The Firefighter's Appeal (Harlequin Superromance) (19 page)

But she had to hold back, because he didn’t do relationships. More than that, Garrett represented the worst day of her life. It wasn’t fair to him that she couldn’t forget—wasn’t fair at all. But she couldn’t stop it.

Overwhelmed by her thoughts, Lily pushed her plate to the side. Her appetite for food was gone, but not her hunger for something else. She needed to get out of here before she burst into tears or jumped Garrett on the dinner table. Lily stood quickly, almost knocking over her chair. Luckily, everyone was too busy eating to notice. Except Garrett.

She gave a tight smile. “I’d better get going.”

Garrett stood with her, his eyes questioning, but he didn’t ask. A few minutes later, she said her goodbyes and gathered her things. Garrett walked her to the parking lot, his stride easy and slow. She was nearly frustrated with his pace, but she took a breath and fell into step beside him. The way her heart was racing and the deep lull of desire pulsing in her blood made leaving more urgent. Because dragging this out any longer would be foolish.

She fished the packet of papers from her bag as they stopped at her car. “Here you go. There’s one proposal for the bar renovations and the lot development and one just for the bar, in case. Look them over and let Doug know if you have any questions. If not, feel free to sign them and drop them off at the office.”

He clasped her upper arm gently. “Are you cutting me out, Lily? I have to deal with Doug now?”

She shrugged and tamped down the ache in her chest. “There’s no reason he can’t help you from here on.”

Garrett was shaking his head before she’d finished her sentence. “That’s not an answer.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say I can see you before you leave for Nashville. Dinner, a walk, something.”

“Sounds a lot like a date, Mateo,” she teased. “Stepping out of your comfort zone?”

It would be good for him, she’d bet, to step out of his no-dating, no-relationships box. While they’d never spoken about his reasons, Lily suspected he suffered from a hefty dose of the same thing she’d had all this time: fear of facing the truth for what it was. Something must have happened to make him so reluctant to have a relationship and he probably hadn’t faced it, though he’d been great at pushing her into doing just that with her own problems. His father’s death, if she had to guess.

He didn’t answer directly, just leaned in until his lips nearly touched her cheek. “Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

Tomorrow was another obstacle to get through, one she didn’t want Garrett to witness her struggling with. There would be nothing easy about getting through the first anniversary of Katja’s death.

“Tomorrow isn’t a good day.” She didn’t want to elaborate and was glad when he didn’t push.

“Well, then, I’m off in three hours. Drinks at your place?”

That boyish twinkle in his eye and the sensual outline of his lips made it very hard to say no.

“I think you’re awfully cute when you’re being stubborn,” he quipped when she slipped into the car and started it without a response.

“And I think you need to stop being so damn wonderful.” Lily pulled the car door shut and pulled away with a wave. She’d just rounded the block and stopped at a stop sign when her cell beeped. She flipped it open while she waited for traffic, a message from Garrett filling the screen.

Hey, Ashden, I’m taking that as a compliment. I’ll be there about eight.

* * *

G
ARRETT
HAD
STARED
at his cell phone a long time, knowing Lily wouldn’t likely text back since she was driving.

He’d resolved to give her a few days to process the information he’d shared about the fire and maybe settle her feelings about it. Seeing her at the fire station had been a pleasant shock. No matter how many times he’d told himself that Lily would probably never get over being angry at him, Garrett hoped that she would. He’d missed her, and seeing her today brought that hope to fruition. She wasn’t mad, and that meant there was a chance for them, right? If he wanted one; if he was ready for one.

Garrett cleared the steps on Brad’s front porch, a manila envelope tucked under his arm. He had some time after his shift before heading to Lily’s to see Brad. Garrett figured the phone call he’d just taken would bring a huge smile to his uncle’s face, and was too important to wait. His ten-year-old cousin, Brittany, met him excitedly at the door and pulled him inside. She was a mini-Brad with the trademark blond hair, blue eyes Mateo coloring.

“We were just laughing at pictures of you!” Brittany giggled as she tugged him along to the family room.

Eight-year-old Andrea looked up from her dad’s lap on the couch and made a disgusted face. “We just saw you naked in the bathtub!”

Garrett tugged on Andie’s braid before shaking his uncle’s hand. “Traumatizing your girls with my chunky baby bottom?”

He took a seat next to Brad and warmed inside to see the color in the older man’s face today. A stack of photo albums sat near Brad’s feet, one open on his lap with Andie. Garrett recognized the pea-green leather album as the one filled with pictures of him, Cash and Sawyer as kids. It had been a very long time since he’d seen it.

“You were a pretty chunky kid,” Brad joked. “Good think you figured out that whole exercise thing, or you’d still be soft.”

They flipped through a few pages, making the girls giggle and squirm with photo after photo of naked or half-naked little boys on the beach, in the water, in the tub, playing in the backyard.

“It’s hot in Hawaii,” Garrett explained. “Clothing is definitely optional when you’re two.”

“’Nuff naked boys,” Andie said and placed a red album on top of the green one. “My dance pictures are in this one.”

Garrett’s vision was immediately filled with images of the girls in colorful ballet costumes, making pretty poses against artful backdrops. He smiled, remembering many of the costumes from their recitals that he’d attended.

The girls chattered excitedly about each picture, filling the living room with sparkly energy. Brad’s expression changed from a smile to something more serious as the girls flipped pages. Bags filled the space under Brad’s eyes. His cheeks were slightly hollow, though not as gaunt as they’d been just a few months ago. He’d lost almost thirty pounds during chemotherapy, and Garrett found it encouraging that Brad was gaining a little of that back and keeping it on.

Maybe there was hope. Brad snuggled both girls close, laughing with them in a moment that robbed the sadness away from his expression.

Before he’d gotten sick, Brad had worked countless hours at the bar, getting home well after the girls had gone to bed. Since he’d been forced to slow down, he’d transformed into a man who spent every available moment with his family. The risk of death did that to a person, Garrett supposed. Made you reprioritize your life, and though Brad had pretty much been forced to change, he seemed...content.

Would Brad have changed his mind about having a family if he’d known he was going to get cancer? It was a question Garrett had been tossing around for a while. Despite the obvious struggle they were going through with his illness, Brad’s family had never seemed closer in Garrett’s eyes.

He related that a lot to Mikey and Bodie. Before Bodie had left for Iraq, he and Mikey hadn’t been close, and now...they were almost inseparable. Garrett cupped his hands together and focused on them. Bad things had happened to the people he loved, but they’d found a way around the tragedy—found a way to be happy again.

Brad gave each of the girls a kiss and shooed them out of the room to go help their mom in the kitchen. The tenderness he gave each daughter told Garrett there was no way in hell Brad would have not had his family if he’d known what lay ahead.

Garrett slipped the envelope onto his lap with the very strong sense that maybe he was a coward after all.

“Here.” He pulled the proposal from the envelope and handed it to Brad. The numbers were right. The project descriptions were right and the time frame for getting started was perfect, too. Brad made a few comments as he looked it over, but Garrett already knew he’d be pleased.

“This is the proposal that includes the lot.” Brad’s brows knit together. “You haven’t heard back on that yet.”

Garrett reached inside the envelope and pulled out a half-folded sheet of paper and handed it to Brad with an innocent-sounding whistle. Brad looked at it. A moment later, he cleared his throat and rubbed a thumb over his eyes.

“Sylvia sold. Amazing.”

Sylvia had called him earlier, ready to sell. Garrett hadn’t wasted any time getting to her office with a check and a pen to sign the contract. Terrified she was going to change her mind the entire time, he’d quickly signed the paperwork, half expecting to find out he was being pranked at any moment. But she’d settled up with a smile and a handshake and that was that. He couldn’t wait to share the news with Lily, too.

“She liked Lily. A lot. I think that’s the only reason she finally gave in.”

“Got a pen?” Brad asked softly, his voice thick with emotion. Garrett handed one over, watched silently as Brad signed his name. “You know, when I asked you to come to Kansas to help me out, I never expected you to hang around this long, Garrett. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done. I’ll rest better knowing the bar will be tip-top.”

Garrett took the paper and signed it, too, before putting it away.

“Lily did a great job on the proposal. You should be thanking her for giving us what we needed.”

Brad patted his knee, then turned his head away as he blinked a few times. Garrett tugged Brad’s sleeve until his uncle faced him again and embraced him for all it was worth.

“We got this, Brad. Together. I’m not going anywhere.”

Brad’s hand dug into the back of Garrett’s shirt. “Your dad would be proud of you, son.”

They were silent for a long time until the sound of little feet raced into the room and stopped dead, followed by an “ewww” and Andie running back to the kitchen shouting, “Mom, Uncle Garrett and Dad are acting weird!”

They broke apart and Brad rolled his eyes with a nod in his daughter’s direction. “Time for you to settle down and have a few of your own so you can enjoy the madness, too.”

Garrett smiled and wiped his eyes. The thought wasn’t so foreign anymore. “Yeah. Maybe.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“D
EVON
IS
GONE
.
” Macy held out a shirt and studied it a moment before throwing it into a pile at her feet.

“How do you know?” Lily retrieved the shirt Macy had put in the “gross and ugly” pile and tossed it on her bed.

Macy had shown up unexpectedly after Lily had gotten home. Figuring she had time before Garrett arrived, she put Macy to work helping her look for the misplaced engagement ring. Finally, after tearing apart her walk-in closet, they’d found it in a hospital bag she had hanging up in the back, along with a few other things she’d forgotten about: a watch, a pair of earrings and a half-empty box of Tic Tacs. All the things she’d had on her when she’d been taken by ambulance to the hospital the night of the fire. Overwhelmed with grief over her sister, Lily had simply forgotten that bag existed.

“A mutual friend told me. Said Devon wanted to get settled into his new apartment before college starts, so that’s that.” She brushed her hands together. “I’m done with him. The same way you’re done with this skirt. Are you secretly a hippie?”

Macy held the multicolored gauzy skirt to her waist, all but drowning in the length. Apparently now was a great time to clean up her wardrobe, since Macy had practically destroyed the closet.

“I have no idea where that came from.” Lily laughed, grabbing the skirt and tossing it into the ugly pile. “I think it was here when I moved in.”

They continued sorting, laughing and horsing around the way they usually did. Some of that had been missing from their relationship in the past months, and Lily realized that had a lot to do with her. But her spirit was lighter today. She’d been sleeping without nightmares, and when she woke, her outlook on the day ahead was brighter.

“Oh, my God!” Macy turned with a black corset pressed against her torso. “Where did you get this?”

The corset had been specially made to fit Lily’s body, the boning fine and elegant, the black satin shining in the light. Lily peeked inside the closet and pulled out a burgundy skirt and white blouson shirt with a velveteen bolero jacket and laid them on the bed.

“I went to a steampunk convention a couple years ago with Katja. It was really fun.” She dug a little more and found the finishing piece. “See? A fascinator.”

She plopped the tiny black top hat on her head. Macy went crazy with laughter. When she finally recovered, she headed for the bedroom door, thrusting the corset at Lily.

“You wore that, but you had a fit about the coconut bra? Really? I need a drink.”

Lily pressed the corset against herself—she’d forgotten just how sexy it was—and followed Macy just as a knock sounded on the door.

“Got it.” Macy undid the lock and opened the door. Goose bumps lit on Lily’s skin when she realized what time it was.

“Well, look at you,” she heard Macy say. “You’re not here to put out a fire by chance, are you? Because I think there’s one right over there.”

Macy swung the door wide and pointed at her. Garrett stood at the threshold, looking amused at first. And then his eyes went huge and Lily realized she was still holding the corset against her breasts. She let the corset drop, taking in his fire uniform and the bottle of wine in his hand.

“Pretty hot, right?” Macy stepped aside so Garrett could come in.

He did and held a hand out. “Garrett. I remember you from the fund-raiser, but I don’t think we officially met.” He flashed that trademark smile, and Lily was sure she heard Macy’s blood sizzle.

“Macy. Nice to meet you. You don’t happen to have a brother...” She winked.

Lily rolled her eyes. Garrett set the bag on the coffee table and shrugged out of his jacket. “Two, actually. One is crabby as hell and the other is a hermit, so I’m afraid they aren’t fit for polite company.”

Macy waved a dismissive hand. “Right, but do either of them look like you?”

Garrett grinned and looked down. “Um, a little, I suppose.”

“That’s all that matters.”

“Welcome to the Macy Experience,” Lily said, tossing the corset onto the couch.

Macy retrieved her purse from the kitchen counter and dug out her keys. “That’s my cue. Lily, will you drop Adam off at my place tomorrow?”

As if sensing he was being talked about, the cat peeked out from where he was curled up on the recliner. He had no idea what he was in for at Macy’s apartment where he’d be staying while Lily was in Nashville. Her shimmery curtains and fluffy couch pillows were going to be the joys of his life.

“I will.” Lily walked Macy to the door and closed it softly after her friend had left. A small silence stretched, reminding her that she and Garrett were alone. “I’m frequently exhausted and bewildered after she leaves,” Lily teased.

“I can see why.” He handed her a manila envelope. “Sylvia sold me the lot.”

A tingle raced down Lily’s spine as she took the envelope. “That’s wonderful! I’m so glad.”

All his chips were falling into place. Her heart swelled for him and all that was to come for his family, for Mikey and Bodie, thanks to that empty lot.

“All the appropriate paperwork is signed. I couldn’t have done it without you, Lily.”

She waved him off. “I just...well, I know it’ll be amazing.”

He grasped her hand.

“I wish you’d be here to see it through, so you can enjoy it when it’s completed.”

Hmm, there was a touch of longing in his expression, and the longer he looked at her, the more blatant it became. She still had no idea what the future was really going to hold for her—whether she’d stay here or Nashville, but the look in his eyes made her think he was rooting for Danbury. And it made her ache with the desire to give him everything, but not being able to. Wanting him almost hurt more than the memories he conjured in her, because with Garrett, she’d always want more.

“I’ll see it. Don’t worry,” she replied.

Lily turned to the couch, pulling him down to sit with her. She’d intended to get her thoughts in order, to find the right way to bring up what was between them, but the moment his weight sank on the cushion next to her, Lily forgot.

Maybe she reached for him first, or maybe he’d reached for her as she slid onto his lap and found her lips meshed with his. The kiss was demanding and giving, pulling her into the tingly daze only Garrett had ever been able to inspire. His big hands were in her hair, holding her at just the right angle, their chests pressed together so his heart beat against hers. It made her forget, blissfully.

She absently found the buttons on his uniform shirt and began popping them, getting to the third one before she realized what she was doing.

Garrett took her face between his hands and looked at her. “Sex isn’t why I came over tonight. I want you to know that.”

She pressed her hands against the sculpted hardness of his chest, finding it hard to breathe enough to get words out. “Why did you, then?”

He kissed her again, giving her the impression that he was stalling.

“Garrett.”

She pulled away and there it was, that deepness in his expression that she wanted to understand. He always wiggled information out of her, and it was her turn to do the same to him. She slid off his lap and crossed her arms. There were things she wanted to hear him say, and things she probably wouldn’t like hearing. Either way, it was time.

“Start talking.”

* * *

G
ARRETT
STOOD
TO
give himself some space. He needed it if there was any chance of making sense of the thoughts in his head. This was a completely foreign place for him to be, and his entire body recognized that. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he put them in his pockets. His legs were restless, so he started a slow pace around the living room.

And then he found that, as much as he thought he’d needed space, being separated from Lily’s touch left him empty. He went back to where she sat and crouched down, putting one hand on each of her knees. She waited expectantly, patiently, and he was glad he had a second to get it together.

“All right, here it is, Lily. I want...I want to see if there could be an
us.
But I don’t know if I can.”

The confession didn’t leave an acid trail in his mouth the way he’d feared it would. But it did make his lips tingle and his scalp burn, because this was as far to entering a relationship as he’d ever gone. How did some men do this over and over? The sex, sure, he could see that. But the admitting feelings and wanting more... No, this was a onetime thing, and if she said no...if it didn’t work out, he’d happily never go down this road again.

What if it all went wrong—if fate chose him? Or worse, chose her?

Lily reached out and smoothed his hair behind his ear. “Why don’t you think you can?”

Her thighs were warm through her jeans as he braced his hands there. Touching her gave him the courage to talk about this, so he lightly ran his hands up the length of her legs to her hips, his fingers kneading through the denim. And then she stole his breath away by leaning forward and reaching for the buttons on his shirt to finish what she’d started earlier.

“Talk to me,” she said encouragingly, finishing off the rest of the buttons.

She spread his shirt open with her hands, her palms rubbing against his chest and shoulders as she whisked the fabric away. Garrett shrugged and the shirt slipped down his back. Lily looked over his bare skin, a little moan coming from deep in her throat.

It was instant, fast and hot, this reaction he always had to her. Fast and wonderful. Garrett’s hands moved across her middle and came to rest on the button of her jeans. His eyes caught hers as he slowly worked it free.

Garrett pulled her zipper down slowly, noting each flicker of expression on her face. “You know that my father died in the line of duty.”

Lily’s breath hitched as he opened her fly. He leaned into her, pressed a kiss to the exposed skin over her belly. The lavender scent of her skin threatened to drive him completely out of his mind.

“My mother never fully recovered from losing him. I can’t...”

He edged up the hem of her shirt, his tongue making a little swirl around her belly button.

“I don’t know if I can ask any woman to risk going through the same thing.”

Garrett kissed down to the edge of her panties. Lily’s hips tilted up in response, her fingers in his hair digging and kneading deep.

“It’s not a blind risk, Garrett. I... Oh.” Her fingernails pricked into his scalp. “I’m aware that it’s a dangerous job.”

Her breath came out in desperate pants. Garrett grasped the waist of her jeans and leaned back on his haunches as he urged her hips up and pulled the denim down. Her lower half bared to him, Garrett took in Lily’s long, tanned legs and the smooth, slightly rounded rise of her belly. Taking this slow, letting it tiptoe through time was as tempting as throwing her down on the couch and loving her hard and fast. Slow would have to win, because he wasn’t done talking.

“I’ve seen things on the job and off that make it hard, Lil.” He kissed the inside of her knee, relishing the soft moan that fluttered from her lips. “My dad and uncle used to swap horror stories when they thought we were in bed. But I heard—all the bad things...”

Lily cupped his chin and took a heavy breath. “Garrett...” The soothing tone in her voice riled up the part of him that really didn’t want to be having this conversation. The shift was sudden and unexpected. He didn’t want to be placated. He wanted her to understand that this risk was real. Maybe she wouldn’t ever be able to understand the fear he carried around.

“What happens if you’re driving home from work with the kids and a semi takes you out?” He gripped her hips, the satin of her panties a delicious treat against his rough hands. “What if I get nailed by a house collapse, or lose my mask and suffocate? What then, Lily?”

He grabbed her thong on either side and yanked it down over her soft hips. Lily gasped and shifted her body to allow the material to slide down her legs. And then she just looked at him as her thumb caressed his cheek.

“What if every time I look at you, I’m reminded of how much I have to lose? Because that’s what love is, Lily. A constant reminder of how much can go wrong.”

Her hand jerked away from his face. “What did you say?”

The sudden stillness of her body made his breath hitch. A moment passed before he could process her question.

“I don’t know how to move past that hang-up, Lily.” It was all he could think of to say, because it was the hands-down truth. He’d been able to overcome hundreds of obstacles in his life, but never the fear.

Warmth from Lily’s palms pressed into the sides of his face. With her eyes tightly closed, she lowered her forehead to his.

“Neither do I. Everyone takes a risk when they fall in love, Garrett. Besides, it doesn’t seem fair.”

Needing the distraction of her body to keep going with this conversation, Garrett slowly ran his hands over the insides of her thighs. “What’s not fair?”

“Denying someone the chance to love you. Denying yourself that chance in return. Love is a part of life, but so is all the other stuff, right?”

Deep down, he’d known she would understand. They had a shared connection that linked them to the worst tragedy of Lily’s life. They’d been brought together then, and again a year later. Maybe...this was exactly where he was supposed to be—taking a chance with this woman.

“Are you saying that you’re willing to be more with me?”

* * *

L
ILY
’
S
HEAD
TIPPED
back against the couch, her mind clouded with the sensations Garrett’s mouth caused. “I don’t know.” All that mattered just then was this closeness they shared. Right now, it was enough, because his touch helped her imagine that more was possible.

Before Lily could think of another way to explain, Garrett pushed her legs apart and leaned in; the heat of his breath on her sensitive skin made her squirm with anticipation.

He descended closer...a little closer, pulling her right thigh over his shoulder, and then the left. Her bottom rose off the cushions, and the vulnerability of this position hit her hard and fast. Lily squirmed, but his hands grabbed her hips. Garrett turned his face and kissed the inside of her thigh. The bud of heat from that imprint sent shocks through her. He was so close to where her body wanted him, yet not close enough. As much as she longed for it, the sensation of being completely out of control in this position was almost overwhelming.