The First Lady (8 page)

I entered the apartment and put down the mail. Still clutching my purse, I headed to the bathroom to destroy the temptation I carried. But before I made it out of the living room, the phone rang. When I saw Tanisha’s number on the caller ID, I stopped to answer it, eager to tell her about Aubrey’s great report card.

“So, how did it go, Momma? Should I start planning a wedding?” Tanisha asked before I even had a chance to finish the word
hello.
Her enthusiasm just squashed any joy I was feeling. My mind had gotten past the date that never happened with T.K., but it was still in the forefront of Tanisha’s thoughts. Her question brought me right back to where I started fifteen minutes ago, when I saw that woman in Thomas Kelly’s car. I squeezed the purse in my hands, thinking about what lay inside.

“Momma, you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Your brother got a real good report card. He made honor roll,” I said, wishing I could have sounded as optimistic as I had just a few minutes ago.

“Oh, that’s great, Momma, but we can talk about that later. How’d everything go on your date with the bishop?”

I wasn’t really sure what to tell her. She’d been so excited about me and her father going out. The last thing she would want to hear was that my insecurity had gotten the best of me and that I’d left before the date even happened. But like I always said, if I owed her anything, I owed her the truth.

“I didn’t go. I stood him up,” I told her.

“What do you mean you stood him up? Momma, why would you stand the bishop up?”

“It’s a long story, Tanisha. Let’s just say we’re not right for each other.”

Sister Lisa Mae is a little more his style, I thought, feeling so stupid now. I never should have let myself be fooled by some damn letter supposedly written by a woman who’s been dead for half a year.

“That’s bull, Momma, and you know it. You told me you still love him.” Tanisha was not willing to let this go easily.

“Love ain’t got nothing to do with this, little girl. Your—”

She cut me off by raising her voice. “Love has everything to do with it, Momma. Jesus! How could you mess this up?”

Ignoring that she was speaking to me like I was the child, I tried to remain calm as I explained, “Things aren’t like they used to be when me and your father were kids, Tanisha. Your father’s a very complicated man with a very complicated job. The last thing he needs is my baggage.”

“Momma, I don’t understand. What baggage? You’re not smoking again, are you?”

I looked down at my purse and felt my insides tighten. If only Tanisha knew how close I had come to using again. “No, I’m not smoking,” I snapped, no longer calm. I knew I needed to get that shit down the toilet as quickly as possible. “And it’s fucked up that you thought that.”

“I’m sorry, Momma. I’m just having a hard time understanding why you stood up the bishop.”

“Little girl, did you ever think that if me and your father got married I’d have to be the first lady of First Jamaica Ministries? Do you know how much responsibility that is? Your father’s a very important man, Tanisha, and I do love him, but the only thing I could do is hold him back. Besides, he was just being polite when he told me he’d go out with me.”

“No, he wasn’t. When Dante talked to him, he said he was really looking forward to seeing you. And as far as that first lady stuff, the bishop doesn’t care about that.”

“I thought I told you not to tell your husband about this,” I said, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“I didn’t, but the bishop and Dante were talking and he brought it up. From what Dante said, he was very excited. And so was my husband.”

“Oh really?” I was surprised to hear this, because Tanisha had said before that she didn’t think Dante was ready for his father to move on. But even if I had Dante’s blessing, it still didn’t change a damn thing. Sister Lisa Mae was still the one in the front seat of his Cadillac tonight, not me. And hell, she probably belonged there a lot more than I did.

“You should call him and apologize, Momma. Maybe you two could go out tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so, Tanisha. Thomas Kelly and I are in the past. He needs a sophisticated woman, somebody who knows the politics of both the church and New York City. I’m sorry, but I’m not that woman.”

Her tone softened as she said, “Momma, why are you always putting yourself down? You can be anything you want to be.”

“A woman’s gotta know her limitations, Tanisha. I know mine. I’m not cut out to be a preacher’s wife.”

“That’s not true. I used to be a stripper, but now I’m married to a lawyer and going to school to be a nurse. If you really wanna be with Daddy, then you can do it. Nobody loves him like you do, Momma.” Her optimism was starting to piss me off. Why couldn’t she just let this go?

“I keep tellin’ you that sometimes love isn’t enough. Now, I’m not cut out to be no first lady. Them women in that church ain’t making a fool outta me, and neither are you.” I made no attempt to hide the anger in my voice, thinking that would put her in her place. But I was wrong. She came right back at me with her own anger and judgment.

“Always full of excuses, aren’t you, Momma? You’re never gonna get rid of that ghetto mentality, are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m really disappointed in you, ‘cause you’re never gonna leave Forty Projects,” Tanisha said just before hanging up.

“Fuck you, Tanisha!” I yelled into the receiver, then slammed it down. My purse fell out of my hands and tumbled to the floor. I was hot! That girl knew how to push my buttons like nobody else. As if it wasn’t bad enough that those damn churchwomen made me feel less than little Miss Lisa Mae, now my own damn daughter felt she had the right to judge me.

I reached down to pick up my purse and the contents that had spilled onto the floor. I stared at the small plastic bags that I was supposed to have already flushed down the toilet. In my anger, it took only a few seconds for me to say, “Fuck it,” pick them up, and head for the kitchen.

I quickly found aluminum foil to make a stem, and in no time I was sitting on my couch, staring at a picture of Tanisha, about to get high. “You know what, Tanisha?” I said to the picture just as I was about to inhale. “This is all your fault.”

I was talking to James in the hallway of the church’s administrative wing when Monique came walking down the corridor. She was wearing a tight red dress that left very little to the imagination. When James spotted her, his entire body tightened up, and his facial expression was one of disgust. He quickly pointed to my office as if to say, “If we hurry, we can hide in there.” But Monique had seen us, and I was glad because she’d been on my mind a lot the past few days. We’d had several meetings about her bookstore proposal since our dinner two weeks ago. They were all very professional in the church conference room, with my secretary and/or James present at all times. But even in that setting, I couldn’t stop myself from reliving that moment at her front door when she tried to kiss me. There was no denying that I was curious about what might have happened had I let that moment continue.

“Please, Bishop, this is not the time or the place to have Monique all up in your face.” James’s voice was low but stern. “Now, enough is enough. The women’s Bible study class is about to get out, and that girl is dressed like a slut. I’m sorry, but we have to protect your reputation.” I shot him an angry look, and he shook his head. “All right, I’ll be quiet, but it’s your funeral.”

He put on a fake smile as Monique walked up and gave each of us a hug. “Hey, Trustee. Hey, Bishop.”

When she released me, it took everything I had to concentrate on her face and not stare at the cleavage that was popping out of her dress. James, on the other hand, was staring at her chest so hard, it looked like his eyes were about to fall out of his head. For someone who just seconds ago was condemning her for the way she was dressed, he sure seemed to appreciate it now. I was just waiting for him to ask her something outlandish like, “Are those things real?” Thank the Lord, he remained quiet.

“So, to what do we owe the pleasure, Sister Monique?” I asked.

“We just finished up Bible study, and I wanted to know if you had some free time this week to talk some more about the bookstore, maybe over dinner?”

As if on cue, James doubled over and began coughing violently. This wasn’t anything new for him, though. He’d used this ploy before when he didn’t want me to answer someone, and I absolutely hated it.

Sister Monique fell for his little act and asked with genuine concern, “Oh, my goodness, Trustee. Are you all right?”

“He’s all right. Aren’t you, Trustee Black?” I placed my arm around his back, and as Monique stared at his face, I mashed right down on his foot with my size twelve-and-a-half shoe.

“Aaarrghh! Doggone it, Bishop, that’s my toe!” James immediately stopped coughing as he jumped up in the air, then started hobbling around.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Trustee. My feet are so big, sometimes I don’t know where they’re gonna land. I sure am glad your cough is okay, though. Look, why don’t you grab a seat in my office? You might wanna elevate that foot.” James cut his eye at me as he limped into my office. When he was out of sight, I turned back toward Monique.

“Is he gonna be all right?” She stepped close enough that I could smell her perfume, and I inhaled deeply.

“Oh, he’s going to be just fine. I step on his toes all the time. So, where were we?” I gave her a reassuring smile.

“I was asking if you wanted to get together tonight so we could talk more about … the bookstore, of course.”

“I’ve got something planned tonight, but how about Saturday evening? I don’t think I have anything scheduled.” Even I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. She was asking me to discuss church business, and I was suggesting that we do it on a Saturday night. I could have suggested any afternoon this week, but I chose a weekend night, which most unmarried people reserve for dates. This was the first time I had come remotely close to asking a woman out since my wife’s death, and it took me by surprise. I guess that while my heart was still sorting out my feelings, my body had seen Monique in that red dress and decided it was ready to move on.

If I had any doubts about how my invitation would be received, Monique reassured me quickly that she was feeling the same way I was.

“That sounds good. Do you want to meet at my place again? I’ll fix dinner.”

I wanted to say yes, but after the way she kissed me at her place, I decided not to tempt fate. My body was ready, but my heart was still in turmoil. “How about we go out to dinner this time? My treat. We can go over the details of your plan in a little more depth.”

A smirk crept across her face that made me think she had a little bit of the devil in her. “Are you sure you wanna take me out to dinner, Bishop? Folks might get the wrong idea.”

“I’m not much for what people think, Sister Monique. Now that my wife has passed away, I don’t have to answer to anyone but God.”

Her smile widened. “Well, amen to that. I’ll see you on Saturday. Let’s say about seven?”

“Seven it is.”

She leaned in like she was about to give me a kiss good-bye. This time I made sure her kiss landed on my cheek. Although I meant what I said about not having to answer to anyone, I instinctively glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone had witnessed the kiss. Then my eyes lowered and followed Monique’s hips as they swayed back and forth down the hall. I wasn’t sure if she knew I was watching and was doing it for my benefit, but she was putting on quite a show.

“Maaaaaan, now I know why you’re so infatuated with that girl. Not only does baby got back, but she got one heck of walk too.” I turned to see James standing in the doorway of my office, grinning.

I shot him a dirty look. “You know what, James?”

“What’s that, Bishop?”

“You gon’ make me step on your other toe in a second.”

I stepped toward him, slamming my foot on the floor in front of his feet, and he jumped back.

“Stop playing, Bishop,” James whined.

“Who’s playing?” I stomped my foot near his again, then laughed. “Look, I’m going to find Marlene in the common area. We’ve got dinner plans.”

“Dinner plans with Marlene tonight? Dinner with Monique on Saturday, and didn’t you have dinner with Savannah Dickens not too long ago? I don’t know, Bishop. If I didn’t know you so well, it would seem to me like you’ve become quite the Casanova lately.” James chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at his not-so-humorous joke. If indeed I was getting back into dating, no one in the church was going to make it easy for me, including my good friend.

“I’ll see you later, James, because you’re making way too much of nothing.”

“Am I, Bishop?”

As I headed away from James, I didn’t answer him, but I did wonder if he was right. Dinner with three different women in the same week. Had I just allowed myself to become First Jamaica Ministries’ most eligible bachelor without even noticing it happen?

I waited for Marlene for almost two hours before I got my briefcase from my office and decided to head home, figuring she’d forgotten about our dinner plans. Actually, I was
hoping
she’d just forgotten, because I’d called her house three times and got no answer, so I was a bit worried about her. I tried to reassure myself that everything was fine, but just in case, I’d stop by her place on my way home.

When I reached the church parking lot, I was surprised to see Lisa Mae Jones, the widow of my late friend, Pastor Lee Jones, standing in the parking lot next to her car with the hood up.

“Car troubles, Sister Lisa?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with this thing, Bishop. I’ve never been good with cars. Lee used to always handle that.” She sounded defeated.

“Well, I’m not that great with them, either, but let me have a look.”

“I appreciate that. I probably should have just gotten a ride home with Sister Alison when she offered, but I was sure I could get this thing started,” she said. “That’ll teach me to be stubborn.”