The Gossip Web (19 page)

“Come on, Jade. That’s not true---“ Trace tried to argue.

I shook my head. “Whatever! I’m not going to play this game anymore! If you continue to keep hanging out with Gloria, Trace, what ever we had going between us is over!”

Trace seemed shocked by my outburst. Then, I watched that shock shift into anger. “Seriously? You’re giving me an ultimatum? You honestly want to go there, Jade?”

“Yes!” I lied.

Of course I didn’t want to. All I really wanted to do was stop talking about the queen of the harpies and focus on us---but I just couldn’t sit by and let Gloria take him away from me! Why couldn’t he see what she was trying to do to us? Her plan was so obvious to me and yet so oblivious to him. Though, it didn’t matter now. He had to decide. It was either her or me…and I prayed that he chose me.

“Well? What’s it going to be, Trace?” I asked him angrily, awaiting his choice. “Is it Gloria or me?”

But he didn’t choose. Trace didn’t even reply. He simply shook his head disapprovingly and walked off…without even saying goodbye. I watched him leave, feeling like the biggest idiot ever.

What the hell was my problem? Why did I always have to screw things up between the two of us? First, I accuse him of helping Gloria, then I give him an ultimatum? That wasn’t like me. I began to question my overwhelming insecurity, and pondered the reason why I felt like I couldn’t I trust him. Even though Trace told me he cared about me and made his intentions clear, I realized something. Maybe I couldn’t get over what he’d done to me in the past, and that’s why I was acting so insecure!

It made perfect sense, but it scared me a little. Like Trace had said before…it happened a long time ago, and he’d been trying to make up for it. If I couldn’t get passed it and move on, how were we supposed to move forward? How could I be with someone I didn’t trust? But I knew the answer to that question. I couldn’t.

23

I WAITED UP ALL NIGHT,
but Trace never called…and when I got ready for bed I convinced myself that he must’ve been too busy with homework or his mother to call me. Staring up at my ceiling as I laid in bed, I replayed our fight over and over in my head before the sad truth washed over me. Trace hadn’t called me because he was angry with me. I had made a huge mistake---not to mention a huge fool out of myself for acting like such a brat. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to fix the damage I caused this time.

Although I wanted Trace to call me, I didn’t know what to say to him if he did. How could I explain the way I’d been acting towards him? “Sorry, Trace, that I’ve been so insecure about our relationship---but I just can’t seem to forget about what you did me back in ninth grade. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.” Yeah, right. I’d only hurt him more, and I couldn’t bear to do that.

Maybe it was better this way. Now he could be with someone who wasn’t a loser---who was popular and pretty. Someone who had a social status, and wouldn’t hold him back from all of his friends. Like…Gloria? I frowned when her name popped into my head, and I stopped my thoughts there. What was I doing? How I could I think such things? No way did Gloria belong with Trace!. She was cold and heartless, and he deserved way better. Trace needed somebody to talk to and laugh with, and someone who would always be there for him no matter what. Trace needed…

I closed my eyes as realization hit me like a ton of bricks. If I didn’t know before, I definitely did now. I was in love with him---hopelessly head over heels in love. Of course, I had spoken the words to myself many times before, but they had never felt as frighteningly real as they did now. I loved Trace Gibson! I loved him with all my heart and soul. We belonged together…it was so obvious. I loved him, and I had a feeling that he loved me too.

I wanted to scream it from the rooftops, but then reality came crashing down and my joy melted away. If I loved Trace as much as I claimed I did, then I would fight for him---I wouldn‘t throw in the towel! I wouldn’t let Gloria or anybody else try to sabotage our relationship…even if the person who destroyed it the most was me. I was my own worst enemy---not Gloria---and no matter what happened, I never ever let myself prevail.

24

HEIDI WAS UNSURPRISINGLY SUPPORTIVE
when I told her about my fight with Trace during lunch. She was a good friend and always took my side no matter what, so I guess her opinion is sort of biased---but I didn’t care. At the same time though, I didn’t need Heidi to lie to me. She could’ve said anything to make it seem like I acted reasonable, but I knew that I hadn’t been right when making Trace choose between me and Gloria. Heidi wouldn’t tell me that though. She would stick by my decision no matter how wrong it was. That’s why she was my best friend. Thank God for her.

She was supposed to be in Economics this period, but Jason had her ditching class again. I swear, the guy was bad news…but I didn’t voice my opinions. Heidi was all I had left, and it wasn’t really my place to knock her dream guy. If you asked me though, Jason was far from dreamy, and thankfully he was out of earshot when I spilled my guts to Heidi. Jason was somewhat of a gossiper, which was another reason why I didn’t enjoy his company too much. Honestly, I tried to avoid him altogether.

“I totally understand where you’re coming from,” Heidi said as she dipped a French fry into a cup of ketchup. “But I don’t get why he was hanging around her. Trace doesn’t seem the type to put up with her majesty’s bull. He’s way too nice.”

I grinned as I watched her pop the fry into her mouth. “Yeah, I don’t see how he can stand her. She’s pure evil.”

“Who knows?” Heidi shrugged and reached for another fry. “It’s probably because she’s hot.”

“Thanks, Heidi,” I sighed, and peeked over at Gloria’s table. I watched as she picked lazily at her salad while she talked with Camille. Of course Gloria looked gorgeous today, as did the rest of her clique. Good-looks must’ve been the prerequisite to sit at their table, or maybe there was an invisible sign hanging above them that said: no average-looking girls allowed. Freddie and Trace were nowhere in sight though, and I couldn’t help but feel a tad relieved that Trace wasn’t hanging around her today.

“Well, I’m sorry, Jade. But Gloria is stunningly beautiful. She makes girls like us appear insignificant.”

I narrowed my brows at Heidi’s comment. “Wow! You’re full of support today,” I replied, and I stuck my tongue out at her before bringing a fork full of lettuce into my mouth.

“Come on! You know what I’m saying though, right?”

My lips were pressed together firmly as I mumbled, “Mhm.”

Heidi crossed her arms and frowned at me. “I’m not trying to upset you, Jade---honestly. I mean, we’re pretty too….but Gloria---”

“Looks like a Victoria’s Secret model,” I grimly finished for her.

“Uh, that’s not entirely what I meant…” Heidi replied slowly.

The loud shriek of the bell grabbed my attention, and I hurriedly piled my trash on top my tray, eager to get as far away from Heidi as I could. I knew that she was just trying to be helpful, but the only thing she was managing to do was cause me more grief. I already knew how perfect, and popular, and pretty Gloria was---I definitely didn’t need to be reminded again.

I stood up from the table with a forced smile and said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you later, Heidi.”

Heidi studied me carefully as she asked, “Are you okay? I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Jade.”

I nodded. “I know, and I’m fine---really. I’ll call you later.”

After giving her another false smile and a little wave, I grabbed my tray and headed towards the nearest trashcan to throw out my half-eaten lunch. The buzz of nearby students was deafening as I started towards the hall, but I heard Heidi call out my name among the chaos. I ignored her though, and continued out into the bustling hallway. I rudely pushed my way through the thick crowd; I was impatient from their slow pace. All I wanted to do was to just get to my next class and finish the day without bursting into tears---but then I spotted Trace walking on the opposite side of the hall and I didn’t know if that was even possible. Just the sight of him caused my heart to twinge with pain…and with guilt.

I watched as Trace shuffled down the hall slowly, his head hung low. He ignored each and every person who passed by him, and he looked completely miserable. I wondered if it was because of me. As he was coming my way, my pulse quickened and I knew that I couldn’t face him yet---at least not today. I was still so ashamed for behaving the way I had yesterday, when I foolishly asked him to choose between me and Gloria. Fortunately, there was a girl’s bathroom off to the left and only a few feet away from me. I realized that if I made a dash for it, I could rush inside before Trace had a chance to spot me.

After carefully measuring the distance between him and the girl’s lavatory, I decided to go for it. I ran towards the bathroom, keeping my eyes fixed solely on Trace, and in doing so I was completely unaware that someone was in the process of opening the door from the inside. As I watched out for Trace, my head collided carelessly with the metal panel of the bathroom door. I cried out in pain and fell to the ground, and students walking nearby busted into laughter. I ignored their cruel cackles and focused only on the throbbing of my head, sighing as I tried to soothe the awful sensation by gently rubbing the injured area.

When I struggled to stand, I was aided from behind. After pulling me onto my feet, Trace asked me worriedly, “Are you okay, Jade? You slammed into that door pretty hard.”

My face was red with embarrassment…not only from smacking the door head first, but for unsuccessfully evading Trace. It was so obvious that I assumed he already knew what I was trying to do. I was too stricken with shame to reply, so I merely grumbled and tried to walk away---but my head was throbbing so intensely that my vision blurred and I almost lost my footing. I tripped backward and groaned from the pain, falling right into Trace’s warm embrace, and his arms crossed over my chest protectively.

“Let go of me. I’m fine,” I told him shakily, scared by how safe I felt in his arms.

“Don’t be stupid, Jade. You need my help.” He dropped his hold on me, but draped his arms over my shoulder. “Lean into me. I’m going to take you to the nurse’s station.”

As I rested my head against his shoulder, I mumbled, “I’m fine, really.”

Trace laughed weakly at my resistance as he assisted me down the hall. I ignored the curious looks from the other students around us; they were all whispering and pointing, but it didn’t matter to me at that moment. All I could focus on was the searing pain from my head---and the heavenly smell of Trace’s cologne.

When we made it to the clinic, Trace said, “Maybe I should stay with you, just in case you need me to help you get to class.”

I shook my head and smiled. “That’s okay, Trace. I’ll be fine.” I could see the concern in his eyes, but I didn’t want to make him feel any obligation towards me. After all, we weren’t talking anymore. Thanks to stupid ole’ me.

He seemed hesitant to leave as he asked, “Are you sure? I can stay if you want.”

“No, please go to class. You’re already going to be late because of me,” I told him with a forced smile. “Sorry for that.”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t care about class, Jade. I care about you.”

I bit my lip to keep from smiling. “But what about yesterday---” I began to ask.

“Let’s just forget about that---for now at least,” he interrupted me quickly, and he took hold of my hand. Trace peered deep into my eyes and added, “I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.”

My heart rose to my throat, and I avoided his intense gaze to find my voice. “Why do you care so much, Trace?” I asked him faintly. “After what I said to you…I wouldn’t have been surprised if you had just left me on the floor.”

“I would never do something like to you, Jade. You’re too important to me,” Trace stated, and he brought his head down to find my eyes once more. “No matter what happened yesterday.”

“But---” He pouted at me then, and I decided to stop arguing with him and shut my mouth.

His pout transformed into a smile as he placed his arm around me again. “Come on, let’s get you inside,” Trace said, and he slowly led me into the small room.