The Girl You Lost: A gripping psychological thriller (9 page)

I laugh. ‘I thought you just said jealousy was ugly?’

‘Yeah, it is. But there’s nothing wrong with a bit of healthy envy. Take it as a compliment.’

Back in Abbot’s flat, my mobile rings again, this time with an unknown number. Not knowing who it could be, but hoping it is Grace and not something to do with us breaking into Ginny’s house, I am surprised to hear Jasmine’s light and perky voice on the other end of the line. She tells me Grace still hasn’t shown up, but that she’s just received a text from her to say she’s gone away for a few days, because she had to see a friend in an emergency. I thank her and hang up, the knot of fear back in my stomach. It is true that fear of the unknown is greater than any other.

Immediately, I try to call Grace’s mobile again, but still it is switched off.

‘Here you go,’ Abbot says, handing me a glass of water. ‘You don’t look right, what’s happened?’

I repeat the conversation I’ve just had with Jasmine and watch his face crumple in thought. ‘Okay, we need to work this out. Sort out the facts so we can try to figure something out.’ He takes a sip from his glass.

‘All I know is that Grace claimed to be Helena. She had Helena’s blue rabbit, or at least one that looked identical, and then she told me she might have accidentally killed someone.’

‘Lucas Hall.’

I nod. ‘But there was no evidence of that. Nothing to back up her story.’

‘So she was probably lying. But why?’ Abbot drums his fingers against his glass.

‘I have no idea. She agreed to the DNA test but then disappeared.’

‘So doesn’t that tell you something?’

‘Maybe. But what about the man in Lucas’ flat? He was real. And what about the missing birth certificate and medical information? Doesn’t that back up Grace’s story?’ I know how I must sound to Abbot. Like a woman desperate to believe her missing daughter has come back into her life. But it’s not like that. I only want to know the truth, and I will deal with whatever it is. I would rather live eighteen more years without Helena in my life than fool myself into believing a lie. Before meeting Grace I had gradually accepted that I might never have answers, but now I am as desperate to know what happened to Helena as I was in the beginning.

‘Possibly,’ Abbot says. ‘But we don’t have strong enough evidence. We need more. None of this makes sense. She told you she left her phone at that flat, but both Ginny and her friend are getting texts from her. How can we explain that?’

‘I don’t know for sure. But I’ll get the evidence I need,’ I say, staring into Abbot’s intense blue eyes. ‘And I need to start by finding Lucas Hall.’

H
ave
you ever lived with shame? It is a heavy burden, an invisible hand covering your mouth, sucking out your breath, relishing every second of your suffering.

Even though I’d made a vow to myself, and tried to smother any thoughts I had the moment they appeared, I knew I was capable of succumbing. It was like any other addiction – drugs, alcohol, cigarettes – always there, tempting me, trying to get me back in its grip. But for two years I fought against it, working hard at school, excelling academically, while sleepwalking through the rest of my time, numb and filled with self-loathing.

And then at university, everything changed.

Much like the video I’d seen years earlier, the morning I met him was a pivotal moment. How different things would have been if our paths hadn’t crossed.

He was a year older than me and we weren’t even on the same course, so in a university with thousands of students, the chances of us meeting were slim. But fate brought us both to an empty stairwell that September, and his magnetic pull hooked me.

‘D’you know where room 234 is?’ he asked, flashing a smile. It was a simple enough question, and there was nothing in it, or his face, that would hint of things to come.

I told him I had no idea. That the whole place was a maze and it would be a miracle if I ever worked out where I was going.

He laughed. ‘You’d think it would be next to 233, wouldn’t you? But no, why would they make it that easy for us?’

I chuckled then, and nodded my agreement. I had been there for almost two weeks and had spent more time roaming the corridors than doing anything else.

We proceeded to discuss the ways in which they could make it easier for students to find their lecture rooms – try adding signs, he suggested – and then we introduced ourselves.

It was only years later I thought to wonder why, after he’d already been a student there for a year, he didn’t know where room 234 was.

That could have been the end of our encounter, we should have gone our separate ways, but that’s not what happened.

‘It’s student night at Harry’s bar across the street tomorrow,’ he told me. ‘You should come.’ A flash of that smile again.

This was the first social offer I’d had, and I wasn’t going to turn it down. I needed a distraction since my girlfriend, Amanda, had left me. ‘You’re just not interested in me,’ she had claimed, and I couldn’t argue with that. I can count on one hand the number of times we’d had sex, and we’d been together for six months.

‘Yep, I probably will,’ I said, trying to sound casual, as if I already had a busy social life.

He nodded slowly, his eyes searching my face, and I got the sense he could see right through me. ‘Well, if you can find the time, it will be great to see you there.’

So that was it: a simple, chance encounter.

That changed my life forever.

I
am
at work by six a.m. the next day, to make sure I’m in before most of the other staff. I hardly slept last night and I’m sure the tiredness will catch up with me by the afternoon. Thankfully Matt was already asleep when I got home, and I managed not to wake him with my restlessness.

Before I left Abbot’s flat last night we Googled Lucas Hall. I already knew from Grace that he owns a restaurant, but I didn’t realise it was such a popular one in Notting Hill. It’s called The Brasserie, and although I have never been there, I have heard people rave about it.

While I wait for Abbot, I pull up the website again and stare at Lucas’s picture, as if his face can provide me with answers. According to his bio he is forty, but he could easily pass for thirty-five. His blond hair falls across his face and shiny brown eyes stare back at me. He’s not bad looking, but everything I’ve heard about him has tainted his image for me. And now I picture his actions as Grace recounted them, and wonder if her story could be true. Or was Grace using him, blackening an innocent man’s character in order to play her game?

Someone coughs and I spin around to find Abbot standing right behind me. ‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘You were miles away. I’ve been standing here for ages!’ He flicks his head towards my screen. ‘Anything interesting?’

‘Just checking out Lucas Hall again. I’m going to his restaurant at lunchtime.’ I say the words but until now haven’t realised this is what I’m planning. ‘The chances are he won’t be there, but I have to try.’

Abbot flings himself onto his chair and types his password into his computer. ‘You mean
we’re
going there at lunchtime. I know I was a bit funny about going to Ginny’s house but at least we won’t be breaking and entering this time. And I won’t let you do this alone. Not after everything you’ve told me. Especially as you don’t feel you can tell Matt.’

It’s obvious Abbot doesn’t agree with me lying to my husband. ‘I can’t get him mixed up in all this. I have no idea what’s going on and I don’t want him in any kind of trouble that could affect his career. It’s the only thing that got him through losing Helena.’

‘Not the only thing, I’m sure,’ Abbot says, turning to me and smiling before facing his screen again. ‘I’ll make us a reservation.’

T
he Brasserie is
full of suited men and women, and I imagine most of them are discussing business, grateful to be out of the office with a glass of wine in front of them and an expense account.

I sit opposite Abbot and while he studies his menu, I glance around me, looking for Lucas Hall. So far I can’t see anyone who looks as if they might be management, only smartly dressed waiting staff, gliding in between tables as if they are skating on ice.

‘Are you hungry?’ Abbot asks. ‘I think we’ll need to order something.’

Food is the last thing on my mind, but I glance at my menu and tell him I’ll have French onion soup. Abbot decides to have steak, and when the waiter comes over he also orders us each a glass of wine.

‘I think you could do with it,’ he says. ‘And you don’t have to drive anywhere today, do you?’

‘Not right now. But who knows what will happen later? What if we find out where Grace is and I need to get to her? I might need to drive somewhere …’ I trail off, realising the futility of imagining this scenario.

Abbot reaches across the table and pats my hand. ‘You believe she’s Helena, don’t you? In your heart.’

I consider his question. ‘I’m not sure. I’m torn, Abbot. Her story seems so far-fetched, but then when I picture her, and how I felt talking to her, I can’t help but wonder. I just felt she was being honest. But I’m well aware she could just be a good actor. And I can’t explain her disappearance. Sending both Ginny and her friend texts seems to suggest she’s fine and just doesn’t want me to know where she is.’

Abbot’s smile puts me at ease; he will not make judgements. ‘Then we really need to find out what’s going on, and Lucas Hall is our best chance of doing that. After we eat, I’ll go and ask for him, okay?’

I nod, Abbot’s kindness rendering me speechless. I am really testing our friendship to the limit with all I’m asking him to do, and I only hope one day I can repay him. But again I am reminded that it should be Matt I’m sharing this with, and my heart feels heavy with guilt.

We talk about the Brays while we wait for our food to arrive. For them today is another day without their daughter. I know that time will make things worse for them rather than easier; it does not heal the pain of a missing child. Instead, each passing day only diminishes hope, and gradually fades the image you hold of them.

The food arrives and I take quick sips of my soup, ignoring the heat as it scorches my tongue. Each time the door opens my eyes flick towards it, and I convince myself every male who enters the restaurant is Lucas. But not one of them turns out to be him. I think of Grace’s claim that she killed him and for the first time seriously consider it might be true. But I can’t jump to any conclusions yet; I can only go on evidence.

An elegantly dressed woman pushes through the door, bringing a gust of wind with her, and I watch as she heads straight to the bar area, her blazer and fitted midi dress clinging to her slender frame. She begins talking to one of the bar staff and I wonder if she also works here. But then I notice her eyes are red, and she wipes at them with her coat sleeve.

‘So, what do you think?’ Abbot says, forcing me to focus.

‘Um ... I—’

‘You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?’ He laughs. ‘I was just telling you to ditch Matt and run away with me to Vegas. I hear it’s quite good for quickie weddings.’

And then, despite the circumstances and the anxiety I’ve felt since we got here, I too am laughing.

‘Seriously, though,’ he continues, ‘I’m ready to ask for Lucas. Stay here and finish your soup. I’ll be right back.’ He stands up and heads off to the bar area, and it is only then I notice he has hardly touched his food.

I watch while he talks to a man behind the bar, and smile to think of how Abbot will be charming him. But when the man shakes his head, I know Lucas isn’t here.

Finishing my wine, I wait for him to come back, pulling my purse from my bag.

‘Two things,’ Abbot says. ‘Put that away and get your coat on. We need to be ready to leave any second.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Nobody’s seen Lucas since Saturday night. But see that woman over by the bar? That’s his wife. And we need to follow her the second she leaves.’

I open my mouth to protest, but realise we have no choice. It doesn’t feel right to stalk her, but if she can lead us to Lucas, and hopefully Grace, then I need to do this.

Abbot calls over our waiter and asks for the bill, already counting out some notes he’s pulled from his pocket.

‘But what if she’s driven here? We’ll never know where she lives. What if she’s not even going home?’ My mind is a blur of questions. I also wonder if Grace knew Lucas was married, because she neglected to mention it to me.

Abbot smiles. ‘Don’t panic. The barman said Lucas lives a short walk away, so if she is going home then I doubt she’ll have driven. Let’s just wait and see. And be ready to move quickly.’

We don’t have long to wait, as only moments later, Lucas’s glamorous wife heads towards the door, her eyes still bloodshot.

‘Come on,’ Abbot says, grabbing my arm.

Outside, we keep our distance as we follow her. She walks slowly, teetering on heels unsuitable for this icy weather, but her bad choice of footwear makes it easier for us to lag behind while keeping her in sight.

As we walk, a plan forms in my head, and although adrenalin is pumping through me, I begin to feel calmer.

‘Do you want me to do the talking or do you know what you’ll say?’ Abbot asks, once more in tune with my thoughts.

I explain my idea and he nods, smiling wryly while he keeps his eyes on the woman ahead of us.

‘I don’t know whether to be impressed or worried. You’re too good at this sleuthing.’

‘I’ll do whatever I have to, for Helena,’ I say. ‘At least until I know the truth about Grace.’

The woman turns into Pembridge Road, and by the time we’ve reached it she is already turning into the next road. We walk faster; we cannot lose her now we’re this close. She takes a right onto Pembridge Square and crosses the road. Then she stops suddenly, fishing in her oversized leather bag for something. Seconds later, she is easing up the steps of the house in front of her and opening the door.

Abbot whistles. ‘So that’s his house. He must be loaded to live here.’

I remember the flat that Grace claimed belonged to him, and once again feel a deep sense of foreboding. If this man has done something to her, something that has forced her to run away, then it won’t be easy going up against him. Money gives people a sense of entitlement. And power.

We wait a couple of minutes then climb the steps to the front door. The building is double the width of my house. It is also a far cry from Ginny Rhodes’s modest home. Grace mentioned Lucas being friends with her uncle, but I have no idea how they met, or what bonded them as friends.

‘Are you ready?’ I say to Abbot, reaching forward to press the bell.

She is still wearing her coat when she answers the door, and close up her face is strained and haggard. But despite this, I can tell that on a good day she is an attractive woman. She doesn’t say anything but waits for one of us to speak.

‘Hi, sorry to bother you,’ I say. ‘Is this Lucas Hall’s house?’

Her eyes widen and she pulls the door further open. ‘Yes.’ She looks me up and down and then does the same to Abbot.

‘I’m a friend of Lucas’s. From university. I lost touch with him soon after we left but recently found out he owned The Brasserie.’ When she doesn’t react, I continue. ‘I went there today hoping to catch up with him but they said he might be home?’ I gesture to Abbot. ‘This is my partner, Abbot Jackson.’ I can sense his surprise at how I’ve introduced him and only hope the woman hasn’t noticed it. I also know without looking he is flashing his mesmerising smile at her, and that she won’t be able to help warming to him. ‘And you must be Lucas’s wife?’

She nods. ‘Hannah,’ she says. ‘But Lucas isn’t here.’

I try to act surprised. ‘Oh. Would it be okay if we came in for a minute?’

Hannah Hall stares at us and I can almost see her lips forming the word
no.

‘Well, there’s no point waiting for him. He’s not coming back right now.’

‘It’s just a bit cold out here,’ Abbot says. ‘And we’d like to leave our contact details for Lucas. Is that okay?’

She watches Abbot for a moment, seeming to mull it over, and then pulls the door open wider. ‘Come in for a minute, then.’

The first thing I notice when we step inside is how cold the house is. It’s not just the temperature; the cold white walls and bare wooden floorboards make it feel unlived in. Just like the flat in Embankment.

She shows us into the first room leading off the hall and tells us to take a seat. It is a small sitting room and I assume it’s not the main one as there is no television, only floor to ceiling shelves filled with ornaments. Abbot and I sit together on the L-shaped fabric sofa, while Hannah Hall perches at the other end, her hands folded in her lap.

‘So … you know Lucas from university?’ she says.

‘Yes, that’s right. Westminster uni. Business studies.’ I have done my research.

She doesn’t smile, and her stare seems to become harder. I wonder if she suspects I might be an ex-girlfriend. ‘But you haven’t seen him since you left? Or heard from him?’

‘Well, we kept in touch for a couple of years afterwards, but then I moved to Australia for a while and we lost contact.’ I haven’t planned to say this but it seems convincing enough.

Hannah stares at her hands, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. ‘The thing is … I … Lucas … as I said, he’s not here right now.’

‘Will he be back later? I’m happy to hang around Notting Hill and wait. We don’t often get to see London.’

‘No,’ she says. ‘There’s no point. He won’t be back today.’

‘Oh, I—’

‘He’s gone. Left me.’ The words shoot from her mouth and seem to surprise her as much as they do me. ‘At least, I think so. He’s done this before. Just upped and left when he’s fed up. But he doesn’t usually desert the restaurant.’

Abbot and I glance at one another. We aren’t prepared for this. Although I have given Grace the benefit of the doubt, only a small part of me believed what she told me happened with Lucas. But now his wife is confirming his absence, I have to start taking Grace’s story as a possibility.

‘Where does he normally go?’ Abbot asks Hannah. ‘I mean, when he’s done this before?’

Hannah shakes her head. ‘That’s the thing. He normally tells me where he is. In a hotel or staying at a friend’s. But this time I’ve heard nothing. I’ve called everyone I can think of who might have heard from him, but they’re all saying the same thing. Nobody knows where he is. I just … ’ Tears trickle down her cheeks and she turns from us and stares out of the window.

Instinctively, I move over to her and pat her arm. ‘I know this must be really hard. Why don’t Abbot and I try and help? We could ask around, put the feelers out and see what comes up. Abbot’s got a lot of contacts.’

Hannah rubs her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. ‘Would you? I’d really appreciate it. I know he’s a nightmare to live with, but he’s a good person. It’s just not like him to do this.’

It is strange hearing Lucas described in this way; a complete contrast from the man in Grace’s story.

‘Have you told the police?’ Abbot asks. ‘Reported him missing?’

She turns to him and then stares down at her hands, once again twisting her wedding ring. ‘No. I … I was … we’d had an argument and I thought he might be punishing me. I assumed the police would accuse me of wasting their time. But now I will do it. As soon as you’ve gone.’

‘I think you should,’ I say, for the time being ignoring her contradictory description of Lucas. For Grace’s sake, I didn’t want to get the police involved, but I doubt at this point they will do much to look for a grown man who clearly makes a habit of leaving his wife. ‘And could you write down the names and numbers of anyone you can think of who knows him? That will be our starting point.’