become so precious.

Mr Palmer had been so sure all the way along, not doubting himself even when Joe did, but now he hesitated and wouldn’t agree that it was finished, that the plans and drawings were enough so that Joe could take them to London and show them to these men, to try to persuade at least one of them to come north with him to see the car itself.