The Future Homemakers of America (38 page)

‘You spoil me, Slick Bonney,’ she said when she saw the size of that sucker.

‘I do my best,’ he said.

I felt so for Slick, watching Betty fade away. I said to him one time, ‘You won't stay away, just ‘cause me and Kath are in town? Any time you want to take a turn at her bedside, you just say and we'll make ourselves scarce.’

‘Thanks all the same,’ he said, ‘but I think she's happier having a woman around. I'd do something wrong. Get yelled at.’

We strung Union flag pennants round the room, that Kath had brought with her, and Betty drank her iced water out of the Charles and Diana commemorative mug. She had a pink carnation pinned to her robe, so she'd feel more like a guest than a mere spectator.

We watched the whole thing. Never bothered going to bed. They showed people camping out on the streets of London, ready to see the procession. Kath said, ‘That's what me and May done for the Coronation. May brought a Lilo bed for us to sit on, only she forgot the pump and we didn't have enough puff to blow it up the hard way. I wouldn't do it now. You get a better view watching it on the telly. You can get up and make a brew when you want one, without losing your place.’

Betty was our expert commentator. She knew all the names. Who was cousins to who. Bottom line was, they were all kin. Royals from Norway and Greece and places I didn't even know had any. Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Kath remarked it was a shame we had to ruin a great country, having people running amok with guns.

I said, ‘Great country is right. The land of the free. Free to bear arms.’

‘Free to shoot the president,’ she said.

But, as I pointed out to her, our president was alive and well and attending St Paul's cathedral in the company of crowned heads. Took more than a drifter like Hinckley to finish Ronnie Reagan.

Betty said, ‘I agree with Peggy. He's my kind of president. And I just loved him in
The Hasty Heart.’

There was a long build-up, waiting to see Lady Diana's dress. Then we only caught a flash of it and she was bundled up inside a little horse-drawn carriage with her father, the Earl of Spencer. Why they didn't use a stretch limousine, I shall never understand. By the time she got to the church that dress looked like it could have used a steam-iron. Betty wouldn't hear any criticism, though.

‘It's meant to look that way,’ she said. ‘Top designers have been working on it for months. Clouds of billowing silk. Deana wore a similar style herself when she married Dwayne.’

Of course, when Deana Gillis married Dwayne it wasn't just the dress that was billowing.

We all felt so flat after it was through.

Betty said, ‘I wish they'd let us see the greeting line and everything. I'd love to see what gifts they got.’

She watched the edited highlights until she fell asleep and I took Kath for a drive around the old neighbourhood. Took her past Topperwein High.

‘Well, that looks like a fancy place,’ she said. ‘You must have had a sight more schooling than I did, Peg. Me and John Pharaoh went to Smeeth Elementary, but half the time we didn't even get there. If the weather was bad or Dad needed John to help him with the eels, or Mam could get me a turn at the beet singling, we just didn't go. And that wasn't just us. If you were needed at home, for washday or anything, that's where you stayed. Then the Chaplin girls, there was nine of them, and they only had three or four pair of boots between them, so they had to take turns going to school. Nobody thought anything of it. Now you'd have an inspector knocking at your door, telling you your business. If they'd have come round in our day, they'd have found theirselves on the wrong end of an eel glave. Our mam didn't think much of book-learning. Tell you the truth, John Pharaoh never did get the hang of reading and writing. He could add up, though. He was handy that way.’

I said, ‘But you had magazines in your house. First time we came there, I remember you showing us.’

‘Yes, but I always had to read them out to him. Pick bits out he'd like to hear. I cottoned on to things like that faster than he did. I'd have liked a bit more schooling if I could have had it, but I've managed all right.’

I told her about high school. I said, ‘See, me and Betty were never friends back then. Those Future Homemaker girls were always getting up cupcake sales. I thought they were pretty dull. If I wasn't outside pitching a softball, I was inside playing volleyball. And I was prom queen in my junior year. Senior year we had a Sadie Hawkins Hop.’

Kath didn't know what that was. I said, ‘It's a dance, where the girls get to ask the boys. I guess we had Women's Liberation and we didn't even realise it.’

She said, ‘So who did you ask?’

I asked Larry Mace, Class President. I said, ‘We'll have to ask Betty who was her drag. It sure wasn't Slick Bonney.’

Kath hadn't realised Slick went right back to our school days.

I said, ‘He was a Future Farmer of America. Won prizes for his bantams, and I think he was on the track team too, though you wouldn't have thought it, size of his waistline before he started on these Lipo pills.’

She said, ‘Tickles me how he tiptoes around Betty, trying to please her. Like she'd ever say boo to a goose. He does love her so. How come they never got wed?’

‘Not for Slick's want of asking,’ I said. ‘Fact is, she's still married to Ed.’

We drove back past Mom's old house, so I could show Kath where I grew up. I had told her how things lay between me and my sister Connie.

‘I know you've had a falling out,’ she said. ‘But if you want to see if she's at home, I can sit outside in the motor. I don't mind waiting. Now you're here, that seems a pity not to bury the hatchet.’

I said, ‘I don't want to, Kath. It's a closed chapter. I don't even know why I brought you here. There's nothing worth showing you.’

The old place looked closed up anyhow. Maybe her and Bobby Earl won the lottery.

‘Well, now we're quits,’ she said. ‘You've seen where I was dragged up and I've seen where you were. Tell you what, Peg, we've both moved on.’

When we got back, the doctor was making a house call. Betty had had a kind of a seizure and Carla had thought it was the end. It wasn't, though. They gave her a shot, made her sleep some more, and when she woke, about seven, she wanted iced tea, lime jello and company.

‘I don't know what all that was about,’ she said. ‘All my life I never got sick. Now everything's going wrong.’

I said, ‘You want to see if they're still showing re-runs of the wedding?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Yes. Why? Did I miss it?’

I said to Carla, ‘Now what?’

‘I'm getting her back into State tomorrow,’ she said. ‘Time has come to move some family ass.’ She got on to Ed, and to Sherry. Then Lois called. Carla put me on.

Lo said, ‘I'm coming. I decided. Carla says she don't have long.’

I said, ‘I don't know. She was talking us through Lady Di's wedding, this morning. She just had a setback this afternoon is all.’

‘I'm out of the door,’ she said. ‘I just have a board package to deliver, then I'm on my way. Will you pick me up? I'll get Herb to call, tell you what time my plane gets in.’

I said, ‘Will do. We're at the Pan American, got their weekly rate. You want me to get you a room?’

‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘and, Peg? Is Betty all hooked up to stuff? She got machines keeping her alive?’

I said, ‘You've seen too many hospital shows.’

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘So definitely no machines and no tubes?’

‘Definitely,’ I said.

‘I'm on my way,’ she said.

I looked in on Betty before we left. I said, ‘Time to break out that fancy New York negligée. The Lois Moon Experience is heading your way.’

97

I left Kath taking turns with Carla and Slick, went to pick up Lois up from the airport. I could see her big red hair bobbing towards me as she came through Arrivals, weaving in and out, trying to get past the slow movers. She was carrying more weight than she used to, but nothing else had changed. She never stopped talking, even when she was filling her mouth with candy, which was most of the time.

‘Christ, they've taken the joy out of flying,’ she said. ‘All that time on the freeway. Then all that time waiting in line to check your bag. Least when we were Dependants we could just climb aboard the transport and go. Wasn't always my destination of choice, but at least you didn't have to get felt-up by some security dyke before they'd let you near a plane. And those cabin girls! Why do they have to talk to you like you're five years old? What kind of moron do they think can't work out a seat belt? I tell you. They giving Betty stuff for the pain?’

I said, ‘Yes. She's going peaceful. We're just hoping she doesn't have no more seizures. Every time she gets one, she's confused afterwards. It's because the cancer has gone into her brain.’

Lo said, ‘Oh my God, Peg. Don't tell me any more.’

I said, ‘She knows you're coming though. She's so excited. You ever considered, Lo, the only time people make a real effort for you is when you're dying?’

‘I guess,’ she said ‘This is the weirdest trip I ever took, no two ways. And I've been working right up to the last minute. I've had this divine eight-room in the Wyatt, it's a co-op, pre-war, view across to the lake, fireplaces, two maids’ rooms, it's the dog's cojones, found a buyer and then the board turned him down, so I had to start over, showing it again. I mean, I knew I could sell it, it's such a gem. It's just they're so goddamned particular. Anyway, I found them an Arab. He's happy. They're happy. I have to be back for the closing. Then I'll be happy. He'll probably bring the money in cash. In his Louis Vuitton.’

I said, ‘Ed's on his way. And you know Kath's here?’

‘Yeah?’ she said. ‘Imagine that. You think there'll be a gathering of the clans when my time comes? There won't ‘cause there'll be none of you left. I'll see you all out. How about Gayle and Mrs Full-Bird Colonel?’

I said, ‘Gayle and Lemarr are doing a healing tour of Kentucky and Missouri. But they're saying prayers for Betty. Audrey's disappeared. Last we heard, she was baling out her English gentleman. He had troubles of a financial nature.’

‘No shit?’ she said. ‘You think she had to give back that diamond splinter?’

I said, ‘We're nearly there. You want to go right in, or get a coffee or something?’

‘I'll see her first,’ she said, ‘while my courage is up. Does she look real sick?’

I said, ‘I guess. I've been around her so much this week, I'm not sure any more. Sometimes she wants to lie there quiet, but she still likes to have people sit with her. Then she perks up, wants to talk. She talks about stuff I don't think I'd be bothered with if I was dying.’

‘Yeah?’ she said. ‘What, like meatloaf recipes?’

They were just changing her sheets when we got there. That was always a signal for her to get upset. I hadn't thought to warn Lois about that. She just barged right in.

‘Okay, Gillis,’ she said. ‘What are you doing in the sack this time of day? Call yourself a homemaker? I want you out of that cot, get these floors waxed, get this gear squared away.’

Then she saw Betty was crying. ‘Betty, darling,’ she said, ‘don't cry now! I didn't mean it!’

Betty was going through that great bag of hers, looking for Kleenex. ‘Oh, Lois,’ she said. ‘I'm in such a fix. I had a little accident. They keep on happening and I feel so bad, these poor nurses having to clean up after me.’

‘Will you stop that!’ Lo said. ‘Just quit being so goddarned considerate. It's what they do. They get paid. And all they have to do is drop the stuff in the hamper. Jeez, Betty. Listen to you anybody'd think they had to haul those sheets down to the river or something. Bash them with rocks to get them clean. You ever hear of a thing called a hospital laundry? There are people down there waiting for your sheets. You are keeping people in employment. Think of that. You could be the difference between some little beaner going home with a paycheque, feeding his family, paying his dues, or getting laid off. You keep those dirty sheets coming, girl. You are helping keep some nose-miner off welfare.’

She kept it up for a full hour till Slick come back to take another turn. He musta wondered what the heck was going on, as he came back along the corridor, Lois's voice booming away and Betty squealing for mercy.

I said, ‘It's okay. She's laughing, not crying. The comedy act has arrived.’

But when we got out of there, left Slick to it, Lo looked shattered.

We drove to the motel and Lois checked in while I showered. Kath was resting. She had been with Betty, reading, all morning – reading her the papers, about the royal honeymoon.

I said, ‘Lo's arrived. You coming out for fajitas?’

So the three of us drove to Bravo Bravo, and the first beer didn't touch the sides.

Lois said, ‘Jeez, I don't know if I can go through that again.’

I said, ‘You don't have to. Betty just wants folk around. Doesn't have to be non-stop cabaret.’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘seems to me she has enough visitors can do
gloom.
It's like a chapel of rest in there already. Hell, at least I got a laugh out of her.’

I said, ‘Lois, I'm just trying to help. You tired yourself out in there, and you probably tired Betty too.’

‘Tired
her?’ she said. ‘She's about to rest for all eternity. What's wrong with
tiring
her, as you put it? Besides, it's a known fact that laughter is good for the health. I need another beer. And who was the sadsack in the white socks?’

I said, ‘That was Slick.’

She roared. ‘Slick! Somebody with a big sense of irony give him that, or did he just get the wrong name? He ever think of changing it to Hump? Or Stump.’

Kath said, ‘I don't see why you have to pick on him. He's a kind man. And he loves Betty.’

I said, ‘Yes, anybody else you'd care to take a poke at? I mean, I know you only just got here, but you're a fast study …’

‘I know,’ she said. ‘Let's have a row. I'll go out, come in again, do something that really frosts you, like
smile
or say something
carefree,
and then we can have it all out. You can rub my nose in everything I ever did wrong …’