The Firefighter's Appeal (Harlequin Superromance) (20 page)

Garrett caressed the outside of her thighs as he dotted kisses along the tender insides. Her spine arched, her head back against the cushions, though awkward, wasn’t uncomfortable. A warm stream of breath washed over her center, making her arch up.

And then he placed a kiss on her center, pulling her closer to meet his mouth, holding her with a firmness that left no escape—no doubt. The tip of his tongue parted her and stole away any inclination to resist. He sent her into an immediate spiral, overwhelming her senses with his touch. The roughness of the stubble on his jaw rubbed against her thighs and made a startling contrast to the pleasure he was sending right through the heart of her.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured with a tone so pure, it gave her another push closer to the edge—the edge she could jump off and fall straight down into love with this man. But she wouldn’t. She’d let him push her into a spiral of release, but the rest could wait until they’d figured out this thing between them.

She hoped.

Garrett pulled back, gently lowering her legs and supporting her with an arm around her lower back. He pulled her onto the carpet, his hands stroking her belly and the sensitive skin over her ribs before resuming the wicked play between her legs. She squeezed her eyes shut, afraid if she opened them, everything would dissipate...be just a dream. The sound of his zipper, the rustle of fabric, a frustrated curse under his breath. And then a warm kiss on her lips...another as he touched her in the way she needed the most.

Lily arched her back as velvet heat uncurled at a dizzying pace. The warmth of Garrett’s body hovered over hers as he moved between her legs. He pulled her back just slightly and slid inside with a hard, insistent thrust that sent her into release. Each stroke prolonged the pleasure, fanned it, flamed it. Time ran away, leaving nothing but the sensation of him moving in and out of her, his fingers digging into her hips and the seductive sounds coming from low in his throat.

Garrett growled her name, one arm looping under her back as he covered her with his body and shuddered. The hardness of his body was a comfortable weight as he relaxed, her arms holding him tight as their breathing slowed.

Awareness returned slowly. Her skin cooled, making her shiver. Garrett rolled to his side, pulling her close to his body heat. His lips lazily traveled her neck before he angled her head to the side and met her lips. Lily managed to twist in his arms so they were face-to-face, her leg around his hips, his hands in her hair. The kisses turned leisurely, soft, each one wrapping her in the warmth of being cherished.

In between kisses, reality seeped in. She was leaving town soon, and now instead of filling her with excitement, she was a little hesitant about it. In the matter of the past half hour, her perspective had shifted and her future was more undecided than ever.

Garrett raked a hand through his hair, his face tilted to the soft light in a way that made her breath hitch. There really wasn’t an angle from which he didn’t look drop-dead gorgeous. And as much as Lily didn’t know what to do about Garrett, she knew she didn’t want him to leave just yet.

“Come to bed with me.”

He smiled sweetly. “I have to work early in the morning.”

“You can leave whenever you want. Sneak out in the middle of the night if you want. I just...I don’t want you to go right now.”

The intensity of his expression looked the way she imagined love might. He stood and pulled her up, swept her right into his arms. He started to walk away, but then he side eyed the couch with a wicked grin.

“It’s a shame to just leave that there, don’t you think? We could put it to good use.”

He’d spotted the corset where she’d tossed it on the end of the sofa. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Coconut bra is in my closet.”

He whisked her into the bedroom with a wag of his eyebrows, the lines of his face as relaxed as Lily could ever recall. Maybe life would begin to smooth out for them both—take some of the weight of responsibility off Garrett’s shoulders and finally give her the chance to make amends with the painful parts of her life.

A pile of clothes still lay on the edge of her bed, and things were scattered around the floor from the closet-cleaning fiasco. Garrett gave her a quizzical glance, but he shoved the clothes onto the floor and tossed her on the bed. Lily scooted back at the same time Garrett put his knees on the mattress and made a slow crawl over her body. The blue of his eyes was intense as he hovered over her, the ends of his hair curling around his face. He dropped a lush kiss on her mouth before rolling to his side and pulling her close.

As her body relished his warmth and strong embrace, Lily’s mind slid to tomorrow. The anniversary of Katja’s death. As hard as she tried to push the thought away, a potent reminder was wrapped around her. The even pace of Garrett’s breathing taunted her, reminded her of why this thing between them couldn’t continue, even as she clung to him, reluctant to let go.

“Garrett?”

“Yeah?”

Lily swallowed hard, hating the bitter words that were forming in her throat.

“I can’t be more with you.”

He didn’t say anything at first, just tightened his arms around her.

“That’s okay, because I don’t know how to be more for you. Maybe when you get back from Nashville, we can try to figure it out.”

Maybe. Because this felt a lot like goodbye.

* * *

L
ILY
SET
THE
small plastic bag on Doug’s desk and a take-out coffee cup next to it. He didn’t look at her, but he gave a sideways glance to the things she put down.

They weren’t usually chatty in the mornings, or any other time for that matter, but Doug had
sour mood
written all over him. It was almost palpable in the air. Lily had expected this. She felt the same but was determined to deal with her emotions today—all of them—instead of letting them consume her. Today was the day Katja had died a year ago, and combined with her evening with Garrett last night and her trip to Nashville tomorrow, Lily’s nerves hummed with hyperenergy.

She’d delivered her cat to Macy early that morning and been coerced into spilling everything that had happened between her and Garrett last night. All the wonderful details came back in a rush, filling her once again with the bittersweet pull. Garrett had left in the night without waking her to say goodbye. She could read into that or just accept that it was better that way. Both sucked.

“Rob will be by later today for that.” She flicked the plastic bag with her middle finger and thumb, glad to be tying up that loose end. It was pretty amazing that she’d never once thought to look for that ring after she returned home from the hospital, even before Rob had left. It was a loud testament to her true feelings all this time.

“Rob?” Doug pulled his reading glasses off and squinted. “What’s that bastard doing in town?”

Bastard?
That was a first. Doug had always remained neutral on the whole Rob issue.

“Um, coming for the ring. He’s getting married, apparently.”

And she couldn’t care less. It felt amazing not to waste any more energy or precious time on him. She cleared her throat and hurried on before Doug could start a grand inquisition.

“The Mateos agreed to the proposal. So you’re welcome.” She pulled an envelope with the contract inside from beneath her arm and set it on his desk.

Doug stared at her and rubbed his chin with a thumb, the rough stubble of his day-old beard making a scratching sound.

“What?” Lily asked, taking a seat in the chair opposite him when he didn’t say anything. She took a sip from her coffee and crossed her legs.

“You did good, girlie.”

Lily leaned forward in her chair, a suspicious tilt to her head. “What kind of happy pills are you taking, Doug? Wait, did you go to the doctor and finally get something for your severe case of asshole-itis?”

“That’s enough. Funny. Har-de-har.” He propped his chin in one hand and closed his eyes just a moment before looking down.

Lily leaned her forearms on the desk, hoping against hope that he’d say it. Bring it up. Let it out. Today was a day of loss—a reminder, a painful shadow lifted to reveal the truth they couldn’t get away from. She needed his commiseration, on some level, just to know she wasn’t alone. But as several seconds passed and he did nothing but stare at the top of the desk, Lily knew she’d get no more out of him than she had before.

“They’re making a playground out of the lot where the apartments were.”

He didn’t respond.

“It’s quite beautiful, actually. The grass is a really bright green and there are little patches of flowers already growing. And there’s a diagram of all the play equipment that’s going in—”

“So what?” He riffled through the manila envelope and pulled out the contracts. She wasn’t going to let his indifference prickle her. Not today.

“So it’s a wonderful use of that space, and I know Katja would be happy about it. I just thought you’d like to know.”

“Katja’s dead, Lily. I don’t think she really cares about some stupid playground.”

The deep gravel of his voice dripped distress, but his face didn’t show it. Sarcasm was a great shield, but she’d learned to poke holes in it, and every once in a while, the real Doug Ashden would show through. Sometimes he actually cared, and she knew that today, of all days, he did but had no tools for breaking free of his shield and showing it.

Lily slid her hand on top of his, thinking he’d pull away. But he didn’t. “Dad.”

He looked up. She rarely called him by what she’d come to consider a title of affection, because there wasn’t really affection between them. Right now, her heart was full for her father and it was a say-it-or-explode type of situation.

“Dad, I miss her, too. It’s okay to miss her, and I think today is a perfect time to talk about it.”

Doug looked out the side window. “Let’s not do this, Lily.”

She bristled. “Why not? We both miss her.”

He continued to shuffle through the papers in his hands, hoping, Lily was sure, that she’d give up and go away.

“I met a fireman who was at the fire that night. You might know him—Garrett Mateo.” That drew Doug’s attention, even if it was just a quick look before he pushed his glasses higher on his nose.

Antsy, Lily stood. “I spoke to him about the fire, and he helped me see what happened in a different light. And then I went to Barron and saw the playground being put up on that lot, and...it helped, too, Dad. It did. Garrett... He reminds me of her, you know? But I want to get over that, Dad.”

He put the contracts down and placed his forearms on the desk, his index fingers coming together to make a point. “Sit down, Lily.”

She did and put her hands on the desk. “Don’t you have anything to say about any of this?”

“You’re not going to Nashville.”

Dumbstruck by the change in topic, and again by what he’d actually said, she had a hard time making her lips work. “Wh-what?”

Doug leaned back in his chair. “Lincoln got a call yesterday and has a very sudden meeting with a major development firm in New Orleans. I’m heading out the day after tomorrow to meet him there. I need you to stay here and hold down the fort.”

Every fiber in Lily’s body felt like stone. Tension crept up her spine, wrenching the muscles in her back on the way to her neck, her jaw, even the top of her head. She breathed shallowly through her nose, her lips too numb to open up and allow air through.

All this time, Doug had known how much she wanted to explore whether Nashville would be a good change for her. She’d briefly thought about dropping that opportunity after what she and Garrett had shared last night, but no way. She was doing this for herself, not anyone else.

“I
am
going. Your blessing is no longer needed.” She tried to rise, faltered, took a breath and managed to stand. Doug could be pretty crappy sometimes, but this was a new level of low for him.

“Lily.”

“You have good employees who are capable of running this business while we’re both gone. I
am
going to Nashville. I’ll meet up with Linc when he gets back to town.”

Doug rose, his leather chair rolling back against the wall. He slammed a hand on the desk, clenching his jaw tight.

“I need you here.”

She laughed, a tight, sarcastic sound. “What
you
need—what
you
want—doesn’t mean shit to me, Doug. Not anymore.”

The only reason she’d worked with Garrett was the contract; she’d gone against her conviction to never, ever get involved with a fireman for the sake of this company. Yes, it had turned into something more meaningful, but the point was that she’d laid her moral fiber on the line for Doug and for this company only to have him still deny her what she needed and wanted the most.

“Dammit, Lily. Listen—”

She pointed a finger at him, poked it in the air a couple of times. Doing something with her hand helped hold back tears.

“You are welcome to rot here, alone, into a pile of miserable dust. Because I’m done.”

Doug was out of his chair and at her side before Lily could reach the door. He didn’t touch her; the energy crackling off him was enough. The way his shoulders slumped and his spine arched screamed defeat to her, but Doug Ashden had never been defeated.

“I can’t talk about her, Lily.”

Lily tasted salt on her tongue and wiped her face, aware for the first time that tears had started streaming down her cheeks.

“In my mind, if I don’t think about that day, I can almost convince myself that she’s going to walk through that door any minute. Do you get that? Do you understand that?” Doug wiped his mouth with a palm and took a step back.

“I expect her to call. Sometimes I look at my cell and wonder why the hell I haven’t heard from my daughter in so damn long. And then I remember why. And inside me comes this rage so dang powerful that I have to shut it down. I have to just shut it down or I’ll explode.”

Lily’s chest heaved as every nerve hung on edge waiting for what he would say next. This was the first time he’d ever acknowledged Katja’s death. She wanted to comfort him, but it was a passing inclination because she knew better than to risk her heart that way.