Read The Grand Budapest Hotel Online
Authors: Wes Anderson
The Grand Budapest Hotel (3 page)
MADAME D.
I love you.
M. GUSTAVE
(
as if to a child
)
I love
you
.
(
Barking at the driver
.)
Abfahren!
The driver hits the gas. M. Gustave watches as the vehicle races away, spitting ice-chips off the packed snow. Zero lingers outside the front door. M. Gustave says with discreet pride as he continues to stare off down the road into the village of Nebelsbad:
M. GUSTAVE
It’s quite a thing winning the loyalty of a woman like that for nineteen consecutive seasons.
Zero hesitates – uncertain that he is, in fact, being addressed. He ventures:
ZERO
Yes, sir.
M. GUSTAVE
She’s very fond of me, you know.
ZERO
Yes, sir.
M. GUSTAVE
I’ve never seen her like that before.
ZERO
No, sir.
M. GUSTAVE
(
mildly concerned
)
She was shaking like a shitting dog.
ZERO
(
unfamiliar with the expression
)
Truly.
M. Gustave holds out the five-Klubeck coin, still staring off into the distance, and says rapidly, though distracted:
M. GUSTAVE
Run to the cathedral of Santa Maria Christiana in Brucknerplatz. Buy one of the plain, half-length candles and take back four Klubecks in change. Light it in the sacristy, say a brief rosary, then go to Mendl’s and get me a Courtesan
au chocolat
. If there’s any money left, give it to the crippled shoeshine boy.
M. Gustave points to a blind child in leg braces crouched at the top of the funicular tracks. The boy whistles a war march while he polishes a man’s boots.
ZERO
Right away, sir.
Zero nods briskly and takes the coin. M. Gustave looks squarely at him for the first time.
M. GUSTAVE
Hold it.
Zero freezes, poised to dash off. M. Gustave frowns slightly. He says finally, pointing:
M. GUSTAVE
Who are you?
ZERO
(
stammering
)
Zero, sir. The new lobby boy.
M. GUSTAVE
(
mystified
)
Zero, you say?
ZERO
Yes, sir.
M. GUSTAVE
Well, I’ve never heard of you. I’ve never laid eyes on you. Who hired you?
ZERO
(
worried
)
Mr. Mosher, sir.
M. GUSTAVE
(
sharply
)
Mr. Mosher!
M. Gustave snaps his fingers. A man with neat, oily hair and a thin moustache briskly approaches. He is Mr. Mosher.
MR. MOSHER
Yes, M. Gustave?
M. GUSTAVE
Am I to understand you’ve surreptitiously hired this young man in the position of a lobby boy?
MR. MOSHER
He’s been engaged for a trial period – pending your approval, of course.
M. GUSTAVE
(
vaguely remembering
)
Perhaps. Thank you, Mr. Mosher.
MR. MOSHER
You’re most welcome, M. Gustave.
M. Gustave looks back to Zero. He says ominously:
M. GUSTAVE
You’re now going to be officially interviewed.
INT. LOBBY. DAY
M. Gustave strides through the front doors. Zero is quickly at his heels, terrified. M. Gustave withdraws a small notebook from his pocket as they walk. Zero asks, uncertain:
ZERO
Should I go and light the candle first?
M. GUSTAVE
(
not sure what he means
)
What? No. (
Starting the interview
.) Experience?
ZERO
(
anxious, very formal
)
Hotel Kinski, kitchen boy, six months. Hotel Berlitz, mop and broom boy, three months. Before that I was a skillet scrubber in the banquet hall at –
M. GUSTAVE
(
noting this
)
Experience: zero.
At this moment, a criss-crossing group of people simultaneously engage M. Gustave all at once. They are: a man in a finely tailored business suit with a pair of opera tickets in his hand, a doorman in a long coat holding a bouquet of white roses, and a tiny bellboy
(
this is Anatole
)
.
HOTEL GUEST NO. 1
Thank you again, M. Gustave.
M. GUSTAVE
(
curtly to Anatole
)
Straighten that cap, Anatole. (
Warmly to the hotel guest
.) The pleasure is mine, Herr Schneider.
ANATOLE
(
working on it
)
The damn strap’s busted.
M. GUSTAVE
(
studying the roses
)
These are not acceptable.
DOORMAN
I agree, M. Gustave.
Suddenly, M. Gustave and Zero are alone again. M. Gustave resumes his interrogation as they proceed across the carpet:
M. GUSTAVE
Education?
ZERO
(
worried
)
I studied reading and spelling. I completed my primary school certificate. I almost started –
M. GUSTAVE
(
noting this
)
Education: zero.
A second criss-crossing group of people now engage M. Gustave. This time: a very old Washroom Attendant carrying a monkey-wrench, the head waiter wearing an apron and waving a menu, and a woman of a certain age in a beautifully embroidered dress with a small dachshund cradled in her arms.
WASHROOM ATTENDANT
Now it’s exploded.
M. GUSTAVE
(
sweetly to the dachshund
)
Good morning, Cicero. (
Coldly to the Washroom Attendant
.) Call the goddamn plumber.
HOTEL GUEST NO. 2
(
flirtatious
)
This afternoon, M. Gustave?
HEAD WAITER
(
angrily
)
What in the hell is this?
M. GUSTAVE
(
equally flirtatious
)
Without fail, Frau Liebling. (
Sharply to the Head Waiter
.) Not
now
!
The second interruption ends. M. Gustave continues:
M. GUSTAVE
Family?
ZERO
(
long pause
)
Zero.
M. GUSTAVE
(
noting this
)
I see.
M. Gustave leads Zero through a rotunda, below a grand, winding staircase, and back into the elevator. He closes his notebook. The elevator operator awaits instruction.
M. GUSTAVE
Six.
The elevator operator throws a lever and they begin to ascend. M. Gustave locks eyes with Zero.
M. GUSTAVE
Why do you want to be a lobby boy?
The elevator operator casts a sideways look. Zero searches for the honest answer – then finds it:
ZERO
Well, who
wouldn’t
– at the Grand Budapest, sir? It’s an institution.
M. GUSTAVE
(
deeply impressed
)
Very
good.
INT. SITTING ROOM. DAY
M. Gustave and Zero re-enter Madame D.’s suite. M. Gustave walks directly over to a pedestal where an envelope waits tucked beneath a vase. He tears it open and withdraws a letter and a stack of bills folded in half. He counts the money and says coolly:
M. GUSTAVE
A thousand Klubecks.
ZERO
(
astonished
)
My goodness.
M. Gustave skims the letter. He holds it up for Zero to see. There is a lipstick-kiss at the bottom of the text. Zero is unsure how to interpret this. M. Gustave raises his eyebrows and tucks the note and the bills inside his jacket. His eyes glaze over in a moment of reverie. He sighs. Zero makes a sudden realization:
ZERO
Were
you
ever a lobby boy, sir?
M. GUSTAVE
(
bristling but playful
)
What do
you
think?
ZERO
(
speculative
)
Well, I suppose you had to start –
M. GUSTAVE
Go light the goddamn candle.
Title:
ONE MONTH LATER
INT. LOBBY. DAY
The crowded room buzzes in all corners. Zero circulates among tables and sofas holding up a folded telegram while he calls out a name, searching. A military officer in a grey uniform hails him, and Zero dashes over to deliver the missive.
MR. MOUSTAFA
(
voice-over
)
And so, my life began. Junior lobby boy (in training), Grand Budapest Hotel, under the strict command of M. Gustave H. I became his pupil, and he was to be my counselor and guardian.
M. GUSTAVE
(
voice-over, rhetorical
)
What is a lobby boy?
Montage:
Zero pushes an old man in a wheelchair. Zero arranges a white bouquet. Zero replaces dirty ashtrays, rearranges furniture, and shields a large woman with a toothpick from view as she excavates between her teeth.
M. GUSTAVE
(
voice-over
)
A lobby boy is completely invisible, yet always in sight. A lobby boy remembers what people hate. A lobby boy anticipates the client’s needs
before
the needs are needed. A lobby boy, above all, is discreet, to a fault.
Cut to:
M. Gustave, accompanied by Zero, advancing down a corridor at high velocity. On the floor next to each door they pass, a pair of shoes waits to be polished.
M. GUSTAVE
Our guests know their deepest secrets, some of which are,
frankly, rather unseemly, will go with us to our graves – so keep your mouth shut, Zero.
ZERO
Yes, sir.
M. Gustave stops at the end of the hallway in front of a door labeled
KAISER FREDERICK SUITE
.
He says to Zero:
M. GUSTAVE
That’s all for now.
Zero hesitates for an instant, then nods and reverses rapidly away. M. Gustave withdraws a ring of pass-keys from his pocket. He looks up and down the corridor furtively.
MR. MOUSTAFA
(
voice-over
)
I began to realize that many of the hotel’s most valued and distinguished guests – came for
him
.