The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy) (27 page)

“Oh, I’m sorry. Okay. Well, I’m going to Kelly’s if you change your mind. I just need a distraction for a while.”

“There won’t be much going on since it’s Monday night, Ryan, but I’ll see if she wants to. Just give us an hour or so, okay?”

“Yeah, later.”

I walked out of the library and across campus to my car. I unlocked it and threw my book bag in the back before sliding in behind the wheel and digging the window scraper out of the glove compartment. I turned on the defroster before quickly scraping the windows, shivering by the time I got back into the car.

That’s what I get for not remembering to wear gloves.

I pulled my phone out again. It would be too early for Julia to be free to talk, but I couldn’t help myself. It immediately went to voicemail which meant her phone was turned off.

Hi, this is Julia. I’m sorry I’m not able to take your call right now, but please leave your deets and I’ll get right back to you. Um…if this is Ryan, I’m thinking of you this very minute and I love you.

I laughed out loud as a huge grin split my face. She knew I’d be anxious tonight and she was doing her damnedest to make me feel better. She was so friggin’ amazing. After the beep I left a message.

“Hey, baby girl. Knew you wouldn’t be finished yet but needed to hear your voice. Thanks for knowing I’d call and the sweet message. I love you, too…and miss you.” I sighed heavily into the phone. “I…just, I
really
miss you. So much, I can’t even study. Call me later if you can. I’m going out with Aaron and Jen so I should be up. If not, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye, honey.”

Kelly’s pub was one of those hole-in-the-wall places where everyone liked to hang out. Despite it being Monday, there was a decent amount of people milling around. Some of them were regulars that I recognized, but I pulled up a stool at the bar, not feeling like socializing.

“Hey Becky,” I said as I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it over the back of my chair.

The bartender was a pretty woman in her late thirties, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Aaron, Jen and I came here on occasion to play pool and just hang out, so we knew her pretty well. “How was your Thanksgiving, Ryan?” She smiled.

I smiled back. “Really good. You?”

“David sat on his ass and watched football all day while I slaved in the kitchen,” she laughed. “Pretty much par for the course. Did you and Aaron go to Chicago?”

“Nope. I went to Los Angeles, and Aaron stayed here with Jen,” I said, leaning back and throwing my wallet on the bar.

I ordered a Molson and glanced around. The bar was dark and had a rustic feel with lots of dark wood, leather and brass fixtures. The antique bar was a huge carved monstrosity that had been salvaged from a century ago with a huge gilded mirror. There were a myriad of shelves filled with bottles of liquor and a variety of glasses on either side of the mirror.

Setting the bottle in front of me, she picked up a five from the money I laid out for her. “What’s in L.A.?”

I took a sip of the beer and then poured the rest into a glass. “Um…My best friend from college.”

“Yeah? What part of L.A. does he live in? My brother lives out there now,” Becky said as she laid the change down.

“Keep it.” I motioned for her to pocket the change. “
Julia
lives just north of Hollywood,” I smirked.

“Oohhhh,
Julia,
is it? Are you sure she’s just your best friend, Ryan? That’s a hike to visit your best bud,” she said, knowingly.

“She’s more than that…but she
is
my very best friend in the world,” I said reflectively, staring into my glass, concentrating on the bubbles rising to the top of the beer.

“Is that why I haven’t seen you with any women in the past six months? You had me worried. I was beginning to think you were gay!”

“Pfftt. Hardly. You wound me!! You’re already taken, so what is a guy to do?” I teased. It was harmless since she was a friend and also so much older.

“Yeah. Whatever,” Becky laughed as she went off down the bar to help another customer, and I looked around trying to forget the lonely ache I was feeling. I could be surrounded by a hundred people and I’d still be alone. As long as Julia wasn’t with me…I was alone.

Pathetic.
I rolled my eyes as I chastised myself.

“Hey, Becks!” I heard Aaron’s big voice behind me and was glad to have him join me. I turned to see him and Jenna walk up next to me. Jen put her arms around me in a tight hug.

“Hey you,” she said as I hugged her back. “Did you have fun with Julia?” She looked at me and smiled as I released her. Aaron must have told her what I’d said by the look in her eyes.

“Yes. It was wonderful. Thanks for asking.”

Aaron pulled up a chair and grabbed Jenna by the waist.

“I didn’t expect to see you guys here so soon,” I said lightly.

“Oh, you know, we took pity on you. Jen and I can do the humpty dance any old time.”

Jenna brought the flat of her hand up against the back of Aaron’s head.

“Hey!” he complained.

“Nice! You’re such a dickhead,” she admonished. “You’ll be resorting to ma thumb and her four daughters after that stupid-ass remark.”

I burst out laughing.
Hilarious.

“Ryan, give this idiot some lessons on how to treat a lady, would ya?” She pushed out of Aaron’s arms and took the stool on the other side of me.

“What?” Aaron said with a confounded expression on his face. “I was kidding! You know I adore you, baby!”

Jen smiled and leaned in toward me, completely ignoring him. “Tell me about your weekend with Julia. How’s she doing?”

“Great. She loves her job and she’s doing very well at it.”

“And?” she prodded her eyes wide as she watched for my reaction. I smiled.

“And…we’re great too, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m very happy for you, Ryan. It’s about time that girl got her head out of her ass. Ellie and I have been telling her for years that she should have told you the truth.”

My heart swelled at the thought of Julia talking about me to her friends. “Did she tell you how she felt? Before?”

“She didn’t come right out and say it, but we knew, Ryan. It was in everything she did. The way she talked about you and how you both gravitated toward each other, and how she’d blow off us off if you called. It was pretty obvious. And she always moped around whenever you were out with your latest bimbo. Every time.”

Regret surged through me. I ran a hand through my hair, my face sobering.

“Hey, all’s well that ends well.” Jenna smiled.

“Yeah, but I hate that I hurt her like that. I didn’t realize.”

“Really, Ryan? I mean,
you
loved
her
didn’t you? How could you think it was any different for her?”

“I guess I never analyzed it. I didn’t think I was worthy, but yes, I’ve been in love with her for…ever.”

“Right. We knew that, too.”

Aaron sat a glass of white wine in front of her as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I sighed in relief as I opened Julia’s message.

“Excuse me for a minute, Jen.”

Finally finished and exhausted. Going home. Love you.

I texted back immediately as Aaron tried to sweet talk his way back into Jenna’s good graces.

Will you use the photo for the magazine then?

Yes. It’s much better and easier than reworking the old one.

Oh. How provocative is it?

I waited for her response but the text didn’t come in. Instead my phone started to ring.

“You guys, I need to take this outside. It’s too damn loud in here. Back in a bit,” I said as I grabbed my coat and answered the phone.

“Hey baby,” I said as I headed to the door.

“I love that you’re worried about the pictures and are protective of me, but you need to trust me. I won’t be naked in the magazine, I promise.”

“Only
almost
naked?” I asked because I couldn’t help myself. I was sulking and she could hear it in my voice.

She sighed. “Ryan.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” I shoved one arm in the jacket and then switched my phone to the opposite hand so that I could repeat the process on the other side without breaking the conversation. “I just…that shit is
mine
, Julia. I don’t want to share and I don’t give a damn if I’m selfish. I’m not going to apologize for it.”

“You aren’t
sharing
anything. You can’t even see my face clearly in the shot we’re using. I’m blurred in the background. Relax.” I could hear her breathing softly over the phone and I remembered how her breath felt as it rushed over my skin as we made love. My body reacted involuntarily.

“Okay.”

“And, I love that you’re possessive. It makes me feel all warm and gushy inside,” she breathed softly.

“I love you so much, Julia. I wish I could touch you. I can’t wait until you’re closer.”

“Me, too.” I could actually hear the longing in her voice. “I’m working on it. I think Andrea will take my job and all I have to do is find someone to replace her. Well that, and wait for Meredith to find a position for me in New York.”

“Thank you for moving, love. It means a lot.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m dying, I miss you so much. You know that, right?”

“Yes, but it’s nice to hear.”

She yawned. She was dead tired. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I didn’t sleep great last night. Aren’t you tired?” she asked. “It’s so late there.”

“Not really. Jenna and Aaron just met me at Kelly’s, so I’ll be up for a while. Are you going to bed?”

“Pretty soon. Tell them I said hello.”

“I will. Julia?”

“Yeah?”

“Mike didn’t…” I began but she cut me off.

“No! Not at all. He was totally professional. Stop worrying. Please?”

I took a deep breath, expelling some anxiety with it. “How sexy are these photos?” I cringed at myself because I even asked the damn question, but I wanted to know. I hated the jealousy that surged inside of my chest at the thought of another man, seeing her like that, but there wasn’t anything I could do to push it away.

She chuckled softly. “They’re
sexy
, Ryan. We did this to go with an article about sexual secrets. That’s the
whole
point.”

“Yeah,” I said, knowing I couldn’t keep the apprehension out of my tone.

“Do you keep secrets from me?” she said seductively and instantly my mood shifted from anxiousness to desire.

“Well…I’m sure there are some things we don’t know about each other yet, honey, since that part is so new for us, but I don’t intend to keep anything from you. What about you?”

“Mmmm, you know I can’t keep secrets from you,” she almost whispered. And I did know that, so it was completely ridiculous for me to worry or be jealous.

“Hmmm, yes.” Warmth spread over me at her words, and my blood pressure increased, giving me an instant hard-on. I tried to adjust my pants as it became uncomfortable. “Just this little bit of sexy talk on the phone and I’ve got a raging erection. I don’t mean to be so caveman. I’m sorry if I got a little pissy over Mike seeing my girl half dressed, but I can’t help it, Julia.”

“It’s okay. Do you think I’d be with anyone else now when I wasn’t capable of it when we were just friends? I was thinking about you the entire time, so when you see the photos, don’t forget that. I love
you
.”

I smiled at her words, a swell of love and pride filling me up. I could hear how tired she was, so I needed to end the call. “I won’t. I’ll let you get to bed, my love. Call you tomorrow?”

“Uh huh. Goodnight, Ryan.”

“I love you, Julia. Sleep well.”

I walked back into the bar and found Aaron still sitting there, but with Jen on his lap.

“I guess ma thumb’s out of business tonight after all, eh?” I laughed and resumed my seat.

Aaron joined the laughter. “Yeah. How’s Julia?”

“She’s good, man. Tired. She just got off of work.” I picked up my previously abandoned beer and took a drink after I pulled off my jacket.

“What the hell is she doing at the office at eight o’clock?” he grunted.

“Yeah, I thought I was the only one lucky enough to work all damn night,” Jen interjected.

“Apparently there was a problem with some photos and they had to reshoot them. The model wasn’t available so…Julia did it.” I smirked at Aaron’s stunned expression.

“Wow. So she’s a model now? That’s totally hot,” he said, nodding his head with a smug look on his face.

“Uh…well…” I began.

“What type of photo was it, Ryan? Was it for an article or a feature?” Jenna was showing genuine interest and she pushed off of Aaron’s lap to sit next to me again.

“Something about the secrets men keep from their women. I don’t know.” I shrugged and ran my hand through my hair.

“So what? She’s doing a bedroom scene, bro’?” Aaron’s hormones were already raging; I could see that along with the unabashed amusement in his face.