The Great Christmas Breakup (13 page)

Let Cecily the First have a major freak
-
out.

Let Carson micro-manage his IQ-deficient sibling.

‘I have to go to work,
’
he told me.
Carson was
, once again,
stuffing great sheaves of papers into his briefcase.

His class
were going love getting
those
back.
Who didn’t want a
War and Peace
on why their work was rubbish?

‘School doe
sn’t start for an hour,’ I said, pointing at the clock over the mantle.

‘Prep,’ he informed me, brushing my nose with his cheek as he went past.

‘Well, I’m going on out
and I won’t be held responsible for . . .’ Tilting my head in the direction of his sister, I indicated a locking action with my left hand, ‘. . . any forgetfulness that leads to loss.’

‘You’d ma
ke a good lawyer
with language like that,
’ Carson replied, a tiny smirk on his face.

And once the door was closed it registered why his words sounded so strange.

He hadn’t spoken about the law since that huge argument with his family,
right
after we were married.

The word law
hadn’t crossed his lips in all that time.

And I knew why.

Which made me all the more angry that he’d chosen to suddenly throw it at me now.

- Cue truly awful memory
of
the first
meeting
of
the Teesons
:

‘I suppose you think being a teacher is honorable too, do you?’ Cecily glared at me.

It was the first time we had met and for some reason, the Teesons hated me on sight.

I suppose they weren’t used to seeing someone with
naturally white skin and clothing
that covered most of their intimate
body
parts.

‘Yes, I do.’

‘Socialist,’ said Cecily.

‘Communist,’ said Cecily 2.

‘I don’t think she’s a communist,’ said Rufus.

‘I am quite fond of China, though,’ I told him, trying to make light of the si
tuation. As if trying to instill
balance in his chaotic world, Rufus was as nice to me as his wife was rude.

‘Indeed,’ Rufus agreed, and then went
back to scooping up his dinner
, which was balanced precariously on one knee.

Ridley, a nephew they were babysitting,
came up and spat on me. Cecily backhanded him and not a
word was heard from any adult in the room
.

Technically, not a word could be heard over the screaming, but still, you’d think they might react in some way.

Did Carson think this behavior was appropriate?

I glanced over at my fiancé, but he was busy shovel
ing pie and mash into his mouth too.

How could
he not have warned me about his weirdo family?

And why were they
on at him about being a teacher?

From what I could make out
, he’d certainly jumped a
few hundred rungs up the ladder
. He was a long way
from where
he’d started
.
You’d think they would be proud.

Cecily, wearing what could
only be described as a cat sick tracksuit, spoke
through huge mouthfuls of food,
‘Is she knocked up, is that wh
y you g
ave up law?’

Carson sighed loudly. ‘No, of course not. I was already a teacher when I met Scarlet.’

‘Isn’t that the name of a pimp?’ Cecily 2 asked her husband. The long suffering Rufus flinched at the blatant demonstration of his wife’s stupidity.

‘No, that’s the Scarlet Pimpernel.’

‘
Pimp.
Close enough,’ Cecily 2 said.

‘Cecily 2, that’s out of order.
’ Carson finally weighed into an
argument, but his mother was still engaged in the previous one.

‘Then
maybe
she can make you do law.’ S
he turned to me.
‘T
ell him
,
Scarface.’

‘It’s Scarlet.’ I corrected her, although the mother was
n’t stupid
like the daughter
,
so the mistake was
probably
intentional.
‘And Carson is his own man.’

‘He likes
h
is own man,’ Cecily 2 said, making a rude gesture with her hand.

‘Now, now, darling, your mother has guests.’ Ruf
us had the good grace to blush.

I imagined my mum and dad meeting the Teesons, and decided, then and there, to mak
e sure that never
happen
ed
.

Ever.

Even if I had to lie and say they’d gone abroad.

Or into space.

Better yet,
that
they’d permanently succumbed to Cecily’s cooking.

‘It’s not too late to take the New York Bar exams, Carson,’ Cecily said.

Once again, she threw vile suggestions at me.
‘Make it a condition of you
keeping that
baby,
him
doing those exams.’

‘Mother!’

‘I am not pregnant,’ I said.

‘What’s that gut about then,’ Cecily 2 asked.

I pulled down my sweater, uncomfortable under her gaze.

‘I don’t get it.’ I turned to Carson. ‘Why wouldn’t you do
law if that’s what you studied?
’

Carson stood up, red faced
. ‘Since when is everyone else responsible for my career
choice
except
for
me?’

And
with that he stormed
out of the mobile home doo
r, calling for me to follow.

‘Must be that
girl,’ Cecily 2 said,
sidling up to
me as I gathered my coat and handbag
.
‘That one he
was madly in love with
. She’s
ditched him
like trash
and she’s
a
hotshot
lawyer
now. He
tur
ned his back on the whole profession
,
because of one slag.
’

‘Turned his back on us,’ her mother barked. ‘I had my room in his penthouse apartment all planned out. Now what I
am supposed to do in my old age?
’

Die, I wanted to suggest.

Cecily eyed me up and down.

‘You didn’t study law, did you?
’

I suppose she figured she might still get the penthouse bedroom.

‘N
o, a dress design
.’

They all burst out laughing
.
It soun
ded like a cull at a seal sanctuary
.
Cecily came over and thumped me on the back.

‘At least ya
funny, Scarface. Welcome to the family.’
She cast her
hand around her palatial hovel, then led me to the
metal
door
of the static home
and shoved me out after Carson.

And that ended my first experience of the Teesons.

*

‘You can’t wear that!’ Lolly came out of the dressing rooms and stood, open-mouthed, while Lucinda smirked behind her.

‘Why not?’

It was the only item of clothing I owned that didn’
t scream charity shop:
a
stretchy brown patterned dress that crossed over at the front, making much of my ample bust. I’d teamed it with brown boots with a thick, sq
uat heel that was not nouveau
and, from
the looks on the faces of the two women standing in front of me, not retro either.

Old
Mrs Carlisle
had
suggested I go and change when she’d seen me on the stairs, but I
’d
thought that was a joke.

Obviously not.
Clearly everyone had taste but me. How could I have ever thought being a fashion designer was on the cards?

‘Um, it’s totally revolting,’ Lucinda offered.

‘Completely,’ Lolly agreed.
‘Makes you look huge.’

‘I am huge.’

‘No,’ said Lucinda, surprising me with the implied compliment
. ‘
You’re j
ust badly dressed. You’ve got a small waist, nice legs. Black jeggings with that new
Insret
top?’ She was addressing Lolly now.

‘Perfect,’ Lolly said
. ‘And those new olive suede ankl
e boots we just got in to trial?
’

‘Yes, yes!’ Lucinda was excited now, and I took back every rotten curse word I’d silently lobbed her way.

‘How about the rat’s nest on top?’ Lucinda poked at my hair.

‘
But
I love Scarlet’s hair,’ e
xclaimed Lolly, her pretty face flushed
. I expect she thought there was only so much abuse I could take.

I’d been careful not to introduce her to the Teesons
, so my friend
was unaware
that
my threshold for insults
was relatively high
.

‘I’ve got my porta
ble
straighteners and some leave
-
in conditioner.’ Lucinda raced off to the stock room, excitement evident in her uneven gait.

I noticed Lolly watching her.

‘She might look like she’s just stepped off a catwalk but she runs like a kook,’ I observed dryly.

‘You
okay with this?’ Lolly turned her eyes back to me
.

‘Looking better than I have in years? Stupid question.’

‘No, seeing Robert.’

‘It’s about work
and I need the money, so
why wouldn’t I be?’

Lolly’s
face pinked up again, and she ra
n her pristinely manicured
hands through her long
fair
hair, something she only did when nervous. ‘I’m pretty sure he still has a thing for you.’

Before I could reply, Lucinda was back, and it seemed
only
a matter of moments and the t
ransformation was complete. The
stupid fuzzy
ball of hair was no more – in its place a slick sheet of shimmery maroon.

‘How did you do it? The color looks completely different?’

‘It’s my ultra-ex
c
lusive salon formula conditioning hairspray. You look amazing. I’d be glad to call you my Mom now.’

‘We’re not that old!’ Lolly said.

‘She looks it though
,’ her employee responded, clearly not concerned for her job.

I guessed Lucinda had a trust fund awaiting her at twenty five, and was just treading water until then.

What other reason was there for being so bloody rude all the time?

‘That dishy old guy
is going to love you,’ Lucinda said.

I thought about the stupid, post-teenaged crush I’d had on Robert, who worked across the street from the college and regularly came into the same diner we all ate at. He seemed so unattainable
and I figured he would never reciprocate my feelings.

T
hen, just when I
had begu
n to date Carson, Robert had
asked me out. I
’d
said no, because I was in that heady space of lust and possibilities that comes with
every new relationship.

It was only a few years later that
the regrets about
being too hasty began scratching at my consciousness.

But that was all
in
the past
now
, wasn’t it?
I was married, and nothing could change that.

‘I don’t want him to love me,
’ I said. ‘
I want him to give me work.’

‘You used to want him to love you,’ Lolly observed, and then suddenly sucked in her breath.