The Girl in Steel-Capped Boots (29 page)

He put a hand out to caress her cheek. ‘Don’t worry. I process misery best through work.’

She grimaced. ‘Guess I should have figured that out by now.’

‘When I get back to Cape Lambert, I’m going to hire a third party to host an arbitration for our project.’

‘A what?’

‘An arbitration. It’s when both sides get together to discuss their differences and settle on what each side can do to alleviate the problem.’

She blinked. ‘You mean like peace talks.’

His lips curled wryly. ‘In a manner of speaking. Workplace morale has dropped so low and is so unmanageable this time, especially by me, given I’m half the cause of it. I think we need this.’

‘I see.’

‘Maybe there’s a way to sort the boys out professionally. And perhaps then we could start seeing each other openly.’

If he had put his hand inside her chest and pulled out her heart, he couldn’t have affected her more deeply.

‘Dan, I can’t.’

A veil fell across his eyes. ‘Have I read you so wrong?’

‘Yes . . . no. You wouldn’t understand.’ She looked down in shame.

‘Then tell me.’ His hand covered hers.

Indecision gripped her. Should she throw caution to the wind? Put herself, Barnes Inc and indeed the whole project at risk with a frank admission to the client of all people? Should she abandon her promise for a feeling more real than anything she’d ever had with Kevin? Risk her heart and her career in one fatal confession? She wrung her hands instinctively, knowing that she was going to make the emotional decision rather than the rational one. Gulping in air, she looked up.

‘Dan, can you give me some time? I want to tell you – I do. But there’s just one thing I need to sort out first.’ She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she asked her next question. ‘Will you wait for me? Not too much longer, I promise.’

There was no hesitation in his steady gaze. ‘Of course.’ And he pulled her firmly into his arms, holding her tight. Nuzzling her face into his neck, she had never felt so happy or so anxious
all at the same time before. It was like sitting on the fence between heaven and hell, one foot dangling in each realm.

She knew what she had to do. If she was going to make a full confession then she would do so with all the facts. Besides, it would be too brutal of her to lay all her problems on him now, when his brother’s trial verdict was just hours away.

They held each other for what seemed like hours and, before she knew what was happening, she was falling asleep. The warmth and safety of Dan’s arms and the exhausting nature of their day had finally caught up with her.

It was nearly morning when she woke up. She felt his body leave hers and a rug from the couch opposite sweep her limbs before he tucked it under her chin.

He was leaving.

She didn’t open her eyes, not wanting to make his parting awkward when it shouldn’t be. A rough chin and soft lips gently touched her forehead as a finger brushed her fringe away. His voice was barely a whisper. She almost didn’t hear the breathy flyaway line that was so quiet it was like a thought.

‘I love you . . . Madame Engineer.’

She lay there buzzing with adrenaline until the click of the front door closing finally allowed her to move.

Tossing off the covers she sat bolt upright and wrapped her arms around herself. Her heart faltered, fluttering against her ribcage. Chewing on her lower lip, she tossed her own thought out futilely, knowing he would never hear, just as she was never meant to hear his.
I love you too . . . Bulldog.

The following morning saw Lena back at court – back in the reality of Dan’s situation. When she walked into the gallery and saw him sitting there, her chest tightened. His slight smile did nothing to reassure her, nor did his pale complexion. As she sat down next to him, she found it difficult not to fidget with suppressed emotions fighting for release.

I have to concentrate on the case not what was said last night.

What mattered now was Dan and how the verdict of this case would affect him. There was no room for anything else.

The closing statements given by each of the lawyers didn’t improve her mood. Both arguments were so strong. She couldn’t pick who the judge was going to side with. When Mr Carter got up to speak, his confidence seemed to shine in every word. He was sure of his stance.

He reminded everyone how inexperienced Mark had been and how reliant on the company he was for knowledge and supervision. He said the attendance of the graduate safety induction program should have been policed better and that Oswalds had serious communication problems. Lena watched Dan’s family in the front row, nodding along with every bullseye he made.

When Mr Carter finally addressed the question of suicide his tone was very dismissive. ‘There is no evidence to substantiate the claim. According to his doctor he had made a vast improvement over months of treatment and was not suicidal at all. His previously strained relationship with his wife was on the mend and he was ecstatic about the new baby. Hardly grounds for suicide.’

Lena had to admit his self-assurance made him hard to refute.

‘Your honour, statistically the most popular methods of taking one’s life are medication overdose, hanging and firearms. Yet here we have the hypothesis that Mark Hullog chose to kill himself in a log feeder of all things. Surely it would have been one of the most excruciatingly painful ways to die. I do not think that if Mark Hullog had in fact been suicidal, as my learned friend would suggest, he would have chosen this way to die.’

The judge acknowledged the end of Mr Carter’s speech, jotted down some notes and then lifted his eyes to the gallery.
Lena searched for something in his expression – anything to tell her where his allegiance lay – but there was nothing there. She cast a glance at Dan, who very slightly shook his head. He didn’t have a clue either. The judge cleared his throat and addressed Sarah.

‘Ms Michaels, would you like to close?’

‘Yes, your honour.’

Sarah stood up, shuffling her papers as she rose. Her hands linked themselves behind her back and the hairs on Lena’s arms prickled with the suspense of waiting for her to speak. It seemed weird now that she’d ever been jealous of this woman. Sarah was more of a soldier in Dan’s army than a femme fatale. Her fears had been groundless. Foolish even.

Sarah finally spoke. ‘Your honour, perhaps the staff of Oswalds need to improve their communication lines as Mr Carter indicated. However, in this case it was not their lack of talking that killed Mark Hullog.’

She went on to describe Mark’s depression in detail, the drugs he was on, the therapy sessions he was committed to. She told the court how many times, statistically, doctors get it wrong and how stressful the prospect of unplanned parenthood could be. Lena thought her argument was just as strong as Mr Carter’s. She looked at Dan, but he didn’t return her gaze. His attention was riveted on Sarah; he was intent upon her every word.

‘Daniel Hullog testified that Mark Hullog had a camera with him to take photographs of the foot of the machine and its foundation. There was absolutely no engineering motivation for him to go into the machine at all. He must have had a personal agenda. Couldn’t Mark Hullog, after seeing the danger signs and stickers on the machine and having been told in a safety video how dangerous it was, slipped away from his manager for what by all accounts was no more than five minutes to end his life? Quick and simple. No need for a note. No need for planning, or risk of failure. It wouldn’t even look like
suicide. Perhaps he thought that his death in an accident would mean his wife and child would be financially secure. He could end it all there and then and this time no one could stop him. A tragic decision and yes, a dreadful loss – but no one’s fault but Mark Hullog’s own.’

‘Thank you, Ms Michaels.’ The judge inclined his head when Sarah resumed her seat. He arranged his notes into a pile and muttered something to his associate, who also nodded. When he faced the gallery again his voice was mild.

‘This court is adjourned until four o’clock this afternoon.’

Lena flicked her wrist over and looked at her watch. It was nearly lunchtime.

Dan saw the action and tugged her to her feet. ‘Let’s get out of here before my family decides to notice us.’

Lena didn’t blame him for his haste. Angela Hullog turned around to stare at them just at that moment. Dan’s parents on the other hand pretended they didn’t exist in a manner so obvious that it was just as insulting. Lena followed Dan out.

‘If I were you,’ she muttered when they were safely outside, ‘I wouldn’t worry about trying to reconcile with them. They’re not worth the pain.’

His mouth kicked up at the corners. ‘Well, I’m not pining for a friendship with Angela, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I do hope someday to reconcile things with my father. He is my dad after all.’

‘And your niece?’ she asked tentatively.

He grimaced. ‘I haven’t got high hopes on that score.’

‘Well, you know what?’ she said brightly. ‘Kids grow up. One day she’s going to start asking questions about her father and when her mother doesn’t give her all the answers she’s going to come looking for you.’

‘I never thought of that.’ He looked at Lena, obviously impressed by her insight. ‘It does sound rather daunting though – dealing with a teenager’s search for self.’

‘Well,’ she suggested optimistically, ‘you have years to come up with something wise and profound to say. I wouldn’t start worrying about it yet.’

He grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers with delicious presumption. ‘You’ve managed to find the silver lining again.’

‘It’s what I do.’

‘I know.’ His pace quickened. ‘Let’s have lunch on the beach . . . unless you already have plans. I mean I don’t expect you to –’

‘Dan, relax.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘I’m here for you today. I’m not going anywhere.’

They went to Cottesloe, one of Perth’s most popular beaches. Here the coast was lined with popular cafes ranging in mood from swanky to casual. They decided on the latter but instead of eating in, they bought fish and chips and took the rug from the back of Dan’s car down to the waterfront. It was another beautiful day, perfect for a picnic. The ocean provided both view and music for their idyllic little date. Lena pushed her toes into the sand and wished it was under different circumstances. Waves crashed and foamed before her much like the rush and ebb of her own uncertainty.

Sharon was right. So was Robyn. She had to see Kevin and find out exactly which subjects she needed to do over to complete her degree. Maybe she could approach the uni about just sitting in on the classes. She could say she wanted a refresher now that she knew what skills were needed in the field. It was purely for her own benefit, after all. She would make Kevin tell her everything: if she was ever to put that chapter of her life to bed, she needed the whole truth. All the details – and a plan to fix things. Only then would she be ready to tell Dan.

‘What’s the matter?’ Dan queried her sudden silence as he polished off the last piece of fish.

‘Just thinking.’

‘Don’t,’ he said. ‘I’m desperate not to.’

She shook off her demons and smiled. ‘You’re right. What shall we talk about?’

They chatted about everything and nothing. It was the first time she got to learn mundane things about Dan. Things that weren’t groundbreaking or really all that important but made her feel all the more closer to him for knowing them. Like the fact that Dan hated chicken pies but loved pasta. Or when he lived in Perth he was a keen surfer but hadn’t been on his board in almost a year. And when he was little, he was in the Boy Scouts. She could just picture him in his little uniform, already honing his professional image. He and Mark had all the badges.

They talked about her too. She couldn’t remember what she told him, just his face and the intentness of his gaze. His attention was completely and utterly undivided. The knowledge was an aphrodisiac like no other.

But there was that line they’d drawn between them the day before. Neither of them dared cross it – each for their own preservation as much as the other’s. Lena tiptoed around it. Unable to pretend it wasn’t there. Conscious of its existence as every precious minute passed.

Just before it was time to go Dan said, ‘I have a flight to Karratha booked for tonight.’

‘Already?’

‘My assistant sorted it out yesterday. It’s crisis stations up there at the moment.’

‘It’s crisis stations down here too,’ she reminded him.

He looked away. ‘After the verdict, it might be just what I need. A
safe
distraction.’

She smiled sadly. At least she
was
a distraction, if a dangerous one. They returned to Perth. Dan’s family were already seated in their usual spots looking too anxious to be sidetracked by them this time. If fear had a smell, the air around them would have reeked of it.

The bailiff asked everyone to rise as the judge walked in. When he was seated, the lawyers and spectators sank nervously into their chairs.

Lena clutched Dan’s hand, giving and taking support in equal measure. The judge arranged the sleeves of his robes as he sat down with a languid insensitivity that made Lena want to throw her shoe at his head and yell, ‘Just get on with it.’

And then miraculously, he did.

‘In the matter of Angela Hullog and Oswalds Proprietary Limited, I will deliver an
ex temporae
judgement. I find the plaintiff’s case unfounded. I don’t believe their evidence makes out their cause of action of negligence against the defendant. Although the defendant had a clear duty of care to the deceased, it is not reasonably foreseeable that the deceased would have ignored the briefing provided to him by his manager and brother, Daniel Hullog, the safety video, the warning of the foreman of MacArthur Lumber Mill
and
the signs on the machine. These four evidentiary factors make any breach of the defendant’s duty of care too remote in the circumstances. The evidence that the deceased had a mental illness goes some way to explain his actions. However, in the first instance I find that the plaintiff cannot establish negligence on the part of the defendant whatever the reason Mr Hullog stepped into that machine. It was a risk that he assumed of his own accord. I will publish my full reasons for these findings in due course and they shall be delivered at a court date to be set approximately three months hence. I find in favour of the defendant. The costs of this action follow the event. The plaintiff, Angela
Hullog, will bear them and they will be taxed if they cannot be agreed between the parties.’

There was a collective gasp from the front row of the gallery which the judge ignored.

He lifted his wooden hammer and tapped it on the desk. ‘Case closed.’

Lena was confused.
That’s it? It’s over?

While she gaped in shock, the judge exited. As soon as the door closed behind him, pandemonium broke out in the courtroom. Dan’s mother started crying and ranting hysterically. Angela Hullog stood up and turned around as though she were about to yell abuse at Dan but then her eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted. Dan’s father, who spared a second to shoot a murderous look at Dan before acting, couldn’t seem to calm his wife or shake his daughter-in-law awake.

‘Call an ambulance!’ he told the bailiff at the same time Dan’s stepmother yelled, ‘You get that judge back in here right now!’

The bailiff called security instead and Dan and Lena thought this was a good time to leave. They exited the courtroom and arrived in the street breathless. Neither of them had spoken one word to the other about the verdict yet. Lena didn’t know about Dan but she was still trying to digest the fact that the law believed his brother had committed suicide.

‘Dan –’

‘Lena, don’t say anything. What’s left to say? It’s finished.’ His face was white, his lips a little blue around the edges. ‘I’ve come to realise that I’ve been expecting this verdict to answer all my questions but really . . .’ He looked at Lena sadly. ‘Nothing’s changed. I’ll always feel partially responsible for my brother’s death whether it was suicide or not. It’s just something I need to live with.’

Lena wanted to grab hold of him and offer to share his burden – to take part of it on her own shoulders – but he was retreating inside himself again. She could see it in his eyes. Feel it in the slackened grip he had on her hand.

‘Dan, you can’t fly back tonight.’

‘It’s for the best.’

She knew that tone. It was the curse of their relationship – the roadblock that got her every time. He was going back to Karratha and there was nothing she could do to stop him.

Dan lowered his head to kiss her softly on the cheek: a feather-touch she barely felt. ‘Try to forget about this. Enjoy the rest of your R and R and I’ll see you . . . when I can. When you get back to Cape Lambert. Maybe then we can talk about something more . . . cheerful.’

She knew what he was asking her and agreed.

‘Yes, definitely.’

In a moment or two he was gone and she was left standing in the street wondering if she’d dreamed it all.

In a way it was a blessing that Dan returned to the Pilbara because Lena would not have been able to spend the next day with him. It was now imperative that she see Kevin and sort out her past so she could start concentrating on her future. She told no one of her intentions, not even Robyn. She didn’t want her best friend’s opinion yet in case it made her nervous or uncertain. Instead, she rose early the next morning, showered and dressed. She rang the university and asked about Kevin’s schedule. After managing to extract his timetable from a receptionist, she worked out that he was most likely to be in his office between two and four. With several hours to kill, she spent the morning cleaning her apartment and trying not to think too deeply. In the early afternoon she left for UWA.

Her intention was to surprise Kevin – and she did. He opened the door to her knock and started at the sight of her.

‘
Lena?
’

‘Hi, Kevin. Can I come in?’

‘Of course.’ He stepped back to give her room. While he closed the door behind them she examined his face. It had
been just under a year since she’d last seen him, so nothing much of his physical appearance had changed. But in his stagnation, she could see how much she had.

The smart cut of his coat, she knew, hid droopy rather than strong shoulders. His age, a factor that used to make him seem so wise and sophisticated, had lost its appeal. She realised that while he still had seventeen years on her, he was younger than some of the men she managed on site. And when she thought about it carefully, his worldly wisdom probably didn’t extend much beyond that one over-talked trip to Europe and a love of SBS. His face was still handsome; the silver-framed brown eyes had a certain attraction. But she couldn’t help but contrast it to Dan’s kind selflessness and undoubtedly masculine allure.

Kevin walked around to the other side of his desk and said, ‘You’re the last person I thought I’d see today. Any day, really.’

‘Am I interrupting something important?’

‘No.’ His smile was nonchalant. ‘I’m just marking a few assignments.’

‘Funny, that’s exactly what I came to talk to you about.’

‘Oh?’ His eyes dilated slightly before he cleared his throat and indicated the chair in front of him. ‘Please sit down.’

She did as he asked, trying not to think about the times she’d sat in this chair with a glass of wine and some Chinese takeaway.

‘It’s been a long time,’ he said, putting a voice to her nostalgia. ‘How have you been?’

She decided not to waste any more of her life and cut straight to the chase. ‘Unsettled, actually.’

He also sat down, locking his fingers together on the desk in front of him. ‘I assume this has to do with me.’

She licked her lips. ‘I need to know how much you helped me pass the two subjects you taught me.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Was it my assignments? Did you give me a few extra marks there? Or was it my exams?’ She sat forwards. ‘Perhaps you just added twenty per cent to the whole grade at the end of the semester?’ Unable to sit any longer, she got up out of her chair, hands wringing in front of her as she began to pace. ‘Was it both subjects or just one? It had to be Structural Analysis, right? I was always hopeless at matrices.’ She spun around to face him, dropping her hands resolutely to her side as she waited for his response.

He said nothing.

‘Kevin, I need to know. Not knowing has been driving me insane this past year. I’m constantly second-guessing myself and my work. Can’t you see how important this is to me?’

‘Lena, I’m sorry –’

Panic struck her between the eyes and she resorted to threats. ‘Kevin,’ she pinched her thumb and forefinger, ‘I am this close to going to the dean and owning up. If you don’t let me see the work you tampered with, I will. Do you really want to lose your job over this?’

‘No, of course not.’ He paused. ‘Thing is,’ he licked his lips, his gaze centring on his laced fingers rather than her face, ‘I lied to you.’

Lena stared at him. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘It wasn’t true.’ His voice was soft with shame. ‘You passed both subjects fair and square. I didn’t do anything to your marks.’

She grabbed hold of the back of her chair to steady herself, pushing words through her teeth. ‘So why did you tell me you did?’

He shut his eyes, still not lifting his chin. She stared at him, unable to believe she had been attracted to such a vindictive person.

‘It was a knee-jerk reaction to the situation. I was hurting and I wanted to hurt you back just as much. I’m not proud of what I did. But at the time, I just lost control.’

He finally opened his eyes and Lena sank heavily into the chair in front of him as he continued. ‘For you, I was an experiment – an adventure to spice up your uni life. But for me . . . I really fell for you, Lena. I loved you. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I still have some feelings for you –’

‘If you cared about me at all, you would have told me sooner that you’d lied,’ she accused.

He winced. ‘I didn’t think it would affect you like this. The day after you dumped me I never saw you again. How was I supposed to know that our final meeting was any more than a blip on your radar? After all, you’d just finished telling me you’d outgrown me.’

‘Kevin,’ she tried to muster some patience, ‘I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. But you were never a blip on my radar: our relationship definitely meant something to me. You were
not
an experiment. But I knew when it was over; and I was just trying to be honest with you. It’s no excuse for what you did.’

‘I know.’

His helpless, almost shameful, admission made her rage sizzle out, leaving her with a sense of deflation. ‘What’s done is done,’ she said on a sigh and then stood up.

He stood up too. ‘Where are you going? Can I buy you a coffee? Perhaps we can go downstairs and talk about this in a more civilised environment.’

She studied his countenance, which radiated both concern and eagerness, and realised for perhaps the first time that maybe she could have been more sensitive to what he might be feeling. She had been so focused on sorting herself out at the time that she hadn’t paused to consider the possible intensity of his reaction in any great detail.

Her shoulders relaxed. ‘Thank you, Kevin. But I think it would be best if we just left it there.’

‘Are you seeing anyone?’ he asked tentatively.

Her smile froze as she held out her hand and he took it in
both of his. Clearing her throat she admitted unsteadily, ‘Yes, actually. I am.’

‘I see.’

‘Goodbye, Kevin.’

He dropped her hand. ‘Goodbye, Lena. Good luck.’

Despite her uncertainty about the reception she would receive, Lena was desperate to hop on a plane back to Karratha. Her meeting with Kevin had totally unburdened her. She felt like a hot air balloon that had just offloaded six sandbags and was about to float away. Robyn was ecstatic when she heard the news and Lena couldn’t wait to tell Sharon about it.

Harry picked her up from the airport, all smiles and bursting with news. She was pleased to see him but couldn’t help wondering where Sharon was. Didn’t she care that she’d arrived?

‘The board game has taken off big-time,’ Harry announced. ‘It’s making our job really easy.’

‘Really?’ She focused on Harry’s enthusiastic smile.

‘You better believe it. It’s been great! The only person who’s running behind is Fish and by one per cent. One per cent!’

‘We’re running on time?’

He nodded vigorously.

She shook her head in awe. ‘Unbelievable.’

‘And it’s all thanks to you.’

‘Hardly.’ Her head snapped around to study his profile. ‘It was a group effort.’

‘Your idea, Lena. Your idea.’

‘It wasn’t really an idea. More like a sort of managing concept.’

‘That’s an idea. A really good one. Everybody thinks so.’

‘Everybody?’ she whispered. ‘Who’s everybody?’

Harry shrugged. ‘Just . . . everybody.’

Lena raised her eyebrows. ‘But I thought I was in the doghouse because of you know . . . the whole Bulldog thing.’

‘Oh.’ Harry cocked his head to one side. ‘That’s old news. I mean, it wasn’t even true. You know Mike. Had it in for you from the start, and –’

‘What, so everyone’s just forgiven and forgotten?’

Lena stared out the windscreen, unable to take in the scenery with his words flashing incredulously across her brain.

‘Well, Bulldog brought in this arbitrator. And the supervisors and the managers all went on this, like, debate evening. We hashed out a lot of stuff. Not just about you and Bulldog but other stuff, stuff that’s been painful for ages.’

‘What do you mean, about me and Bulldog?’

‘Well, Bulldog explained that it was a complete misunderstanding founded on rumours. Mike even got up and said he’d made a mistake.’

Her throat constricted. ‘Mike said that?’

‘Yeah.’ Harry nodded merrily, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil. ‘Looks like he must have finally got a case of the guilts and admitted the truth.’

Or Bulldog got stuck into him, blackmailed him or worse.

Lena choked as she tried to imagine what Dan had done to get Mike to publicly confess he was wrong. It had to have been drastic to achieve such a feat.

‘Anyway,’ Harry was still speaking, ‘we didn’t just talk about that of course. Most of the arbitration was more business-based, involving a lot of negotiation and just debating about site protocol and processes.’