The Fight Within (13 page)

So that’s what it was like being there…
–Sapphire Storm

I’ve never been to Betony before.
–FINDERKEEPER

It was surprisingly good tonight. It’s always good though, but tonight was even better.
–Sapphire Storm

How was the date, though?
–FINDERKEEPER

Oh, it was ok…wasn’t a marriage of the minds, that’s for sure.
–Sapphire Storm

You don’t have me convinced. Speaking of which, have you ever been married?
–FINDERKEEPER

No, I haven’t. You?
–Sapphire Storm

Yes. I live on a polygamous ranch. I am the only man within a 500 mile radius and I have seventeen wives. They make cherry pies and homemade granola bars for me. Late at night, my eighty-two children put on sock puppet shows by the fire.
–FINDERKEEPER

Haha, silly. I am serious.
–Sapphire Storm

Instead of Haha, you can use ‘LOL’
–FINDERKEEPER

What does LOL mean?
–Sapphire Storm

Laugh Out Loud.
–FINDERKEEPER

Ok. Got it. Back to the topic though. These conversations are too much about me and my dating. For two weeks now, I’ve done nothing but complain to you. I’m ready to hear about you for a change.
–Sapphire Storm

Sean’s lips twisted into a kinked smirk. Almost every evening, he and Ms. Sapphire Storm chatted online anywhere between ten and thirty-minute intervals, and he made sure the focus stayed on her,
solely
on her. Honestly, he was enjoying himself and looking forward to hearing of her dating exploits. It broke up his monotony, and she came across as genuine, amusing and intelligent. Not once did she ask about his job, what he looked like, how much money he made, nothing of the sort.

He simply enjoyed hearing about her adventures, her rants. And best of all, her sense of humor was just as twisted, sarcastic and whimsical as his own. It got to the point where he was
looking
for her to log on, and when he’d see that tiny light shine and the ‘ding’ sound out on his computer, he’d grab a bottle of water and possibly a snack, hunker down in the middle of his bed and get settled for his nighttime comedy routine. It made him feel good to make the lady laugh, and she never asked him for more than his listening ear…but she did ask for time, in her own way.

Time was something he simply couldn’t spare, but in the case of Sapphire Storm, what began as a self-challenge from a friend who’d called him self-absorbed turned into a willing experience, something that allowed him to relax a bit. He didn’t have to prove anything, and he was accepted ‘AS IS’, regardless of his scratches, bruises and dents. He was the floor model, but she didn’t seem to mind one bit. She treated him like he was the best thing smokin’.

Are you going to tell me?
–Sapphire Storm

No, I haven’t been married. What else do you want to know?
–FINDERKEEPER

I’m curious as to what you look like.
–Sapphire Storm

Okay, now, here it goes.
I knew it was coming. Her trend of staying in her place has ended.

What do YOU look like?
–FINDERKEEPER

I asked you first…
–Sapphire Storm

I look like Mr. Eugene H. Krabs…
–FINDERKEEPER

What? Who is that?
–Sapphire Storm

The red crustacean that owns the Crusty Crab restaurant on SpongeBob, the cartoon. We are practically physical carbon copies.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL. You are crazy. No really, what do you look like? Can I see a photo?
–Sapphire Storm

My looks aren’t important and no, you can’t see a pic.
–FINDERKEEPER

Why not?
–Sapphire Storm

You might fall in love. I’d hate for that to happen…it would complicate our intellectual vibe.
–FINDERKEEPER

I’ll take my chances.
–Sapphire Storm

I prefer it this way.
–FINDERKEEPER

Really? So you’re serious about this laying low stuff?
–Sapphire Storm

Yes.
–FINDERKEEPER

Aren’t you the least bit curious as to what I look like?
–Sapphire Storm

Yes, but I’d prefer to not know at this point. It could spoil everything.
–FINDERKEEPER

What? Like if you saw that I look like an ogre? LOL
–Sapphire Storm

LOL. Maybe. I like your personality. We talk, and I’ve created what you look like in my mind. I don’t want anything to change that.
–FINDERKEEPER

Interesting. Well, I chose you because you were anonymous, felt safe. But as we’ve been talking I have to admit my curiosity is getting the best of me. So what do you think I look like?
–Sapphire Storm

Honestly I think you’re probably attractive, based on the amount of dates you get, but you don’t think you’re all that. You come across as pretty down to earth, got kinda a ‘one of the guys’ vibe thing going on.
–FINDERKEEPER

That is a fascinating analysis. So, how long do you plan to not date again? My stories probably scare you.
–Sapphire Storm

Not really. I was already resigned to not dating. Expiration date on this defeatism attitude? Unknown. Besides, dating is overrated.
–FINDERKEEPER

You can say that again.
–Sapphire Storm

Dating is overrated.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL. Cornball.
–Sapphire Storm

I hate corn. I’m really insulted by being called a ball made of something that I absolutely hate. :P
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL You hate corn? Who hates corn?! LOL
–Sapphire Storm

Me. The texture is weird and it gets stuck in your teeth.
–FINDERKEEPER

It does, but it’s good. Do you like popcorn even?
–Sapphire Storm

It’s ok. Not good for your bowels. The shit doesn’t break down. Ever look in the toilet after eating some?
–FINDERKEEPER

Gross! LOL
–Sapphire Storm

Gross but true.
–FINDERKEEPER

Do you sweet-talk all the ladies like this? You’re a man after my own heart.
–Sapphire Storm

Yeah, all the ladies get these poetic words. Now you see why I have to beat the beauties off with a bat.
–FINDERKEEPER

Well, FINDERKEEPER, you seem like a pretty great guy to me if we erase this last conversation regarding corn from our minds. LOL! In all seriousness though, don’t give up on dating on account of me. If you believe you are a good person, then someone else will think it too. When you are ready to date, I bet you’ll make some lucky woman a great boyfriend.
–Sapphire Storm

Only if she’s good looking and rich. I’ve decided to become a well-paid escort, a modern day man of leisure. Don’t knock my side hustle.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL! You are awesome.
–Sapphire Storm

I’m for sale to the highest bidder, but she’s gotta be a fox.
–FINDERKEEPER

Oh God. LOL. Are you a gigolo? I can tell you in advance that I can’t afford you. Maybe you’ll allow me to make payments.
–Sapphire Storm

I wish and you’d never be able to pay off your debt. No one is going to pay my asking price for all of this lusciousness. I refuse to sell myself short. Speaking of which, I only stand two feet tall and have an annoying habit of licking my lips like a toad.
–FINDERKEEPER

Niiiice! Your sexiness truly is off the radar. No wonder I can’t quit you.
–Sapphire Storm

I’m a self-appointed comedian, remember? I’m a charming motherfucker by nature. This is why my looks aren’t important. I can woo the broads with the stroke of my hands. Well, that sounded different than what I meant it to, but you know what I mean.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL. You make me think you’re some grotesque sloth.
–Sapphire Storm

Show some respect. I prefer to be called Jabba the Hutt, thank you very much.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL! But you want a Princess Lea?
–Sapphire Storm

No, I don’t want her.
–FINDERKEEPER

Imposter! You’re no real Jedi!
–Sapphire Storm

Sure I am. It’s just that her hair looks like two overgrown cinnamon rolls. I’d be hungry all the time looking at her, not horny. Indigestion is a mood killer.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL. You are too much. Thanks for the laughs tonight.
–Sapphire Storm

Thank you for the conversation…will you be here tomorrow?
–FINDERKEEPER

I believe so…
–Sapphire Storm

Good. Goodnight Princess Lea, May the force and the iced frosting be with you…
–FINDERKEEPER

Goodnight, Jabba, may you please practice hygiene in your near future and remove this chain from my neck.
–Sapphire Storm

You mean the green slime oozing out of my mouth doesn’t do it for ya? Awww Jesus, you like Star Wars, for real! Do you accept marriage proposals online, Sapphire?
–FINDERKEEPER

I do, but I insist you eat corn first to prove your undying love to me.
–Sapphire Storm

You must be yanking my chain. Wait, you’re the princess, not me.
–FINDERKEEPER

LOL! Bye.
–Sapphire Storm

Bye, Sapphire Storm. Pleasant dreams in a galaxy far, far away…

‡

F
or two weeks,
Sean didn’t see the angry black woman who’d flashed him. And what a damn disappointment that was… He’d hoped she’d be standing out there again, her deep red satin robe waving to and fro, ready to unleash her angst and her panties, too. Instead, he only happened upon four trash bins, neatly placed in front of her three-story home, surrounded by perfectly trimmed shrubbery and an air of elegance. As he gathered the woman’s discarded whatnots, his thoughts drifted to past conversations with a certain someone. The oddest thing had begun to happen on his routes, causing him to be prone to wearing the silliest of grins, no doubt.