The Game of Denial (30 page)

"Got no place else to be."

She patted Jackson's neck and turned to leave, pausing long enough to squeeze Ralph's arm as she walked by. "Breakfast will be ready in about an hour."

JOAN WAS THROWING clothes into her suitcase, taking her frustration out on her helpless belongings. She had finally managed to free herself of Martine's memory. She shook her head. No, Martine would always be in her memory, but she had receded, allowing Joan the freedom to be with someone again. She'd finally laid all her feelings on the line. Fat lot of good that had done, she thought. Well, she'd just have to suck it up.

"Joan?" Evey's voice said from behind her.

"What?" Joan snapped as she grabbed a sweater and threw it into her suitcase.

Warm hands settled on Joan's waist for a moment before she felt a body press against her back. She thought her knees would buckle as warm lips pressed against the back of her neck.

"Don't leave," Evey whispered, sending a chill along Joan's spine. Her abdomen clenched as she covered Evey's hands with her own.

Joan swallowed hard. "Why?" she said.

Hot breath assailed her ear. "As much as I've fought it or tried to deny how I feel, I like knowing someone wants me."

Joan turned and stroked Evey's cheeks. "I don't care why," she said as her mouth met Evey's. She moaned as Evey's hand pressed against the back of her head, increasing the pressure between their lips. She took Evey's face in her hands as she brought the kiss to an end.

"I love you, Evey Chase," Joan said while her thumbs brushed over Evey's cheeks. "But I confess I'm scared."

"Me too, sweetheart," Evey said. "I haven't felt this way about anyone since I was a teenager."

"How do you feel?" Joan asked, kissing Evey's temple.

"Out of control. Giddy."

"I'd like to say I've never felt like that before either, but I have. I never thought I'd feel it again though." She tightened her arms around Evey and took a deep breath.

"Please don't leave," Evey said.

"Eventually I'll have to."

"But not today. I want us to spend time getting to know one another. Unpack again while I start breakfast. Please."

Hesitantly Joan pulled Evey closer and placed a light kiss on her cheek. "I'll be down in a few minutes to help you. Will Ralph be joining us?"

"Yes, sorry."

"He's a member of your family and belongs here."

Evey hugged Joan quickly before retreating into the hallway and down the stairs as Joan began removing clothes from her suitcase.

JOAN CLOSED THE door to her room and made her way down the stairs, the smell of coffee and bacon beckoning her toward the kitchen. She stopped when she saw Evey standing in front of the stove, one foot resting on top of the other. She crept up behind her to place a kiss on the back of her neck. Joan was surprised when Evey chuckled and leaned back against her. She encircled Evey's waist and peered at the bacon sizzling in the skillet. She whispered softly, "You're so beautiful. Do you have any idea how much I want you?"

"Tell me," Evey said.

"More than I want that bacon." Joan laughed and squeezed Evey for a moment. Her hand ran down Evey's back as she stepped away to take three plates from the cabinet. She carried silverware to the kitchen table and set three places before filling a mug with fresh coffee.

"Do you have anything special planned for today?" Evey asked.

Joan grinned over the rim of her mug as she sipped the hot beverage and waggled her eyebrows. She saw an adorable blush flood Evey's cheeks and shrugged. "Whatever you want to do. I'm yours for the next couple of days."

Evey's blush deepened and she turned to concentrate on the bacon in front of her. Joan leaned against the counter and cleared her throat. Evey looked up and smiled. "Nervous?" she asked.

"Scared out of my mind," Joan admitted.

"Of what?"

"I don't want to disappoint you."

Ralph came into the mud room and stomped his feet to knock off anything clinging to his work boots. He walked into the kitchen and nodded in Joan's direction.

Joan returned his nod. "Ralph," she said. "It's good to see you again."

"You too, Mrs. Carmichael."

"Joan, please," she said with a smile as she poured him a cup of coffee.

Evey removed a platter filled with sausage from the oven and added the bacon to it then handed it to Joan while she poured a bowl full of eggs into the skillet. A few minutes later they were all sitting comfortably at the kitchen table consuming the simple breakfast. Evey got up halfway through to refill everyone's cups. She stopped next to Joan and settled a hand on her shoulder as she poured the coffee. Joan glanced at Ralph. He had to have seen the familiar touch, but said nothing.

"Who's on the schedule today, Ralph?" Evey asked as she resumed her seat.

"No one," Ralph answered.

"I thought Jericho's rider was coming this afternoon."

"They called and said something came up unexpectedly. Rescheduled for next week." Ralph shoveled the last bite of egg into his mouth and leaned back. "I figured today would be a good time to run some of our tack that needs fixin' in to the saddle shop. Probably wait around for it and bring it back this afternoon late."

"I didn't know we had that much that needed repair," Evey commented.

"Might as well get it done while things are a little slow," he said after he finished off his coffee. He looked at Joan over the top of his cup before scooting the chair back and standing. "I'll finish up the last couple of stalls before I leave. Anything you need from town, Miz Evey?"

"No. We're good right now, but thanks for asking."

Ralph carried his plate, cup and utensils to the sink and rinsed them. He walked back through the mud room and out the back door.

"He was certainly quiet this morning," Evey commented. She took a swallow of her coffee followed by a deep breath. "Ralph likes you, you know," she said.

"He cares about you," Joan said. "I'm glad to know someone is here that you can depend on."

Evey rose from her chair and reached down to stack the remaining plates and utensils. Joan stood and took Evey by the arm. "Thank you for breakfast," she said.

"You're certainly welcome," Evey said, not looking at her.

Joan brought her hand up under Evey's chin and tilted her head up. Slowly she ran her fingers through Evey's hair. "So soft," she said as she brought Evey's lips closer, ignoring the clatter of plates carelessly returning to the table. "Evey," Joan said.

"Please don't talk," Evey said as she drew Joan into a deep, soul shattering kiss.

"I don't know how much longer I can wait to touch you," Joan said as her lips caressed the white softness of Evey's neck.

Evey clung to Joan and felt her body relax into her gentle embrace. "Not much longer, sweetheart."

JOAN BLINKED HER eyes open and took a moment to reorient her mind to where she was. Her body thrummed contently as she turned her head toward the mass of disheveled blonde hair lying on her shoulder. She raised her hand to touch its silkiness, but stopped, hesitant to awaken Evey. Evey had surprised her. Her fear seemed to melt away as they explored one another until exhaustion forced them to rest. She hadn't expected Evey's aggressiveness, but welcomed it. Joan couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so complete, a part of something greater than herself.

Willowy limbs, stretching beneath the bedcovers, drew Joan's attention back to Evey's body as the cover fell to reveal tempting, delicious breasts. Evey lowered her arms and rolled onto her side. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, a shy smile curving the corners of her lips as she gazed at Joan. "I could get used to this," she said.

"I hope you will. Are you all right?"

"Better than all right," Evey said. She sat up and rested against the headboard. "Reborn."

Joan moved up on the bed as well and leaned over to lightly kiss Evey, her hand sweeping up the side of her body to caress the swell of her breast. "You are so incredible," Joan said. "Go back to New York with me."

"I can't leave the farm unattended."

"Go for a couple of days. I'd love to show you my world."

"I don't think I would fit in well there, Joan." She shrugged. "When do you have to leave?"

"Sunday morning." She slid from the bed and began to dress. She smiled at Evey. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving and feel the need to plunder your refrigerator." She finished buttoning her shirt and leaned over the side of the bed. She ran her fingertips over Evey's nipple and bit her bottom lip to suppress a whimper as she felt it harden instantly under her touch. "Let me send Karina next Friday. Please, baby."

"I'll think about it," Evey said with a teasing grin.

SATURDAY MORNING JOAN helped Evey clean up the kitchen after breakfast.

"I hate that you're leaving tomorrow," Evey said, running her hands around Joan's waist and pressing against her back.

"You'll see me again in six days," Joan said.

"Six, long, lonely, miserable days," Evey said. "And nights," she added in a whisper.

"You could change your mind and drive back with me," Joan said. "I have a guest room, you know." She laughed. "Of course, hopefully you'll never see it, but I do have one."

Evey pushed against her playfully. "You make me so happy."

"I'm glad," Joan said as she kissed the top of Evey's head.

"Let's go for a walk," Evey said.

"Whatever you want," Joan said.

They were still zipping and adjusting their coats as they stepped from the porch and began walking leisurely along the path past the barn and into a forested area. A few minutes later they left the cold shade of the trees and walked into a clearing of fresh snow. Evey released Joan's hand and turned, falling onto her back, raising and lowering her arms and sliding her legs back and forth. She held a hand up and Joan pulled her to her feet, brushing snow from the back of her coat. Evey spun around and smiled up at Joan. "Your turn!" she announced.

Joan laughed and turned around, repeating what Evey had done, creating a slightly larger snow angel.

"We should take a picture," Joan said as they brushed snow from her back. She looked at Evey. "Our first portrait together." She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and backed up a little to capture both snow angels. "They're beautiful," she said as she held the photo up for Evey to see.

"I love you, Joan."

"I love you, too, honey."

Evey took Joan's hand and they continued to walk. "What about Monica?" she asked hesitantly.

"We didn't part as well as I'd hoped. She was angry and said some things I'm hoping she'll regret later."

"She was hurt. She loves you."

"She'd hate me if I hadn't been honest with her. It wasn't my intention to use her. I hope she knows that."

Evey ran her hand up and down Joan's arm. "Would you tell her I'm sorry as well? If I had faced my own feelings you wouldn't have turned to her."

"She was here with me at Christmas, when you were missing," Joan said. "She knows about your husband. How bad it was for you." When she saw the look on Evey's face, she continued. "Ralph told us everything."

Evey squinted up at Joan. "Ralph doesn't know everything."

"Carly was his sister."

"She told me she had a brother the last time I was with her. But I didn't know it was Ralph."

"According to him, he, your husband, and another man beat her up and threatened to hurt you unless she left."

"She left to protect me," Evey said, almost to herself. She stopped and took Joan's hand, pulling her back into the trees. She looked around and then walked toward a nearby pine. She ran her hands over the rough bark. Then she looked up and pulled Joan closer, pointing up. "There," she said.

Joan followed her finger and saw a heart surrounding initials carved into the bark.

"Carly did that the day after I spent the night with her," Evey said. "It was our place."

"You loved her," Joan said.

"It broke my heart when she disappeared a few days later. Since then I've always been afraid that anyone I loved would...disappear and leave me alone again."

"I promise I'll never leave you like that, Evey." Joan enveloped her in a warm embrace. "Now that I've finally found you, I don't intend to let you go."

EARLY SUNDAY MORNING, Evey held Joan's hand and walked with her to her car. The sun was just cutting through the trees when Joan lifted her suitcase into the trunk and closed it. "If I forgot anything you can bring it with you next weekend," she said. She saw tears beginning to fill Evey's eyes and hugged her tightly. "Don't cry, baby. Please."

Evey rested her head against Joan's chest. "I can't help it. I don't want you to go."

"I'll call every time I stop for gas. Okay? Besides it's mostly highway driving after a couple of hours."

"Call when you get home."

"I will."

"Sure you don't want to take something to snack on or a couple of drinks?"

"Maybe a bottle of water, if it makes you feel better," Joan said.

Evey ran into the house and returned a few minutes later with a bottle of cold water. Joan leaned into the car and slipped the plastic bottle into the drink holder. "I have to get going, honey," she said. "I don't like driving very long after dark. Getting too old."

"If you get tired, promise to stop and find a room," Evey said.

"I told Charmaine I'd be at work tomorrow. Next time we can go together." Before she stepped into her car, Joan ran her hands down Evey's arms and drew her into a deep, lingering kiss. "God, I love you," she said when the kiss came to an end.

Joan sat in the driver's seat and pulled her seatbelt on, locking it into place. She hit the button to lower the window before she turned the key in the ignition and slipped the car into reverse. Evey leaned into the window for one last kiss.

"Be careful. The weather channel is predicting more snow." Evey quickly kissed Joan again. "Until Friday," she said.

Joan slipped on her sunglasses and smiled. "Don't be surprised if I'm on that plane when it lands," she said. "I'll call later this afternoon."