The Forbidden Lord (26 page)

Her gaze shot to him. “Yes, you do. You think all women are alike, that they’re all like your mother—trying to trap you into doing something you don’t want.”

A surge of anger made him scowl. “Do you really think I’m so narrow-minded as to distrust an entire gender because of something one woman did?” When she merely stared at him, he ground out, “Except for that night in the carriage, when I made some admittedly unfounded accusations, have I ever implied that I thought you were trying to trap me into anything?”

A small frown creased her forehead. “Well, no, but—”

“For God’s sake, Emily, I don’t even blame my mother for what happened in my parents’ marriage, so I certainly can’t blame you for this.”

“What do you mean? Of course you blame your mother! That’s why you avoid young virgins!”

He shifted in his seat to face her. “I avoid young virgins because I don’t want to make the same mistake my father made.”

“Exactly. A woman tricked him into marriage, and you don’t—”

“No. Being tricked into marriage was not his mistake. Being so deeply in love that he lost his sense of perspective was.” He gazed steadily at her. “Every man with money and power knows that some women will do anything to obtain it, just as some men will do anything to obtain an heiress. We put ourselves on our guard, and we learn to spot the signs. I assure you, my father couldn’t have reached the age of twenty-six unwed without developing such instincts.”

When she looked at him uncomprehendingly, he sighed. “My mother did set a trap for my father, and yes, they were forced to marry. But she’d been taught by her parents that snagging a husband with a grand title and even grander fortune was the most noble achievement to which any young lady could aspire. She merely behaved as she’d been taught. I don’t blame her for that.”

He took Emily’s hand in his. Gazing down at the strong, capable fingers and the skin that had probably never seen an exotic lotion, he thought how utterly different she was from his vain, grasping mother. “My father, too, had been taught. He knew to be wary of such attentions. But my mother was a beauty, and my father wasn’t the most handsome or charismatic man. He was bookish and shy. So when a blazing beauty flirted with him, he forgot all his caution.”

Jordan’s voice tightened. “His lovesick mind mistook shallowness for naïveté, a frivolous nature for youthful enthusiasm. Whatever she lacked, he supplied in his mind, for the simple reason that he let a blind emotion—and a not-so-blind cock—guide him.”

Instead of looking shocked at his deliberate crudity, Emily was watching him with complete absorption. With a scowl, he released her hand. He
hadn’t intended to reveal so much; it had just come out.

But if they were to marry, it was best she know why he didn’t cater to such frivolities. “Eventually,” he went on, “my father emerged from his fog to realize that she wasn’t what he’d made her to be in his mind. But by then it was far too late. She was with child, and he had to do the honorable thing. He woke up to find himself an intelligent, quiet man saddled with a stupid, selfish wife who didn’t share his deep feelings of love or his sensibilities.”

He sucked in a harsh breath. It all came back to him so painfully—the constant fights, his father’s refusal to indulge his mother’s whims, her heavy drinking. And amidst it all, the knowledge that if it hadn’t been for his untimely birth…

With an iron force of will, he shoved away the memories. “Marriage became a torment for him. He loved and was appalled by her at the same time, so he withdrew from the marriage to keep sane. And Mother, deprived of her fawning suitor, looked elsewhere for companionship. In a bottle.” He went on in a bitter voice. “That’s what your foolish ‘love’ did to two sadly mismatched people. In the end, Father’s dalliance with Cupid led to disaster. Can you blame me for finding the emotion dangerous?”

“But Jordan, that’s merely one instance. Your father married a second time, didn’t he? Or wasn’t he in love then?”

“Oh, he was in love, all right. Father never could learn his lesson.”

“So she wasn’t a good person either?” Emily whispered.

His expression softened as he thought of Maude.
“She was an angel.” He cast Emily a half smile. “Sometimes you remind me of her.”

She flushed, but didn’t look away. “There, you see? Love doesn’t always end in disaster.”

“You don’t understand. They had a few wonderful years together. Then she contracted a horrible illness, and Father fell apart. He put so much of himself into his love for her that losing her was more than he could bear.” His voice grew somber. “At the end he was a ghost of a man, completely devoted to her, consumed by despair that nothing could be done to save her. He died shortly after she did, because he couldn’t live without her. As far as I’m concerned, it was Cupid who shot the arrow that killed him, leaving his son and step-daughter to grieve without either parent for comfort.”

For a long moment, they were both locked in silence, the thudding of the hooves on the muddy road the only sound. Then she sighed. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. There was pity in her face, a pity that roused his anger.

“I’m not telling you this to sadden you or make you feel sorry for me. I merely think you should know the truth. Even if I wanted to love you, I couldn’t. I taught myself to resist such unstable emotions long ago.” When she blanched, he added, “But that doesn’t mean we couldn’t have a comfortable, contented marriage. Indeed, if it’s not clouded by emotion, it will likely be better than most.”

“You think so, do you?” She lifted her chin, her green eyes soft with regret and hurt…and some other deep emotion. “And what if I’m in love with you?”

To his disgust, his first reaction to the simple
statement was sheer joy. Emily,
his
Emily, in love with him?

Then his practical side reasserted itself, and he forced himself to say, “You aren’t. You’re confusing desire with something else, which is understandable under the circumstances.”

“Don’t patronize me, Jordan,” she snapped. “I may be naive and young and all those things you despise, but I’m not stupid. I know what I feel.”

Uneasily, he realized he had no desire to argue with her on this particular point. How selfish could one man be, to be pleased that she loved him even though he didn’t feel the same?

Yet he couldn’t stop being pleased. He chose his words carefully. “If that’s true, I see no reason it should hurt our marriage. As long as you understand that I don’t…have the capacity to love.”

“Did your father understand that your mother didn’t ‘have the capacity to love’?” she retorted. “Is that what made their marriage such a success?”

She couldn’t have chosen a better weapon. He stiffened. “It’s not the same. My parents weren’t well suited. You and I are.”

She laughed bitterly. “Oh, certainly. You’re an earl; I’m a common rector’s daughter. You take for granted your box at the opera; I count myself blessed to have attended once. You’re on speaking terms with the Prince of Wales; I’d never even seen his portrait until my farce of a coming out. I wouldn’t know the faintest idea how to seat people at a dinner party and—”

“None of that matters to me,” he said fiercely.

“Not today, perhaps. But it will. One day you’ll wake up and find yourself ashamed of me.” She glanced out the window at the dark forest they were passing through now. “If you loved me, you might overlook my lack of sophistication and my
ignorance of society, but as it is, those things can only be an embarrassment to you.”

“You’re forgetting your other admirable abilities—your gift for physic, your quick wit, your sweet nature…”

“What does an earl need with any of that? For physic, you have the best doctors money can buy. For wit, you have the greatest minds at your command. And I doubt that a sweet-natured woman is of any use to you at all.”

She was wrong. Her sweet nature was the first thing that had attracted him. But she would never believe that, as self-effacing as she was.

There was one thing she would believe, however. “You’re forgetting a certain, very significant ability.” He caught her chin and tipped it up until she was gazing into his face, her eyes uncertain, almost wary. “The ability to please me in bed.”

Her gaze didn’t waver from his. “That’s the easiest thing to purchase, as you should well know, having paid for your share of tarts and merry widows, my lord.”

He frowned at her deliberate use of his title. “Not as easy as you think.” He threaded his fingers through her hastily dressed hair and dislodged the few pins, letting her hair cascade around her shoulders like a golden robe. His voice grew husky as he caressed her flushed cheeks, the vibration of the carriage making his movements ragged. “I’ve never had a night as enjoyable as last night. For that alone, I’m willing to give you my name.”

He brought his mouth to within inches of hers. If he couldn’t convince her to marry him with words, then he would use any other means possible. But he
would
convince her. He might not be in love, but he’d decided that a wife could be a very handy thing. Especially when the wife was Emily.

Desire flared in her features, though she tried to hide it. “And what happens when you tire of bedding me?”

The very absurdity of the statement made him smile. “I shall never tire of that.” And before she could summon up any other arguments, he covered her mouth with his.

Good God, she was soft, so soft. She had lips made for kissing, their delicate contours and natural color more tempting than the painted mouth of any whore. Deeply, repeatedly, he drove his tongue inside her mouth, mimicking what he really wanted to do to her. The scent of lavender crowded his senses, lending a sweetness to a kiss that was already more sweet than he could bear.

He had a rabid urge to touch her, all of her, to brand her as his. But he wanted to do it slowly, to make sure that he built her own need to feverish heights first. He stroked the smooth skin of her neck, then down the slope of her chest to where the lacy edge of her bodice ran high along the tops of two perfect swells of luscious, female flesh.

Though she allowed him to kiss her, he could feel the tension in her…the uncertainty. He would banish it thoroughly, he vowed. If it took him all day, he would make her want him as badly as he did her.

His hands slid deftly along the bodice to where a placket hid rows of hooks and eyes. Thankfully, her pelisse-robe opened in the front, so it was an easy matter to unfasten the hooks and bare her chemise.

She jerked back, her fingers flying to hold closed the half-opened bodice. “Jordan, you mustn’t…you can’t…”

“Why not?” He bent to slip his hands beneath her skirts, then skimmed them up her calves, his
fingers gliding over the silken stockings until they reached her ribbon garters and tugged them loose with one quick motion.

She flattened her hands over her skirts. “We’re not married yet!”

“That didn’t bother you last night.” He stripped one stocking off, then the other.

“Yes…but…but…here? Now? In broad daylight?”

“The broad daylight I can take care of.” Without even looking, he yanked the curtain shut over the only exposed window. With the day already overcast, the carriage was lit with only the faintest gray light, enough to show her wary expression. “Come now, my darling. We nearly made love that first night we met in my carriage. This isn’t so different from that, is it?”

She scooted back from him on the seat. “It’s
very
different. You stopped it then. You didn’t want me.”

“I have always wanted you.”

Though she dragged in a shaky breath, she shook her head. “Not me. My body. You want my body, but you don’t want
me
, the innocent with foolish hopes of love.”

“You forget you’re not so innocent anymore,” he rasped. He removed his coat, then his waistcoat. “And I do want you. All of you.”

Edging closer, he reached for her bodice again. She caught his hand. “I don’t think we should do this.”

He gazed at her, at the parted lips and torn expression. “I see. You can seduce me when you want, but I’m not allowed to do the same. That hardly seems fair.”

“It wasn’t fair for you to kidnap me and force me to marry you.”

“True. I didn’t want to be seduced, and you didn’t want to be kidnapped.” He lowered his voice. “But both of us want this.”

“I…I don’t…” she said weakly when he slid his hand beneath her skirts again. “Please, Jordan, you shouldn’t…”

“You say that only out of anger at me for thwarting your plans. But you don’t mean it. What possible reason could you have for denying us both what we want? Especially when you know we’re going to be married anyway.”

“Because…because…” She faltered as he glided his hand up past her loose stockings to her upper thighs. He found the patch of hair and tangled his fingers in it, caressing her lightly, easily.

She sucked in a ragged breath. “Goodness gracious…oh, dear…”

He delved into her, his blood quickening to find her wet and warm and ready for him. Stroking her in time to the rocking of the carriage, he whispered, “Listen to your body. It never lies.”

He found her little nub and rubbed it until her eyes slid shut and a flush of pleasure lit her face. “You are…a very wicked man,” she choked out.

“Wicked is as wicked does.” He caught her head in his free hand, holding it still as he lowered his mouth to hers. “And I am going to do so very many wicked things to you, my darling…”

She sighed, a small sigh of acquiescence, and he swallowed it with his kiss. He took great pains not to frighten her with the intensity of his need, but it was all he could do to keep the kiss tender when what he truly wanted was to ravish her like a marauding Viking.

At first she responded timidly, hesitantly. But as their tongues mated and twined, she arched toward him, grasping his waist to pull him closer.
Before he knew it, she was clutching handfuls of his shirt and tugging it loose from his trousers.

He unfastened the buttons of his trousers, then his drawers, eager to help her. Her hands slid down his sides and around to his back. But when she slipped them inside his loosened trousers to cup his buttocks, he nearly lost all control.