The Girl Who Fell (11 page)

His thoughtfulness swallows me. “Can you hang out?”

He looks around. “Tonight? As in now?”

“Yeah, I kind of feel like staying in.”

“What about your plans?”

I shrug. “Not really in the mood anymore.”

“But you're in the mood for me?”

“Kinda.” I bite on a smile.

“Consider me honored.”

He gathers my Adidas bag and field hockey stick from my backseat and we meet Mom in the kitchen. She looks gorgeous. Her long blond hair has been blown out into soft waves. She's wearing a periwinkle blue dress and it makes her skin glow. It's been a long time since I've seen Mom wear anything but a dark suit.

“You look nice. Are you going out or coming home?”

“Out.” She urges me with animated eyes. “Well, did you win?”

“We're the official state champs.”

Mom pulls me into her arms, hugs me tight. “Oh Zephyr! That's incredible!” She looks to Alec. “Did you go to the game? Was it wonderful?”

“Zephyr scored the winning goal.”

Mom releases her hug, puts me at arm's length to study me. “You didn't! Oh, it kills me I wasn't there to see it. You know that, right?” Mom had to meet with a client at the state prison. The timing of those things is pretty precise.

“Lizzie's covering it for the paper. She'll make you feel like you were there.”

Mom pulls me to her again. “I can't wait. And there'll be photos too, I hope?”

“Lizzie's thorough.”

Mom squeezes me, whispers in my ear. “I'm so proud of you, Zephyr.” Then she finally releases me. “I'm meeting up with people from work, but I'll only be an hour or so.”

I take in her outfit again. And the three new plants on the counter, a bag of potting soil waiting at the laundry room door.

“Where are you kids going to celebrate?”

“Karen's,” I say, too quickly.

“Oh, that sounds like fun!” Mom can hardly contain her joy, but I don't think it's because of my win. Not totally. “Be home by eleven.”

Alec squeezes my hand. “I'll make sure of it,” he says, so quickly a conspirator in my lie.

“Good. Thank you.” Mom looks around frantically for her purse. I spy her bag on the island chair and hand it to her. “You don't mind that I'm going out? I could stay if you wanted to do something special.”

“Nope. We're leaving for Karen's in, like, five.”

“Okay, good. Great. I want you to enjoy this night, Zephyr. You trained so hard for this.” She turns to Alec, says good-bye.

“It was nice seeing you again, Mrs. Doyle.”

Mom kisses me on the head then, pulls me in for another deep hug.

When she leaves, the house falls quiet. Too quiet. “I'll be right back,” I tell Alec. I run outside and catch up with her.

“Mom . . . ?”

Mom turns, looking so beautiful. “Yes?”

I want to ask her about Dad. If she told him about the game and why she didn't warn me. But seeing her smile, the way she looks—confident, happy. “Have fun,” I say instead. Mom winks at me before heading to her car.

I dip back into the house, where Alec's waiting. I go to him, my lips finding his so quickly. His hands pull my hips to his. Hard. I kiss him harder, for an eternity of minutes. It is an effort to pull away.

“I'm so glad you're here. This is just what I needed. A night in. Something quiet. No drama.” I kiss him again, quickly this time. “I need to call Lizzie. Let her know I'm bailing on Karen's.”

He takes a small step back, rakes his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, of course.”

I text Lizzie and she calls two seconds later. “What's up?”

“I've decided to stay in. Alec's here.”

“You're blowing me off for Hockey Boy?”

“I'm not blowing you off, Lizzie. I just . . .”

“Don't be that girl, Zee. You need to be out with the team. You're the captain.”

As if I didn't know. As if the stress hasn't been enough all season. “Cocaptain, and I wanted to celebrate, Lizzie, I did. But . . .”

“Something happened. What happened?”

I turn away from Alec, fidget with the dish towel folded under Mom's pruning shears. “My father was at the game.”

“Holy shit, Zee. You doing okay? Do you want to talk? I can be over in, like, fifteen minutes.”

“Thanks, but it's cool. Alec is here.”

I hear the weight of her sigh. “Yeah, okay. I'll tell Karen you weren't feeling well.”

I tack on another “thanks” before hanging up.

Alec gathers me to his chest and I feel safe. “I'm sorry your father hijacked your win. That's really lame.”

I pull back. “He didn't.” I'm surprised by how quickly I leap to Dad's defense. “It just left me feeling kind of lost I guess. Like I don't know what to do.”

“Do you have to do anything?”

I search his eyes.

Alec caresses my jaw. “Right now, right here, you don't have to do anything or decide anything. You can just be. With me, of course. That's my caveat. That you
just be
with me.”

“Bossy,” I tease. But it's perfect. I want to just be with Alec. Free of any doubt or drama.

I toss my Adidas bag onto the laundry machine and tuck my stick into the forgotten corner of the laundry room. I take Alec's hand to lead him to my room.

I watch him stretch out onto my bed, prop his head against my pillows. He kicks off his sneakers and they thud onto the floor, one before the other. He crosses his legs and even his socks are cute. Finn sniffs around his Alec's toes, his ears flat back in a way I've never seen.

“I don't think your dog likes me.” Alec holds out his hand for Finn to sniff. Finn backs away.

“It just takes him a beat to warm up to new people. I'm not sure he had the nicest owner before we got him.” I kneel next to Finn, which feels easier than joining Alec on the bed. I pull Finn's head to my chest. “But now you're loved, aren't you? Who loves you more than chocolate?” I kiss him on the nose. “That's right, I do. I love you more than anything.”

When I stand, I pin Alec's card and the “Everything from A to Zee” menu to my wall collage, careful to place them far away from any pictures of Gregg. “How'd you get to be so thoughtful?”

“I never thought I was, really. I think you might bring out the best in me.”

I blush, bending to tousle the red fur on Finn's head. “I have to change. I think I might stink.” I step out of my sneakers, line them up with my other shoes.

“Don't let me stop you.”

I turn at the suggestion in his tone, a new blush already painting the rounds of my cheeks. “You mean, like, here? In front of you?”

He sits up, crosses his legs, balancing his elbows upon his knees. “Are you offering?”

My room shifts Arctic cold. I raise my arms across my chest; spy my bedroom door that's cracked open. Part of me wishes Mom was still home. “Um, no. Definitely not.”

Alec stares at me, stares through me. He walks across the room, shoos Finn out the door before closing it. He grabs my hips from behind, presses his lips to my ear. “I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable, Zephyr. I just want to be around you. Is that okay?” He spins me to face him and the entire world falls away.

“Of course.”

He kisses me on the forehead, returns to the edge of the bed. That's when he drops his eyes to my legs, to my thighs. “But is it weird that your legs kind of drive me bananas?”

I let my nerves release with a laugh.

“Really. They are kind of awesome.” He raises his gaze, finds my eyes. “You're kind of awesome.” He waves me to him, wraps his arms around my waist, presses his head against my stomach. Then, almost in a whisper too quiet and personal to hear, “I didn't see you coming.”

I bend to kiss him and his hands caress my calves, first one leg, then the other, his fingertips brushing softly over my skin, up my thighs until he stops just before the hem of my shirt. It is almost impossible to breathe.

Alec moves back, runs his fingers through his hair. “You can't do that.”

“Do what?”

“That.” He points his finger up and down the length of me. “You're too . . . God, I don't know. I can't even think straight. You need to take, like, five steps back at least.”

I move to my dresser, intoxicated by his fumbling. I grab a bra, folding it into a small square that I can palm.

“What's that?”

“Just a bra. I need to go change.”

A shyness shades over his face. “Can I ask you something?”

“About my bra? Um . . . why does that make me nervous?”

He shakes off his inquiry. “Yeah, no. It's stupid. Forget it.”

I laugh, now curious. “No. What? Now you have to ask. It'll be all weird if you don't.”

Alec blushes, looks down at his socks. “It's just . . . well, there's this thing I've always wondered about. Like if it can really be done.”

“Okay, now I'm officially curious.”

He blushes deeper. “I can't.”

“Just say it.” He looks too cute. Too lost.

“Okay.” He pulls in a deep breath, steadying. “Can you do that thing where you take off your bra through your arm hole?”

Hah! That? “All girls can do that.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“Would you show me?”

“Show you?”

“No, it's stupid. I told you it was stupid.”

Maybe it is. Or isn't. I don't know. “It's . . . well, it's a little more complicated with a sports bra.”

“Yeah, that's okay. Forget it.”

I watch Alec look around the edge of my bed, unable to make eye contact with me. He is sweet in his embarrassment and I feel almost bad for him. I reach through one arm, pull out the strap. “Is this what you meant?”

Alec lifts his head, his face an ocean of heat.

I pull out the other arm. Nerves hum over and under my skin as his eyes stay fixed on me. It is an effort not to turn away, keep myself from being on display. But I don't. From under the front of my shirt, I tug the bra down over my hips, wriggling it free.

It takes Alec a beat to find words. “You might be the coolest girl in the universe.”

“It's that easy?” I say, trying to pretend it was easy.

He smiles. “Might be.”

I drop my sports bra into the hamper. “Okay, now can I change?”

Alec stands, moves behind me. “Please don't.” His hands round my hips and he presses his long body against my back. I reach my hands to cover his and he breathes out a noise that is both heavy sigh and small moan. My pulse thunders. “Thank you, Zephyr.”

“For what?”

“For trusting me enough to do that in front of me.”

But I liked it. The rush.

Alec steers me to the edge of the bed, moves out from behind me and takes a seat. My heartbeat ricochets against my chest. I force myself to breathe.

Alec takes one hand, pats the bed next to him with the other. I slip beside him. He moves me deeper onto the bed until his legs curl around mine, his arm draping over my stomach. “Is it okay if we just lie here together?”

I want that. To just lie here.

Alec's fingers mine my hair, excavating curls until his lips discover my neck. He presses kisses like stamps and I let whatever hesitation I may have float away for these few moments.

“I think I might be falling for you, Zephyr actually.”

He whispers to the deepest part of my heart, the part I didn't even know was there until now. A secret even to me. I hold him there. In this place that is the beginning of everything.

I wake and fumble for my buzzing phone. A text from Alec.

Miss u

I'm about to respond with the same just as Mom knocks, walks in. She sits on my bed, picks up Baba, my ratty stuffed lamb, and balances it on her lap. “Did you have fun at Karen's last night?”

I study her to see if this is a trap, but she is somewhere else entirely. “We did.”

“And Alec? You like him?”

“He's nice, but why do I get the feeling Alec's not why you're here?”

“Always so perceptive.” She nudges my calf. “Look, Zephyr. You should know your father is coming by today. He has to get some things from his art studio and I didn't want you to be surprised when you saw him.”

This is the last thing I expected Mom to say after our talk. “I was already surprised. At last night's game. He was there you know.”

Mom shakes her head in a way that tells me she did know. “I told him about your game. I didn't think he was going to show up.”

“You shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't okay with seeing him. I told you that.”

“Zephyr.”

“No Mom. We had a deal. It's fine if you want to see him but I'm not ready.”

“How can you be certain unless you—”

“I know, believe me. Dad being at my game last night totally freaked me out and I'm still trying to deal.” Or at least catalog all the questions I need to ask my father.

“You'll have to face him sooner or later.”

I throw my legs off the bed and stand. “I'll take later.”

“You're being selfish.”

The whip of her words cuts deep. “
I'm
selfish?”

She reaches for my hand, but I yank it from her reach. Her back straightens the way I know it must in the courtroom when she's arguing a case. “I don't need this, Zephyr. I've been trying my best to hold this house together and now we have a chance to heal and move on and you won't even entertain the idea of talking to your own father.”

“Dad bailed on us, Mom. On
both
of us. I'm glad you two have started to move on or whatever, but I'm still kind of stuck on the fact that my own father woke up one morning and ditched me, without a word. Remember? He wrote
you
the note, not me.” I pull on a pair of leggings. “Sure he waited until I turned eighteen, but when did he really want to leave? Since I was twelve I bet.”