The Fighter's Block (44 page)

“I love you, Van.”
She
examined his
face and look
ed
into his eyes.
She
was seeking
something, anything, to tell her what she wanted to know. How was he
really
doing?

“D
id you cut your hair?” he asked. God, he wished he could
run
his
fingers
through it.

“Just a little. A trim is all. Why? Is it that noticeable? You don’t like it?”

“I love it,” he chuckled. “Your hair is beautiful, but don’t think I don’t notice every little detail when it comes to you. I’ve got your entire body memorized.”

That made her smile, but she felt sad inside. How she longed to be with him; to hold him in bed after having an intense, sweaty session of lovemaking; or to wrap her arms around him in the shower while he washed her hair and kissed her lips.

“I miss you, Van,” she said, unable to hide the quiver in her voice and the tear that escaped. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“I know, baby. I know. And I’m sorry. I wish there was something that could be done, or something I could do myself or—”

“What would you do? I mean if you could be released from here to clear your own name, where would you start?”

He smiled and shook his head. “Now don’t be getting any ideas, Dani. I was just yammering.”

“Well, I’m serious. If you were released to clear your name, where would you start?”

I’d find
Quincy
, he wanted to say.
I’d track
him
down and make him
answer some questions
. I’d figure out
how to
move us way the fuck
away from
here…

“I’d start by taking you to bed with me, little woman,” he smiled.
“
And I’d knock you up with my kid, buy you a house, and we’d just leave everything behind.”

She smiled at him dreamily, torn between telling him and not telling him.
But not here.
She wanted it to be special, not spur of the moment
in
the visitor’s cubicle
of
a
jail
.

But he did open up the topic…

“I thought you weren’t ready to have kids?” she asked him.

He shrugged. “I’m
definitely
not. But, you know, someday. Having a kid scares the hell out of me, but there’s no way I’m not reproducing that beauty of yours. No way.”

She laughed
and asked, “Why does it scare you?”
They’d talked about it before but had both agreed to wait. He knew she
might
model a little bit more, but she’d never really gotten around to asking why
he
wanted to wait.

He slowly shrugged again. “I don’t know how I would be around kids. Or babies, even. It’s kind of a foreign thing to me.”

“So were women at one point,” she teased.

He chuckled and it made her heart melt. What she wouldn’t give to hear that sound every day for the rest of her life.

“It would be new for both of us,” she told him. “I mean I have Jacob and Naomi, but I was never really around them much when they were little.
I was just a teenager. I’m an okay aunt now, but they’re just really easy kids.
They’re more mature than most adults, even.
”

“I think you’d be an incredible mother. However, I do have one thing that I promise I will not be too fond of.”

“What’s that?” she asked worriedly.

“That whole breastfeeding thing? Why in the world would I want to share those luscious things?”

She covered her mouth to laugh that time and he smiled along with her. “Donovan Kemp, you should be ashamed.”

“Ha. Not a chance. I’m honest. And I
betcha
about ninety percent of the dads out there would agree with me.”

She stared at him lovingly. Oh how she adored this man. How could something so horrible and unfair be happening to him?

“And,” he continued. “From what I hear, you women only complain of saggy, ruined boobs afterwards anyways. Why would you want that?”

“So that we can raise a healthy, happy little replica of the man that we so greatly love,” she replied.

Van was going to laugh, but she was serious. Her eyes told it all. He could see the longing in them too, the desire to have those saggy, ruined boobs. God, he hoped not, but he would love her no matter what. She could gain two hundred pounds and he’d never stop loving her.

“
I
gotta
push for conjugal visits
,” he told her with a smile.

“I wish,” she replied.

“Yeah, me too.” He sighed, not wanting to think about it. If he pictured himself between her legs right now, he was sure to go back to his cell with a woody
and aching balls
. “So tell me what you’ve been up to the last few days.”

She rambled on about her job and mundane things like the apartment or her siblings, but Van always insisted. He wanted to know everything she’d been doing. He sure as hell didn’t have anything to tell
her
about his week, so it was necessary to hear what his beautiful wife was up to. There was, however, something he wanted to ask her. He listened to her finish up an update about meals with his friends
,
and when he had an opportunity, asked, “Tell me about the new guy. He’s in Quincy’s apartment, right? Mickey passes on a lot of things through Jack,” he shrugged.

“Cole? Cole is a very nice guy. In fact, it feels a little more like home now.”

“What do you mean?” Van asked.

Dani paused, wondering if she was going to hurt his feelings in some way. She didn’t want to give him anything negative to think about. “He reminds me a lot of Casey,” she said, and that was the truth.

“Ah,” Van nodded.
To him it meant that he was gay, but Dani didn’t even consider he would connect it that way until he said, “Another girlfriend to chat with, huh.”

“What? Oh, no! Cole’s not gay,” she chuckled. “At least, I don’t
believe
he is.”

“Oh. Well how else does he remind you of Casey? You told me you were close friends because he was easy to confide in, talk to.”

“And that automatically means a guy is gay?”

“What?”

“Cole’s easy to talk to, but I
don’t think he’s gay. If he was, I think Scotty’s gay-
dar
would be going off big time.”

Van paused before he whispered,
“You’re not supposed to know tha
t
.
”

“Know what?” she asked, matching the volume. “That Scotty’s gay? Van, my own brother is gay. Don’t you think I can tell? And I’ve been in the modeling scene for twenty years
now
.
Plenty of gay coworkers
, even the ones that try to hide it
.
You mean…no one else knows?”

Van looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry, honey,”
Dani
said. “I only said it because it’s you I’m talking to. I would never
say
that to anyone else.”

“I know. But it’s for Scotty’s own safety. The world has come a long way in accepting homosexuals, but in my profession…”

He didn’t finish the thought and Dani said, “I’m sorry, Van.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I know you’ll keep it a secret. As it is, I’m the only one at the Divehouse that knows. Mickey might, but I don’t want to assume that. I’ll just keep it to myself.”

Dani was quiet.

“Sweetheart
, don’t feel bad.”

“I have a big mouth,” she said.

“No you don’t. It’s just…”
He sighed.
“Scotty’s had it kind of rough family-wise. I’m sure you can relate because of Simon. But Scotty doesn’t have
anyone
he can rely on.
His entire family has disowned him—even his brother and sisters.
He’s on his own.
We’re his family now.
”

“That’s too bad. I hardly see him in the building much or I would invite him in more. He came over last week for dinner with Paul and Marnie, though. And he did say he was going to Cody’s for some fight on pay-per-view.”

“Holland versus Oakes. Yeah.”

She could tell that he’d give anything to join those guys on Saturday night. It killed her inside. But he played it off and continued to ask her questions about the smallest things, even down to the color of nail polish she was wearing.

Oh she needed to do something. She couldn’t handle this anymore. She just prayed that it wasn’t going to make things worse…

Chapter Twenty-Five

It had been three days since Cole told Jack he was done. Three days. And
he was
already
regretting
it
until today
. What the hell was wrong with him? He could have walked away and been done with it all, but no… Dani
had
come back from visiting her husband, clearly bothered, and set out to search for him.

She brought him dinner that night. Pizza, beer, and a big fucking smile. He opened his door to this scene, the sexi
est delivery girl he’d ever laid
eyes
on.
Large combo in one hand, a six-pack
of
bottled
beer in the other.

“
What’re
you doing?” he couldn’t help but smile. It was the funniest surprise ever, but he was cautious.

“I’m here to bribe you. Can I come in?”

“Bribe me?” he asked as she breezed by him. Between the smell of the pizza and the smell of her, it was a little too much.
That, and the fact that she was wearing cute little denim shorts and a yellow tank top.

“Yes, bribe you. And I hope you don’t think less of me because…” She exhaled as she set the food on the counter. “I’m desperate, Cole. And I need your help.”

At the moment he was hearing:
I have needs, Cole, and I want you.

He cleared his throat, and hopefully his thoughts, and said, “Uh, well…”

She flipped open the box of pizza and hopped up on the counter, picking up a slice and dropping an olive on her leg. She
plucked
up the olive and ate it, and Cole had to look away. He wanted to eat the olive right off her
damn
lap
.

“Have some,” she said, motioning to the food. “And the beer is cold. It was in my fridge.”

“God sent me an angel,” he had to admit honestly. “I’m starving.”

“Good,” she smiled.

“Do you want a plate?” he asked, taking two out of the cupboard. He handed her one and pulled out a
slice
of pizza onto his. “So what’s going on, Dani? Why are you desperate and, uh, what can I do for you?”

She took a deep breath and set her food on her plat
e. She grabbed a bottle of beer,
opened it with her bare hand
,
and gave it to him.

He had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Well,” she began. But her shoulders slumped and she seemed to change her mind. “What am I doing?” she asked herself. “I can’t ask you this. This is…this is really bad. I’m sorry, Cole. I have no idea what I was thinking—”

“Just ask, Dani,” he said. He was more curious than ever. He could tell she had really built herself up for it, whatever it was, and now she couldn’t go through with it.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Cole. I should go.”

She hopped off the counter to leave but he grabbed her wrist to stop her. “
I
’m
all ears, Dani
. I’ll help you if it’s within my power, I swear.”

“I don’t know what came over me,” she said with a shake of her head. “I am an awful person. I just—”

“You’re not an awful person. And I understand desperation. Just tell me what it is, if I can’t do it or don’t want to help, I’ll tell you so. I won’t judge, I promise.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” she mumbled. “I am really losing it.”

She pulled away from him and made her way to the door. He could tell she was about to cry as she said, “Sorry to bug you.”

And then she left.

“Shit,” he said under his breath. He rushed to the door and flung it open just as Dani approached the door of her apartment. “Dani, wait,” he called.

She froze at the door like she
would
but decided against it. “Don’t worry about it, Cole.”

He could tell she was still crying.