The Girl Death Left Behind (9 page)

C
amille dropped the three girls off at the mall early on Friday morning so that they could begin their Christmas shopping. Camille had also given Beth fifty dollars to spend. Terri immediately hooked up with LuAnne and Kasey and left Beth and Sloane to fend for themselves.

“Let’s try this way.” Beth pointed to the closest department store, in the opposite direction from where Terri had headed. In the juniors department, she searched through a dress rack.

“You looking for something in particular?”

“Just looking. How about you? Who’s on your Christmas list?”

“I don’t buy Christmas presents.”

“Not for anyone?”

“Maybe my mom. I don’t get my old man nothing. He’s a creep.”

“How about Carl?”

“Yeah. I’ll get Carl something. Just not today.”

Suddenly Beth realized that Sloane probably didn’t have any money. “We could look for something, and then you could come back for it later.”

“Carl don’t want something from the stupid mall.”

Beth was at a loss. Since she and Sloane had little in common, she was running out of ideas for entertaining her. At least Thanksgiving Day had gone well. Between the dinner and Camille’s taking the girls to a movie so that Jack could watch football games on TV, the day had passed swiftly.

Sloane turned to her. “But don’t let me keep you from your shopping. Who are you buying for?”

“My aunt and uncle, I guess. I’ll have to mail Marcie and Teddy presents, so I should
probably get something for them right away. They’re my best friends back home.”

Sloane looked uninterested. “How about Terri? You getting something for her? Not that she deserves it. She’s not very nice to you.”

“I guess I’ll have to.” She should have been shopping for gifts for her parents. For Allison. And for Doug. Tears filled her eyes.

“You all right?” Sloane took a step closer. “I bet you bought presents for your family every year, didn’t you?”

Beth nodded, surprised at how Sloane had picked up on what was going through her mind.

“And now you got no family. Sort of like me.”

“But you do!” Beth cried. “How can you say such a thing?”

Sloane snorted. “Just ’cause they’re breathing air don’t make them real parents. My brother, Nicky, left two years ago, and just as soon as I can, I’m leaving too. Let them kill each other.”

Taking Sloane to the mall had been a mistake, Beth realized. Sloane didn’t understand anything about traditions and family.
Sloane hated her family, and they were alive. Beth loved hers, and they were dead. It didn’t make sense.

“Hey, do you want to do something that says ‘in your face’?” Sloane asked. “Something that Terri and her little band of dweebs would never expect you to do?”

“Like what?”

“You want to get your belly button pierced?”

Beth recoiled. “Wouldn’t it hurt?”

Sloane raised her T-shirt enough for Beth to see a small silver ring hanging from her navel. “No more than getting your ears done.”

Beth stared in fascination at the silver ring. Neither her aunt nor her mother would have ever allowed her to do such a thing. Now there was no one to tell her what she could or couldn’t do. This was a choice she could make by herself.

“Best part,” Sloane continued, “is that nobody knows but you. As long as you keep it covered, of course. But once it’s done, even if they find out, what’re they going to do about it? It’s your little secret.”

My little secret
. Terri and her crowd would
never do such a thing. Sloane was looking at Beth expectantly, and she realized that her answer would seal a sort of pact between them. They were from different worlds. Beth had always done what was expected of her; Sloane defied everybody. She was prickly and rude and … and
scared
. Despite all her bravado, Sloane Alonso was a scared little girl on the inside. Just like Beth.

“All right,” Beth said. “I’ll do it. But you’ve got to come with me.”

Sloane’s grin was quick and wicked. “Let’s do it right now.”

That night Sloane supervised Beth as she dabbed hydrogen peroxide on the pierced area. It hurt, but Beth felt immensely pleased every time she looked down and saw the small, glittery silver ring. All that evening she smiled with self-satisfaction, until Terri groused, “What are you so happy about?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, you look dopey.”

Sloane whistled casually, exasperating Terri so much that she shoved away from the table and marched out of the room.

“Now what’s got into her?” Camille asked.

“Can’t imagine,” Beth said.

On Saturday night when the others had gone to bed, Beth and Sloane watched a movie on the VCR. Close to midnight, they heard a car horn give three short beeps. “That sounded like it came from our driveway.” Beth went to the window.

Sloane bolted to the front door and flung it open. “It’s Carl,” she called over her shoulder. She signaled to him.

“What’s he doing here? I thought you said he was out of town.”

“He’s back. I left a message on his friend’s answering machine telling him where I was. He’s here to get me.”

“Now?” Beth couldn’t believe it. “You can’t leave now.”

“Sure I can.”

Carl approached the front door cautiously. “You ready?” he asked, giving Beth a nervous glance.

“Let me throw my stuff in my duffel bag.” Sloane stood on tiptoes and kissed him.

“Missed you, babe.”

“Is that your new car?” Sloane peered around him to the driveway.

“Nice, huh? It’s got a lot under the hood. I averaged eighty all the way from Fort Payne.”

Beth fidgeted. She didn’t want her aunt and uncle to wake up, but how was she going to explain Sloane’s slipping away in the night?

“Be right back.” Sloane scooted down the hall, and Beth found herself alone with Carl. He was a big guy with muscular arms and a day’s growth of beard.

“Thanks for letting her crash with you this weekend,” he said.

“Um—no problem. We had a good time.”

“I wouldn’t have left if I’d known her old man was going to slap her around.”

“I—I like her.”

Carl grinned. “Yeah, she’s pretty all right, to my way of thinking.”

“You know, Fort Payne isn’t too far from where I used to live in Chattanooga,” Beth said to make conversation. “My dad took us to a concert there once.”

Sloane came down the hall dragging her gear. “All set.”

“I—I wish you wouldn’t go,” Beth stammered.

“Got to. Besides, I don’t think Terri will miss me too much. Tell your aunt and uncle thanks. I had a good time.”

Carl picked up Sloane’s things, and Beth watched them hurry out to the car and drive off. She stood in the doorway staring down the empty street, feeling oddly bereft. Sloane’s departure left silence and, for Beth, a void. While the two of them might never be the closest of friends, they had developed a connection that was important for each of them. When they’d needed someone, they’d found one another.

16
 

“I
heard you had a guest for Thanksgiving.” Jared caught up with Beth in the hallway on Monday after their algebra test. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

She hugged her books to her chest. “All I did was take Sloane to my aunt’s so she wouldn’t have to camp out at school. What’s to talk about?”

“Actually, you’re sort of a hero.”

She stopped short. “You’re joking. Why is this such a big deal?”

“I’m not joking. Haven’t you figured out by now that everybody at Westwood runs with their own kind? Cool kids with cool
kids, nerds with nerds, losers with losers,” he explained.

“So what am I?”

“That’s the problem. They don’t know where you fit. You start out with Terri the Stuck-up and move to Sloane the Unfavorable. In fact, you even take Sloane, the girl kids love to hate, into Terri’s sacred territory. The way I hear it, Terri’s really miffed. Mostly because you upstaged her, I think.” A grin broke across his face. “Way to go, Beth.”

She returned his smile. “My aunt and uncle were plenty mad when they found out she’d packed her stuff and taken off with Carl.”

In truth, Camille had been horrified. She’d asked Beth, “Why didn’t you stop her? Or at least, come get us so we could stop her?”

“It happened too fast,” Beth had told them. “How was I supposed to keep her from leaving? Throw myself under Carl’s wheels?”

Beth looked up at Jared. “Call me reckless. But I didn’t do it to upset Terri. I did it
to help out Sloane. You would have done the same thing.”

“Probably, but kids expect it of me. Everybody knows I’m a rebel. You did it just because you’re a nice person.”

Beth felt her cheeks grow warm, and she knew she was blushing. “I—I like Sloane, you know.”

Jared smiled. “And that’s what makes you different, Beth. You look at people from the inside out instead of the other way around.”

“That’s a good thing?”

“That’s a very good thing.” Jared brushed her cheek, ever so softly, then left her standing in the hall with the feeling in her stomach of having swallowed a hundred butterflies.

Beth
,

Got your present today and opened it without waiting till Christmas. The Orlando Magic shirt looks really cool. Thanks. The big news here—my brother is giving Shelby a ring for Christmas. Mom’s not thrilled (they’re too young, she says), but David’s already bought it. It’s sort of scary. David
getting married and maybe having kids. Yikes! I’ll be an uncle. I’m not ready for this
.

Too bad you’re not here. The church group is having a big party and going caroling. You know how bad I sing, but I’m going because Marcie’s going. We both miss you, but I’m into your pretending game—I’m making believe you’re just away for a week and will be back. I do that, you know—pretend you’re coming back here to live
.

Well, Mom’s yelling at me to come with her to the mall, so I’ll write more later. T
.

P.S. My gift to you is in the mail
.

Beth
,

Our church youth group went Christmas caroling last night and I went with Teddy. Well, not exactly WITH him, but he went and I went, so that should count as a semidate, don’t you think? We went to the county old folks’ home and walked the halls and sang happy Christmas songs. Except the home isn’t a very happy place. Some of the patients were pretty out of it. One old woman grabbed my hand and asked, “Is that you, Tessie? Oh, Tessie
,
where have you been? Can you take me home?” I started to cry. Poor old lady! Anyway, Teddy put his arm around me and later when we were outside, he kissed me. Full on the mouth. I almost fainted
.

Write soon. M. Your gift’s in the mail—hope you like it!

Hey Marcie—

Sounds like you and Teddy are getting on pretty fine. That’s good. You’re both my friends. Still. No matter how much distance is between us
.

This is the first year in my whole life ever that I’m dreading Christmas. I’m not kidding you, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it was all over. We decorated the tree on Saturday. Aunt Camille and Uncle Jack have an artificial tree, not a live one like we always had. Even after we got all the ornaments on, it still looked fake to me
.

I’ll never figure out Terri. One day she’s nice to me, the next she hates me. She talks real rude to Aunt Camille sometimes too. But I bought her a Christmas present anyway. Did I tell you that Sloane gave me
a pearl stud for my belly button? It’s really cool. Course you’re the only one besides her who knows I’ve had it pierced, and you’re good at keeping secrets
.

So here’s another secret. I’ll be glad when school’s out next week. And glad when it starts up again. I feel all mixed up inside. And I wonder if my parents are looking down from heaven and seeing me. If they are, then they know how much I miss them. I wish Christmas would just go away this year. B
.

“Why are you sitting alone in the dark, Aunt Camille?” Beth paused in the doorway of the living room. Camille sat on the sofa, staring at the Christmas tree.

“Thinking,” Camille said. “Remembering.”

Beth heard her aunt blow her nose and realized what she was thinking about.

“Would you come sit beside me?” Camille asked.

Hesitant, Beth walked to the sofa. “Do you want the lights on?”

“No.”

The curtains were open, and the tree was silhouetted against the night sky. Without lights, the tree looked dreary and colorless. The presents had been opened that morning, and the floor beneath the tree now looked barren. A cold wave of loneliness spread through Beth, making her shiver.

“Did you have an okay Christmas?” her aunt asked.

“It was all right.” Beth didn’t want to tell her the truth—she’d had a horrible Christmas.

“No, it wasn’t. Every one of us knew exactly what was missing.”

Beth squeezed her hands into fists, letting her nails cut into her palms. She didn’t want to burst out crying, and maybe the pain in her hands would substitute for the pain in her heart. “You and Uncle Jack gave me lots of presents. I—I really liked everything you got me.”