The Freefall Trilogy (Complete Collection) (25 page)

She almost jumped out of her skin as she came out of the ladies'.

'Sorry,' Josh muttered embarrassedly.  'I just wanted to check you were alright.'

Her cheeks were flushed; the tears were seconds away. 

'Stop now?' he asked her gently.

She stared up at guiltily, hesitating for a moment before slowly nodding.  He fought the disappointment back from his voice as he squeezed her shoulder. 

'It's OK, baby, don't worry about it.  I know you're not very well.'

Her gaze bounced up briefly, then returned to the floor. 

'Do you want to grab a coffee?'

Lucy screwed her nose up.

'Tea?' she said hopefully.

Joshua watched her, biting his finger.

'Do me a favour,' he said anxiously.  'Shut your eyes for a minute.  Don't open them till I tell you.'

Lucy stared at him for a moment then shrugged, clenching them shut.  She'd knew she'd ruined everything.  She could at least humour him with this.

'What are you doing?' she squeaked, shrinking back as she felt his fingertips on her breast, arms shooting up to cover herself.  She felt his hand clamp across her eyes.

'Relax!  I left the receipt in the pocket,' he told her, gently pulling her hands away, Lucy's shoulders slackened.  She heard him undo the zipper, his fingers diving in deftly into the pocket before sliding it shut again.

'Alright,' he said, taking her hand; stuffing his other into the pocket of his jump pants.  'Come on.  Let's get out of here.'

'Say something...  Lucy please!'

Her
gaze bounced up from the cup of tea she'd been staring at for the past five minutes; she caught him staring back beneath a crinkled brow.

'Is it really that bad?  Do you want me to get you a doctor?'

Lucy sighed, staring down at the formica table.

'I don't think there's much a doctor can do for me now,' she muttered.

'What do you mean?  Is it serious?  ...Lucy!  What aren't you telling me?'

His eyes flashed at her as he ran his hand through his hair.  She flinched as his hand slammed down on the table.

'For God's sake, talk to me!'

She stared back at him, cheeks reddening, blue eyes flooding with tears.

'I'm pregnant,' Lucy croaked.

He gaped at her for what seemed like forever.

'Say again,' he breathed, shaking his head quickly, as if to snap himself from a daze.

'I'd rather not,' she said in barely a whisper. 

He sat breathless, just staring at her.

Lucy watched his wide eyes darting all over the place.

'I don't understand, how did it happen?'

'How do you think?' Lucy snapped.

'Yes but...  we've always been careful—'

She pinned him to the spot in an angry blue blaze.

'Don't
you
dare
ask me whether it's yours.'

'I wasn't!  I didn't!' he blustered, voice unnaturally high. 

She watched his Adam's apple quickly rise and dip.

'Anyway, we haven't
always
been careful,' she said quietly, peering down at the skin forming across her tea. 

She looked up in time to catch Joshua's eyes flare.

'...The cornfield?' he breathed.

They stared across the table at one another.  The day of the cutaway.  Josh reached out, squeezing her fingers.  Lucy looked down at his hand, it was shaking too.

'I thought I'd lost you,' he told her, voice cracking. 

She gaped at his glistening green eyes. 

'Now because of that, we're having a baby?'

She watched in disbelief as the shaky smile spreading across his lips. 

Lucy closed her eyes.

'Josh...  It isn't that simple.'

'What do you mean?' he said, face falling.  She felt his fingers go limp.  His brow knitted deeply.  'What...  You want to get rid of it?'

A look of love turned to anger
in a blink.  Lucy looked around the café, thanking God it was empty.

'No!' Lucy squeaked. 

She hadn't even thought about that. 

'How long have you
known?' Joshua demanded.

She pulled back the sleeve of the jump suit, peering down at her watch.

'About fourteen and a half minutes.'

'Oh,' he murmured.

'Yes, oh,' she said, the volume rising.  ‘But it's OK for you to keep secrets from me.'

'Not this kind of secret, no,' Joshua told her.  'It's my business too.  Wouldn't you say?'

'Doesn't have to be,' she muttered.

'What do you mean by that?'

She shrugged.

'I mean, it isn't your problem.'

'Problem?' said Josh. 

She peered up at him, knowing by the tone he was on the last wrung of his patience. 

'Lucy, that
problem
, is
our baby
.'

He stared back at her.

Oh shit...

His heart lurching as he saw her fold. 

'I'm sorry,' she blurted, voice choked; tears spilling over.  'I have only had quarter of an hour to get used to the idea myself.'

Joshua reached out.

Fucking table!

He hopped up, sliding into the seat next to her.

'Don't cry,' he said, pulling her into his arms.  'Please.  It'll be alright.'

That explained quite a bit; the tears at the drop of a hat, the rampant mood swings.

'It won't!' she sobbed.  'It's all such a mess!'

'Lucy, I love you,' he said, pressing a kiss in her hair.  'Don't you love me?'

She peered up at him through her tears.

'Of course I do!' she breathed.

‘So,
' he shrugged.  ‘What's the problem?'

‘It…  It isn't enough...'

Joshua's eyes flared, his arms slackening.

'What do you mean?  Don't you think I'll make a good dad? 

She blinked up at him.

'I think you'd make a great dad,' she told him, dashing the tears from her cheeks.  'Provided you were around long enough.'

She sniffed deeply, trying to get it together.  Her fingers wrapped around his; she looked up at him.

'I never knew mine,' she whispered.  ‘He died, when I was three.'

Joshua blinked back at her in horror.  How could he not know that? 

'He went out on a trawler one day and never came back,' she murmured.  Josh stared at her, not quite believing his ears.

She never talked about him.  He hadn't liked to ask; he'd just presumed...  Had he really even thought about it?  God, she was good at changing the subject.  He suddenly flashed back to snippets of unfinished conversation. 
'I've just got to pop to the loo'
or a joke:
anything
to get away from the topic.  Somewhere in the back of his head Josh thought he'd walked out.

'I don't remember much about him,' she said, shaking her head. 

He wasn't sure from her voice whether that was good or bad.  He had a feeling she wasn't either.  She smiled bitterly.

'But mum says he was the best.'

She peered up at Joshua guiltily. 

'I used to be so jealous of the kids at school.  They had their dads… brothers and sisters, big happy families.  All I had was my mum.  I know this sounds awful,
so
ungrateful but...

'I don't want my kid to grow up like that.'

'It's the job?' he breathed, blinking back at her.  'What do you want me to do?  Go and stack shelves at
Tescos?'

Joshua's panic was palpable. 

'Because I will,' he told her obstinately.  'I'll do it, if that's what it takes.'

Lucy smiled at him sadly.

'You'd be miserable inside of a day.'

'I saw an interview with Jeb Corliss,' she said quietly.  'I think it was Jeb Corliss...  I think it was after Dwain Weston was killed.'

She bit her lip, frowning down at the table.

'Maybe it wasn't.  Maybe it was somebody else... 

'He said you have two bags.  A luck bag, and an experience bag.  When you start out, your luck bag is full.  Your experience bag is empty.  And the trick is—'

'To fill the experience bag before your luck runs out.'  Joshua nodded.  'I know.'

Her gaze flicked up to meet his stare.

'It isn't the job,' she murmured.  'It's the extracurricular activities.'

'What do you mean by that?'

Lucy shrugged.

'You know when I met you...'  She sighed.  'Well you know how gung-ho I was then... 
Wingsuits, flying squirrels...' 

She laughed, shaking her head.

'I thought I was invincible.  And that's OK, because it was just me.  And it might
just
have been OK if it were just me and you.  Maybe.  Just for a while...  But the accident, it made me realise.  It made me
really think
.'

She peered up at him.

'I know now how fragile life is.

'It isn't fair that I lost my dad before I could get to know him.  But it was an accident,' she shrugged.  'But to think I missed out on that opportunity because he intentionally put himself in a dangerous situations... not for work, but for fun?  I'm not sure how I'd cope with that one.'

She sighed, raking her hair from her face.

'It isn't the job that bothers me,' she said pointedly.  'It's the BASE jumping.'

Joshua stared down at the table.  She watched him swallow; reach out for his coffee.

'Drink your tea,' he said.  'It's getting cold.'

Lucy stared down at it, reluctantly curling her fingers through the handle of the white porcelain cup.

'Don't worry.  I'm through with BASE jumping,' he said quietly.

'Don't do that,' she murmured, clattering the cup back down in the saucer; wiping the corners of her mo
uth with her fingertips.  'I don't want you to do that.  I can't ask you to give up your dreams for me.'

'Oh, believe me.  I'm not,' Joshua said.

'Come off it,' she snorted.  'When you saw Froggy today, you can't tell me you weren't a tiny bit jealous.'

He frowned, staring into his cup for a moment.  She watched him take a sip, pulling a face.

'Not jealous,' he said.  'Not exactly, not like that.  But yeah,' he shrugged.  'I would have liked that to be me.'

'So,' Lucy shrugged, raising her eyebrows.

'In the same way I'd like to have ridden the winning horse in the Grand National,' Josh said dryly, 'or won the Grand Prix.  Or been the first man on the moon.

'Fucking hell!' he gasped, the faint smirk sliding as the realisation hit home, his eyes darting to hers.

'You seriously thought I was going to BASE jump from the Eiffel Tower, and you didn't even try to stop me!'

'How could I?' she whispered.  'What was I meant to say?  ...You were a jumper when I met you, what right do I have to ask you to stop?'

He gaped at her.

'Every
right!'

'Would you have tried to stop me?' she tried to argue.

'What, after twelve rookie jumps?' he snorted.  'No, not tried.  Succeeded!  I'd have locked you in the fucking boot if I had to.'

Lucy finally smiled.

'Jesus...' he murmured.  ‘No wonder you threw those plates at me.'