The Girl You Lost: A gripping psychological thriller (28 page)

Yes, I am a monster. But I love you, Simone. I won’t even bother trying to apologise again because that is an insult to you. What I have done goes way beyond any kind of apology. But know that I am sorry, and that I will die sorry.

You have probably guessed by now that I never submitted Helena’s DNA for testing. How could I? The truth would have come out and Nick would have killed us all. I know my fear is no excuse for the lies and deceit. I am a coward.

Before I go, there is one more thing you should know. One more thing that will cement in your head what a horrific human being I am. Remember that private detective? Mark Hunter? I had to tell Nick about him. I swear to you I don’t know how he dealt with it, probably the same way he dealt with Leanne, but it is just one more thing I have on my conscience.

It won’t make any difference to you that I’ve now confessed every one of my crimes to the police. It is too little, too late.

Move on with your life, Simone, and don’t give me another thought.

T
he sun streaming
through the window wakes me up, warming my skin with a smooth kiss. I love these brief moments before I am fully awake, before I remember. It is getting easier, though, and I am quicker at pushing anything negative away.

But I won’t forget Helena. Ever.

I reach across the bed and stroke his smooth chest. ‘Good morning,’ he mumbles, slowly coming around. And then he smiles, just as he always does, his blue eyes shining. ‘What are your plans for today?’

‘I thought I’d go and see Ginny. Maybe take her shopping or something.’

Abbot stretches and turns onto his front. ‘Good idea.’ He drapes his arm over me. ‘Have you heard from him again?’

‘Yep. Another visiting order came yesterday morning. I threw it in the bin.’

Abbot does not seem surprised to hear this. I have been doing the same thing for a year now. When he was first arrested, I read Matt’s letter because I wanted an explanation, but now I want nothing more to do with him. It’s funny how twenty years with someone can be erased in seconds. As if it never existed. Perhaps he needs closure, but I don’t care. I got mine the second I saw that photo and the police pounded on Miriam’s door. Matt no longer exists for me.

It wasn’t a hard decision to sell the house in Fulham and buy my own flat in Putney. In fact, it was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. There is nothing of Matt in my new home, no memories tainting the atmosphere.

Everything is still fairly new for Abbot and me, but we have a solid foundation of friendship to build on.

‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Abbot says. ‘I don’t mind. I’ve grown fond of Ginny.’

‘Maybe not this time,’ I say, and he does me the courtesy of not asking why. ‘We’re meeting up with Hannah too. Just for a coffee.’ I have come to view both Ginny and Hannah Hall as friends, despite the horrendous circumstances that brought us together.

Even Chris Harding and I keep in regular contact. Things have been hard for him since the police found his sister’s body a few months ago buried in a wood near another of Lucas Hall’s flats in Cockfosters.

‘But I’ll come to your place this evening if you’re not doing anything?’ I tell Abbot.

He smiles and tells me we can get a takeaway. We are in my flat this morning, but he offers to make breakfast. I immediately agree; he may not be a master chef but he’s an expert when it comes to fry-ups.

While he’s in the kitchen I shower and dress, and then I stare at myself in the mirror. I can already see the subtle changes, and I run my hands over my distended stomach. To the side of the mirror, on the chest of drawers, the blue velvet rabbit catches my eye. I pick it up and clutch it against my chest. A tear rolls down my cheek but then I remind myself that I need to stay positive for the new life growing inside me.

Putting the rabbit back in its place, I comfort myself with the thought that a piece of Helena will always live on.

T
hank
you for choosing to read my fourth book,
The Girl You Lost
.
I very much hope you enjoyed the journey the book takes you on.

Your support is very much appreciated and if you did enjoy the book then I would be extremely grateful if you could take a moment to post a quick review on Amazon and let others know what you thought. Word of mouth is a lifeline for authors so any recommendations to friends and family would be very welcome!

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K
athryn
x

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f you’d like
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T
HE GIRL
WITH NO PAST

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

THE STRANGER WITHIN

A
n exclusive extract
from
The Girl With No Past
:

Everything is silent and for a second I think I must be dead. But then I hear a deafening screech and I don’t know who or where it’s come from, I only know I haven’t made the noise because somehow I am okay. I want to turn my head to check what’s left of the wreckage, but I can’t move because pain is shooting through my neck, warm blood trickling down my face.

There is a strange smell: burnt rubber mixed with petrol and something far, far worse. The scent of death. I don’t need to look around to know that I am the only person breathing in this car.

Panic sets in, crushing my chest, worse than the physical injuries I have sustained. This can’t be real.

Cracks spread across the windscreen like a gigantic spider’s web, and through the maze of lines I can see lights, still and flashing, blue and yellow and red, and faces peering in, their mouths forming circles, trying to make sense of what’s happened. The panicky yells and shouts are muffled to me, as if I’m in a bubble, catching only waves of sound. But I know that whoever is out there, they, like I, will remember this moment for the rest of their lives.

The steering wheel digs into my ribs but I can’t move. Or perhaps I don’t want to because it’s safer in here than out there, having to face whatever is next. I know already what I can expect: some sympathy because accidents happen, but mostly blame and hatred because I am the driver so I must take the responsibility for this.

Someone manages to haul my door open and strong, uniformed arms lift me out and place me onto what must be a stretcher. It’s thin and hard but at least I am flat now. I close my eyes and wonder how it’s possible I haven’t died.

T
hank
you so much to the whole Bookouture team for believing in me and for making this book the best it could be. Keshini Naidoo, Olly Rhodes, Kim Nash, Claire Bord, Lydia Vassar-Smith and Natalie Butlin, you have made me feel part of the family and I appreciate all your support! I particularly have to thank Keshini for her superb editorial skills and Kim for being an amazing publicist.

As always, my gratitude goes to my fantastic agent, Madeleine Milburn, and her whole team, particularly Cara Lee Simpson and Therese Coen, who work extremely hard and are always there to answer my silly questions!

My friend, Jonny Garland, thank you once more for supplying invaluable factual information – I really appreciate you giving up your time to let me talk your ear off!

I need to give a special mention to Carolin Lotter, Catherine Nicholson, David Treweek and Chris Walker for all your help with factual information on working in the media industry. Thank you!

To all the Bookouture authors: it’s so great to be in contact with you and thank you for your amazing support. It’s lovely to know we all understand what a lonely job writing can be!

Once again, my husband, family and friends continue to be a huge support and I am truly blessed to have you in my life.

And finally, to all my readers – thank you so much for buying (and hopefully enjoying) my books. I especially appreciate anyone taking the time to write to me and share their thoughts. Your support is very much appreciated!