The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (21 page)

“Again.”

Later, after we’d packed up and returned from the beach, we changed our clothes and went down for a BBQ on the veranda that included brats and dogs cooked by Jack. Sophia claimed another insufferable headache and only showed herself momentarily to say goodnight, though I suspected she really came down to fill her glass.

We finished the evening with several rounds of poker where Jack cleaned everyone out. Then Hudson and I headed to our bedroom, our eyes wandering along the landscapes of each other’s bodies as we climbed the stairs.

The door had barely shut behind us before Hudson had me caged to the wall, his body pressed against me as he took my lips in a hungry desperate kiss, probing and demanding with his tongue until I was gasping in his mouth. My head swam, my panties instantly drenched with arousal, but I summoned strength to push my palms firmly against his chest. “Hold on, Hudson,” I said, breathless.

“Dammit, Alayna, I have to be inside you. I can’t wait any longer.”

He moved in again, but I turned my head and his mouth found my jawline instead. “Soon, H.” I darted out under his arm. “Lower the lights like you did the other night.” I walked backward as I spoke until I hit the closet where we’d stowed our suitcases. Hudson had hung several items of clothing and put others into the dresser drawers, but I still hadn’t bothered to unpack. “Get settled in bed. Naked.” I winked.

“Oh, you’re taking charge,” he said, leaning on the wall with an outstretched arm. “How adorable.”

“Don’t patronize me.” I bent inside the closet to rifle for the red baby doll halter nightie he’d missed seeing me wear the night before. When I found it, I wadded it up in a tight ball so he couldn’t see it yet and took off for the bathroom.

“I’m not. I’m excited.” He rubbed along the crotch of his pants. “I’m already hard.”

My lip curled into a wicked grin. “Good. Now do as you were told.” I stopped in the doorframe of the bathroom. “And don’t fall asleep!”

“Then don’t take forever in the bathroom.”

Grinning, I shut the door. Charged with nervous anticipation, I changed at lightning speed. The day had been beyond wonderful and real. It had been so long since I felt anything more than contentment, and with Hudson, I did. I was certain he did, too. We’d been falling together. And now I wanted to celebrate those feelings with my lover, acknowledging the depths of my emotions with my body even if I couldn’t yet express them in words.

I positioned my hair to fall around my shoulders, turned off the bathroom light then opened the door. The lights were low so I took a step forward where he could see me.

Hudson sat naked on top of the bed covers. His breath caught when he saw me. “Jesus, Alayna. You’re so goddamn beautiful.” He moved to a kneeling position. “I might have to let you wear that while I fuck you.”

I was used to his forward sex talk, but I blushed anyway.

“Come here,” he growled.

I started toward him then stopped. “Wait, I’m in control, remember?”

He sat back on his haunches and tilted his head. “Then take charge.”

Tingles spread from my belly throughout my body, turned on by the commanding way he relinquished his authority. He’d always dominated our sex, yet he was letting me take over, a choice that might even diminish the experience for him, though I hoped not. It added an element of pressure that I hadn’t expected, but also thrilled me.

“Sit back against the headboard.” My demand sounded stronger than I had expected.

Hudson grinned then did as I’d ordered.

Throwing my shoulders back to assume more confidence than I had—and, also to showcase my haltered bosom—I sauntered to the foot of the bed. Facing him, I climbed up and crawled toward him.

I kept my gaze on his face watching as his eyes flitted back and forth from my eyes to my breasts as I crept toward him. My hands trailed along his calves as I moved up him then swept past his knees to his firm thighs. I stopped at the base of his rock hard penis and dipped my head down, licking along the length with one swipe of my tongue.

Hudson’s pupils were hot coals of desire. “Do it again.”

It would have been natural for me to give in to his command, but I wasn’t ready to relinquish my dominance. “Maybe I will.”

His grin widened. He had been testing the hold on my control and I’d passed.

I dipped again, this time kissing along his head, my eyes never leaving his. I licked across the crown one more time, savoring the salty taste of him before I fed his erection past my lips into the warmth of my mouth.

He let out a groan. “Oh, precious, you suck me so good.”

I teased him, fondling and caressing his balls in one hand while I licked and sucked and cherished his dick with my mouth, never taking up a steady pace. Soon, he threaded his fingers through my hair and began to take over, holding my head still over his penis, as he bucked into my mouth, establishing the rhythm he craved.

I let him keep control for only a moment, treasuring the grunts and groans that accompanied his thrusts. Then I pulled at his arm to release his grip on my head, and raised my body, letting his cock fall from my mouth.

He moaned.

“You want more?” I teased. “You’ll have to wait.” I climbed further up his body and spread my legs to straddle his waist and felt his firm ridge knocking against my ass.

His eyes widened in curiosity.

I spread my palms across his bare torso and leaned down to take his mouth. His kiss was greedy and eager, his tongue working inside my mouth. He moved his hands to the sides of my face, holding me in our lip-locked position, but I shook my head free.

“What do you want?” he asked, breathlessly.

It put him on edge, to let me dictate. But he was willing to try, and it gratified me immensely. Though he hadn’t given me his trust in other areas, he was giving it to me here. That was a big step for him and, though a huge part of me wanted to let him take me in the way he wanted, I remained committed to the role reversal because of how much it meant for both of us to try.

But in answer to his question, I was at a loss. What did I want? “Touch my breasts,” I said, finally.

Hudson slipped his hands inside the silk of my halter-top. With a flick of his thumbs, my nipples became stone, my breasts heavy and sensitive as he squeezed them in his firm hands.

I bent down to lick at his lips, but he ducked his head to my bosom instead. Pulling down the material of my nightie, he took the tip of my breast into his mouth. He sucked and tugged at my nipple causing a shallow cry to escape from my throat. “Hudson, oh, god.”

A hand slipped under the thin lace of my panties and grazed my clit on the way to the hot opening of my pussy. Releasing my nipple from his mouth he said, “You’re already so wet, precious.” He licked lightly across the tip and I shuddered. “Shall I put my fingers inside you? Tell me.”

Hudson was so good at turning my mind to mush, my body pliable under his hands. I gave into the pleasure he could give me, but on my terms. “I want your cock inside me.” I spoke softly, not quite at ease with saying the words.

He smiled, but didn’t move to take me up on my request. Instead he suckled on my other breast eliciting an involuntary moan from me. Then he said, “But you aren’t ready for me, precious.”

“I’m ready enough.” I was more forceful this time. “I want to ride you.”

A flash of desire crossed his face. In one swift move, he ripped the sides of my panties open, pulled the torn material out from under me and threw it aside. I shivered at his primal act, lust rushing through my veins like wildfire. Desperate to have him, to possess him, I scooted back to balance myself over him. I took his gorgeous thick penis in my hand and lifted the head to my wet entrance, my arousal fueled further when his cock throbbed in my grasp.

“I can’t imagine why I deserve this,” Hudson said hoarsely, splaying his hands over my breasts. “I should be rewarding you for your very believable girlfriend act today.”

I stilled. His comment stung, but I wasn’t sure if it should. Was he reminding me the day had been pretend? Or was he trying to elicit a reaction from me? Was he putting his guard up, refusing to let any emotions into our relationship?

Or maybe he felt nothing of what I thought he felt, and his words were simply a statement of what he saw as an accurate representation of our day.

No, it wasn’t true. I believed with all my heart that something more had developed between both of us. He may not be able to admit it to me, or even to himself, but I knew. I
knew
.

I slid down onto his pulsing cock, taking him in with a gasp. He was right—I wasn’t fully prepared, and he felt full and big inside. I squirmed, trying to ease the bite of discomfort as I worked him in deeper. Hudson placed his hand flat along the middle of my torso and pushed me to lean back. The angle opened me and I glided down to his root.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “You’re so tight, Alayna. So good.”

I lifted my hips, raising myself up his length before lowering again.

Hudson shifted beneath me, churning his hips, eager to direct the pace, but I kept my steady speed as I slid smoothly up and down his steely erection. His hands moved on me restlessly, wandering from my breasts to my thighs to my hips before he finally settled one flat on my stomach and circled his thumb on my clit with a delicious firm pressure.

“God, oh, god,” I cried, squeezing and clenching around him. The exquisite feeling of his cock skimming against my vaginal walls combined with the expert attention he was giving my tender bud drove me mad. I was on the edge, near orgasm, though not quite able to get the release I longed for. Tears formed in my eyes and sweat beaded on my skin.

“I’m happy, Hudson. You’ve made me happy.” I couldn’t stop myself from telling him, my words mixed with throaty moans.

Under heavy lids, his eyes pierced mine, glowing with the intense need to fuck. They widened at my declaration, a new spark lighting the dark desire already held there.

“And I’ve made you happy too.” It spilled from my mouth like I wished my elusive orgasm would. I sensed the warning in Hudson’s face, but I couldn’t stop myself from saying more. “We’re falling in love. This is us, falling in love.”

“Enough.” In a flash, he flipped me underneath him, maintaining our connection at the groin. He bent my legs at the knees and pushed them back while he plunged into me, pummeling me with a drive that fought to tear me apart. In that position he struck me deep, deeper than he’d ever been. He meant to punish me for my words—for knowing he’d connected with me. But the punishment only acknowledged I was right.

And in that finding, combined with his maddening thrusts, I lost everything to him, coming so violently that my body seized, quivering uncontrollably beneath him.

Hudson continued to ram into me, hitting the very end of me with each stroke until I came again. This time he joined me, burying his cock even deeper as he released, my core milking him while he spurted long and hot.

When we’d both stilled, he rolled off of me and fell hard into the bed at my side. Without words, he pulled me into the crook of his arm, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

I tightened into his embrace. Usually he cuddled longer, and stroked and caressed me before falling asleep. But I’d challenged him in more ways than one that night. He needed time to process. At least he was still holding me at all. That had to be a good sign.

It took longer before I was taken by sleep, but when it finally came, I slept deep and peacefully.

In the morning, I awoke alone, but despite remembering that Celia would visit today, I felt happy. Until I went to the closet to get an outfit and found my belongings the only occupants.

Hudson’s clothes and suitcase were gone.

Chapter Twenty-One

I swallowed the acid rising in my throat and dressed in a flurry, not bothering with my hair or my face or shoes. Just because his things were gone didn’t mean he was, I told myself as I descended the stairs, trying to squelch the growing unease. There had to be an explanation.

I followed the sound of voices and found Mira and Sophia leaning over the dining room table, examining several large poster boards spread in front of them. Mira lifted her head as I approached and smiled. “Good mor—“

“Where’s Hudson?” I cut her off, my arms folded over my chest.

Sophia glowered at me over her reading glasses. “He left with Celia.” An undercurrent of pleasure laced her statement.

Mira rolled her eyes and turned her body to give me her full attention. “He had a business thing come up. Some sort of emergency. He had to fly immediately to Cincinnati.”

“Celia drove him.”

“Mother, honestly! Stop it!” I’d never seen Mira irritated and it looked unnatural on her usually smooth, unruffled features. It worked to silence Sophia. “Celia was already here to show us the designs when Hudson discovered he needed to leave. She offered to drive him to the airport so that he could leave the car for you to get back to the city whenever you wanted.”

He was gone. He’d left. With Celia.

Suddenly, the air in the house seemed stifling and thick. Breathing became difficult. Had Hudson really had a business emergency? Or was he running from our emotional connection the day before? He’d told me he wouldn’t lie to me, but this time he hadn’t said anything to me at all. He’d just vanished.

And the thing that I hadn’t ever wanted to face—when he said he’d always tell the truth—that could have been a lie itself.

It was too painful to address, especially in the presence of others, namely Sophia. Getting back home became priority number one. He’d left the car for me. “But I don’t drive.”

Mira shrugged. “Hudson said you might not want to. Martin can drive you then.”

“I’m not giving up my hired help to—“

Mira threw her hands up in the air and shot a piercing glare at her mother. “Then I’ll take her! Or Adam or Chandler.”

“I’ll drive you.”

I turned to find Jack behind me. Gratitude boiled inside so intensely, tears formed in the corners of my eyes. “Thank you. Give me ten minutes to pack.”

I rushed out before anyone could say another word. Taking the stairs two at a time, I sped to our bedroom. Our bedroom. The thought pained me in the absence of Hudson. After dragging my suitcase out of the closet, I scrambled around the room picking up random items that I’d left lying around the past few days—my swimsuit, my robe. The red nightie.

When I’d returned from the bathroom with my toothbrush and other toiletries, Mira was standing in the doorframe. “Laynie, you don’t have to leave yet.”

I walked past her and dropped my things into my luggage.

“Stay until tomorrow. We can go do something girly, get mani-pedis if you want.”

There really were great people in the Pierce household. I adored Mirabelle. And Jack had become a fast friend. Even Chandler and Adam for all their boyish personality had taken a piece of my affection.

But the goodness of all of them was outweighed by the horror of Sophia.

And no one meant anything to me in comparison to what I felt for her son. “Thank you, Mira, sincerely. But I can’t stay here without Hudson.”

“I understand.”

I zipped up my bag and stood to face Mira, searching to see if she really did understand. From the softness in her eyes, I believed she did.

Maybe she understood more than I knew. I took a deep breath and asked, “Did he say...anything about me?” I bit my lip, embarrassed to let her see my insecurity. “Or leave any message for me?”

She seemed unsurprised by my question. “I think he was going to call you or something. Have you checked your phone?”

My phone—I hadn’t looked at it since I stuffed it in my purse on the drive up. I returned to the closet and found the purse hanging on a hook inside the door. Rifling around inside, I quickly located the phone. “It’s dead,” I said. “I forgot to bring a charger.”

“Is it a standard USB? You can take my car charger.”

I wanted to hug her. “Thank you, Mira.”

“No problem.” She watched while I set my suitcase in the rolling position. “Martin can get that.”

“I got it.” I didn’t want to wait to call someone up to carry a suitcase I could manage myself. I scanned the room one more time then started toward the door.

“Laynie.” Mira stopped me before I’d crossed the threshold.

It was difficult to give her my attention when every fiber of my body wanted to go. I fidgeted as I met her eyes.

She took a step toward me, her face soft and compassionate. “I know he loves you,” she said firmly. “I know he does. But he’s been through...things...that’s made it hard for him to open up, so please don’t take that as, well, as evidence of anything if he can’t tell you how he feels.”

My eyes felt misty. Maybe Mira was as snowed as I was, but it felt good to hear. I swallowed hard. “I know.”

“Good.”

“But…” I might never get the chance to have this conversation again. “Why do you believe that? I mean, what makes you think that he loves me, or that he even can?”

Surely Mira knew the things Sophia claimed about her brother. That he was a sociopath, that he couldn’t feel anything for others. Unless all of that had been her mother’s way of riling me up. But I suspected there was more to her claims than that—they were rooted in truth somewhere, a therapist’s opinion, a doctor’s diagnosis.

Mira closed her eyes briefly and blew out a steady stream of air. “I don’t know, Laynie. He’s different around you. I’ve never seen him like he is with you.”

“Maybe you see what you want to believe.”

“Maybe.” She stuck her chin out. “But I’m not giving up on him. I hope you don’t either.”

“I won’t.” But Hudson might have already given up on me.

And, if not me, himself.

Back downstairs, Mira left me in the foyer to grab her phone charger from her car. Jack had gone to the garage to bring the Mercedes up to the circle drive. I paced, waiting for him to pull up.

I sensed Sophia behind me without seeing her. Hoping she’d go away if I didn’t acknowledge her, I kept my eyes focused on the front driveway. I was wrong.

“You shouldn’t be surprised that he left you.”

I still didn’t look at her, but I pictured the satisfied grin she likely wore, imagined myself slapping it off her face. Violence never hurt as much as a good verbal argument, though. Problem was, if I reacted to her bait, she could very well win. Again.

“I told, you he doesn’t feel anything.” She was a warrior. Good at the game. I had no doubt she’d been the one who taught Hudson to be so good at his own games. “For anyone,” she added.

“That’s a lie.” I had no chance against her. She drew the reaction she desired. But if I had to spar, I’d put my best fight into it. “I’ve seen proof to the contrary.”

“Because of how he seems to love you? He’s a good actor.”

I spun to face her. “No, because of how he seems to love you.” I spit the words like venom. “When there’s no reason he should. When you’ve alienated him and betrayed him and destroyed him and made him the confused man he is by your lack of affection and support and faith. If he can continue to care about a piece of shit like you, after all you’ve done to him, then I have no doubt of his capability of love.”
You fucking bitch.

And then I opened the front door and walked out, rolling my suitcase behind me, relieved to see Jack pulling up as I did. Sophia didn’t follow.

Mira had given Jack the charger in the garage. He handed it to me in exchange for my luggage. While he stowed my suitcase in the trunk of the running car, I climbed in the front passenger seat and plugged in the charger and my phone before securing my seatbelt.

We were on the road before my phone had enough charge to turn on. I had twelve texts and four voice messages. I opened the texts and skipped the eleven from Brian, going immediately to the one from Hudson. “Plexis crisis. I’ll call as soon as I can.”

My heart sunk. I should have been grateful that he’d left a message at all, but didn’t I deserve more? He had led me to believe that I did.

I accessed my voicemail with only faint hope. He’d never called me, and I doubted any of the messages were from him. I listened long enough to the first one to hear Brian’s voice then immediately deleted it and skipped to the next one. All were from my brother. All were deleted without a full listen.

Jack was more considerate company than I could possibly ask for. After asking me to enter my address into the GPS, he offered enough small talk for me to understand he was there if I needed him. Then he allowed me to wallow in silence.

For the better part of an hour, I flipped my phone around in my hands, opening the text slider and closing it again without using it. The old me—the crazy, obsessed me—would have already sent a series of messages to Hudson, each heightening in tone and accusations. It took everything in me not to physically do so, but in my head I let myself compose them.

“Why did you go? Are you really on a business trip?”

“I can’t do the on-duty anymore. I quit.”

“Why won’t you let me in?”

“I love you.”

Finally I dropped my phone in my purse, leaned my head against the window of the car, and closed my eyes. I’d allow myself one well thought-out text when I got home. Then I’d go to a group meeting. I just had to make it until then without doing anything stupid.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again, we were outside my apartment building. There were no spots available along the street, so Jack had turned on the emergency blinkers and pulled up next to the line of parked cars.

Standing at the driver’s door, Jack leaned across the top of the car. “If you wait here, I can find a spot somewhere and help you up to your apartment.”

As harmless as Jack was, having him in my apartment did not sound like a good idea. And I didn’t need the help or the company. “I can get it. Thanks, though.” Standing on the curb with my bag, I felt moved to say more, to express my overwhelming gratitude. “And thank you for driving me here and for…well, for…”
For not treating me like Sophia treats me.
“For being so kind.”

Dammit. I was choking up again.

He chuckled. “I’m not really that kind. I just appear so in comparison.”

I didn’t have to ask whom he meant to compare himself with. “Jack.” I shouldn’t keep him when he was parked illegally, but suddenly I had to know. “Why are you still married to her?”

“I wish I could say it’s because I remember the sweet woman she once was, but she was never a sweet woman.” He looked off at the traffic behind him, not seeming to be bothered by the cars honking as they passed in the next lane. “Sophia came to the marriage with a couple of businesses given to us by her father. I took control when her father retired and have spent my life making them successful. Now Hudson runs them. If I divorced Sophia, the controlling interest would go to her. As long as we’re married, she doesn’t care what we do with them. And she’d never ask for a divorce—it would be too embarrassing.”

He turned back to face me. “I wonder sometimes—if I’d let go of the businesses, divorced her when the kids were still young, could I have changed how they are now? But she would have gotten joint custody at the very least. And she may have messed them up even more, retaliating against me. It’s not an ideal situation, but it is what it is.”

Not an ideal situation
—it was similar to what Hudson had said. No, it wasn’t ideal, but it was life.

In my small studio apartment, I left my suitcase standing by the door and collapsed on my bed. Tears came, long and steady. I couldn’t even say what I was crying for exactly. All I knew was that I hurt. I hurt from Hudson’s departure, for his unwillingness to open up to me. I hurt because the lines of our pretend and real relationship had become so blurred that I couldn’t tell the difference anymore. I hurt from Sophia’s words and hatred. I hurt for the mother she’d been to her son and for the brother Brian had been to me. I hurt for the things I’d done to Brian, for the things Hudson had probably done to his family.

Most of all I hurt because I was alone and in love. And that was the worst combination of things to be.

An hour had passed before I’d calmed enough to send the one text I’d promised myself I could. It was as harmless as I could come up with—a message that said all I dared to say, afraid more would scare him further away.
“I’ll be here when you return.”

Not even thirty seconds had gone by after I pushed “SEND” when there was a knock on my door. We had a doorman in the lobby—only building occupants were allowed in without prior approval. But Hudson could pull strings, couldn’t he? He was the only person I knew with such power.

The hope that it was him, as weak of a hope that it was, propelled me to my feet and to the peephole.

The man in the hall wore a crisp black suit with a yellow tie. But the face didn’t belong to Hudson—it belonged to Brian.

I should have known it was Brian. His name was on the lease, he’d be allowed up. I pressed my face against the door and debated whether or not to let him in.

“Open up, Laynie.” Heavy banging on the other side of the door jolted my face from its resting position. “I know you’re in there. The doorman told me you came up.”

Fuck. He must have been staying in town—at the Waldorf, most likely. What the fuck was so important that he had to see me? Maybe I should have listened to his messages.

Reluctantly, I opened the door partway.

He pushed past me forcefully. He was angry. Probably because I’d been ignoring him.

“What are you doing here, Brian? Are you stalking me?” The joke made me smile even though Brian’s eyes only glowed hotter.

“You haven’t returned any of my calls.” I watched as Brian’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. I knew he’d never hit me—at least, I hoped he’d never hit me—but I’d seen him rage enough to punch holes in walls. Maybe it was a good thing his name was the primary on the lease instead of mine. He’d have to pay for any damage.