The Fear Trials (3 page)

Chapter 9

M
y feet are swiped out from under me. I hit the sand, hard.

“Pay attention!” My father shouts. “Don't let him do that to you again.”

Koi circles me like a shark, ready to strike again. He trains with a vengeance, as if he wants to prove himself to my father. But he had his chance. He will never have it again.

There are people littering the beach as always. They watch us fight from all angles. Some of them cheer us on.

I don't like having so many eyes on me.

I lunge forward and grab Koi by the hair. He gasps, and I jab my elbow into his face, then pull away before he has a chance to catch me. Blood drips from his nose.

“Nice one,” he says. Then he dives forward and tackles me to the sand at the water's edge.

We grapple, landing punches to the gut, the face, all the places my father taught us. Fighting is not about stopping an opponent. It is about ending them.

“That's enough for now.” My father finally says. He looks up at the sun. “We're late for round two. Your mother will need to leave for work soon, and we have to get back to watch Peri.”

“What's round two?” I spit out a mouthful of blood. A wave crashes and washes it away.

Koi scrunches up his nose, where there are little bleeding claw marks from my fingernails. He shrugs when our father turns and disappears into the crowd. Together, we follow.

My father takes us all the way down the beach, past the jetty. We hike all the way to the Perimeter. It's like a big silver scar rising from the sand.

We stop a few yards from it. “Touch it, Meadow,” he says. “Don't be afraid.”

I choke on my laughter. “You've told me my entire life never to touch the Perimeter. And now you change your mind?”

“Do it, Meadow,” Koi says. He shoves me forward. “Always do what he says.”

My father gives him an appreciative nod. It must be more than Koi expected, because he actually smiles.

“Fine, I'll do it,” I say. I place my hand on the solid titanium of the Perimeter.

It happens in an instant.

There is a flash of white behind my eyes, like a lighting strike. My body twitches once. Then I crumple to the sand. Paralyzed.

The only proof that I am still alive is my heart, beating wildly in my chest.

My father approaches. His face blocks out the sun, so a halo of light surrounds him. “You can never leave the Shallows, Meadow. Even if you wanted to.”

I want to scream at him.
You're sick! You're absolutely disgusting! If Mom were here . . .

“The nanites in your Pin heal you. But they also keep you trapped here. If you touch the wall, try to climb it. . . this happens.”

Koi comes up beside him and frowns down at me. “Don't worry. It'll wear off soon.”

You're a bastard. You knew this would happen, Koi, and you didn't warn me! You're just taking his side because you screwed up, and you'll never make him proud of you again!

They start backing away slowly. They're going to leave me here like this? What if someone comes?

No. Not even my father would do that.

Would he?

My father swallows, hard. “The Initiative will send someone soon, Meadow, to see who tried to breach the Perimeter. They'll take you in for routine questioning.”

My blood goes cold.
No. Don't leave me here. Don't leave me for them!

“Your test today is to escape. Fight the paralysis. You can do it, if you try hard enough. Don't let them take you into the city, Meadow. If they do, I'll consider this a failure. And then I'll have to come for you myself.”

Who are they going to send? Who is coming for me?

Koi and my father leave, and I am alone. I can't move no matter how hard I try. I wait, the sun boring down on me, the waves my only company until I hear footsteps. I pray it's my father or Koi, coming back for me.

“Well, well, well . . . what do we have here, boys?”

Three faces appear. Men, covered in scars and eye tattoos, the Initiative's symbol.

I'd scream if I could.

Pirates.

Chapter 10

M
y mother warned me about the Pirates. They disgust me. They are nothing but citizens who sell everyone else out in hopes of a few extra Creds from the Initiative.

One of them squats on the sand beside me. “It ain't very often we see a pretty face like yours, chickie.” He has a fat scar running down the side of his face. “It's lucky we found you. Wouldn't want someone else to have collected payment.”

Another Pirate laughs. His hair is as black as night. “We taking her in, boss?”

The man with the scar nods.

I don't struggle when they lift me up. My body is limp, like an empty rations bag. They haul me down the beach, my toes dragging in the sand.
Let me go, or I swear I'll kill you.

It's the first time I've ever thought it. The first time I've used that word for real. A little groan comes out of my mouth. The Pirates laugh at me like I'm a pathetic, useless child.

I fight the paralysis. I force myself, somehow, to speak. “
Stop
!”

The dark-haired Pirate grabs me by the chin. I can smell his sour breath. “Found your voice, did you? Won't help.”

Now we are heading into the trees. I should feel the leaves and vines brushing my legs. But I can't. “I didn't . . . do anything . . . wrong.” I say.

“Only matters that we have you now, and when we get to Headquarters, your little run-in with the Perimeter will rack us up a nice payday.”

“You're sick,” I say. “Let me go.”

I think of Koi. I think of my father. I think about what he will say to me if I mess this up. And I am afraid. I cling to the fear. It starts tingling in my toes, my fingertips. I can blink my eyes, wrinkle my nose. It is like coming back to life again, or thawing out in the sunlight after a bone-chilling swim. I glance around quickly. We are at least halfway to the city. My hands clench into fists. I smile at the movement. It gives me hope.

“We could keep the girl for a while, boss,” the Pirate on my right says. “Have a little fun.”

Ahead of us, the scarred man grunts. He has broad shoulders, wider than my father's. I doubt I could take him out. He turns around, looks me right in the eye, and smiles. “You've got five minutes with her. Make it quick.”

They drop me to the jungle floor. My breathing is rushed, panicked. Where is my father? Where is Koi? “Help me!” I scream, but no one answers. “DAD!”

“Daddy ain't coming to save you!” The Pirates laugh. They flip me over so that I'm lying on my back, staring up at their filthy faces. I feel hands on my thighs, just above my knees. And that does it.
No one
touches me. In an instant, I am no longer paralyzed and instinct takes over.

I swing my legs up, lock them around the black-haired man's neck. “What the . . . ,” he says, but I fling him to the side so his head slams into a tree. I kick him in the face, then scramble to grab the knife from his belt. I stab him in the shoulder. I bury the entire blade.

“Don't come any closer!” I say to the other one. I wobble on my feet a little, but the adrenaline fuels me, and I steady. I hold out the knife. “I'll kill you, I swear!”

“Handle her, Jameson,” the leader orders.

The man advances. I swing the knife wildly. It scrapes his thigh, then his bicep, and I jam the butt of it into his face. He goes down, groaning. Too easy.

The leader sighs. He stands up and walks over to me, lazy as a cat. His scar moves like a snake as he grimaces. “It's always the little ones that fight.”

I throw the knife. It whirls, handle over blade and back again . . . and misses him by an inch.

“Nice try.” He laughs.

I turn and run.

At first I think I'm going to get away, but in seconds, he grabs me from behind. I scream, try to fight him off. “You think you can get away? You think you can stab my men?”

He turns me around so that I'm facing the other two Pirates, who are back on their feet. “Teach her a lesson, boys.”

My knees start to buckle, but then I remember what my father told me once, when I cut my hand working on the boat and refused to cry.

You're strong, Meadow. You've always been strong.

I fuel off of the fear. I drop my weight, wrap my left leg around the back of the leader's ankle, and swing my right leg behind him, to set the trip. He goes down, and I grab the knife on his belt. I hold it to his throat, press it just a little, so it draws blood. “Don't move!”

They all freeze.

“Turn and leave, or I'll kill him now!”

And I could. But suddenly I gasp.
Peri.
If she were here now, and she saw me with blood on my hands. She would be afraid of me.

I stumble back. I drop the knife.

Then I turn and run toward the sea.

Chapter 11

T
he Dark Time is here, and for once I don't care about being quiet.

“You left me to die!” I scream.

My father just stares back at me, unblinking. “I was never far away, Meadow.”

“You were going to let them touch me! Hurt me!” I spit at his feet. I walk right up to him, so close I can feel his breath on my face. “I hate you.”

“Meadow!” Koi gasps.

My father just shakes his head. “Hate me as much as you want, Meadow. I am all you have.”

He's wrong. I have Peri and Koi. I still have my mother, even if she's gone,
again,
and might never come back. I head for the door. “I'm sleeping outside tonight.”

“Why?”

“So I can be as far away from you as possible.”

“I'm teaching you to
live
, Meadow,” my father says. “I'm teaching you all of this so you have a fighting chance. Two years isn't much time. Someday you'll understand.” His voice is tired. He doesn't want to argue tonight. “Take a weapon with you, at least.”

“Fine.” I grab my mother's old crossbow on the way out. I slam the door behind me and don't look back.

The second the wind hits my face, it's like I can breathe again. The sound of the waves crashing against the boat calms me, makes me feel like I'm safe. I cross to the railing and look out. There are other boats close by. Some of them have families like mine.

I wonder if they have brothers who fail to succeed, fathers who train with a vengeance, and mothers who let the darkness of the world steal their sanity away.

On one of the other boats, I see a shadow slink across the deck. I think it's a girl, but I can't tell. The shadow stops and turns to face me. The boats rock, and for a second, I can't see her anymore.

That's when I hear a twang. Something rushes past my head and hits the deck just behind me. An arrow.

I drop, covering my head. I should scream for my father, tell him we're being attacked. I'm about to crawl for the safety of the cabin, but something stops me. Silence.

Whoever shot the arrow doesn't shoot a second one. I lift my head and look around.

The arrow is lodged into the floorboards just a few feet away. There's a piece of paper stuck to the shaft, fluttering in the breeze. I free the arrow and gently pull the paper away. I'm lucky my mother taught me to read, because it's a note.

Blonde girl-

Are you okay? I heard screaming. I've never heard screaming on your boat before.

Trace

I look up, breathless, then rise to a crouch and peer over the railing.

In the moonlight, I can just make out the silhouette of the girl on the boat diagonal from mine, her hair whipping in the wind.

Trace.

Koi has a box of pencils. To take them would be to betray him. They are his prized possessions. But I can't help myself. Someone wants to talk to me. And Koi owes me this.

I sneak inside the cabin, find one of Koi's pencils, and scribble a note on the back of Trace's.

I'm fine. Just my father and his insane survival training.

I don't know what else to write, so I just sign my name.

Meadow.

I shove one of my mother's arrows through the middle of the paper. Then I stand up, aim for Trace's boat, and squeeze the trigger on the crossbow.

I sit back and wait.

Chapter 12

M
y father's dead because I didn't train hard enough. My mother's dead because I was too afraid to kill someone to save her.

Keep training. It's the only way.

Trace.

We write letters back and forth all night. Pencil to paper, paper to arrow, arrow to the sky and back down again.

The night wears on, and dawn arrives. I sit on the roof of the cabin and watch Trace go about her morning as their boat arrives. She is about the same size as I am. Her hair is as red as a blazing fire.

She has a little sister who could be Peri's age. The girl comes out on the boat, and I see her hair is red, too. Trace chases her back and forth across the deck. I hear the little girl's giggle. I hear Trace singing a song. I watch them throw nets in the water, searching for food, but come up empty every time.

It is like Trace and I are living the same life, both of us stuck in this dying world.

Before my father wakes for the day, I write her a final note.

Talk again tonight.

I smile. I didn't know it was possible to have friends in this world. But I think I might have found one.

Stay safe.

 

Today, I will learn how to properly throw a knife.

My father brings out his knife roll, a strip of leather that he keeps his weapons safely tucked away in.

In the sunlight, the steel shines bright. He has knives of every shape and size. Filet knives, for cleaning fish. A butcher knife, a paring knife, a long serrated blade. One that is double-edged. And his dagger.

“It's all in the wrist,” my father says. He picks up a black knife, one of the weighted ones, and flicks his wrist, lightning quick. The blade flies from his fingertips and lands right in the center of the X he's painted on the side of the cabin.

A perfect bull's-eye.

Peri claps and giggles. “I wanna frow one!” She reaches for the pile of weapons.

“
No
,” my father, Koi and I say at once.

“Bastards.” She sticks out her tongue and turns back to her doll. I throw Koi a glare. She must have learned that word from him. He simply shrugs and throws a knife right into the center of the target.

We spend all morning practicing. My father shows me how to position my arm just right, hold the blade in my fingertips, and throw it without the sharp edge slicing my skin. We work until midday, when the sun is blazing down on our backs and I'm dizzy from the heat.

My aim is terrible. I never hit the center of the target, and when I get close, but not close enough, my father makes me spar with Koi until there's blood and sweat dripping into my eyes.

“Again,” my father says. “You could have defended yourself from the Pirates with a single blade, had you been able throw one correctly. But you failed.”

“It won't happen again,” I say.

“It will, because you're too stubborn to listen to me and do it correctly.”

“If you'd stop being so harsh and just be patient, I might want to do it right!”

“Stop fighting!” Koi gets in between us, pushes us apart. “Meadow, do what he says.
Please.
I'm begging you.”

Just then, there is a bump against the side of the boat. My mother appears, climbing up the ladder. Her eyes are tired, deep purple and blue circles beneath them. She drops a small bag of rations onto the deck. “We'll eat tonight,” she says. She looks at me, at my father and Koi, then at the roll of knives. “I remember when I learned how to throw. How is she doing?”

My father puts his hand on her arm. She flinches. He backs away, sighing. “Not good enough.”

“She doesn't understand the danger,” my mother says. For a second, I think I see tears start to form in her eyes. The boat rocks. She stumbles into Koi, who helps her back onto her feet. “We need to motivate her.” She turns to Peri and smiles. “Stand beneath the X, darling.”

I choke on a laugh. “
What?”

“You'll never win if you can't first face your fears,” says my mother. She points at Peri, who scampers across the deck and stands obediently under the X. The center of the target is right above her head. “Hit the target, Meadow. Hit it right, and if you don't, you'll understand what it means to really lose.”

“Peri isn't a target. She's a person. She's my sister. She's your
daughter.
” I drop the knife I'm holding. “I won't do it.”

“Lark,” my father says. “There are other ways to teach her.” There's a softness to his voice I haven't heard before. He watches my mother with pleading eyes.

“Meadow will do this,” my mother says. “Or else.”

My father looks down at his toes. I have never seen him respond this way before, never seen him back down.

“This has gone too far!” I step away. “If I go on shore and someone comes for me, I'll kill them. I'll kill for a job, too. I promise I will. I get it now.”

“You don't,” my father says, his voice soft.

“I
won't
use my little sister's skull as target practice!” I turn to my brother. “Koi?”

He just sighs. “I'm not in position to defend you anymore, Meadow.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Trace's red hair whipping in the wind like rays of sunlight.
My father's dead because I didn't train hard enough. My mother's dead because I was too afraid to kill someone to save her.

I grit my teeth. “If I do this, and I fail, she dies.”

My mother nods. “She won't die, because you won't fail.”

I won't do it. I
won't.

But I find myself picking up my father's dagger. The prize, if I complete his precious Fear Trials. It feels good in my hand. Weighted perfectly. I look at the target, feel the way the wind is blowing across my face. I know how to throw it correctly. I just didn't
need
to. Until now.

“Be brave, Meadow,” my father says. He squeezes my shoulder once. And I know in my heart that he won't relent until I complete his test.

“Don't be afraid, Peri,” I say.

“I'm not afwaid,” she says back. She's a child. She's a child and she doesn't understand.

I close my eyes and breathe. When I open them, there is no hesitation. I throw the dagger. It whirls through the air, almost in slow motion.

There is a satisfying thwack when it hits the center of the target. Peri cheers. My father nods, and Koi pats me on the back.

“I never doubted you for a second,” my mother pulls me into her arms and kisses the top of my head.

My father joins in. “How does it feel? Amazing, right?”

“No,” I whisper. “It doesn't feel good at all.”

It doesn't feel good because I
liked
the feeling of winning, liked the rush I felt when the dagger hit the target, cold and sharp, deadly and true.

I slump to my knees.

The Fear Trials is changing me.

I am becoming my father's perfect daughter.