The Gilder (37 page)

Zoe had the box open. A white envelope with “For Zoe” written in Sarah’s loopy script lay on the mass of shredded paper. Zoe reached for the envelope, but Marina grabbed her wrist.

“Ow, Mom, you’re hurting me.”

Marina let go and gently took the envelope from Zoe. The envelope was stiff and felt surprisingly heavy in her hand. Looking down at it, she found she was unable to think, not one thought formed in her brain, but as her heart rate slowed, she realized the futility of her action and handed the envelope back to Zoe.

Zoe hesitated a moment, then opened the envelope and read the note. “Wow! Look at this.”

Marina scanned the note for signs of danger and, finding none, read it slowly to herself.

Dear Zoe,

Your mother told me that, like your father, you have some interest in photography, and I thought you might like to have one of his cameras. This was his favorite. He was a wonderful photographer with a great eye for people, and I wonder if perhaps you have inherited his talent. Best regards, Sarah

Zoe extracted a familiar black camera case from the nest of paper. She looked at her mother. “What’s ‘Hasselblad’?”

Marina swallowed. “It’s one of the best cameras in the world.”

Zoe put the camera on the table and removed it from the case with great care. She ran her fingers over its black and silver casing. “It’s so beautiful. Look, Mom.”

It was beautiful, but no more lovely than her daughter’s shining face. Marina realized she’d been holding her breath, and now let it out slowly. She couldn’t remember telling Sarah that Zoe knew Thomas was her father, or even who Sarah was. Perhaps Sarah had just assumed that Zoe knew, although it seemed like a dangerous assumption, considering the damage it might have done if Zoe had not known. Marina pushed the thought away; she had enough to handle without dreaming up worse scenarios. She watched Zoe handle the camera. It looked natural in her hands, and Marina sensed that before long she would be able to think of it as Zoe’s camera without the ghost of Thomas attached to it.

Zoe placed the camera back on the table and looked at her mother. “Why did you decide to tell me that my father was dead?”

The care with which Zoe asked the question touched Marina deeply, the use of the word “decide” changing what might have been an accusation into a question that showed a new maturity. It was the question that went to the heart of the wound, about the lie that could never be undone—there was no father, no Thomas, to make up for lost time. There was only the truth.

Marina pulled out a chair and sat down. “It’s complicated, Zoe, but let me try and explain.”

Please turn the page
for a very special Q&A
with Kathryn Kay.

I understand you once lived in Florence and I’m wondering how much of this story comes from your own experience living there?

Yes, like Marina, I did live in Florence when I was in my early twenties, but I stayed for five years. And like her, I did take a restoration course, but I specialized in fifteenth-century inlay techniques, although gilding was a component of the course. I had a friend there, a man, who apprenticed with a master gilder, and I found it fascinating. I did live in Via Luna and my landlord was a poultry broker, but as far as I know, his son was not a transvestite. I do remember seeing the transvestites in the doorways, as I described them the night Sarah and Thomas take Marina for a walk, but I didn’t know any personally. The list goes on and on. As in any fiction, there are bits and pieces of me, my experiences, the people I know, mixed in with the fantasy. Just to set the record straight, I was not seduced by my best friend’s husband nor did I have his baby. In fact, it was something I worried about regularly while I was writing the book—what if readers, especially people who know me, imagine I did these terrible things?

The relationships between the female characters in the novel are quite complex. Can you say something about that?

Yes, I think relationships between women can be quite complex, and I found that I had to be careful not to go off in too many directions since I had not only the central relationship between Marina and Sarah, but also the lesbian relationship of Lydia and June, their relationship with Marina, and the question of her sexual preference, and then there was Sarah’s deep friendship with Marcello / Marcella the transvestite.

The original inspiration for Marina falling in love with Sarah came from a story that a good friend of mine (an older woman) once related to me. She told me that when her children were young, she’d had a good friend, someone she’d known for years, a woman with whom she’d raised her children, who one day confessed that she had “feelings” for my friend and wondered if there was any possibility of a more intimate relationship. My friend did not share these feelings and, while not offended, their friendship was never the same. I qualify that she was older only to point out that women having crushes on or falling in love with their female friends is not peculiar to contemporary generations. The more I delved into this subject with women, the more I realized how common it is and how little it is spoken about, and so I wanted to bring it out into the light and see what would happen. It’s a very particular type of relationship. It’s not about becoming a lesbian; it’s about straight women and what they do with these feelings. I created the lesbian relationship between Lydia and June to better help Marina (and the reader) understand her own sexual orientation. What can I say? It’s a complex topic with amorphous boundaries.

The other major relationship, of course, is between Marina and her daughter, Zoe. I understand that you were a single parent who raised a daughter. How much did that inform your characters?

Although my daughter did have a relationship with her father, whom she saw regularly, I raised her predominantly on my own and with very little financial support. She and I had (and still have) a lovely and very close relationship, but I did not hide behind it the way Marina did to avoid intimate relationships. Certainly, the love and emotion Marina feels toward Zoe are informed by the feelings I have for my daughter, and I can imagine the fear she feels when Zoe runs away and the terror at the thought that she may have lost her daughter’s love. I know other women who are single parents, and I’m sure bits and pieces of them have crept into Marina’s story.

Many if not most of the characters in your book are artists or are creative in some way. Is that because it’s set in Florence, or is there another reason?

Florence does lend itself to art—that goes without saying—but my life has always been filled with creative people. My father, who was a businessman, was very creative and could paint and draw and make just about anything you might imagine, and was a good storyteller, too. There are six children in my family, and every one of us is artistic in some way.

When I lived in Florence, most everyone I knew was an artist of some sort, and I continue to be surrounded by creative people today. My husband is a businessman (who says we don’t marry our parents?), but he’s also a musician, and he paints and writes beautifully as well. I suppose it’s true that we do write about what we know.

Your main character, Marina, struggles with forgiveness. Is this a concept you chose to explore for a reason?

Actually, I was about three-quarters of the way through writing the book before I realized that forgiveness had become a predominant theme. The concept of forgiveness is something I’m curious about. Intellectually, I understand the theory that if we do not forgive (give back) the injustice that is done to us, we are the one who suffers, not the one at which we direct our silent rage. But it’s a concept I struggle with in spite of having had some modest success in that arena. Once I realized the theme was there, I began to work with it on various levels with each character. It makes sense to me that Marina might be able to find a way to forgive herself for her transgressions against Sarah, but perhaps find it more difficult to forgive herself for hurting her daughter. I could imagine Zoe forgiving her mother but perhaps only as a means to survive. After all, she’s only fifteen and Marina is the only parent she has. Although I couldn’t imagine how Sarah might find a way to forgive Marina, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility, and I chose to leave that in the reader’s hands.

Was there a particular, specific inspiration for writing this book?

There were a number, including the topics we’ve already touched on, but I also wanted to explore what happens when a good person makes a bad mistake. I wanted to create a sympathetic character who did something so bad it was unforgivable. . . and, yet, was it? In Marina, I created a character who made a terrible mistake when she was very young and then chose, out of fear and naïveté, to cover it up. Very quickly, it took on a life of its own, and before she knew it, she’d built a life on a foundation of lies. The thing is, she’s not a bad person, but how does she survive a life like that and what can she do when it begins to unravel? I’ll be very interested to know if the readers will forgive her.

Can you tell us about your writing practice?

Hmm, “practice,” of course, is the operative word here. You have to practice if you are going to turn out good work ... or any work at all. To be honest, I have to say that my writing practice is sporadic. I have a busy family life and a lot of other things I like to do. I enjoy teaching my workshops and coaching other writers, I’m a passionate gardener, I love to sail, I’m involved in community service, I love to travel, and my friends and extended family are spread around the world. But I’m not happy for long if I’m not writing. What works best for me is to write first thing in my day, and the only place I really produce work is in my office, which is over the garage and removed from the house. I spent many years beating myself up when I wasn’t writing, until I realized that for me there is an ebb and flow, and that returning to my practice is just a part of the process. And I’m always grateful when I do.

A READING GROUP GUIDE

THE GILDER

Kathryn Kay

ABOUT THIS GUIDE

The suggested questions are included to enhance your group’s reading of Kathryn Kay’s
The Gilder.

Discussion Questions

1.
The novel’s title,
The Gilder,
refers to Marina’s profession. In what ways does the concept of “gilding” become a subtext of the story?

2.
In what ways does Marina’s youth influence her attraction to Sarah and Thomas and her initial experience in Florence? Did her upbringing make her more sophisticated or more naïve?

3.
What does Marina learn about Thomas when she first attends his photography show? How do you think she feels about what she discovers?

4.
To what extent was Marina culpable in being seduced by Thomas? At what point in the story did the seduction begin?

5.
Marina did not tell Sarah about being seduced by Thomas for fear it would damage their friendship irreparably. When she discovered she was pregnant, do you think she should have told Sarah and Thomas? Was there another point in time at which she could have told them about Zoe?

6.
What was the basis for Marina’s attraction to Sarah? Did Sarah play with Marina’s feelings intentionally? Was Marina a lesbian/bisexual or simply a woman who fell in love with her best friend? Do you think Sarah loved Marina in a way she was unable to accept?

7.
Was Marina right not to tell Zoe the truth about her father’s identity? How much of the truth should she have shared with Zoe?

8.
To what extent does Marina use her work and her daughter as an excuse for not allowing herself a personal life ?

9.
After Zoe’s birth, Marina’s life is closely linked with that of Lydia and June. Why did the author create a lesbian couple to befriend Marina?

10.
Marina vacillated greatly about whether to tell Sarah the truth when she returned to Florence as a grown woman. If Marina had not stumbled upon the bust in Sarah’s studio, do you think she would have told Sarah the truth?

11.
Do you think that Sarah sending the camera to Zoe at the end of the book indicates she will forgive Marina? Is it conceivable that a person might be able to forgive such a betrayal?

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Copyright © 2012 by Loma Kathryn Kay

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ISBN: 978-0-7582-7804-3