The Guise of a Gentleman (14 page)

Elise lay back, smiling, and closed her eyes. Rescue by a handsome man wasn’t such a bad thing. Guilt dimmed her pleasure that she could be thinking that on the heels of Prince’s death.

Against his better judgment, Jared returned to Elise Berkley’s house a few days after her fall. He should not be thinking about women; he needed to concentrate upon his mission. But he and Greymore had given up on their attempts to decipher the code and had sent it to the home office in London. He had little to do at the moment but wait for word.

In the meantime, courtesy required that he call upon Mrs. Berkley to ensure she’d suffered no lasting injury after her fall.

Shaking his head at his feeble excuse, he marched up the stairs to the front door. The stoic butler led him upstairs to the family quarters.

Elise sat in a cheerful sitting room flooded with sunlight. Her feet rested upon a footstool, covered with a blanket. “Mr. Amesbury. What a pleasant surprise.”

She smiled and raised her hands to him. Her warm and genuine smile nearly undid him. She was beautiful. More than beautiful. Lovely in every way. Speechless at the sight, he swallowed against a dry mouth.

How she managed to reduce him to such a state without effort, he could not say. In his most secret dreams, he’d never imagined a lady of grace and courage and gentleness would look upon him with such a welcoming expression. Hope that he might not be beyond salvation tapped him on the shoulder.

Jared called forth his mask of composure, stripped off his gloves and took her hand in his. Her cool, soft hands conjured memories of the way they’d stroked his hair the first time they’d met. He probably held it longer than he should have, but he craved her touch. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.

She blinked and looked away, but the unmistakable light of pleasure revealed itself in her face.

He released her hand and pulled a chair closer to her before he sat. “I wanted to learn how you fared.”

“My ankle is sore, which is why I have not yet ventured downstairs. Otherwise, I’m quite well.”

“May I see?” He indicated the injured foot.

She hesitated, no doubt wrestling with the propriety of letting him see her ankles. With a weak smile, she inclined her head.

He pulled back the blanket. Resting upon a cushion, her swollen, black and purple ankle looked as bad a sprain as he’d ever seen. “Gads, are you sure it’s only sprained?”

“The doctor assured me it was.” At the pained expression he must have been wearing, she smiled. “It doesn’t hurt much unless I try to walk on it.”

Grinning wickedly, Jared made a great showing of looking at her bared ankle. “Mrs. Berkley, how indecent of you to reveal your ankle! It’s so desirable.”

She let out a laugh, half embarrassed, half indignant. “You are indecent!”

“It’s such a lovely shade of purple, and has swollen so beautifully. I’m not sure I can control my baser instincts now that I’ve seen such a tempting sight.”

Her lips twitching in an effort to suppress a smile, she picked up a nearby chair pillow and threw it at him.

Jared deflected it with one arm. Then he retrieved the pillow and brought it to her. “Here is your ammunition for the next time you feel the need to do me bodily harm.”

She laughed softly. “Most chivalrous of you, I must say.”

As he replaced the blanket over her feet, his gaze fell upon her needlework in her lap. “May I see?”

She handed him the linen. The needle had been carefully threaded through the edge to mark her place and keep the needle secure. He doubted he’d be much of a judge, but the stitchery looked expertly crafted.

“This is truly a work of art. My mother’s work adorns tablecloths, bed linens, pillows. I believe if she were to see this, she’d be impressed.” He handed the linen back to her.

She accepted it thoughtfully. “She’s passed on, is she not?”

He sobered, nodded. “Nearly three years ago. Father never quite recovered from her loss.”

Her voice hushed. “It’s not easy to go on without the other half of your heart.”

“Is that how it feels?” he asked gently, thinking not only of his father’s grief, but of the husband she continued to mourn.

She put away her sewing. “It’s fortunate I have my son to care for. In the beginning, he was the only reason I arose in the morning.” A faraway look came into her eyes as she lost herself in memories for a moment. She offered an apologetic smile. “Forgive me.”

He squelched a sudden flare of jealousy for her husband who still held her heart captive. Knowing how difficult Elise found it to reveal weakness or emotion, and not wishing her to linger on her perfect husband’s memory, he searched for a way to change the subject, and he indicated a vase of flowers on a nearby table.

“Cheerful. From your garden?”

“Mr. Bradford’s, actually. He heard of my fall and brought them to me. They do brighten the room.”

Jared laughed when he wanted to gnash his teeth. “Oh, ho! I knew he had an interest in you. I’m surprised Lord Druesdale hasn’t called as well.”

“He has.”

“The dog!”

She laughed.

“They both have excellent taste.”

She shook her head once, her lips pressed together briefly.

“Why don’t you believe me when I tell you that you’re beautiful?”

She made a coughing sound which, coming from one less lady-like, might have been called a snort. “Because I own a looking glass.”

“Clearly defective.” He cocked his head to one side. “Perhaps you need the constant companionship of a man to convince you. Day and night.”

“Rake!” But her smile betrayed her pleasure.

“Careful. I might have to prove you right.”

She laughed softly. “You are the most changeable man I’ve ever met. One moment, you are the perfect gentleman. The next you act as a scoundrel. Then you’re as playful as a child. Do you always act on whatever impulse seizes you?”

He grinned. “Not always. You’d be surprised how often I restrain my reckless nature.”

“You are an adventurer.”

“I am. But my wanderlust has been fed, and then some. I’m ready to settle down.”

She eyed him. “I wonder if you’d find staying home too dull and stifling. Then you’d be off on some grand adventure again and leave your poor, unsuspecting wife and children alone.”

“She’d have to understand me and not be caught unsuspecting. Or go with me. But I don’t believe I would wish to go. I could be content in one place. I tire of not belonging.”

The truth of his words rang through his soul. He did want to belong. And not just to a place, or a cause, but to a woman.

To this woman.

****

In the reflection of the darkened window pane, Jared’s glance caught on a footman standing uncertainly in the doorway of his study. He dragged his thoughts away from Von Barondy and the intelligence he’d just received about the viscount’s many recent purchases of shipping companies using false company names. No one had cracked the codes yet.

He turned. “Yes?”

The footman held a silver tray with an envelope on it. “A message just arrived for you, sir.”

Jared waved toward the stack of correspondence on the edge of his desk. “Add it to the pile.”

“Ah, sir, this one is trimmed in black.”

Jared’s heart jumped into his throat. With trembling fingers, he snatched the letter off the tray and tore it open without bothering with the letter opener. After scanning the words, he stumbled to the nearest chair and collapsed.

“Sir?” The footman took a few hesitant steps forward.

Jared waved him back. The door closed softly. He got up and poured himself a drink, but hardly felt the brandy’s burn down his throat. He’d always thought there would be enough time to make things right with Father.

When he’d received word of Mama’s death, he’d been half a world away, alone. Rebecca was gone and he’d had no one to turn to, no one to share his grief. Surrounded by strangers who called him by another name, who believed him to be whatever guise he happened to wear at that moment, he was alone. Always alone.

One day he’d be consumed by loneliness.

Elise brushed a curl back from Colin’s sleeping face. Awake, he attacked life with exuberance and mischief. In sleep, he glowed with angelic innocence. No wonder Jared Amesbury adored him. The man clearly had good sense.

Colin had spoken of little else but his afternoon fishing with Mr. Amesbury two weeks ago. He would be broken-hearted when his new friend left for the more exciting bachelor life in London with clubs and other manly entertainment.

She sighed. Perhaps she should limit Colin’s contact with Jared Amesbury. The more affection he developed for the man, the harder his departure would be on her son. She sighed. Very well, not only on her son.

As she left the nursery, limping on her tender ankle, Elise nodded to Nurse Robbins who looked up from her sewing and smiled in return. Though it was late, Elise went to the library to find something to read until she could sleep. After choosing a book, she curled up in an armchair by the fire.

Before she’d read more than a few chapters, a footman appeared in the doorway. “Forgive me, ma’am, but you have a caller.”

Elise closed the volume on her lap. “At this time of night?”

“It’s Mr. Amesbury. He seems rather distraught.”

Filled with trepidation, Elise stood. Why would he come so late at night? Surely he wouldn’t have an indecent proposition, would he? With Jared Amesbury, one never knew. She looked down at her dressing gown. Though not entirely appropriate to receiving guests, it would adequately preserve her modesty. She chewed her lip, wondering at the wisdom of receiving Jared.

“Elise.”

She looked up. And blinked.

The sight nearly stopped her heart. Disheveled, rumpled, his cravat awry, Jared leaned against the doorway as if he depended upon it to keep himself upright.

The footman appeared alarmed. “Sir. You cannot—”

“What has happened?” She crossed the room to Jared.

The footman discreetly left.

“I…” Anguish twisted his face. He dragged his fingers through his hair and let out a long, ragged breath. Then he seemed to gather himself. “I shouldn’t have come. Forgive the interruption.”

Closing his eyes, he took a breath. After appearing to find some hidden reservoir of strength, he squared his shoulders and turned away.

“Wait. Please come in.”

He turned back. In his eyes, hope and desperation mingled with haunting grief.

Elise resisted the urge to put her arms around him and offer the comfort that he so clearly needed. Instead, she motioned to the settee. “Please have a seat.”

He collapsed upon it, leaned back and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

She sank down next to him, frightened at his unconcealed emotion. She touched his arm. “What is it?”

He lowered his hands. The bleakness in his expression brought a lump to her throat. “Yesterday, I received word.” He took a heavy breath. “My father is dead.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry.”

“He died thinking I was a disgrace to the family. I wanted to win his approval. I always hoped he’d…that we’d reconcile. That someday I’d become someone of whom he’d be proud.” He leaned forward and hung his head, his forearms lying limp on his knees. “I’ll never have that chance now.”

Elise put a hand on his back. “I’m sorry.”

He turned and pulled her into his arms, burrowing his face into her neck.

He needed her. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Without hesitation, she gathered him close. The warmth of his body soaked through her. He smelled of masculine, earthy smells, all underscored by a touch of brandy.

He drew a breath. “All my life, I lived in constant fear of failure, of never quite measuring up to my brothers. My father was a highly respected peer. He thought I’d never amount to anything, that my impulsive nature would be my downfall. For a while, I delighted in proving him right. I probably gave him all his gray hair. Then that day…”

He paused again, and the tension in his body seeped into Elise.

“A prank went terribly wrong. I hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. It led to an ugly row with Father…” again he stopped. “I said terrible things. Then Cole and I both left and I swore I’d never return. I made good on my vow.” His voice broke, and he stopped to steady it. “Mother’s gone, and now Father. I’ll never have a chance to say I’m sorry. To prove myself to him.”

Weeping silently in sympathy for his suffering, Elise supported his head against her shoulder and stroked his hair. She wondered why he’d come to her, an acquaintance of barely a few weeks, and bared his soul. Had he no one else?

“I shouldn’t have come.”

“Of course you should have,” she soothed. “It’s all right.”

She continued holding him, stroking his hair. He needed her. She reveled in the sensation.

How long since someone other than Colin truly needed her? Elise basked in the uniquely feminine bittersweet euphoria of being truly needed. She cradled him against her and closed her eyes.

He gradually relaxed against her, his head growing heavy on her shoulder, and his breathing deepened in sleep. She never would have thought a man of Jared’s ilk would have let down his guard enough to sleep in the presence of a lady. He must not have slept since receiving the news of his father’s death yesterday.

Surprised, but touched that he’d actually fallen asleep in her arms, she rested her cheek against his forehead and simply held on, overcome by the moment’s intimacy.

Edward would never have unbent enough to bare his soul to her this way. Even when he’d received news that both of his parents had died suddenly, he’d nodded and immediately set about making the arrangements for their burial. He’d always remained in control.

Even in matters of love, he had kept a tight rein on his desires. He’d loved her as a man, but with restraint, almost apologetic about the act necessary to create a child. He seldom spoke of his desires, or his feelings.

Though Jared danced through life with more exuberance and passion than Edward ever had, she knew intuitively that Jared would not normally have opened up in this way, either. He kept everything close, guarded, as if he carried a hundred secrets that meant the difference between life and death. Either he was completely undone to open up now, or a man of such great passion and expression craved an outlet.

The idea of a man loving her passionately, without restraint, held tremendous appeal.

Elise absently stroked his hair. She watched the firelight shimmer in the dark waves, and played with the strands in her fingers.

Mrs. Chambers came in to check the windows, her nightly ritual before retiring, and stopped at the sight of Elise holding a man on her shoulder. Her eyes opened wide and the color drained from her face. Elise wondered if she would give notice at that very moment and go find employment with a lady who did not behave in such a scandalous manner.

Then, Mrs. Chambers’ expression softened and she whispered, “He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

Taken aback, Elise smiled.

“Men look deceptively innocent when they’re sleeping. Like children,” the housekeeper added wryly.

Elise looked down at Jared’s slumbering face. Even in sleep, he failed to look innocent, but his features did soften.

“It’s about time you came out of mourning. Do you need anything, before I retire, ma’am?”

Speechless at her normally prudish housekeeper’s apparent approval, Elise shook her head.

Mrs. Chambers paused, pressed her lips together, and then clearly came to some sort of decision. She left, her skirts swishing.

Elise decided she would take whatever may come for the simple, sublime joy of holding Jared during his moment of need.

The fire died in the hearth and the clock ticked. Jared drew a shivering breath and shifted, nestling his face against her neck while his arms tightened around her. Emotion welled up and nearly overflowed. As she held this man, warmth and contentment settled over her.

She wanted to hold him all night. Every night. For a long, long time.

If Lily felt this way in Mr. Harrison’s arms, no wonder she wanted to remarry. Elise smiled ruefully to herself. Not that she was ready to leap into marriage, but the thought was no longer as unappealing as it once was.

Mrs. Chambers returned carrying a tray with a cup. “In case he wakes,” she whispered. She paused at the door. “Do you wish me to remain?”

“No, that’s not necessary. Good night.”

“Good night, ma’am.”

It was a bit late to be concerned with propriety now. Perhaps her status as a widow would shield her from whatever repercussions might arise out of her rather compromising position. At the moment, she hardly cared. Holding a hurting man in her arms seemed worth any embarrassment.

No, not a man. This man.

Somehow, he’d wormed his way through her defenses and into her heart. The softness that stole over her threatened to reduce her to tears again.

Whatever else he might be, he was a good man. She had no doubt. And he’d won Colin’s affection. Seeing them together seemed right. Having him in her arms seemed right. Keeping him in her life seemed right.

She held him close, not knowing if she could bear it when he left. In a few months, the world traveler would tire of this quiet country life, and return to the more exciting London or other parts unknown. And her life of order would return.

The thought made her want to weep.

She wasn’t certain she could tempt him to stay. Surely he had some feelings for her, or he would not have come to her at his hour of need. But she doubted they were enough to entice him to remain here with her.

Could she trust this impulsive, unpredictable man with her heart?

He raised his head. Then he closed his eyes and let out his breath. “Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive.”

With obvious reluctance, he removed his arms from around her and sat up. He pushed his hands through his hair and tugged at his already crumpled cravat. “Did I really babble as badly as I fear I did?”

“You grieved for your father.”

He took a steadying breath. “I don’t normally reveal things of such a personal nature.”

“It takes courage to speak of your feelings.”

“I’m not sure why I did. I wasn’t even drunk.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to come to me.”

He watched her gravely.

To distract him, she offered him the cup Mrs. Chambers brought. “My housekeeper made one of her famous hot toddies for you in case you awoke.” She offered it to him. “It’s still warm.”

A corner of his mouth lifted up in a strained attempt at humor. “Mrs. Chambers made it? Did she poison it to be rid of me?”

She shook her head. “Believe it or not, she accepted your presence here tonight with aplomb.”

“I must be losing my touch.”

She smiled, in an attempt to lighten his unease. Without taking his eyes off her face, he accepted the drink. Vibrating with tension, he gulped it down and solemnly handed back the cup.

“Your confidences are safe with me, Jared.”

He managed a brief, humorless smile. “If only I’d known all I had to do to hear you say my Christian name would be to bare my soul and weep like a child, I’d have done it sooner.” He attempted a light-hearted tone, but it sounded forced.

She summoned a smile for his benefit. “I like children.”

He studied her, not rakishly, not guardedly, he simply gazed at her. “I don’t remember when I’ve ever felt this comfortable with a woman. With anyone.”

“Why is that, do you think?”

“I’m not certain. Women usually find me dangerous.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“But you aren’t afraid.”

She took his hand between hers. “I think you are capable of many things. But hurting me is not one of them.”

A smile stole slowly over his face and finally touched his eyes. “I’ve only known you a few weeks and already you know me better than…” he paused, “than most women care to.”

With gentleness that matched the feeling in Elise’s heart, Jared caressed her cheek and traced his thumb over her lips. “So soft. So beautiful.”

She shivered at the gentleness, at the hot, swirling ache that started in her stomach and spread outward.

“Elise.” He cupped her face in his hands.

She breathed in his heady masculine scent, reveling in the feel of his rough hands on her face and his thumbs caressing her cheeks. Painfully slow, he leaned in. The unconcealed passion in his eyes should have frightened her. Instead, excitement coursed through her veins and her heart pounded in anticipation.

The instant his lips touched hers, she shivered at the desire flooding her. Ever so softly, he brushed his lips over hers before pressing more firmly. She yielded.

He deepened the kiss and Elise’s heart soared. Edward had never kissed her in such a manner, had never stirred her to such heat. Jared captured her mouth, taking command, demanding more. His hands moved down her shoulder, along her side, and encircled her waist. He pressed her against his hard, muscular body. Fissions of need rippled through her. His arm muscles flexed as he held her. The raw power of this man would have been daunting if she’d been any less hungry for him. She clung to him, no longer frightened by her own desire. He shivered and moved his mouth from her lips to her cheek, kissing his way to her temple.