The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (44 page)

We had caused this by leaving them behind.

“My people, we have returned to bring you home,” Tutankhaten yelled. The people gave no response, so he continued, “Our greatest mistake was leaving those behind who wanted to reunite with the gods. We were thoughtless and cruel. We beg for your forgiveness. I say to you now that anyone who wishes to return to Waset may do so with us. We have brought two passenger ships. Together, we will leave behind the mistakes of the past. Together we will find a place in the gods’ hearts. Let us turn our backs to this rubble and grime. Let us be free of the sorrow that lives here. Let us rejoice as children of the gods! They are calling us home!”

People were nodding at his speech. Some seemed to wake up from a dreamless sleep and finally take notice that we were here. Eyes widened at his words.

“I proclaim to you today that General Horemheb, standing at my right hand, will henceforth be not only our commander-in-chief of the army but also my chief administrator. He will bring you safely home with my blessing. If you need anything, seek his office. His are my eyes, ears, and tongue. Together, let us become one nation again.”

This time there was a response, and it was tentative. People clapped sporadically. I could tell they didn’t wholly believe him. They were not ready for their hearts to remember that feeling of hope.

As I looked upon them, I wondered which of these souls had tried to erase my sister’s. I wondered who would dare challenge a God and desecrate His temples. They looked so helpless and needy now, but they could cause great destruction. Somewhere in my heart, I was pleased that they were happy, but I still held much resentment towards them for their actions. I wanted them to act like responsible adults. Their actions were that of cowards. I felt a sudden and overwhelming revulsion as they began cheering for us and left my place at the Window even though Tutankhaten continued to address the crowd. I did not want their acceptance.

Ay was there waiting when I stepped down.

“Did you know of this?” He asked me.

“What are you talking about?”

“Horemheb?”

“I’ve been busy directing workmen to fix my sister’s tomb. What do I care of army commanders and administrators when tombs are left to the mercy of vengeful subjects that
you
chose not to help?”

He looked down his nose at me. One eyebrow raised itself up so high that it looked as if it would crest over his forehead.

“Why do you ask? Pharaoh is the one who makes these decisions.” I said, suddenly feeling tired from all the internal anger I wrestled with. It coursed throughout my body like boiling water.

“I am just surprised at his… bold choice. It was never discussed in the council. That is all.” He turned and left me then. His strides were clipped.

I could hear the cheering outside rising as I left to lie down in my adopted room.

*****

A feast was held in my father’s hall. Smenkhkare’s was overgrown with vines and other vegetation. All that the main hall had suffered was the chipping and peeling away of some of the wall decorations. Tutankhaten insisted that all the people attend to receive a bounty of food and wine. The hall was packed from end to end with citizens all eager for a lavish dinner. The noise was astounding.

Our table placement was a familiar one to me. Here I had sat with my sisters, mother, father, grandmother and looked out upon happy people. Today I sat with my husband, soldiers, priests, and Ay. The city that had once been lively and happy was now bland and fading away right before my eyes. In less than a year, the world had turned upside down. How could these be the same people from a few seasons ago?

The priests were speaking with Tutankhaten. I let their voices return me to the present evening. Memories from my past fell away from me like a discarded cloak. I looked down at my plate of dates and roast ox. It was lukewarm on my tongue. I swallowed it down while I listened.

“Some people, the other priests and I included, wish to stay.”

Tutankhaten finished chewing his honey cake, always his favorite, and asked, “I don’t understand. All I see is destruction. There are some who want to stay here?”

“Please do not be offended, Mighty One, but we still worship Aten. For those of us who continue to sing for Him, He blesses us. We have begun gardens for food. We have dug reservoirs to collect water. We are becoming a self-sustaining society. And we thank Aten for it. Though we in no way disagree with your decision to return to the old ways, we simply choose to continue here where we will be free from persecution.”

Ay spoke, “You blaspheme! Aten is no longer to be worshipped. The laws of the land do not recognize Aten --”

Tutankhaten held up his hand to Ay, and he silenced himself as Tutankhaten spoke. “Your words please me. I too still hold a spot in my heart for Aten. But my people demand more from me. You are proof that He blesses those He loves and perhaps maybe my father was not wrong; misguided, yes.”

The new pharaoh paused for a moment before continuing. “This must remain between us. Waset has much hatred for this city and for Aten. For your faithful service, I will send you tribute when I can. But open support from the throne will never come. Do you realize this?”

A priest reached over, took Tutankhaten’s hand, and kissed it. “Thank you, Pharaoh. May Aten continue to shine His face upon you and give you favor.”

Ay was not finished with his disapproval. “You go too far, Pharaoh! I think that your sentiment for this place dilutes your judgment. All cults to Aten must be eradicated.”

Something flashed across Tutankhaten’s eyes before he spoke, something I had not seen before in him. “You think I have an emotional attachment to this place? A place where my mother died giving birth to me? A place where the only conversation I would get with my father was a slap across the face just because my foot wouldn’t grow straight? A place where I watched the only mother I had ever known beaten by Smenkhkare and his guards to give up information on me after my escape? And how I watched them pull up her dress and attack her with their sex? How she was killed on Smenkhkare’s sword because she would not give me up? How I could hear her cry her allegiance to my kingship with her last breath as Smenkhkare stabbed her over and over again! I look upon this place and see torment. I see what my freedom cost, and that was just one woman. Many others died. To the world, that one woman is just a grain of sand, but to me? She was my world. I came here to bring people back to Waset. Nothing more. If people find happiness here, then I give them my blessing. I will not turn my back on them even if I have no love for this place.”

When he was done, Tutankhaten stood up and left. I quickly got up and followed behind him. When I had caught up to his anger-driven gait, he was already out onto the quay. Overhead, the Great River in the sky was filling with its night lights as the rest of the world became dark below its depths. Tutankhaten plopped himself down at the end of a pier and put his feet into the water.

I began to walk toward him but stopped. For a second, I thought I could see the outline of my mother. She was again lying on the ground, bloody, and holding our hands. She smiled up at us. I blinked, and the image was gone. I walked on.

I sat down beside him, feet tucked under me and hands resting in my lap. He did not acknowledge me. I nudged him a little with my shoulder. He looked away.

But I knew how to be annoyingly persistent. So I prodded on with my voice instead. “I’m sorry you had to see all of that.”

He still would not look at me. So I cupped my hands in the river, drew out some water in them, and tossed the contents up to his face.

He spit, coughed, wiped his face, and yelled at me, “Why did you do that?”

“Do you know how selfish you are being right now?”

“No more than you! You mope about and keep to yourself. Even if I ask, you turn me away.”

He was correct, and I was surprised that his words did not sting me as he had meant them to. But I was not thinking of myself. “Maia died so you could live. It’s not a burden you should carry. You should feel grateful.”

“I do feel grateful! But I also wish I would have jumped out from the bushes I hid behind and plunged my dagger in Smenkhkare’s gut.”

“And eventually you did.”

“When he was already stabbed and dead!”

“No. You gave him the mortal blow.”

Tutankhaten quickly splashed water back up at me with his feet. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

“I know what you are feeling, and I don’t want you to think that you are alone. I’ve watched five sisters die, one stabbed in front of me. I had to let go of my niece knowing that she too would be killed and also keep that secret from Mayati. Perhaps I could have saved her daughter as well. But I didn’t. I only saved mine. Then I watched my mother get killed while I stood frozen in terror.
I
was the selfish one.
I
was the one who let others die. Not you.”

I realized as I said these words, looking at my husband’s self-tortured soul, I was now at peace with these moments. He had seen just as much if not worse than I. Sitting next to him, I finally felt all right letting my own guilt and sorrow go because I could see how it looked on a loved one’s face. I wanted desperately to ease his pain, and the only regret I felt was in what I had caused him these past months.

Tutankhaten looked over at me. His expression was pained. His cheeks were stained with his tears. “I might have saved her.”

“No, you would have only gotten yourself killed next to her. She would have died watching you suffer. She would never be at peace. It would have made her death meaningless if you had brazenly jumped out with a dagger threatening the pharaoh when he was surrounded by his guards. Instead, you waited, you learned, you trained, and you showed no mercy. He died with terror in his eyes because of you. You won!”

“I dropped my sword in that fight.” He looked behind us. “I think it was over there by that wall.”

“I saw that,” I said softly.

“The guard… he could have killed me. I was defenseless. But he went after the queen. Why did he not kill me? I was the easy kill. I was the threat to the throne. He could have attacked her after he had done away with me.”

“No one will ever know.”

Tutankhaten thought for a second and then continued on in a small voice. He sounded like he was that little boy by the pool again. “I have never told anyone this, but in the moment when the guard was towering above me, I thought I saw a woman behind him. She was tall and beautiful. Nobody else seemed to see her. She smiled at me. Then she put her hand on the man’s arm and directed it away from me and toward the queen. Why would she want her killed?”

“Maybe she wanted you saved. What did she look like?”

“I have a problem seeing her face now. She… she was dressed like you used to dress as a princess. When I looked at her face, I could see right through her. I couldn’t make out any sharp details, but I am pretty sure she smiled at me. Do you think it could have been my mother?”

A smile warmed my face. “Then it is true, our loved ones still walk with us! I have thought I’ve heard Meket’s laughter now and then. Surely it must have been your mother that you saw. She rescued you in your time of need.”

“What did she look like in life?”

I dug into my memories but came up empty. I shook my head. “I was too young when she died. I barely knew her. I knew she liked to laugh. Her laugh, it was very high and could fill a room in an instant. But that is all I know of her.” I did not want to tell him of his birth. It was too frightening to me even in its retelling.

Tutankhaten lowered his head and spoke to himself. Perhaps in prayer. Something between him and his silent guardian.

I decided to put my feet in the water next to his. When I did so, a violent shiver raked itself up my body from my toes to my head. My teeth chattered. I plucked my feet back up out of the water and tucked them under my bottom. Tutankhaten laughed at me so hard that he almost tipped over and fell into the river.

I started laughing too. “How can you stand it? It’s so cold!”

“My ankle is sore from the sandals I wear. I usually put my feet in the water a couple times a day. I guess I don’t feel the cold anymore, and it makes the pain go away. Its much cooler than the pools of our childhood.”

A firefly came up to my nose and lit itself. When I reached up to touch it, it flew away. Gathered farther out in front of us, a swarm of fireflies danced in the night sky. They swirled about each other. Their lights would pulse in and out. Each moment I looked at them, they created a different image. It was almost like connecting the lights in the Great River above us. There, echoes of gods could be seen. While Sopdet hung in the sky, these earthly lights were so close that we could swim out to them and make up our own shapes. One moment I thought I could see a lasso in their lights, the next it was twisted flax. Their swirling dance was so fluid and enchanting. It was like they were formed from magic itself which had escaped this night to entertain us with its wonder.

All was quiet.

I pointed out to the tiny creatures. Tutankhaten looked up and smiled broadly. He swept his arm up and around my shoulders, drawing me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder.

I took in a slow breath through my nose. “I will never call this place home again. My heart has let it go.”

*****

Aten’s morning rays painted the lands and the waters, but his brush was stained red. It’s different shades surrounded us as we pulled away from Akhenaten Quay. I knew Aten was speaking to me this morning. It showed me the blood of my people. They had suffered, and those we left behind would only continue to do so. Maybe it was their choice, but their lives would never be easy.

I watched as we left Aten’s beloved land. Here He would be loved until the people were no more. They would be cut off from us save what my husband and I could send out to them. From the world, though, they would be forgotten.

Aten was in mourning.

My family had done much wrong. Every one of us had been selfish, and now my husband and I had to make amends in their stead. It was left to us, an 11- and a 14-year-old, to fix the wrongs of our ancestors. I could not think of a solution to this task. What could stitch up the wounds of a land cut deeper and deeper each passing year during Father’s reign?