The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (47 page)

“Let’s not be like them, okay?”

He didn’t have to specify for me to know exactly what he meant. “You mean the hateful, spiteful, backstabbing family thing isn’t appealing to you?”

“Not really.”

I stared at him in the dim light. He seemed younger than usual, more boyish than I tended to think of him. A week before, I thought he was out of my life. Now he was asking not to be.

My smile was weak but sincere. “Then it’s settled. We won’t be like them.”

Without even undressing, I fell onto the much too large, much too lonely bed. Burying my sobs in the pillow that smelled the most like Hudson, I cried until dawn when sleep finally swallowed me in its welcome black void.

Chapter Twenty

When I stumbled out of bed the next morning, I felt hungover. Emotionally hung over, I guess, since I hadn’t been drinking. I stripped out of the dress I’d slept in and replaced it with my robe. I found a pot of lukewarm coffee in the kitchen, and after heating up a mug in the microwave, I set out to find Brian.

He turned up on the balcony. He was sitting at the patio table flipping through a stack of papers. Something for a case, I supposed. Brian was the take-work-with-him-everywhere type of guy.

“Good morning.” He looked at his watch. “Or should I say good afternoon?”

“Sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” I pulled my robe tighter around me and sat in the seat across from him.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” I took a swallow from my mug, wincing when I burned my tongue.

“Are you supposed to be at work today?”

“Tonight.” I was meeting with Aaron Trent at eight that evening. Good thing I’d prepared earlier because I certainly wasn’t in the shape to do it now. “Thanks for asking,
Dad
.”

“Got to start practicing.”

Jesus, I was a lousy sister. I’d forgotten that his wife was pregnant. I hadn’t even asked him anything about it. “How far along is Monica, anyway?”

He smiled in a way I’d never seen him smile before, all proud and happy. “Four months. We find out the sex in a few weeks.”

“That’s pretty cool. And a little bit scary too.”

“Tell me about it.”

Brian as a dad. Wow. So exciting and weird and that meant I was going to be an aunt. That hadn’t clicked yet. God, I wasn’t ready to be an aunt. How could Brian be ready to be a father?

I took another sip of my coffee, this time blowing on it first. Yeah, I needed the caffeine to calm me down. That sounded about right.

Brian went back to shuffling through the papers in front of him and I caught the logo of a phone company at the top of one. “What are you looking at?”

“Celia’s cell log. She left a printout here.” He rifled back a page. “I was looking at the calls she made. She called The Sky Launch once. Last Friday. Here it is.” He put the paper on the table and turned it toward me, pointing to a familiar one. “Isn’t that the club’s number?”

“Yeah, it is. But she never called me at the club. Wait, I know that number, too.” I pointed to the one above it. “That’s Aaron Trent’s office.” Things clicked into place. “That bitch. She’s the one who canceled my meeting with him.”

“What are you talking about?”

Celia had known about the meeting with Trent and about Sophia’s birthday dinner. She had to have guessed that if Trent rescheduled that I’d end up at the party. She had caused a scene. How good was she?

Brian was still looking at me expectantly.

“Oh, it’s nothing now. I had a meeting and when it got canceled it stirred up a lot of crap between me and Hudson. Long story.” My eyes trailed down the list, spotting a number I knew by heart. It was all over the page. “That’s Hudson’s number.”

“She has quite a few calls to him.”

“I see that.” I swallowed. “I don’t know what to think about that.”

“None of them are very long. And she always called him.”

“Hmm.” That was comforting, wasn’t it? Except what did Celia Werner call Hudson about? Why so often? I didn’t like the unanswered questions.

I sat back and pulled my knee to my chest, resting my foot on the chair.

“So what now? Between you and Hudson Pierce?” Brian echoed my thoughts.

And wasn’t that the question—
What now?

“I’m not sure.” I rubbed my cheek against the silk fabric draped over my knee. “I guess I’ll wait until he comes back and we’ll see how that goes. The time apart might be good for us. Give us some time to think.” Time to decide where I fit in Hudson’s life, where Celia fit in Hudson’s life. Where Hudson fit in
my
life.

“Good plan.” He paused. “You know, just because he doesn’t believe you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Trust me. I speak from experience.”

I met his eyes. “Yeah, I guess you do.” I’d always known Brian loved me, even when he was a total shithead. And I’d always understood his motives. Why was it so hard for me to grasp that about Hudson? Because he’d never said he loved me? Because the idea was too good to be true? I wasn’t sure. Yes, there were definitely things to think about.

Brian tossed the cell phone papers down. “Anyway, speaking of phones, do you want me to go with you to get a replacement today?”

This was the one thing I’d already thought about. “No. I’m afraid if I have it I’ll call Hudson.” The tug of fixation already threatened whenever I thought about my laptop sitting in my bag in the bedroom. How I could internet-stalk him. How I could try to figure out where he was, what he was doing. I’d been so strong. The last thing I wanted was Celia’s fake accusation to find truth.

I peered at Brian, seeing if he understood. “I need to be completely cut off from him to get my head around everything, you know?”

“Not really. But if you say so.”

“Yeah. I say so.”

***

Brian left Thursday morning and the days after that became a blur. Without him around to pull me out of myself and put time in context, I lost track of the minutes and the hours that Hudson had been gone. All I knew was that every passing second felt like a decade, every night alone in our bed felt like a century.

David, thinking I was only out of sorts because I was missing Hudson, suggested I take some time off, but the club gave me a sense of purpose. After meeting with Trent, I continued working nights instead of days. At least then I could stand behind the bar and go on autopilot. I worked myself long and hard and when I got back to the penthouse in the early hours of the morning, I hit the treadmill until I couldn’t stand anymore. That was the only way to fall asleep—to get myself so exhausted that I slipped easily into a coma.

Without my phone, Hudson tried to contact me in creative ways—at the club, leaving messages with the doorman, calling the penthouse phone, which I never answered. I stayed true to my self-proclaimed edict that time apart would be good for us. Except, as the days stretched by, I hadn’t managed to figure anything out. I’d hoped to gain clarity in his absence. Instead, I just felt lost.

It was after one of the longer nights that Mira showed up, when I’d stayed so long closing the club that the sun was already planted in the sky. I’d changed into workout clothes and ran from the club to The Bowery. The traffic seemed light. It was Sunday morning, I guessed.

Mira was waiting in the lobby, sitting on a couch in the foyer with her hands resting on her swollen belly. At the sight of her, I felt warmth for the first time in days.

She stood when I approached her.

“He sent you to check up on me?” I was beaming. I missed Hudson so horribly and his attempt to reach out through his sister was a nice touch.

Unless he’d sent her to break up with me.

The smile left my face instantly at the thought.

“You’re not taking any of his calls, Laynie. What else was he supposed to do?”

“He already left notes with the doorman.”

“Did you read them?”

“Not so much. I was afraid of what they’d say.” Like that I needed to be out of the penthouse by the time he came home.

“Did you think he was breaking up with you?” She laughed. “No. Way. Even if he wanted to, I wouldn’t let him. And he doesn’t want to. Trust me.”

I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been about the prospect until Mira had relieved the tension with those few simple words. My shoulders relaxed, and my jaw didn’t feel so tight. Now I wished I hadn’t thrown away his messages.

But here was a message in the flesh.

I tilted my head toward the elevator. “Want to come up?”

“I was counting on it.”

We didn’t talk as we rode up to the penthouse, and all I could think about was how much I probably stunk from my run and how I hoped that Mira was really there to tell me Hudson would be home soon.

“Can I get you something?” I asked as we stepped into the vestibule.

“Um, mind if I raid your fridge? I just ate breakfast and I’m still starving.”

I dropped my purse and key on the floor. “Go for it.”

She knew her way around and I followed her into the kitchen. While she poked about in the fridge, I grabbed a couple of glasses from the cupboard. “Want anything to drink?”

“Water’s good.” She stepped away from the fridge, carrying a veggie tray and a block of cheese.

Before the door shut behind her, I reached in and snagged a bottle of water then poured half in each of the glasses. When I’d turned back, Mira had made herself comfy at the breakfast table. I grabbed a knife and plate for the cheese and joined her.

“So,” she said, chomping down on a piece of celery. “Lots of crazy went down here last week.”

“We’re jumping right into it then? No small talk first?” Personally, I was glad. I hadn’t wanted to be the one to seem eager for the dirt.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been dying to talk about this with you. Do you not know I’m a gossip fiend?” Mira reached for the knife and began working at the block of cheese.

“You hadn’t known about Celia’s baby either?”

“Nope. No clue. I was always sure it wasn’t Hudson’s. I don’t know why—I was barely fourteen when it all happened, but he never seemed to be into her. They never even kissed or anything that I saw. And, trust me; I was the type of sister that saw a lot.”

I could picture Mira as a perky young teen, spying on her brother whenever she had the chance. “Somehow I don’t doubt that.”

“I didn’t ever think it was Dad’s though.” She took a piece of the cheddar and layered it on top of another celery piece. “I still can’t think about that. It’s gross.” She shuddered then bit into her celery/cheese sandwich.

Talk about gross.

I moved my eyes from her snack of questionable taste and pretended to study my nails. “How is your mother dealing with the news?”

Mira shrugged. “Who knows? Every time she starts to feel something other than bitterness she simply refills her bourbon.”

I nodded, surprised by her openness. “Good times.”

I hadn’t actually spent much time alone with Hudson’s sister. I’d assumed she was as closed-off as Hudson, hiding her true thoughts and feelings behind a veil of happiness where he hid his behind cold stone walls. Perhaps I’d been wrong.

“Mom will get over it. Or she won’t. Whatever.” She paused to finish chewing her celery. Then she frowned. “I don’t know why she was so attached to Celia to begin with. I’m sorry about that.”

“Whatever. You aren’t responsible for your mother’s bad taste.”

She giggled. “I know, but it’s embarrassing. Celia’s such a bitch.” Mira leaned back in her chair. “She’s always been…I don’t know…fake. I’ve never trusted her, but I still can’t believe she did this to you.”

It was my turn to shrug. “It was my own fault. Not because I stalked her, but because I didn’t listen to the warnings not to get mixed up with her.”

“I know you didn’t stalk her.” Mira rolled her eyes. “Please. Do you think I don’t? Why would you do that? It’s not like you at all.”

Her confidence in me was startling. As well as completely off base. I’d figured my obsessive days were out in the open now for the whole Pierce family. It was nice to know it wasn’t the case.

But I was tired of secrets and bitter about my predicament. “Joke’s on you, I guess. That’s exactly like me. I used to do that crap all the time. Stalk people, I mean. I have a record.”

Mira narrowed her eyes and studied me. “No wonder you and Hudson are so good for each other.”

My mouth curled up at her unexpected comment. It was exactly the reason I’d thought I wasn’t good for Hudson. Interesting that she had a different perspective.

“Anyway, you don’t do that stuff now, do you?”

“No.”

“See? And you
now
is who I know, so don’t correct me again.” She grinned as she snagged another piece of cheese, this time sans celery, thank god. “Plus, I was in that bathroom. You didn’t harass her in the least. I told Hudson that, by the way.”

She was the second person to have defended me to Hudson. While I was glad for the support, I wished I didn’t need it.

Still, I was dying to know. “Did he believe you?”

“Of course, he did.” Her brown eyes widened. “Is that what this is about? You don’t think he knows you didn’t do that stuff? He totally does.”

“Because of what you told him?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Her face flushed. “I mean, maybe it wasn’t me. He probably believed you without…” Her sentence trailed away. “Shit.” She ran her hand through her short hair. “He would have figured it out if you weren’t avoiding his calls.”

“My phone’s broken.”

“And the times he’s called at the club?”

“Okay, I’m avoiding those.” I folded my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling defensive. “It’s not because I don’t want to talk to him. It’s…it’s complicated.” I chewed the inside of my lip. Was it really that complicated? I loved Hudson, and Hudson…well, I knew he loved me, too. Was that enough? There was no way of knowing without talking to him.

And I’d been avoiding that like the plague.

I sighed. “There’s more than this. I did some things that I shouldn’t have done. And he did some things that he shouldn’t have done. There’s a lot of fixing and stuff to be said and I think the things we need to say need to be in person.”

“So go to him.”

I arched a brow. “To Japan?”

“Why not? What you’re saying makes sense. Big things need to be face-to-face. It’s easier to be honest. Harder to run away. Yeah, you should go to him.” Mira’s whole face transformed with her enthusiasm.

Though adorable, her notion was insane.

“Isn’t he going to come back soon?”

“It doesn’t sound like it. The people he’s dealing with are dragging their feet.”

“Oh.” My heart dropped into my stomach. If it truly was Sunday, it had now been five days since Hudson had left. I didn’t think I could stand many more.

But the alternative was crazy. “I can’t go to Japan. I don’t have that kind of money.”