The Fey (18 page)

“
They left with Alex and
Max,” Patrick said.

“
I guess it’s clear where
the children stand,” Ben said.

“
They can’t be serious,”
Rebecca said.

“
You’ve never understood
them, have you Becky?” Ben shook his head. “Colin’s right. Those
two don’t need anyone. They never did. It wouldn’t surprise me if
you never heard from them again.”

“
What about you?” Rebecca
asked.

“
They’ll speak with me
when they are ready,” Ben said.

“
You lied to them as
well,” Patrick said.

“
Only because it’s what
Becky wanted.”

“
It was for the best,”
Rebecca said.

“
How you can say that?
You’ve lied to them for more than thirty years. A moment ago, you
had the chance to be honest, to tell your story, and you refused to
speak. You broke their hearts and it’s for the best?”

“
Benjamin,” Rebecca said.
She furrowed her brow. “Please.”

“
You never care who you
hurt, Becky, just as long as everything looks right. I wonder how
much comfort you will get from everything looking right when your
children don’t speak to you. Those are great kids–better than you,
better than me. You’ve been so ashamed at how they came to be that
you don’t even know them.”

“
And I suppose you
do?”

“
Alex was married for ten
years and you had no idea, not even a clue. You know why she didn’t
tell you? They got married so fast it wouldn’t look right to you.
That’s what our daughter told me two days after she married John
Drayson. Mom won’t think it looks right.”

“
Getting married in
thirteen hours doesn’t look right,” Rebecca said.

“
And not knowing about it
for ten years does?” Ben asked. “God Becky, have you truly turned
into the bitter old witch that your mother was?”

“
Ben” Patrick gave a low
warning.

“
You never knew her,
Patrick. That woman was evil. Becky, you used to say that she was
evil. Now without hesitation, you lay the same crap on your
children.”

Ben and Rebecca glowered at each other.

“
I’m sorry. I need to
leave before I say something I regret.”

He walked to his Government issue car.
Patrick and Rebecca stood on their porch.

Alone.

FFF

August 19

Alex and Max went to the only place they
could think of–the archery range. They learned to shoot with a
longbow when they were nine years old. Alex moved on to shooting
handguns while Max continued with archery. He won a variety of
competitions in the way Alex had won awards with her Glock 9 mm
handguns.

Max drove to a members-only archery range in
the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. They unpacked his long and
short bow, as well as a micro-compound bow he was experimenting
with, from the back of his Cherokee. Without saying a word to each
other, they found a lane under the shade of a large Cottonwood
tree. They took turns shooting and retrieving arrows in
silence.

After all, what was there to say?

Everything they thought was true about them
was false. Alex replayed in her head all the times she had said,
‘It’s a Hargreaves thing.’ She wasn’t a Hargreaves. She had no idea
what a Hargreaves was or wasn’t.

But hell, she wasn’t married either.

Some super spy. How could she have missed
it? Samantha, Colin and Erin look like each other. They look like
Patrick and Rebecca. Alex and Max only look like each other.

And John?

She has more information on John Kelly than
any person on the planet but she had no idea that her precious John
was John Kelly. Or that John Kelly was married. She held the tidal
wave of overwhelm at bay by placing another arrow in her bow and
letting it fly.

“
We should eat,” she said.
She retrieved an arrow in the deepening night.

Max packed their gear.

The streets were Sunday quiet as they drove
through Morrison, Colorado. Near the edge of town, they stopped at
a small local’s bar. Pushing baseball caps low over their eyes,
they went in one at a time to avoid the “Are you identical twins?”
crap. They hid at a booth near the back. Max ordered burgers,
french fries and beer. They drank their beer in silence. Neither
Max nor Alex wanted to break the silence, the surface of their
calm. When their burgers arrived, they looked at each other then
ate them in silence.

“
What do you think?” Alex
asked. She pushed her fries across the table to Max.

“
A lot of different
things. You?”

“
Me too. Plus my feelings
are hurt,” she said.

“
Yeah.”

“
I’d like to say that I
don’t know who I am and get all dramatic. But I’m still Max’s twin.
That’s who I am.”

“
And I’m Alex’s
twin.”

“
I don’t know how to
express how I feel.”

“
Me too.”

“
In the course of
twenty-four hours, I lost my husband and my family.”

“
Misplaced.”

“
Right,” Alex said. “Like
I misplaced them somewhere and can’t find them. I feel…”

“
Ashamed,” Max replied.
“It’s like Ben gave voice to something that’s always been there. I
mean Mom isn’t exactly nice to you.”

“
Or you.”

“
They’re also great
parents. They love us and we love them.”

“
I love Ben
too.”

Max shook his head.

“
What?”

“
I love Ben too. He’s been
very kind to me over the years. I’d be in Paris… Like when I was
starting as a lawyer? Ben would stop by the apartment just to say
‘Hi.’ He’d stay just to talk to me. I mean really talk to me, like
I mattered to him. I always knew Dad loved me, but I’m not sure I
mattered that much.”

“
It’s not like there’s a
set of good parents and another set of bad parents. We’ve been
lucky.”

“
Very lucky.”

“
I still want to cry my
eyes out,” Alex said.

“
Me too.”

“
John’s not my husband.
Erin’s not my little sister. Sam’s not my big sister. And
Col…”

“
I hear you say that,
‘John’s not my husband’, and I…” Max pressed a hand against his
heart.

“
Me too.”

They fell silent.

“
Do you want to go home?”
Max asked.

Alex shook her head.

“
What home?”

Max reached across the table to grasp her
hands. They held each other’s eyes.

“
When I was in the field,
I used to stay up to watch the stars after everyone was asleep.
We’d be in the middle of no-where-stan and I’d imagine being at
home. Home with you. Home with John. I could hardly wait to get
there. I always jumped up and down on the plane wanting it to go
faster so I could be home. I wished on a thousand stars that I
could blink and be home. Home.”

Alex stopped talking while the waitress
cleared their plates and brought another round of beer.

“
I had a home built with
walls of lies. My parents aren’t my parents. My husband isn’t my
husband. My siblings aren’t even really my siblings.”

“
I’m still your twin,” Max
said.

“
God, I hope so. Maxie,
what do we do?”

“
I don’t know,” he
said.

“
I don’t want to see
them.”

“
Mom and Dad?”

“
Rebecca and Patrick. We
should call them that now.”

Max nodded.

“
Patrick is going to want
to talk to you. You’re his favorite.”

“
I’m not his child,” Alex
said. “Why would he want to talk to me?”

“
There’s more to parenting
than biology.”

“
Well, he’s going to have
to get in line behind my used-to-be husband.”

They fell silent. The waitress came around
to see if they wanted another round. Alex never looked at her. She
was just a voice in the middle of the storm.

“
I felt like I belonged to
Dad. You know,” she looked up at Max. “I was General Hargreaves’s
daughter. I belonged to him.”

“
Now we don’t belong
anywhere,” Max said.

“
Right,” Alex said.
“That’s the best way to say it. We don’t belong anywhere.
Except…”

“
To each other,” Max
finished.

Alex nodded.

“
Do you want to go back to
Denver?”

“
I need to deal with John.
What do you want to do?”

“
John’s my best friend,
Alex.” Max tried to come up with words for himself and his soft
hearted twin. “I don’t really care if he’s from Ireland or is in
the IRA or whatever. He’s stood by me, and you, for a long
time.”

“
He’s a good friend,” Alex
said. “Yeah, I get that. In some ways, it’s not a big deal. I mean,
I married him and stayed married to him, right? It doesn’t really
matter that we aren’t married officially. I’m not embarrassed or
ashamed or feel some moral dilemma of sleeping with him for all
these years. I love him.”

“
Even now?” Max
asked.

“
More than I can express.
Yes, I love him. That’s why all of this is so hard.”

“
It’s the lie,” Max
said.

“
It’s the lie.”

“
I think he was ashamed of
being victimized.”

“
Like Mattie is ashamed of
being a hostage?” Alex nodded. “I get that here.” She pointed to
her head. “But here?” She pointed to her heart and shook her
head.

“
Let’s go back,” Max
said.

“
We gain nothing by
postponing the inevitable,” they said Patrick’s favorite saying
together then laughed.

“
Should we turn on our
phones?”

“
No,” Alex said. “I don’t
want to hear it.”

They drove to Denver in silence.

F

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

August 20 – 2 A.M.

Denver, Colorado

Alex crept into the quiet house then stood
in the entry. Max gave her one more hug for courage and left her at
the front door. Switching off the entry light, she climbed the
stairs. Unsure of what to do, she paused at the landing wondering
if she should sleep in the guest room. When she turned, John was
standing in the doorway to their bedroom. He was wearing his
pajamas and his curly dark hair was sleep tousled, but his eyes
scoured her with alert intensity. She took his extended hand and
they stood looking at each other.

“
Would you mind…” John
broke the silence then stopped. “I’d like to see your real
eyes.”

She nodded and went into the bathroom to
remove the blue contact lenses. John stood in the bathroom doorway.
She turned to look at him and he smiled.

“
Much better,” he
said.

“
I…” they said at the same
time.

Alex looked down at the ground.

“
I’m sorry,” John said.
“Sorry is not really enough, I know, but I am sorry. Ben told me
what happened and I… You’ve had an awful day.”

She nodded.

“
You said this thing to
me, the morning after we were married. You said, ‘As long as we
don’t feel like we’ve made a huge mistake, we’ll figure it out as
we go.’ Do you feel like you’ve made a mistake?”

“
It’s the lie, John. The
lie hurts… bad.”

John closed his eyes against the pain he
placed in her heart.

“
Before you start
explaining or telling me why you’ve lied to me for all this time, I
think you should answer your own question. Do you feel like you
made a mistake?”

“
In marrying you? Never.
In not telling you? Oh Alex, I know you don’t want to hear excuses
but I… I couldn’t have had this conversation at twenty years old. I
was so overcome by you. I wouldn’t have risked it.”

“
I wouldn’t have
cared.”

“
Why do you care
now?”

“
You really don’t know?”
Alex asked. “Two years ago, I worked as an intelligence officer
nestled in arguably the best team in Special Forces. I had this
amazing marriage to this British guy. I was General Patrick
Hargreaves’s daughter. None of that is true today. Everyone is
dead. You aren’t my husband and I’m not Patrick Hargreaves’
anything.”

“
Our relationship is still
amazing. I’m still here, just the details are
different.”

Alex closed her eyes and sagged. She was too
exhausted to explain and too heart broken to fight it out.

“
I understand. I do,” John
said.

Alex opened her eyes to look at him.

“
You feel as if every
single thing that was true about you has disappeared and you’re
just you.”

Alex felt a rush of relief for the words,
the sounds that made sense out of the whirlwind of her
emotions.

“
I’ve felt that way. You
probably felt like that when you entered the Army.”

“
Except that there was a
reason and path–start here and move to there. Today? There’s no
reason and certainly no path. Every answer to the question ‘Who am
I?’ has shifted. I feel stripped naked and very alone.”