The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) (5 page)

Her heart stopped and mine
shattered. I have not been close to another woman since.

My Go-Betweens do not count. I
have always looked upon each one as a link, a duty, an object or idea rather
than a person. I’ve known some of them well, for a few cycles or more, and I
cared about them. But I never saw them as linked to me, the man. Only as linked
to me, the Protector.

Nilaruna is different, and I knew
it when she said her name.
The light of
dawn
. I had not seen the light for three hundred cycles, not until she
walked into my cave.

And why her? She’s not…but she
is. And why now? What are the gods trying to tell me?

***

Nili wakes and stretches and yawns. Her poor mouth droops even more
than usual, from sleepiness, I guess, and it gives her a petulant look. But
when she hears me stirring in my corner, her forced pout turns into a smile.

“You’re awake,” she says.

“I am.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Mmmm,” I hedge. “You?”

She stretches again and grins.
“Yes, thank you. I think it’s the dark. Even though I know you can see me, it
doesn’t seem real because I can’t see you. It’s liberating to be in the dark.”

“Yes, I know what you mean,” I
say, thinking of how grateful I am that she can’t see me.

“Are you deformed?” she blurts
out.

“I…I’m not…no,” I say, smoothly.
Ha.

“Then why can’t I see you?” she
asks.

“Nilaruna, we’ve been over this.”

“It’s Nili. And no, we haven’t
been over it, we’ve just lightly touched upon it.”

“I’m not having this,”
discussion, I almost say, but awareness tingles over my skin, and I freeze.

“Intruder,” I whisper, and Nili
jumps to her feet, her body turning towards the mouth of the cave.

“Where?” she whispers back.

“Swifty. Just crossed it. Wait.”
I slip into the intruder’s head.

She’s not here, not here, no need to panic. Of course her duties
could have kept her, but no Go-Between has spent longer than four hours here in
cycles. She’s fine, she must be fine, dear gods, please let her be fine!

“It’s your father,” I say,
blowing out a breath in relief.

“My father?” Nili turns to me.
“No, it couldn’t be.”

“He’s worried about you. He
expected you back ages ago.”

Nili shakes her head. “No, my
father doesn’t care. He wouldn’t come for me.”

“He does,” I say. “He is.”

“But he’s not allowed! Is he in
danger?”

“Nili, calm down. He’s in no
danger. I will let him pass. But he cannot enter the cave.”

“I will meet him, then. Explain.”

“No!” I say. “No contact.
Remember what happened to the other girls. Their loved ones turned on them.”

She takes two steps toward the
entrance then stops. “He doesn’t love me, but I do not believe he would harm
me.”

“Perhaps not of his own free
will, but he might be bespelled. I will not risk you.”

Nili sighs. “What, then?”

“I will meet him.”

“You? But you can’t leave.”

“I can leave my cave whenever I
like. It is my territory I cannot leave.”

“But can’t you just talk to him,
in his head?”

“No. I can read his thoughts, but
he can’t hear mine. I can only do that with females. Stay here.”

I edge around her and the pallet
and head out of the cave.

When I am well down the slope,
but before sunlight reaches my eyes, I change into an imposing man of some
fifty cycles. It is the form I use when I meet new priests, or whenever someone
wanders into my territory.

“Hello!” I yell down the path.

I hear a weak cough, a clearing
of the throat. “Great Maja, Protector of Dabani, I come in peace!”

“Show yourself,” I shout.

It takes a bit of time for Nili’s
father to show. He’s huffing and puffing by the time he rounds the last bend
and comes into sight.

“Maja,” he says, and he bows his
head and goes down on one knee.

“Stand, loyal villager,” I say.
“No harm will come to you. I know why you are here.”

Ravi Nandal slowly climbs to his
feet, head still bowed. “Yes, Maja.”

“Nilaruna is safe. You may go.”

“Pardon me, great one, but…is she
well?”

“Of course. That is all.”

Ravi doesn’t move.

“You may go,” I repeat.

“Pardon me again, most gracious
sir, but…will she be long?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Her
duty requires that she stay with me indefinitely.”

“How long will that be?”

“Indefinitely means I cannot give
you a definite time.”

He swallows hard. “Is Dabani in
danger then?”

“No,” I say, “but you are aware
of the fate of the previous Go-Betweens?”

Ravi nods anxiously.

“Then you know I must do
everything in my power to prevent the same fate for Nilaruna.”

“I thank you for that most
sincerely, Maja,” he says. “But something has come up that may forestall her
duties.”

“I can think of nothing that may
forestall her duties,” I say.

“Yes, great Protector,” Ravi
says, bobbing his head at me like a squirrel on a tree. “But two things may
forestall it — family hardship and marriage.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Is something
wrong with you or your wife?”

“No, no,” he says. “All’s well
with her and me. It is marriage I speak of.”

“Marriage?” I say. “But
Nilaruna’s had no suitors, no interest at all, according to her.”

“That’s correct, sir. But circumstances
have changed. There is one who has asked for her hand.”

“Who?” I ask, even though I
probably won’t recognize the name.

“His name is Larraj, great one.
He is an apprentice at the temple.”

“Larraj?” I laugh. “But he’s just
a boy!”

Ravi grimaces, but then he
straightens his spine and looks me in the eye.

“Yes, but he will grow. Ten is a
marriageable age.”

“If the woman is ten as well,” I
say, not even realizing my voice has risen to shouting levels. Ravi cringes
from me. “Your daughter is two and twenty!”

“It is an offer,” he says with a
shrug.

I cannot gainsay his decision,
even if I want to more than I want to take my next breath.

“There is no one to replace her
at the moment,” I say. “Surely you are aware of this. The marriage can wait
until a replacement is available.”

“It cannot wait,” Ravi says,
wringing his hands. “The offer — ”

“Will wait. I will send Nilaruna
home within a fortnight, and we will discuss it then. You will return home.”

Ravi glares at me, all deference
gone. I tense, waiting for him to lunge at me, waiting for the potential trap
to be sprung.

But the glare passes. Ravi frowns
and bows his head. “As you will.” And he turns around and walks away,
disappearing around the bend.

I stand there and wait, feeling
the prickle of his presence under my skin until he’s crossing the Swifty and
out of my range.

***

My thoughts tangle as I head back into the cave. I replay Ravi’s
final thoughts in my mind, trying to remain objective.

A fortnight. It’s only a fortnight. Surely I can stall Sanji until
then. Larraj is such a good boy, and he’ll make such a fine son. A fine husband
he’ll be, as well! Good provider, good friend, good lover
… and his thoughts circled back
from there.

I’ve never been a father, but I
think I can safely assume that I would not think of a young boy as a good lover
for my daughter. Ravi’s mind has most certainly been tampered with.

Fifty paces from the cave, I
change back into the form the gods foisted upon me. It takes too much energy to
hold a different one.

Nili is waiting for me at the
entrance, one hand on the cave wall.

“Is he alright?” she asks.

“He’s fine,” I say. “Back to your
bed. Thirty-two paces to the right, eight paces forward.”

She quickly complies.

“Tell me,” she says. “What’s
going on?”

I settle myself back in my
sleeping space and say the very last thing I had planned.

“Nili, do you want to marry
someday?”

“I…what?”

“Marriage. Is this something you
dream of?”

She cocks her head at me. “Why do
you ask?”

“Please answer honestly,” I say,
swallowing hard.

“I…once. Yes, of course. Once it
was all I dreamed about. You know.”

“No, actually, I don’t,” I say.
“I’ve never been a young girl. Explain it to me.”

“All my friends, we talked about
it constantly. Lalan wanted babies, ten at least, and a handsome husband to
take care of. Saphala wanted to marry a merchant’s son, someone who could keep
her in style. Tharisha would wish on a star every night that her father would
allow her to marry someone of her choosing. It was like a game, a glorious game.”

“And you,” I say to her. “What
did you want?”

“I…you’ll think it’s silly.”

“I will not.”

Nili lies down and props her chin
in her hands. “I wanted love. I wanted a best friend. I wanted someone I could
speak my mind to and who wouldn’t punish me for it.”

“That’s a lovely wish,” I say.
“But it doesn’t answer my original question.”

She sighs. “I was fourteen when I
was scarred — did I mention that? I haven’t seen my friends since. All I
had were the memories of our friendship, our time together. I’ve spent cycles
in my own head.”

My heart aches to hear this. “I’m
sorry,” I say.

“Honestly, yes. I would like to
get married and have a family. But that’s not going to happen for me. I know
that.”

“What if it did?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your father has arranged a
marriage for you.”

Nili’s eyes grow wide and round,
and as hope fills them, I know I’ve made an error.

“Nili,” I say, “don’t…brace
yourself. He’s promised you to Larraj.”

I see the hope turn to confusion.
“Larraj? But he’s a boy! I can’t marry him.”

“I know.”

She stands up in front of the
pallet. “I can’t…no! He’s a little…no! That would be…impossible!”

“I know.”

She holds her hands out to me.
“Help me. Please.”

I shake my head. “I will if I can,
you know that, but I don’t know what I can do to prevent it. I told him you are
required here and reminded him there is no replacement at hand. We have a
fortnight to come up with something.”

Nili drops her hands and hangs
her head. “A fortnight.” And then her head comes up fast. “A fortnight. It’s
time enough.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know yet,” she says.
“But I’ll think of something.”

***

My plan’s been burning a hole in my brain since I conceived it, but I
haven’t found the right time to explain it to Nili. I’m not sure how she will
receive it.

We spend the next few days
talking about the state of things in Dabani and the kingdom. I feel well
informed, and there are no other nasty surprises.

And we continue to grow closer,
but Nili still doesn’t know who I am.

I know I have to show myself to
her. I know it is the next step. We start on the protocol, and it gives me the
opening I’ve been waiting for.

We venture outside, me first,
Nili trailing twenty paces behind to give me room. I tell her that much space
is respectful.

In the shelter of the rock
tunnel, I change into my younger form, the one I held when I became Protector.

“What was that?” Nili asks,
rubbing her arms with her hands.

“Magic,” I say. “I’ve changed.”

“You mean, your body?”

“Yes.”

She swallows. “Okay. What, um,
form did you take?”

“I appear now as the man I was
before I became Protector.”

“I thought you said you haven’t
aged.”

“I haven’t.”

Nili’s eyes widen. “Then…”

“Yes. But let’s start with this
form.”

I conjure a weak ball of light in
my hands and hold it under my chin.

Nili gasps.

“Am I that hideous?” I ask,
smiling uncertainly.

“You…you’re…you look…beautiful,”
she stammers.

My heart stutters. “Thank you.”