The Fight Within (14 page)

He got to thinking about those peculiar people.

Women.

Maybe they all weren’t so bad after all. Sapphire may be full of shit for all he knew, but it was a
good
brand of shit, the kind he didn’t mind hearing. As he spoke to Sapphire Storm more and more on the computer, his thoughts meandered more frequently to the angry flasher, too. He was attracted to her, and…he liked how she spoke, regardless of the attitude she carried like a torch the day they interacted. Not only did he think about her, he daydreamed about her, wondering what her well-formed lips would feel like against his own. His recent reservations about dating were pushed to the forefront, demanding re-examination, begging for another go at it. For redemption.

Okay, maybe that was too much, but at least a second chance at bat. He’d developed a fucking infatuation with the woman, and he found it in some ways reprehensible since she represented almost everything he abhorred. She was rich, more than likely didn’t earn it herself, and had a sense of entitlement. He could tell by how high she held her chin, her chastising tone speaking down to him as if he were some damn child. He hated her arrogance…or perhaps it was simple confidence? At the end of the day it didn’t matter; it all smelled the same at that moment. She stood there as if she were doing him a favor by allowing him to collect and discard her rubbish. She was the damn enemy, his muse, the source of countless internal jokes he kept bottled within and the reason he stroked his cock that morning. That woman became his new crave, and his painful past recreated.

These were all the things Sean rallied against. He beat his hard chest like a drum in the face of such nuisances and absurdities. Regardless, he had a new lease on the notion, and decided to push his manufactured concerns aside, take a chance on the shit. Upon a sharp inhale, he turned his music down, causing the last sounds of Action Bronson’s, ‘Strictly for my Jeeps’ to hush to a low roar.

“Yo, Roy! I need to leave a note…hold up!” he yelled into the man’s side mirror, waving his dirty, yellow gloved hand wildly before hearing one of his favorite tunes begin, the song, ‘Electric Feel’ by MGMT.

Roy caught his eye, nodded and waited.

Sean whipped out the work stationery from the baggy side pocket of the gray jumpsuit he’d thrown on due to yet another threat of rain. He removed a half dead pen that promised to let him down in his time of need. Bending low, he began to write, using the lady’s trashcan lid as his makeshift desk.

My name is Sean and I’m the trash guy you cursed out last month and accidentally showed your nice assets to. Here is my number. Call me. I think you are gorgeous, and not just because I saw you in your underwear. If I’d seen you in a potato sack, I’d feel the same way. I want to take you out.

212-675-0804

He slapped the note on the damn thing and hopped on the back of the truck, a huge grin on his face.

She’ll call…how could she not? I’m Sean Mahoney, the one and only, baby!

*

“Mom, are you
sure?” Asia ran her slender fingers through her thick curls and winced at her reflection in the silver and pink heart-shaped vanity mirror adorned with faux diamonds. She turned back and forth, sizing herself up and acting slightly dramatic.

“Of course I am,” From her seat on the edge of her daughter’s plush canopy bed, the purple skull printed comforter bunching under her jeans, Treasure smiled proudly at her. “I’m telling you, that’s the headband you want to wear for your audition.” She nodded and pointed at her approvingly. “It gives just enough flash, lets the audience see your face well, and it accentuates your features…You’re so pretty.”

Asia smiled, checking herself out from various angles, savoring her mother’s compliment. Then her grin quickly faded and she shot her mother a glance from over her slightly slumped shoulder.

“Of course you’d say that, Mom. You’re biased.” She looked briefly down into her lap. “Will you do my make up for it?’

“Of course I will! Honey, you’re going to do great.”

“She’ll look like a hooker.” Brian snorted as he made his way inside of his little sister’s room, dragging his negativity with him like a second skin wrapped around his long, youthful bones.

“I will not,” Asia angrily yelled out. “You are such a loser sometimes, Brian!”

“And you’re such an idiot,
all
the time, Asia!” He laughed, shooting his sibling a lazy glance, messing with her, delighting in her annoyance.

“Brian, be quiet and leave Asia alone. Don’t you call her an idiot again. You know better than that.”

“She called me a loser!” His brows bunched, he pointed at Asia but kept his eyes glued to Treasure’s. A look of manufactured, cheaply made sorrow danced in his pupils, created to elicit sympathy, as if his mother’s words had wounded him deeply within.

“Did you finish your homework? Last report card had two Cs… Let’s not make a habit of that.” Treasure changed the topic, refusing to go down that silly road with him.

“Yeah, I did it…” He slumped on the bed beside her, startling her so when he rested his head against her shoulder, slowly closing his eyes. He wrapped his arm around hers, as if drifting off to sleep, causing her heart to beat a bit faster. For a quick moment, he became her baby again, despite smelling of expensive men’s cologne and the facial stubble all along his angular, well defined jawbone. He became civil and loving, quiet and kind. She swallowed and reached over, running her fingertips along his perfectly coiffed braids that hung down to the middle of his back. He had boasted his girlfriend had done them for him, and though she hated such styles on men, she secretly admitted to herself that it suited her son just fine.

“Mama…” he said hoarsely, her name wrapped around a stiff yawn.

“Yes?”

“Is Dad out of town?”

Her once warm heart now froze, shut down and put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on itself, then slammed the door. She was tired of covering for Jackson and swore to Hell and Heaven, she’d no longer be his go-between, trying to salvage his piddly reputation with their children. She’d come from a broken home herself, one in which her father was spoken about in the harshest of ways. She didn’t want to repeat that pattern, make her most prized possessions hate the man who helped bring them into the world. It was a never ending struggle, for he wasn’t doing his part, pulling his weight, but should he see the light… well, she didn’t wish for his battle to be completely uphill. She’d seen what happened when mothers and fathers spoke ill of their ex-spouse to the children—there was no good to come of it.

But how could she keep lying for the man? Give him an out when he didn’t even want
in
.

In the last month, he’d seen his children one time. One time only, and that lasted all of three hours…

“I don’t know, Brian.”

“I know the answer. I was just seein’ if you were going to tell me the truth or not.” He sat up straight, leaving her, the warmth of his closeness now dissipating. “Mama, he ain’t out of town… I went over there. He ain’t even answer the door.” He lay back against her then, as if suddenly aware that his eyes had glossed over. He didn’t want to show his weakness so he ran away from that scene, hiding himself in the safety of her bosom. On a harsh swallow, she resumed the caress of her fingers along his scalp, not releasing him, not letting go. The perfectly knotted hair felt comforting under her touch as her first born died a bit from a broken heart in her arms. At that moment, she wished she could beat Jackson down into a pile of dust for hurting her babies.

The newly born hatred became real and huge, a monster…

Asia turned from her vanity chair and looked at the both of them, her dark eyes darting between them.

“Maybe he wasn’t home, Brian,” she offered quietly, as if trying to soften a mighty blow. But it was too late…she couldn’t un-ring the bell.

“He
was
home.”

Treasure watched the shit play in her daughter’s mirror. As she stared at their reflection, she caught the sorrow in her son’s eyes as he sat up a bit, his personal pain at the forefront, banging on her own heart like a broken drum drilling out a pitiful, uneven beat. “His car was in the garage. I rang the doorbell; a light came on, he ain’t come to the door. I sent him a text message while I stood out there, let him know I was outside, he ain’t respond. I hate that man.”

“Brian, don’t say that!”

At that, he pushed himself abruptly away from her, the coldness getting icier in his narrowed eyes. His nostrils flared like outstretched wings prepared to take flight. “Why not?! I’m the only one being honest ‘round here!” He stabbed his chest with his index finger. “He left all of us for another woman! He doesn’t care about you, Mom. He don’t care about his kids, neither. He only cares about himself!”

“Brian, that’s enough! We’ve been over this, okay? Your father and I love both of you very much. I know he hasn’t seen you in a while, but it isn’t because he doesn’t love you!” She felt compelled to protect the boy, to make the hurt in his eyes drift away, to take the sting from his heart. She realized then though, she wasn’t covering for the son of a bitch that lived across the way. No, she was
covering
for her
children
, layering them in billowy protection. She hated what she was doing, trying to soften the fucking blow, but she had no choice! Her son was bleeding from the inside out. “Our divorce had nothing to do with you and Asia.”

“May as well have! You found out he was screwin’ around and now look what happened?!” He jumped up from the bed, leaving an indent in his wake. His chest heaved up and down, like he’d just jogged at full speed around the perimeter of the damn house. “I’m sick of him, I’m sick of everything!” A rage-filled bull now stood before her, and she didn’t know how to reel the boy back in. Did he not see her place her red flag down and replace it with a serene, white surrender?

“We are trapped in this stuck-up, white neighborhood, the only black people here!” he yelled, as if she were a million miles away. “Asia ain’t tell you what happened, did she?” His thick, unruly brows bunched in their familiar way…

Treasure shot Asia a look, only to see her daughter look down at her lap, as if ashamed.

“Some white girl asked her if her hair was made outta lamb fur!” He pointed roughly at his sister. “Started calling ’er Lamb Chop, thinkin’ the shit was funny!”

“Brian! Stop cussing!” She craned her neck back toward her angel. “Baby, is that true?” she asked, gripping her shirt, fisting it, wanting to suddenly fight the whole damn world.

Asia nodded slowly, but refused to look her mother in the eye.

“I
hate
living here! Why can’t we move back to Brooklyn, huh?!”

“Brian, you’ve been here for six years, okay? The school system is excellent, you’ll be finished with high school soon, and then you can go to college anywhere you want.”

“That’s not for another year and a half! Mama, this isn’t fair!”

“Brian, please! Look.” She held her furrowed forehead, took a breather, and begged God for mercy to help her get through this mess. “We’ve all had a long day, okay, let’s just—”

“Let’s just what, Mama? Act like everything is okay, when it’s not?! Nah, I’m keepin’ this one hundred. I gotta father who don’t give a shit about his kids! All he cares about is showing off at work, acting like a big shot! He’s a sell out, sold his family out for some pussy!”

“Brian! That’s it!” Treasure shot up from the bed as if she’d been pinched hard and pointed out the room. “I’ve had it up to
here
with how you’ve been acting and speaking. You’re not going to be up in this house acting like this, saying anything you wish, disrespecting me! I am
not
playing with you! Go to your room and get yourself together. I’ll be in to talk to you in a little bit.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to talk about and it’s all true and you know it. Asia is being bullied in school, and you don’t even notice because—”

“Brian!”

“You don’t notice because you’re too busy trying to act like Dad is here in spirit, like that counts! We ain’t no family!”

“Go,
now
!” She pointed out the door.

“It isn’t okay what he did.
Nothing
is okay, and you
know
it!” He stormed out the room, raced down the hall, and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

Treasure focused on Asia, whose head remained down, but she could clearly see the tears streaking her poor little baby’s face. Rushing over to her, she gripped her slumped shoulders and hugged her tight.

“Asia, is it true? Are you being picked on at school?” She lifted the girl’s chin, made her look at her.

The girl hesitated, then nodded. “Sometimes…”

“I will handle this, Asia. I’m going to call your teacher tomorrow morning.” She swallowed down her own pain, trying desperately to keep her composure, not rile her child up. “Asia, I need you to know you can talk to me about
anything
, baby. Regardless of what Brian believes, I want to know what is going on, okay? I don’t want to be in the dark. Do you understand me?”