The Good Daughter (36 page)

Jude reached out to touch her cheek. “What’s going on up there in that complicated mind of yours?”

She caught his hand, held it, tightly. “Nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.”

She wished she could scoot all the way into his arms and absorb his warmth, and there, where she was safe, tell him everything. But she couldn’t, not sure how he would react. Men didn’t understand what it was like to be a woman, and frightened of being overpowered and hurt, and Jude wasn’t just any man, but a tough, physical man. He wouldn’t admire or respect a woman who just capitulated when confronted by danger.

“I was just thinking about that first time we met for coffee,” she said, grabbing at a memory to give him, something to distract him. “And I told you I used to snoop in my parents’ room?”

The corner of his mouth curled. “How could I forget?”

She couldn’t help smiling at his smile. It was so sexy and wicked. But good wicked. Fun wicked. “I still can’t believe I told you that. I didn’t even know you then!”

“So what were those…
adult
things…you found in your parents’ room?”

“You know what I found.”

His eyes blinked at her, innocent. “But I don’t. Can you explain it to me?”

She punched him in the chest. “You know I found sex stuff.”

He choked back laughter. “You have to be more specific than that.”

“We’re talking about things that
scarred
me, Jude. Parents aren’t supposed to have sex, or if they do, they’re not supposed to enjoy it.”

He was trying so hard to keep a straight face. “And what makes you think—God help us all—that your parents
enjoyed
it?”

“They had things that made it…enjoyable.”

His chest heaved with silent laughter. “Like what?”

“You’re the nosy one.”

“I just like watching you talk about sex.”

“All right, want to know what I found? I found a vibrator. And a book called
The Joy of Sex
. And what must have been lube—and stop laughing, because it was
devastating
. I sat there looking at that book, learning things I was not ready to learn. Even more agonizing was going to confession and not being able to tell the priest what I’d done. I needed forgiveness but I couldn’t ask for it. How did I tell him that my parents were sex maniacs? He knew my parents. He liked them. How could I betray my parents like that, but, oh, I tell you, I could barely look at my parents for weeks after that.”

Jude rolled onto his back and howled with laughter. “Poor Kit. You really were scarred, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” she agreed grumpily, allowing him to pull her toward him, onto his warm, bare chest.

“If it makes you feel any better, I was scarred, too. My parents had the book. The early edition…the one where the couple are hairy, long-haired hippies.”

“That’s the one I saw. Did they do a later edition?”

“The publishers cleaned them up for the eighties. Trimmed the hair, shaved the pits.”

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this!”

He dragged his hands into her hair and pulled her face down
to his, kissing her very slowly, very thoroughly. “You really are a good Catholic schoolgirl,” he murmured when he gave her a chance to catch her breath.

Her heart thumped so hard it hurt. “I’ve tried.”

K
it was so happy in Capitola with Jude that she didn’t want the weekend to ever end. But it did. Late Sunday afternoon they packed their things, cleaned the beach house, and headed back home with Jude driving again.

They reached her house in Highland Park at dusk. Kit had been quiet on the drive home and Jude had held her hand, comfortable with the silence, hoping she was, too. It’d been a great weekend, probably the best weekend he’d known since the early days of his marriage to Amy, and that was saying a lot.

At her house, he parked her car on the street so he could get his motorcycle out of her small, detached garage.

She stood now on her front lawn watching him back the bike out of the garage. He shut the door behind him, locking it. He might leave his house wide open, but he wanted her house, and her world, secure and safe.

He left his bike, crossed to her, kissed her hard, hungrily, trying not to feel the hint of desperation he felt every time he left her.

She was fine. She’d be fine. She’d survive quite nicely without him.

“I think I love you,” she whispered against his mouth.

He stiffened, pushing her away from him. Why did she do that? Right when he was about to leave her? “Don’t say that, baby.”

“Why not?” She looked up at him, her blue eyes clear, steady. “Is there some rule in your little officer handbook that says no one is allowed to love you?”

“You know I can’t give you marriage and family—”

“I have a family. I’m not planning on getting married. And I’m adopting as a single person, so there. Take that. Stuff your plans and rules.”

Such a smart-ass. He still didn’t know whether he should kiss her, shake her, or spank her and was beginning to think he never would. “So what do you want from me?”

“Just you.”

“Stop it.”

“I’m serious. I have a job I love, good income, close family, great friends, and I’m moving forward with the adoption. I have my interview next week.”

“And what do you think the agency would say, if they found out you had a dirtball like me hanging around?”

Kit shrugged. “I won’t tell them.”

“You’re going to
lie
?”

Her eyes flashed. “I’m not lying, I’m just—”

“Prevaricating.”

“Exactly.” Her nose lifted. “By the way, that was a very nice word. And it does appear on the SAT test.”

He laughed. He couldn’t help himself. “Ah, Kit, you’re amazing, and I can’t help thinking that none of this is fair to you—”

“I gave up on fair a long time ago, Jude. Now I just want whatever I can get.”

“And that’s crumbs, angel. You’ll just be getting crumbs with me, and you and I both know you deserve a whole loaf.”

“Okay. Maybe all I will get is crumbs from you, but I would rather have crumbs with you than an entire loaf with someone else. And I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been there with someone else.”

“I think you’re fooling yourself. I think you’re doing what you did with Richard—hoping he’d change, hoping there’ll be more—”

“God, I wish I’d never told you about Richard!”

“But you did.”

Kit caught one of his hands, brought it to her mouth, pressed her lips to his knuckles. “Come on, tough guy, I don’t know why I’m the way I am. I don’t understand why I love the way I love, but I do. And after years of feeling nothing, I feel so much with you. I feel good with you. Optimistic about life when I’m with you—”

“I feel the same way when I’m with you.”

Her eyes grew huge. He nodded, thinking this was either going to be the most wonderful thing or an utter catastrophe. “You know, Kit, no one will understand this…us. Your family won’t approve. And it’s going to be hard for you, not to tell them the truth about me. But you can’t, no matter what they say—”

“I won’t. I promise you.”

“I’ve seen where you live. I know how you were raised. And I am everything your father hates. And if I were in his shoes, I’d hate me, too. I’m a scumbag, Kit—”

“Don’t say that.”

“—and your sisters won’t like me and your brother, Tommy, will loathe me, and they are right. I am bad news, Kit. I will never give you what you deserve.”

Her eyes were bright with tears. She swallowed hard, lifted a shoulder. “I don’t agree.”

“I guess we’re not going to see eye to eye on this one.”

“No, we’re not, and I’m getting really tired of you telling me what I need, and what I feel and what is good for me. And as much as I love my family, I’m not here to make them happy. I have a right to be happy, too, and for whatever reason, you make me happy. That is, when you’re not pissing me off.”

The corner of his mouth lifted and he tugged on one of her wild red curls. On the outside Kit looked so angelic and yet she was tough as nails underneath. “Am I pissing you off?”

“Big-time. I like you, Jude. And I’m falling in love with you—whatever that means. But it’s not to trap you into anything, or
force you to do anything, it’s just to say, hey, tough guy, I think you’re pretty wonderful.”

He said nothing for a long moment, too busy just looking at her, appreciating her. Crazy, beautiful, exotic creature, this Kit Brennan. She was a puzzle, and a mystery, and God help him, he loved a good mystery. “Can I come back here tomorrow night? Can I come sleep with you?”

Her smile started in her eyes and only then curved her lips. “I’ll make you a key, and you just come whenever you can, for as long as you can—”

“Let’s just start with tomorrow night.”

“And a key.”

“Are you always going to be arguing with me?”

“Always.”

He kissed her, and just that one hot little kiss made him hard and want her. “At least you’re honest, witch,” he muttered against her mouth.

“What happened to me being an angel?”

“Changed my mind.” He swatted her butt, pushed her toward the house. “Now go inside, lock the door, and stay out of trouble or I’ll never get any sleep tonight.”

A
week later, at three o’clock in the afternoon, Kit took the sturdy green tote bag of unread student journals to her parents’ house, hoping she might find some time to get work done while keeping Mom company so Dad could attend a Warriors basketball game with Tommy and Uncle Pat.

It’d been fourteen days since Kit had wrapped up her week here of taking care of Mom and she was looking forward to seeing her again. Meg and Cass had spent last weekend here at the house while Kit had gone to Capitola, and they’d both said Mom was doing well and had been in great spirits. The IV pain reliever was truly a miracle drug.

“Ah, there’s my babysitter now,” Mom said from the bed as Kit popped her head into the master bedroom.

Kit grinned. “All clear? No one dressing? I don’t want to see any naked old men walking around.”

“I heard that,” Dad said from the closet, emerging to show her
he was fully dressed. He lifted a big arm, flexed, made his biceps jump. “Huh?”

“Not bad.”

“And I’ll have you know I can still do one hundred push-ups, Katherine Elizabeth.”

“What about one-arm push-ups?” she teased, giving him a hug and then pulling the wing chair closer to the side of the bed. “So is there anything I should know for tonight? Anything planned?”

“Claire’s here,” Mom said, referring to her weekday-evening aide.

“And I rented your mom some movies that she said she wanted to watch,” Dad added. “They’re right there by the DVD player. She’s also just been given a new IV bag of medicine. It’s a nice strong cocktail that will keep her feeling good.”

Mom smiled up at him. “I feel good!”

“But that doesn’t mean you can have any boys over, and no parties,” Dad said, leaning over to kiss her good-bye.

“So what are we going to watch?” Kit asked Mom after Dad left.

“I want to see
Julie and Julia
. Have you seen it?”

“I have. But it’s a great movie. You’ll like it.”

Kit was fast-forwarding through the previews when Mom asked her to mute the sound because she had something to tell her.

Kit hit pause and turned to look at her mom. Mom only said she had something to say when she had something significant to say.

“I need Brianna to come home,” Marilyn said quietly, her eyes meeting Kit’s and holding. “I’d told her I thought she could maybe wait until Easter, but I don’t think we have that long.”

Kit’s heart hurt. She knew exactly what Mom was saying.

“When do you need her here, Mama?”

“In the next week, just to be safe.”

Wow. Oh, wow.
No.
“Is this a…hunch…or do you have some tests results I don’t know about?”

“My last blood draw showed…things. The hospice is going to take over the nursing care soon, sometime this week.”

“Are you going to one of those facilities?”

“No.” She looked chagrined. “Your dad won that one. It’s not fair for me to win them all.”

“So you’re going to stay here?”

“But not in this bed. I’m being switched to a different bed, one that’s easier for the nurses to work with.”

Kit knew what that meant but didn’t want to go there. “That’s good.”

“Dad’s telling Tommy tonight. We’re going to call Meg and Sarah tomorrow. I’d hoped you could try to reach Brianna. With the time difference, we’re finding it hard to connect with her.”

“Of course.” And Kit would reach her. Immediately. She didn’t care if she had to wake Brianna’s ass up in the middle of the night to talk to her. “I’ll make sure she comes.”

“We’re trying to get everyone here by the weekend. Boone won’t be able to make it, but hopefully everyone else can. lt’s St. Patrick’s Day on Saturday. We’ll have a little celebration with whoever can be here.”

Thank goodness Mom fell asleep before they even got a quarter way through the movie, because Kit couldn’t concentrate on it at all. All she could think about was calling Brianna and getting her twin on the next plane into San Francisco.

It took three calls to get through to her and now Kit was walking in the backyard, inspecting her father’s flower beds with the cheerful pink, yellow, and purple primroses, listening to Brianna swear at her.

“Jesus, Kit! Do you know what time it is here?” Brianna demanded.

“Middle of the night?”

“Almost three
A.M.
—Is Mom dead?”

“Oh my God, Bree! And no, our mother isn’t dead. Yet.”

Brianna sighed. “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that. But the phone kept ringing and ringing and I take stuff at night to help me sleep—never mind. What’s up?”

“You need to come home, Bree.”

“I will soon—”

“No. Not soon. Has to be now. This week. Unless you want to just roll in for the funeral service.”

“It’s that bad?”

“Getting there.”

Bree was quiet. “How is she? Really?”

“Frail. Skin and bones.”

“Energy?”

“Sleeps most of the day. But her pain’s under control. They’ve got her on a cocktail of things that keeps her cheerful.” Kit bent over to pluck some weeds from between the flowers. “They’re planning a party this Saturday. St. Patrick’s Day. She wants everyone here for it.”