The Game Changer (29 page)

As the team gathers in the dugout, for what seems to be a meeting about the game, my friends and I begin to gather up our things and head out. I turn back to see if I can spot Luke one last time as his team leaves the dugout. Luke sees me and waves me towards him. As I head in his direction, I spot Mikey speaking with one of the men with the clipboards.

“So what did you think?” he asks excitedly.

“It was awesome; I really liked it,” I answer honestly.

“You really liked...
it
? Huh, what about me? What did you think about me?” he asks, teasing, as usual.

“You’re alright, I guess. I really don’t see what all the hype is about.”

“Really? I’ll have to show you when we get home,” he says slyly.

“What do you and Mikey talk about when he calls a time out and meets you on the mound during the game?” I ask. They look so serious, but something in Luke’s eyes tells me that he’s just trying to make it seem that way.

Luke starts to laugh. “He’s supposed to be telling me some type of strategy we should be using, but you know him; he’s a nut. Usually, he just does it to shoot the shit and make everyone think we’re coming up with this great plan.”

“He’s crazy. Do all those people watching, make you nervous?” I ask, glancing towards the scouts.

“No, not really. It pumps us up. It makes us want to prove ourselves even more. You know, make the trip worth their while. That’s why I gotta laugh when all of this is goin’ on and that nut is shootin’ the shit out on the mound in the middle of the game. It eases the tension.” He laughs. “I better get over there. I have to talk to a few of these guys. I’ll be over in a little while. Mikey and I are goin’ to work on a few things,” he says before jogging in the direction of the reporters and the men with the clipboards.

When I enter the house, my dad is in the kitchen getting ready to prepare dinner.

“Hey, Dad,” I say as I sit at the kitchen counter.

“Hi, sweetie. Great game, huh? I heard it was supposed to be close,” he says excitedly as he begins to sauté vegetables on the range.

“Yeah. He’s really good, huh, Dad?”

“They both are. You’re surprised?”

“Luke and I talk about it all the time. I hear everyone else talk about it. I guess, today just put a little more perspective on it for me. A lot of those guys at the game were scouts there to watch him and Mikey. He asked me after the game what I thought.”

“And?”

“I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of telling him I thought he was really good. I told him I didn’t see what all the hype was about.” I laugh.

“See, that’s what he needs, someone to keep him grounded.” My dad laughs, too, knowing Luke and his big head. “Is he comin’ over to eat?”

“He’ll eat later when he gets here. He has a few things to take care of.” I watch as my dad fixes a plate for Luke and puts it aside for later. Luke, De and Mikey are such a big part of our family now. My dad enjoys having them around all the time, it makes our house feel livelier, like before my mom was gone.

The next several weeks, I become accustomed to going to baseball games, watching their interviews on the local news channel and watching the occasional new videos on YouTube, throwing his 98 mph fastball. Coaches and scouts continue to drop by the house to visit with him and Mikey. So, I have come to accept that my boyfriend is, at the time, somewhat of a sports celebrity, even though he likes to make me think that what I do is just as important. I was recently notified that I’ve been accepted for an internship at the Cape May Museum
of Art. I have to submit my portfolio along with a letter of recommendation from my Art teacher. The internship begins in May and lasts throughout the summer. Listening to Luke talk about it, you would think I was the next Picasso or something. As much as I tease him, he has a big heart to go with his big head when it comes to me. He always encourages me about my Art work and makes it seem just as important as his baseball.

Chapter 30

(Jesse)

A few days into April, I feel myself getting more anxious and panicky. I wake up one morning after a restless night of sleep, remembering how different things were this time last year; I was such a mess, even after months of therapy. Thinking back even further, remembering two years ago, I recall the day my mom and I were shopping. I was happy, felt at peace; everything in my life was going along just as it should...
just like now
. Then, suddenly in an instant, everything changed.

I remember wanting to be alone, I didn’t want to feel anything for anybody. That way, I would never have to feel that kind of loss again. As all of those awful feelings come rushing back, I feel as though I’m having a panic attack, my heart is racing and I’m unable to catch my breath. I think of Luke and how happy he makes me feel, the same with De and the rest of my friends. I’m having way too much fun, I feel too good, something bad is bound to happen to me again, catch me off guard; just like before. As the anniversary of that day comes close,
I begin to shut myself off from Luke, my friends, and my dad.

***

(Luke)

“Hey, De. How’s she doin’?”  I meet my sister in the hallway, outside the locker room, where JJ is usually waiting. She tries to get JJ to come to school today. She missed yesterday and wouldn’t see or talk to any of us last night.

“David said she won’t get up. I didn’t see her,” De answers with disappointment.

“Damn, I thought she would be here since I have a game after school.” She never misses my games. “I’ll give her a call in a little while,” I answer more to myself, trying to convince myself that she’ll be fine.

David and I talked last night. He told me this time last year she had a relapse as well. It lasted for about a week or so. He was hoping that this year would be different. I can tell he’s concerned; he can barely talk about what it was like with her that first year. I know he worries that he is going to lose her again. I won’t let that happen. I will get her through this.

Before Study Hall, I duck outside to give her a call. No answer. I leave a message, telling her I miss her and hope she will be at my game today. Once again, I call David.

“Hey, David, how is she?”

“Hey, bud. She’s still sleepin’, I just checked on her.” “Yeah, I left a message, you workin’ tonight?” I ask.

“I’m supposed to. I hate leaving her like this.”

“De will be over right after school. She’ll stay until I get home. If she’s not up for talkin’, we’ll just hang out and watch TV. At least she won’t be alone.”

“That would be great, you guys are the best. She’s lucky to have you.”

“Yeah, well, we’re hard to get rid of.” I try to joke to ease some of the tension I hear in his voice. 

I catch up with Deanna at the end of the day to fill her in. De would do anything to help JJ...
and me
.

As Mikey and I walk over to the field, I fill him in on what is going on.

“Alright, this is a piece of cake today. Let’s get it over with quickly, so you can get home,” Mikey says supportively as he goes to stand behind the plate.

This is one of the easier teams we’ll be facing this year. We play in a tougher league than most high schools. There won’t be any scouts watching today. I should be able to get out of here rather quickly. Coach Briggs only pitches me the first five innings. I’m on a mission to end the game quick, so I throw twelve strike outs and we are up 7-0. I watch the remainder of the game from the dugout as Mikey makes a double play to end the game in the ninth. After a brief meeting in the dugout, I head to the locker room to grab my bag, not even taking the time to shower and change.

On the way to her house, I replay in my mind what I will say to her. I really can’t come up with anything, so I figure I’ll know when I see her. I really can’t imagine what it must be like for her. I’ve never had anything terrible happen to me. I can’t even think about what it would be like to lose one of my parents, let alone being there when it happened.

De is sitting in the family room when I arrive. “Hey.”

“Hey, she’s in her room. David made dinner, but she didn’t want anything. I tried talking to her, but she really isn’t up for it. She said she was tired and would see me later.”

“I’ll try talkin’ to her. I’m not goin’ to let her send me off that easy.”

“I know, but I am afraid to push.”

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna. I have to get through to her.” I thank De for sitting with her until I arrived.

After she leaves, I try her bedroom door, it’s locked. I knock lightly. “It’s me; can I come in?” I ask quietly.

“Can I call you later, Luke?” she answers as if she’s having a busy day at work or something.

“No, I’m afraid you’re not goin’ to call me back. I called you three times today and you never got back to me.”

“I promise; I’ll call later. I just want some time to myself, okay?” she says as if that will convince me.

“I gave you time to yourself yesterday. I think you know me better than that. Do you think you can get rid of me that easy?” I talk through the door.

I hear her feet hit the floor hard, then walk towards the door and unlock it. I open the door slowly and she is already back in her bed, curled up and facing the opposite direction.

“Thanks,” I say as I sit down on the edge of the bed. “JJ, I get that you need some time, but I need to be here with you. Don’t push me away.”

I wait for a response, but she doesn’t answer. I curl up next to her and wrap my arms around her. I can feel her softly sobbing as I hold her tight. She won’t face me, but at least she doesn’t tell me to go or try to push me away. 

I must have dozed off. When I awake, it’s dark; the only light is coming from the moon outside. Now, she’s facing me, staring at me, snuggled in close. Her eyes are sad and puffy. My heart drops, hating to see her like this.

“Hey.”

“You’re still in your uniform,” she whispers.

“I know. I came right from my game. I didn’t get a shower, do I smell?”

“No. Did you eat?” she asks with concern.

“I figured I’d wait for you.”

“You should eat. I’m not hungry.”

“Me, neither.”

“Liar. Your stomach was growling so loud, it woke me up.”

“Sorry.” I smile as I pull her close to me and kiss her. Thankfully, she responds. 

“JJ, I miss you. Yesterday, you didn’t talk to me all day, and today... you didn’t answer. You can be as sad as you need to be... but, please, don’t shut me out... I want to be here. No, I
need
to be here with you,” I plead.

“I know, Luke,
you have this need
... to rescue me over and over.”

“Not true. You don’t need rescuing. You’re probably one of the strongest people I know. It’s me. I’ve come to depend on you... being here for me. I told you before, you bring normalcy to my crazy world. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life.” I smile at her. “See. It’s me who needs rescuing,” I say as I hug her tightly.

“Sure you do. But, thank you,” she says as she hugs me back.

Once again, my stomach lets out a loud roar. We both laugh. She orders me to get something to eat and after coaxing her along, I’m able to get her
to come to the kitchen with me. I heat up the dinner that David has left and set the table. I bring it to the table and fix her a plate before beginning to load up mine. She pushes hers aside.

“You eat; I’m not hungry,” She tells me.

“You have to eat a little.” I push her plate back in front of her. “I’m not eating alone.”

“You’re a pain in the ass, Luke.”

“I know, but I love you,” I answer, giving her a smile, pleased with myself for getting her to joke with me.

“You must,” she answers as she slowly begins to take small bites.

We sit mostly in silence, occasionally making small talk. I must admit I feel satisfied with what little progress I make. At least she is somewhat talking and eating a little bit of her dinner.
She’s going to be okay, I just need to stay with her,
I think to myself as David comes walking in. He’s home from work early. He claims the restaurant wasn’t busy, but I get the feeling he was anxious to check on her. By the look on his face, I can tell he’s surprised to see her up and about, sitting in the kitchen; let alone, picking at the food on her plate.

“Hey, David.” I try to sound casual.

“What’s up, guys?” he responds, also trying to sound casual.

JJ gives him a half smile as she painfully takes another bite. “Are you hungry? There’s plenty left,” I say, trying to sound cheerful as I nod my head in her direction and roll my eyes at him.

“No, you eat. I ate at the restaurant. How was your game?”

“Cool. Easy win today.”

We continue to converse as we usually do, talking about the game, sports and whatever else we can come up with when JJ excuses herself from the table I fill David in on how she came to finally leave her room.

“David, can I stay? She’s doin’ better. I know tomorrow is
the day
and I want to stay with her. I’m not going to school, either. I know it’s a rough day for you, too, but I would really appreciate it if you let me stay.”